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Chapter 4 /11

Alexander couldn't sleep knowing his Hephaistion was with his younger self and he still hadn't met him. He was also nervous, thinking about the next day when he would have to teach the class in front of him. He wasn't sure he could handle it. It was in the middle on the night but it was still hot so he decided to leave his room to walk near the sea. The cool breeze made him shiver. He heard the noise of the sea and it calmed him. As he walked he saw a shadow of someone sitting in front of the white surf. As he came closer the shadow was clearer, lighted by the moonlight and his heart stopped at the sight. It was Hephaistion but not his Hephaistion, this one was so much younger. He felt disappointed as he realized he had never really thought or considered that it was a fifteen year old Hephaistion he would meet and even more shocked when he saw that Hephaistion was in tears.

Hephaistion who had heard someone coming close, turned his head to see the strange man. The moonlight was shining on the blond man who was now standing next to him. Hephaistion felt like the time had stopped. The man in front of him looked tired and probably older than he was really but there was something about him; he was fascinated by the sight before him. His heart began to beat faster when the man finally spoke to him.

"Has something happened?" asked Alexander, confused.

Hephaistion dried his tears and stoop up.

"Who are you?" he asked, instead of answering.

Alexander was about to say his name when he recalled who he was supposed to be and said, " Anaxagoras, Aristotle's assistant, I couldn't sleep so I decided to walk."

"Oh, I am glad to meet you! I am, Hephaistion."

Alexander smiled, this Hephaistion was maybe fifteen years old but it was 'his' Hephaistion and he looked at him with a lot of tenderness and tears rolled down on his cheeks. This, surprised Hephaistion but he didn't question the man's strange reaction as he didn't want his teacher asking why he too was crying. He didn't want to tell about what happened with his family.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" asked Alexander

"No." Hephaistion said as he sat again. They were side by side in front of the sea and the awkward silence between allowed the hissing of the gray waves to be heard. Finally Alexander broke the silence because he had to say something to break the urge to embrace the teenager to kiss him to tell him he had missed him so much. To tell him he loved him. His heart sank at the thought that he couldn't do all that because Hephaistion wouldn't understand the strange situation that Alexander had been cast into.

"I heard that you are Alexander's lover." He said causing the young man to blush. Hephaistion felt embarrassed but nodded.

Alexander wanted desperately to listen to Hephaistion talk about his love for himself.

"Alexander, is a wonderful person." Hephaistion said shyly.

Alexander smiled and with each smile he offered Hephaistion felt his heart beat faster. To keep control of himself Hephaistion continued to talk about his lover.

"One day, he will be king and we will go and explore what lies beyond that sea."

"Persia." Said Alexander

"I know, he so wants to beat the Persian to free Greeks, to enter and posses Babylon, showing them that real Greeks are great men!"

Alexander frowned a little and asked "Is what you want as well?"

"Of course! I will be honored to be with him at those moments and I know Alexander can succeed! He had such power inside him. He is a fascinating person, with him everything seems possible."

Alexander listened carefully. "What do you want for yourself? You speak more about Alexander's dream than your own."

"My dreams?" Hephaistion asked in a cautious voice. His dreams? Alexander nodded.

"One day, Alexander talked of going farther; farther than Persia. He talked of conquering the world. He…"

"You are still talking about what Alexander wants." The blonde man interrupted.

"Let me finish, conquest, I don't really care about. I feel that I will have no love for war and battling." Hephaistion said shamefully and Alexander noticed.

"Don't be ashamed, tell me."

Hephaistion felt strange because he was not used to speaking so openly with a stranger. A stranger who is happened to be his teacher true; but he felt so calm so comfortable with this man, he knew inside he could trust this Anaxagoras.

"But if Alexander wants to conquer the world, this will mean I will be able to see it. To explore it and this is what excites me. When he talked about this, I began to dream about the life I wanted and it was exactly that. I want to walk across the world to see what new ideas and goods it could bring to Greece, what I could bring home to us if we can manage to meld it all together! I want that life."

"I am sure that you will have it." Alexander stated confidently.

"Who knows these things, but if I can help my…Alexander bring his dream to fruition then he will be a great man and I will have gone on a great journey."

"You will see the world young, Hephaistion." Promised Alexander as he put his hand on the boy's shoulder. They bolt felt a shiver going through their entire bodies at the gentle touch.

"You have very impressive scars." Hephaistion said to shake off the odd sensation.

"Do You want to touch it?"

"No." Replied Hephaistion as he turned his head away feeling that he was blushing furiously and didn't understand why he felt like that.

Alexander felt a soothing warmth at provoking such a reaction; but it also made him crave for touching Hephaistion that much more. To hold him closer, so very much closer than he was now. Hephaistion who felt lost said suddenly as if to remind him of his feelings for the prince and halt the weird emotions he was feeling for Anaxagoras. "I love him! I am so in love with him that it blinds me and sometimes it even hurts."

"I am sure that he loves you just as much Hephaistion." Alexander said pointedly, as the truth it was.

"Sometimes, I fear..." he paused.

"What do you fear Hephaistion?" Alexander asked with a soft tone and suddenly worried.

"I fear, my love for him... it's so huge...I fear to be swallowed by my love and by his love and that I will lose who 'I' am in it. To be too weak to be his lover, to face it all with him. I fear I may destroy myself and him in the process." This declaration touched Alexander's heart deeply and he embraced the young boy.

"Don't worry, you are strong, only a strong man can say what it is that he fears! To admit to them and try to surpass those fears makes one strong. You will handle it perfectly good, Hephaistion."

Hephaistion, in the man's arms, felt so much comfort, and so much peace, how he could that be? The only other time he had felt so much peace with someone he barely knew, it had been with Alexander.

As Alexander held Hephaistion, he was wishing the time could stop to stay there but he began to cough. His damn lung was hurting him again and they broke the embrace.

" What's wrong?" Hephaistion asked as the coughing worsened.

" It's a recent wound, it was very bad. My lung never fully recovered." He said then thought to himself, 'and it's not getting better since you died, with all the wine I used to drink by day to ease my grief, the pain, I also stopped taking care of it and each time I could, I pushed myself so hard. They said I can die but I find that I don't care.'

"You should be resting instead of being here then. Such wound is damaging. I understand now why you are teaching. Do you want some help to walk?"

Alexander nodded and they walked back to the dormitory.

"Thank you." Said Alexander when they were in front of his door.

"It has been a pleasure to talk to you sir, thank you." Hephaistion responded " I will see you tomorrow at class. Sleep well and take care." He added before leaving.

Alexander closed the door as he recalled the sweet and strange moments he passed with the love of his life and then he remembered that Hephaistion was in tears. He wondered why as he couldn't recall an answer to the tears he had witnessed.

Hephaistion joined his young lover in bed and it woke him up.

"You left?" asked a sleepy Alexander.

"Yes, I needed to refresh myself, it was too hot inside."

Alexander kissed Hephaistion in the lips and cuddle next to his lover.

"I met Anaxagoras."

"Oh!"

"He couldn't sleep either."

"What did he say?"

"Oh, nothing much." Then a sleepy Hephaistion looked at his lover and the gray eyes he so loved stared back at him making him tremble .

"He has your eyes..." he said without really understanding the true meaning of his statement.

"What?" asked Alexander but no answer came as Hephaistion was already sleeping and Alexander joined him in sleep few moments later.

TBC