Ok, pure maths revision went really well yesterday so I wrote this chapter last night while watching Battlestar Galactica last night on Sky Movies lol. So this is the next chapter obviously and considering what actually happened in The O.Sea I have added a kinda little twist to the original ending I had planned which will probably be the fourth chapter. Enjoy.

Disclaimer – I, not now or have I ever owned an OC character so I don't own them.

This is for all the msn girls, Michelle, Emz, Sunny, Michelle (britgirl2003)and Ally. Luv yas and I write for you.

"Kirsten?" Sandy asked as he delicately knocked the door to the bedroom.

He got no answer so he quietly opened the door asking, "Honey?" while doing so.

Kirsten was standing in front of the mirror that he once stood in front of before she kissed him passionately to reassure herself he still found her attractive as opposed to his colleague Rachel. He remembered it as if it was yesterday. Her lips on his, the black dress and how it moved and he wrapped his arms around her waist as she lay on top of him and how her thigh prevented him from getting his phone out of his pocket.

"Kirsten?" he asked again as he stepped silently over to her.

Kirsten didn't acknowledge his presence and continued to stare into the mirror examining and scrutinizing her appearance. Her hair was lifeless and dishevelled; her skin was bruised and alien to her. Her skin used to be so full of life and impeccable, no blemishes, no zits, and no wrinkles but now it had caught up with her and she was simple dead inside. The eyes that looked back at her had characteristics that belonged to her father's eyes; loveless, shadowy, lifeless and completely devoid of any emotion that even the simplest human being felt.

'It's just a moment, this time will pass'. She heard that line ages ago while listening to a CD she couldn't remember the name of but she kept repeating that to herself as a mantra. 'It will pass . . . it will'.

'And miles to go before I sleep'. That was the line that closed the poem 'Stopping by Woods on a Snowing Evening," and she remembered when she was younger she would repeat that to herself before something major like exams and she remembered saying it when her mother died.

'I have a lot of work to do before I can say I am normal' she thought staring at the mirror but her image in the mirror simply screamed back, "Normal? Ha, when were you ever normal huh? You've ruined your life you stupid bitch, look at yourself; you can't even accept yourself like this, what makes you think Sandy will? The once powerful Kirsten Cohen is now a pathetic little pustule who drinks herself into comas!"

Caught by the voice of the mirror she was oblivious to Sandy approaching her or the echo of her name in his voice.

Sandy lightly stepped towards Kirsten and stopped behind her expecting her to notice his reflection in the mirror but her eyes held the mirror and refused to move or blink for that matter.

"Honey?" he asked for the umpteenth time as he gently settled his hand on her shoulder.

His touch brought her out of her reverie and delusion as she sighed and closed her eyes and placed her hand on top of his on her shoulder.

"Hey," she whispered and Sandy had to strain to hear her tiny voice.

"You ok?"

"Yeh . . . just thinking."

"About me?" he smiled.

"You wish."

"I do actually," he laughed as he settled his head beside hers and he looked at them in the mirror, "Boy that's a cute couple."

"Yeh . . . pity one of them looks like an ogre."

"Thanks a lot," Sandy assumed sarcastically trying to cheer her up.

"You know what I meant," she replied miserably, "I look like an ogre . . . I don't look like me anymore; like the Kirsten you know."

"Baby, you are the Kirsten I know and she isn't here," he said circling his hand over her face, "but she's here," Sandy finished placing his hand over her chest.

"You think?" she asked needing him to reassure her.

"Of course, I wouldn't've said it otherwise," he replied kissing her hair.

Taking his hands that were resting on her hips, Kirsten wrapped them around her waist and gently swayed from side to side to a romantic love song that fluttered in their heads. It wasn't necessarily the same song but the sentiment was there.

"You want lunch?" Sandy asked.

"I'd love some lunch thank you," she replied as Sandy gently backed her away from the mirror still wrapped in his secure arms. She giggled quietly as they continued to move but mutually broke apart to walk to rest of the distance to the kitchen.

Sandy had prepared a simple meal for her for he knew her stomach was bruised from the crash and caused her a bit of pain and she had problems swallowing certain types of food so being the caring husband he was he took that into consideration. So he prepared ham and lettuce sandwiches with pasta in a tomato sauce with water and as her 'sin' vanilla ice cream was chilled in the freezer waiting for her with strawberry pieces.

"This looks delicious," she commented as she laid eyes on the selection of food.

"It tastes better."

"Seeing as you made it and not me I have no doubt in that," she said taking a seat on the same stool she sat in hours earlier.

Before Sandy could sit down the phone rang and wordlessly he said that he would answer it.

"Hello," he answered, "Oh hello . . . she's doing grand . . ."

Hearing the 'she' in his sentence Kirsten instantly knew that he was talking about her. Maybe it was her father asking Sandy how she was after yesterday or someone else feeling obligated to check up on her.

"Uh-huh . . . yeh of course," Sandy covered the mouth piece of the phone and handed it to her, "It's Doctor Reynolds, he wants to speak to you."

"Me? Why?" she asked quickly.

"See how you are? Get your perspective on your recuperation?"

"Ok," she replied exasperated taking the phone, "Hello . . . I'm ok thanks . . . better than I was in the hospital I can tell you . . . uh huh . . . no . . . no not this again," she said firmly into the phone, "I told you yesterday that I wasn't doing it . . . no . . . stop forcing it on me ok . . . I don't need it . . . ok I will . . . goodbye," she said as normally as she could before ending the call.

"What was that about?" Sandy enquired at her tone to the doctor.

"Just Doctor Reynolds suggesting the same thing as yesterday . . . seeing if I changed my mind," she recalled absentmindedly as she circled her finger around the rim of the water glass.

"Rehab?"

"And I told him I wasn't going to do it."

"Yeh I got that from your end."

"I wanted to tell him to go to hell for suggesting it but he's done too much already."

"So you're not gonna get help?"

"Get help?" Kirsten repeated looking up at him, "Sandy I don't need help."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yeh."

"Kirsten you nearly got yourself killed because'a your drinking. I found you passed out because of it and you even spiked your tomato juice with vodka! Vodka Kirsten!"

"Don't you think I know I almost got myself killed?" she asked as her voice rose, "Every time I look at myself in the mirror I remember, every time I walk I remember and every time Seth or Ryan refuse to look at me I – remember!"

"Kirsten I have known for the last few years that you like a drink when you are upset but lately it has gotten outta control . . . you need help.

"Oh so you're siding with my father in you campaign to 'Help Kirsten'!" she said as a statement rather than a question.

"No I'm not."

"Then what? You wanna send me away don't you? You wanna get rid of me so you don't have to look at me anymore, you can't stand looking at this face or this body that the Kirsten you once knew is still trapped in or probably dead for all I know! You wanna let someone else put Humpty Dumptey back together again because you couldn't be bothered and so you won't have to look at this!" she screamed indicating her temple.

"No it's not that," he replied matching her volume, "It's just I don't know who you are right now," Sandy finished quieter.

"Yeh?" Kirsten asked, "Well me either," she cried.

"What?"

Sandy took a seat beside her on the stool adjacent to hers.

"I don't know who I am anymore . . . all I know is who I'm supposed to be and I don't know how to be that."

"Oh Kirsten."

He took her into his arms for the fifth time that day.

"So many people expect so much from me," she cried into his shoulder as her body shook.

"What do you mean?"

"Seth expects me to be his mom but he never talks to me anymore and I can't be her as much as I have tried; I wanted to give Ryan a mother he deserves and I give him this . . . I gave him what he needed to get away from. My dad expects me to be his perfect little Kiki," her bitterness was inflected on 'Kiki'; "Everyone expects me to be the Newport Princess I was born and raised to be and I don't wanna be her . . . I just wanna be Kirsten."

Kirsten paused taking a shaky breath through her tears.

"I just wanna be Kirsten Cohen. I don't wanna be an alcoholic, I don't wanna be alone, I wanna be the woman you fell I love with."

Holding Kirsten in his arms, he rubbed his hands up and down her back for over the past twenty years he had learned that his simplest touch comforted her. He soothingly caressed her back and set his hand on her hair.

"Nothing you can change about you could make me stop falling in love with you."

"You mean that?"

"Of course I do."

"I love you."

"I love you too . . . and I just want you to get better . . . . in your own time."

"Thank you."

They remained like that until the barely audible rumble of Kirsten's stomach interrupted them.

"Let's get you some food huh?"

"Yep, I agree or the doctor will admit me for not eating," she replied sorrowfully as she took a small bite of a sandwich to power her weary and petite body.

That night in bed Kirsten woke up suddenly in a cold sweat and awoke with an urgent need to breathe. She craved her husband's arms and calming words but Sandy was still peacefully asleep. Kirsten looked at his motionless form and she didn't want to wake him and burden him any more than she already has.

She gently removed the covers from her sore body and swung her bruise legs out and stood up. Sleepily she walked through the darkened room through the closet to the bathroom and washed the sweat off her face with cold water relishing in the soothing effect it had on her skin. Dabbing her face dry she looked at herself in the mirror and she didn't recognise her reflection.

'Who am I' she asked herself.

'I don't know who I am' her mind answered as she placed her fingertips on the mirror over the sink.

'There is only one place where I can find myself' Kirsten whispered softly taking a deep breath and plastering a serious look on her face. She lifted a bobble she kept in the bathroom and looped her hair into a messy bun and walked back into the closet exchanging her pyjamas for jeans, a black t-shirt and sneakers. She quickly wrapped a sweater around her waist and looked around.

Taking out a backpack she folded some clothes quietly taking extra care not to disturb Sandy.

Content with the clothes she had packed Kirsten went back into the bathroom and packed a few items and included an item she thought she might need and placed it amongst her other belongings in the bag and zipped it closed.

Kirsten walked back into the darkened room and let the soft light of the bathroom flow over Sandy.

Kirsten couldn't believe that she was going to do what she was about to do but she felt she had to, to save her sanity and to see who she is and to find a reason why should even try to save herself from a problem everyone saw but her.

Going to her beside table drawer she took out a piece of paper and pen to scrawl quickly;

"I'm sorry

Kirsten" in her shaking and nervous cursive handwriting and set it on her pillow.

Pulling the coves back over the space she vacated Kirsten slung her back over her shoulder and pulled the second strap up onto her other shoulder and headed for the door out to the backyard.

Kirsten pressed down the handle and pulled it open slightly. Looking back at Sandy one more time, she absorbed his sleeping form and whispered as she exhaled, "I love you . . . but I have to do this."

She pulled the door open even more and walked out closing it behind her quietly. There was no sign that it interrupted Sandy's sleep so she smiled sadly as she wiped a tear away from her cheek.

Adjusting the straps of her backpack she took one last look at her house and her life before she turned her back and walked down the side of the house alone as the cold night air prickled her skin.

At the bottom of the small incline she had gone up and down countless times, she realised she had went down it for the last time. For a while anyway.

She left her family.

She left herself.

She left Sandy.

She just left.

Where is she going? Only I know that . . . well three other people do but that's besides the point lol.

Please please review and make my revision go even better because pure maths, as much fun as it is, I love the OC and Kirsten even more. So please review and you will see where Kirsten is going. Where do you think she's going? Emz and Michelles – keep quiet please :p lol