A/N: Thank you to anyone who waited patiently for the second part of this fic. I'm sorry, but the inspiration for this decided to try up completely for a time.

This is dedicated to deadly sirius and monsieurlupin. The one true Sirius/Remus. Love you guys.

The Hunter's Moon October 16 1979

Remus woke unwillingly on the morning after the third night of the full moon. He floated on the edge of consciousness for what seemed like forever but eventually the light succeeded in cutting through his sleep. When he finally had the strength to crack his eyelids open, he wished he hadn't. The blind in his bedroom had been left open from the night before and pale autumn sunlight was shining directly in at him. It was blinding and he turned his head away and closed his eyes again, the vague outline of the window bleached onto the back of his retinas. He raised his arms to rub his eyes only to find that the muscles ached; in fact, he suddenly realised his entire body was aching. He took a deep breath and felt a sharp pain as his chest expanded stiffly. Patches of stinging pain all over his body made themselves more apparent as he gradually woke up. Grazes, scratches and tender, bruised ribs and that general feeling he always had like he'd fallen from the top of the Astronomy tower.

He let his arms flop back down onto the bed. His right rolled off and, seeing as his bed was merely a mattress on the floor, his hand landed on the bare floorboards. They felt warm from the sun and scratchy because they were unvarnished. It was still too bright for him to open his eyes to the window. His left arm was draped across the rest of the bed, his fingers idly playing with the sheet. Lying akimbo as he was, his body was stretching his sore muscles uncomfortably, so he rolled onto his side away from the window and the bright light. The other side of the bed was empty. It was lonely waking up like that. He was used to rolling over and seeing Sirius on nights after the full moon. He'd be lying sprawled on the bed, normally fully clothed apart from his shoes, taking up more space than he needed, his face buried in the pillow. He'd wake up as Remus stirred and would grin at him before wincing as his own bruises alerted him to their presence.

There was no Sirius there that morning, nor had there been the previous two mornings. Remus had been all alone when he'd woken up the first day; it had taken him a long while to even move from the bed. Sirius would normally have dragged himself up first to patch Remus up and to make them a cup of tea each. Remus wouldn't feel human enough to get in the shower until he'd had his cup of tea. There didn't seem to be much point in getting out of bed anyway if he wasn't there. He'd mostly neglected to eat for the rest of that day. There was no beef noodle from the local Chinese; he was too tired to get it. The furry cereal in his cupboard didn't seem that appetizing either.

James was quick to notice that Sirius wasn't there when he arrived for the second night of the full moon. He stood with Remus in the kitchen while Remus ate a digestive biscuit with his cuppa, which probably constituted his main meal of the day.

"Why isn't Sirius here?"

"He had some stuff to do," replied Remus, unable to think of a better response.

"Nonsense Moony, he's always here for the full moon. He still isn't speaking to you, is he?"

"What makes you think he's not speaking to me?"

"The fact that he isn't," finished James definitely "Besides, I'm not completely blind you know, you gave each other these funny looks when I said yesterday that you hadn't been out with us. He lied to me, didn't he, about you being busy."

Remus grew more nervous; he really didn't want to discuss it. Sirius wouldn't want James knowing anything.

"Look James, I genuinely don't know what's up with Sirius, okay. He must be in a weird mood or something. And since when did you become this big detective when it came to emotional rubbish?"

"Ha!" exclaimed James, "so you admit that something's up with him and that he hasn't been talking to you! I knew it, I was right… well Lily was right, but that's another story. And I'll have you know that I'm very well versed in 'emotional rubbish' when it comes to Pads. You know he's like the brother I never had; I know he gets himself worked up into a state over things."

"Well, when you see him, could you ask him what the in the name of Hades it is I did to upset him, apart from nearly killing him that is."

"You didn't nearly kill him, or anyone else for that matter!" said James, starting to raise his voice. "Are you getting notions that we hate you coz you're getting all bitey all of a sudden? We wouldn't do that! And if Sirius thinks he can, well then I'll just have to give him a big kick up the arse for thinking like that!" Remus smiled.

"Look," said James more seriously "would you like me to have a chat with him to, you know, sort things out between you two?"

Something about the James had said 'sort things out between you two' made Remus panic slightly. What did James suspect? He couldn't let James talk to Sirius. Sirius would never speak to him again.

"No!" he almost shouted, and then realising he'd said it a bit more adamantly then he'd intended, he softened. "I mean, no, there's no need. Thanks for the offer, but I'm sure he'll get over himself in a bit. And it's not like I need him here to look after me after every full moon like I'm a baby or something." The last part was a lie, he did need Sirius, and more than that, he wanted him here.

James looked at him strangely but agreed not to say anything directly. They continued to talk as first Peter and then Sirius joined them in the flat. Sirius greeted them with a guilty hello. There was none of the intense staring at Remus that had marked the day before. He averted his eyes instead and Remus secretly hoped that he felt terrible for leaving him all on his own when he alone knew how truly weak he felt the next morning.

When Remus and Peter went into the kitchen to make tea, they didn't notice James quietly take Sirius to the side to talk to him. So much for promises of silence, thought James to himself, a friend is more important. When he was left alone with James, Sirius seemed to relax for a moment, becoming more like himself, until he realised what James wanted to talk about. When Remus and Peter returned from the kitchen with the mugs, they found Sirius white faced and tight lipped with James frowning at him; but since in the present circumstances, this seemed normal, Remus didn't mark it as important.

Remus closed his eyes again and tried to doze. He hoped that if he caught even one more hour's sleep that he would feel slightly better, but he knew from experience that he could sleep for a day and not feel recovered. He thought about Sirius, on that second morning. After being alone the on the first day, he had expected the same again. He thought it was strange that he had seemed to get used to the fact that Sirius wasn't there, even after all the time they spent together. Thinking that he was alone again, Remus had been in no rush to get out of bed. He'd eventually forced himself up, knowing that today he had to find something to eat and do it by himself, or it would definitely be animagus rat on the menu for dinner that evening. Starvation, a happy werewolf does not make. He put a dressing gown on first, hoping to get a small bite to eat and a cuppa before he dealt with the task of tending to himself and having a shower.

On the counter in the kitchen there was a covered dish with a folded note on it. He opened it to find James scrawl across it.

Moony,

Whoops, completely forgot that Lily gave me the leftover lasagne from dinner to give to you. She thinks you're not eating enough! Don't let Sirius eat it, he's a fat bastard and Lily says she'll know… ooooh she's a spooky lasagne psychic! Actually, having just tried to take a bite myself, I've realised she's charmed the dish to give you a shock and swear at you in her voice for 'taking Remus's food'… My girlfriend is crafty! I knew there was a reason I loved her.

Prongs

PS See you tonight!

PPS. Damn it again! Lily gave me a potion she made for you. I left it on the mantelpiece last night. Should help with the exhaustion and the aches etc. You know, she's not this nice to me when I'm sick! Although, according to her, hung over doesn't count as sick.

He smiled at looked at the cold lasagne, thankful that he'd get a decent meal today without having to make the exhausting trek to the take-away. He wondered if Lily had any idea how grateful he was at that moment. He was still wracking his brains for the spell to reheat the food without burning it to a crisp, when he heard a stirring from the sitting room. Through the door he could see the back of the couch and Sirius's head rising up above it. Completely oblivious, he rubbed his eyes, ran his fingers through his hair and staggered blearily towards the kitchen. He stopped dead in his tracks at the kitchen door when he caught sight of Remus, who had never seen anyone become awake so fast before in his life.

They stood opposite each other for a moment that seemed like an eternity, their eyes locked. Remus had almost worked up the courage to say something when Sirius broke off, looking down at the food in front of Remus.

"Try to eat something, you had it rough last night," he said, pointing his wand at the dish. A moment later, a delicious smell of steaming lasagne was wafting up Remus's nostrils.

"Thanks," said Remus.

"See you tonight," said Sirius quietly as an acknowledgement before he disapparated before Remus's eyes. It was the first words that Sirius had spoken to him directly in about a month, and he'd spent the night as well, even if it had been on the couch, he reminded himself. Yet for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to take it as a good sign. There had been something in Sirius' eyes. Remus wanted to eat something at that moment but as rubbed his face to try and wipe the sleep away, he wiped off handful of mud. He dragged himself to the shower unwillingly, hoping it would wash away more than the dirt. He tried to ignore the stinging from the many little nicks as he stepped under the stream of water. He watched the muddy water swirling down the plug hole worrying about the final night to come and tomorrow, when he wondered was Sirius going to stay on the couch again; would he be there when they all celebrated another full moon survived tomorrow night.

The food and the potion helped to make him feel better. He was in a better mood, or rather, he seemed to have more energy when the Marauders arrived in Remus's flat that evening. It pleased James no to end that Remus didn't look like he was about to pass out at any second. There was no need to worry anymore; Remus apparently could take care of himself (with a little help from Lily). Sirius had taken to frowning and staring at him again. Remus felt like he almost had enough energy to just turn around and snap at him. What did I do wrong, you bastard, he thought to himself. And he picked up the tea mugs and left the sitting room, hiding the scowl on his face.

When he returned from dropping the dishes back in the kitchen he caught the end of a hurried, whispered conversation between James and Sirius.

"Yes! I said I'd stay with him tonight, so will you fucking drop it James!"

Remus felt the anger rise in him again. So he had to be forced to stay by James, he couldn't even do it out of the goodness of his own heart. James had probably made him stay the previous night as well. It also meant that James had done exactly what he'd asked him not to do in that he'd spoken to Sirius. He knew he'd meant well, but realised it had only made things worse. Instead of coming around on his, Sirius had been forced to, and Sirius had an intense dislike of being made to do anything he didn't want to. He started talking to Peter, hoping the other two hadn't noticed he'd heard anything. He just wanted the night to be over and done with so he could have another few weeks of relative freedom.

Remus realised that extra bit of sleep he'd hoped for was beyond his grasp. He contemplated getting some breakfast and a shower, but realised that though sleep was beyond him, he didn't quite have the power to get up. He rolled back over and noticed for the first time, a dark shape by the window. When his eyes had finally become accustomed to the light, he saw the heart-stopping sight of Sirius's body, lying motionless on the floor. He was face down; his arms lay around his head, which was turned away from the bed. However, Remus's immediate attention was drawn to three large, deep cuts on Sirius's flank. He instantly recognised the sight of his own claw marks. There was dried blood caked to his side and a medium sized pool of dried blood on the floor where it had leaked from his wounds. He must have been lying there completely still for hours. It took a mere second to take it all in and a mere millisecond more for the terror to set it. The still body and the blood; he'd killed Sirius. He'd wounded him and Sirius had bled to death quietly in the night, while Remus had slept on unaware. In a second he had sprung from the bed to scramble across the floor to Sirius, his worst fears gaining strength as with closer inspection, Sirius didn't seem to be breathing. He gingerly touched Sirius's shoulder, unwilling to check for a pulse to confirm the worst; surprisingly though, his skin felt warm to the touch.

"Sirius?" he said tentatively while gently shaking his shoulder.

Sirius's eyes fluttered open briefly, and he sucked in a small sobbing breath. The relief that washed over Remus was like nothing he'd ever felt before. Finally his mind started working instead of his emotions. Sirius tried to shift positions but Remus held him firmly in place and told him not to move. He ran to the kitchen to fetch the medicine box and soon the floor around Sirius was strewn with healing potions and blood replenishing potion and dittany and pain killing potion and basically anything that Remus could think of that might help him. As he thought about it, he wondered how James and Peter could have left Sirius the way he was.

"Did I bite you?" he asked as he cleaned the gashes and attached bandages with healing compounds on them.

"No, I'm fine," he said hoarsely "it's just a scratch. You were a bit a more 'energetic' last night than we'd expected. I'm not surprised you went for me, all things considered."

Remus knew what he meant by that and thought back to how angry he'd been with Sirius before they'd left his flat; he felt even more terrible than before. But at least Sirius was speaking to him.

"Why didn't James and Peter sort you out last night? I can't believe they'd have left you like this."

"Well James was in no state himself really. Don't worry he's fine," he assured Remus when he heard the little gasp of worry escape him. "He and Peter just got knocked around a little, nothing serious. I said it was just a scratch I had and they left me alone."

"You mean you didn't heal yourself on purpose? What, did you just spread yourself out on the floor as a little example for me that I'm a savage bastard. Did you do this on purpose as some sort of dig?" said Remus, suddenly furious at Sirius for his stupidity.

"I just fell asleep here that's all. And I wasn't getting a dig at you, I just kind of felt I deserved it, you know, for being a jerk." He pulled himself up into a sitting position and leaned his back against the bedroom wall for support, trying not to breath too heavily.

"Oh fucking Merlin, you are such a melodramatic wanker! You had me scared to death for a second that I'd killed you! Don't ever do that again Sirius! If you want to go punish yourself in future, you can do it somewhere else."

"I just wanted to apologise Moony."

"Do you expect me to forgive you just like that because you let yourself half bleed to death from a mauling. It's going to take more than that. I mean you acted like I'd offended you in the worst possible way. You up and leave the morning after the last full moon without so much as an explanation as to why you're so angry; you tell me I nearly killed Peter which makes me feel like I'm the worst human being in existence, which wasn't even true by the way. You hit me in a spot you know I'm vulnerable, and then you twist the knife. That was below the belt, even for you. Then you don't speak to me for close to a month and you lie to James about my job keeping me from going out with the two of you. You don't speak to me when you come to my flat for this moon and you make it very clear that you'd rather be anywhere else. Then you leave me alone the next morning when you of all people know full well that I can barely move let alone take care of myself!"

Sirius looked down guiltily at his hands.

"Just what is it that I did to deserved all that?" pleaded Remus.

"Nothing," mumbled Sirius.

"You mean you get to treat me like that for nothing? Fuck you! No wait, you're not getting away with that. 'Nothing' is not an answer. There must be something in that twisted mind of yours that's bothering you. I want an explanation Sirius!" demanded Remus. He sat seething, waiting for Sirius to reply.

A range of uncomfortable emotions crossed his face as struggled to find the words.

"You said you'd never mention it to James," he said eventually. Remus was utterly confused by the answer. "What is that supposed to mean?" he asked sharply.

Sirius looked like really didn't want to elaborate any further, having found his previous sentence revelatory enough.

"When I woke up that morning, you were lying with your arm over me, you know, like we were a couple or something. And then you made some joke about needing a drink. I asked you not to talk about what we do when we're drunk," he said desperately. "And then the next thing James is asking me what's going on, like he suspects something. I panicked."

"So you're embarrassed by me, is that it? You can carry on all you like, as long as nobody knows and I pretend like everything's normal. I'm your dirty little secret, am I?"

Sirius wouldn't look at him and couldn't bring himself to say anything. Remus took his silence as all the answer he needed.

"Fine, you know what? You can pretend you're not… (Even now, he still couldn't break his promise not to say anything) you're not doing stuff and keep it from James. You can do anything you want and you can pretend that it's just because you're drunk but you're not doing it with me anymore. I'm not going to be used again by a coward like you, not until you've made up your mind what you want. If you're feeling better, you can fuck off."

He was shaking with anger and surprise at himself. He'd never been so frankly honest with himself or Sirius before, and it had shaken him. He went to the wardrobe to find and old t-shirt for his friend to put on. Sirius' own top was a torn, blood soaked heap of rags in the corner. When he turned back, Sirius was still leaning against the wall, one hand holding his side, but there were tears spilling silently down his face.

"Feeling sorry for yourself?" said Remus. There was still some venom left apparently.

"Stop it man, that's not fair," said Sirius, angrily wiping away the tears.

"What's not fair is the way you treated me," Remus reminded him, not too kindly.

"But you don't understand," replied Sirius miserably, covering his eyes with his hand "I like you. I really like you, and I'm not supposed to because you're a guy and you're my friend. But I have a couple of drinks and suddenly you smell so good and I just want to kiss you and I'm terrified that someone will find out, because it's not supposed to be happening. What if James finds out and he doesn't want to be my friend anymore? I can pretend that it's just a dream so long as you don't say anything. Then you had to go put your arms around me in your sleep, and all I wanted to do was turn around and do the same, but it's all very scary in the light of day. You woke up and pretended like nothing had happened and I didn't know what to do. I just can't get you out of my head, Remus."

"So you thought ignoring me completely would be a good idea," said Remus softly, kneeling down beside him.

"Yeah," said Sirius sheepishly.

"You're such a arsehole."

"I know."

Remus pulled him gently into a hug and Sirius didn't protest. He held him for a long time, rubbing Sirius's back soothingly.

"All you had to do was say the word Sirius. I'd have been yours in a heartbeat. What exactly is so wrong with having something that you want?" asked Remus eventually.

"Nothing," he answered.

Remus didn't ask him for a better explanation that time.