Don't Drink the Water…part fourteen
Beckett ran his tests and confirmed that Sheppard and McKay were not under the influence, again. He then set about lecturing his patients before undoing Rodney's restraints.
The moment Rodney was free he gripped Beckett by the arm. "Before you free Sheppard, can I talk to you?"
John heard him and got suspicious. "McKay? What are you doing?" he demanded, and his tone was a dangerous growl.
"I'm talking...to Carson," Rodney shot back, with a glare.
"Be right back, Major," Carson stated, letting Rodney lead him off.
John tugged at his restraints while they were gone, wishing he could manipulate them the way he could Ancient technology. He'd think them off then be gone. But no such luck. He was still tugging on them when Rodney returned. Alone. John glared at him. "Get me out of these things! Now!"
Rodney winced, and looked regretful, then shook his head. "Sorry...I can't. Not yet."
"What the hell are you doing, Rodney?" John felt a bit desperate. He had a bad feeling about what was coming.
"I'm making sure you don't run away again," Rodney replied, as he grabbed a nearby stool and pulled it over to the bed.
John blinked at him. "Run away?" he echoed.
Rodney sighed. "From what's bothering you. And don't even start lying to me, major. You know exactly what I'm talking about."
"Yeah...I know...and I'm not talking about it," John shot back. He felt a dull ache between his eyes and wanted to rub it, but his hands were still trapped and he cursed beneath his breath before letting his head slump back against the pillow.
"What are you afraid of?" Rodney was nothing if not direct.
John closed his eyes; not wanting to see the way he knew Rodney was looking at him. With concern and a bit of anger, and intently. Rodney was always, disturbingly, focused. "Rodney...please don't do this." It was borderline begging and John didn't care.
Rodney sighed again. "What you dreamed about...it's bullshit. You know that, right? We're all responsible for waking the Wraith, Major. ALL of us. And as for killing everyone in Atlantis...that would never happen either. It was just a stoned dream, Major. That's all. A whacked out projection of your worst nightmare. It wasn't real."
"I know that, Rodney," John whispered. And he did know it, in his head. But that didn't mean he could shake off the memory of it. It didn't mean the guilt wasn't real, or the fear. Opening his eyes, John turned his head and looked at McKay. The man was staring back at him with concern shining from his bright eyes. "Don't worry about me," John told him. "I'm okay."
"Of course you are!" Rodney snapped back at him. "You're always okay. No matter what happens, Major John Sheppard is always OKAY! Must be nice being you, Mr. Okay!" Rodney was on his feet now as he ranted on. "But I have a newsflash for you! Now pay attention, Major, because I'm only going to say this once! You're not OKAY! You hear me? You've been through worst shit than I have. From before you even came to Atlantis. I mean...hello...you can manipulate your own reality and you think up DEAD PEOPLE? That's a rather disturbing trend...dontchathink?"
John did not want to hear this. He knew what Rodney was trying to do and he appreciated it, but he just wasn't ready for it. Everything felt too raw yet. He was too open and vulnerable and it felt like his insides just might ooze out if Rodney kept picking at his festering wounds. So he had to stop him. "Rodney!" John's voice was sharp and clear and commanding.
Rodney closed his mouth with a snap and glared at Sheppard.
"Not now," John requested, letting his eyes plead his case.
"You need to talk about this. There's Heightmeyer," Rodney reminded him. He knew John knew he was seeing her professionally.
John tugged on his restraints, because he had priorities here. "Please?" He was asking nicely.
Rodney expelled a rather ragged sigh then unbuckled Sheppard. "Going to run away again?" he asked, pointedly, as the major slid off the bed.
"I'm just going to go back to my room, take a shower, get dressed then go sit on the balcony for a while," John replied. "Why don't you meet me there in about an hour?" It was as close to an engraved invitation as he was going to get.
"Oh...okay. Sure." Rodney was a little slow to catch on, but when Sheppard smiled at him, he got it. "Hey...um...I smuggled in a bottle of Vodka. I could bring it."
John nodded. "Yeah...bring it." He knew neither one of them would drink enough to get sloshed, but a few hits would help them both to relax. And it was going to be a long night. John never talked about his feelings, but if Rodney was willing to make the effort to listen, the least he could do was try. Besides which, John knew that Rodney had a unique way of seeing things. So maybe, between the two of them, they could get past the bad stuff. Or at least find a way to live with it. Which is what John was used to doing.
Rodney looked pleased. "Okay...one hour on the balcony. Oh...you wouldn't happen to have any chocolate left, would you?"
"I might," John allowed, then he patted Rodney on the shoulder, grinning at his puppy dog face. "See you in an hour," John said, then he turned and walked away, a smile firmly in place.
Life in the Pegasus Galaxy was good.
THE END