A/N: A tentative exploration into a character I love, but struggle to relate to. Or maybe not. Maybe I get it perfectly. Let me know with a review.

Disclaimer: Huge spoilers here. For a significant part of the fifth season, too. Of course, I've been spoiling things (more or less indirectly thus far) and will do so again in future. Still, I warn those who have not yet seen Smile Time or beyond.

XXX

The Lawyer

My whole life it's been about the mission. Ever since I was a kid, I've had a mission. It used to be to look out for me and Alonna. Then it was to protect my crew and kill vamps. I was the leader. I was important. It wasn't much but I changed the world, for the better. I did what I could.

Then I joined up with Angel. I did more with him and Wes and Cordy in a month than my old crew did in a year. I wasn't the leader there, but that was cool. It's always about the mission, and the mission was a good one.

Fred came along. Cordy's visions got better, more accurate and she learned how to fight. Wes had all his book smarts. Fred knew all the latest science junk, stuff I'd never even heard about let alone understand. Angel got stronger, faster.

It was always about the mission. Only, I wasn't a part of it any more. Sure, I was some extra muscle but that was it. I stuck around because I needed to be part of the mission, any way I could. Most of my old crew was dead or gone. Alonna was gone. I didn't have anything except the fight.

Then we made a deal with the Devil. Join forces with Wolfram & Hart, fight from within the belly of the beast. I'm not there long and next thing I know I'm called up into the White Room to have a nice little chat with the Big Cat.

They want to use my untapped potential, they tell me. Send me down to some crazy doc to get a brain upgrade. They put in the Law. Human, demon, everything. I knew the law in languages Wes didn't even know. I knew customs, had a library of knowledge inside my head. I was useful.

Then it started to fade. Just little things at first. I didn't notice, thought it was stress. Before I knew it, it was almost all gone. I could remember knowing it, but the knowledge wasn't there. And it was damned unfair!

They were taking it back, taking away my skill, my knowledge. They were making me nothing again, and it's not going to happen. It's all about the mission, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let Wolfram & Hart stop me!

"So, do we have a deal?"

"Deal."

XXX

A/N: Just trying to explore one of the core characters a bit. I still plan to cover Wesley (twice, maybe thrice), Cordy, Connor, Lindsey, Eve, Fred, Knox (maybe), Lorne (maybe twice), Spike and, of course, Angel. Oh, and anyone I missed. If you'd like to see anyone in particular, let me know.