Julie was excited to go to school. She was so excited she almost forgot her backpack, which contained everything she needed. Rinoa hugged her daughter and watched her get on the bus. While she was gone, Rinoa began filling out job applications. Within a few months, she sent off an application that was accepted. She would start working the next day at 7:30 in the morning. That was about the time Julie's bus showed up. They'd have to make some type of arrangement. It became agreed that Rinoa's mother would make sure Julie got on the bus until Rinoa got a car of her own and could drive her.
Rinoa ended up being a waitress at the local restaurant where Selphie worked. It was Selphie who trained her in. "Not really difficult but the first day's always a long one," Selphie said. "Once you get the hang of it, it'll be fine." To Rinoa, it seemed odd that she enjoyed having a job so much. Then again it was her first day. When the two weren't taking orders or scrubbing tables, they talked. Both of them felt like high school students again as they discussed things that really didn't matter. "By the way, work gets over at three," Selphie interrupted.
Rinoa said, "Really? Why?"
"Don't know. That's just the way it's run. We don't serve dinner."
"Oh. That works. I'll get home about the same time as my daughter. Then she wont be left alone." Irvine paid a visit later on in the day with a bouquet of flowers for Selphie. Rinoa looked on with envy at the two as they embraced. They didn't have to be afraid of each other. Irvine didn't drink. He didn't crawl all over Selphie at night. Selphie didn't have to be afraid that he might hit her if she refused him while he was drunk. She didn't have to be afraid that he might do something to their daughter if she turned him away. How could Rinoa not be envious? They didn't have to be afraid of anything.
Selphie whispered into Irvine's ear, "Do me a favor. Sometime soon, I'm going to see if I can get all the girls together for a day. See if you and Zell can talk to Squall. Things are getting really bad, I think."
"Okay," he said. "I'll see what I can do."
"Thank you." Quickly she pecked him on the cheek then went back to work. The flowers were put in a tall glass filled with water.
"See you later, Selphie."
"Bye."
In the back, Rinoa had decided to wash the dishes. Her mind was racing with upsetting thoughts and she couldn't make them stop. This was one reason why she'd wanted a job, to distract her from thinking. Washing dishes apparently didn't help her much. The whole time, she was trying to plan out how the rest of the day would go after work. First, she would spend some time with Julie: ask her how her day was; help her with any homework. Second thing would be to make dinner. Then when Squall came home, she'd try not to let him get drunk. He could have a few but she didn't want him to get drunk. That didn't need to happen everyday. At three, Rinoa was disappointed to go. It seemed odd to her that she felt that way. Maybe it was because she didn't want to face the situation back at home.
The house was empty when she arrived home. The bus would be dropping Julie off in a few minutes. To kill time, Rinoa decided to change. Something made her pause after opening the door to the closet. There on the floor was a white plastic bag containing the lingerie she'd bought a few years ago. The tag's still attached, the receipt still at the bottom. She took the bag and hid it under the bed. It would stay there until she found it again. In the closet hung a long white dress she decided to wear. It fit snuggly to the shape of her curves, pooling at her feet. It was a little too formal to wear everyday but something inside her made her want to wear it. The neckline was shaped in a V that ended just past her collarbone, not hiding her necklace.
A noise outside made her look toward the window. The yellow bus had stopped by the sidewalk. Julie carefully came down the metal stairs to the sidewalk. From there she ran down to the house. "Mom," she called as she burst through the door. "I'm home! Are you here?"
"Yes I am. Did you have fun?" she called. She met her daughter downstairs in the kitchen.
"Yes I did. Want to know what we did today?"
"Sure." The two sat down on the couch in the living room.
"I played with Ellone on the playground this morning and we played jump rope. In school, I gots to paint pictures. I can bring um home tomorrow and show you."
"Okay. I can't wait to see them. I bet they're real nice. What did you paint in your pictures, Julie?"
"Umm, I made two. One of me, you, and daddy and one of me and my bestest friend Ellone."
"You don't have any homework do you?"
"No."
"Well what would you like to do? Do you want to play a game or something?"
"Yes I do."
"What would you like to play?"
"Ants in the pants!" Rinoa took the box down from the closet. It was an odd little game where you had to flip plastic, various colored ants into hollow plastic pants. Ellone gave it to Julie as a present a few years ago. Julie could play with it for hours if they let her. So they played until the clock changed the time an hour ahead. Then Rinoa started dinner. Julie played by herself at the table. The sound of a car pulling in the driveway got their attention. "Daddy," Julie squealed as the door opened. She wrapped her arms around his knees. He pulled her off and picked her up.
"How was your day at school today?" he asked.
"Good. I had lots of fun. Did you have fun at work, daddy?"
"Okay. Let me talk to your mother." He put his daughter down and walked to Rinoa's side. She didn't look up, even when he kissed her on the cheek. In the cupboard he found two cans of beer left. "When are you going to the store again?"
"I don't know," Rinoa said. "When we need groceries."
"What's with the dress?"
"I don't know. I found it in the closet and decided to wear it. Does it look bad or something?"
"No of course not. Just wondering. You look really nice."
"Thank you. Why don't you help Julie set the table, please?" While they did that, Rinoa put the finishing touches on dinner. The Leonhart family sat down to dinner in silence until Julie started talking about school. During this time Squall finished up the last two cans of beer. Rinoa stared down at her plate, moving her food around with her fork. She didn't feel like eating; she'd suddenly lost her appetite. Julie helped wash the dishes once everyone had finished.
"Mom," she said. "You didn't eat. Aren't you hungry?"
"I'm fine, dear. Go play before you have to go to bed." Julie ran upstairs to her room. Rinoa finished washing the dishes real quick then sat down on the couch. Squall was watching TV. Neither of them said a word to each other. She wasn't happy with him and he knew it. But she wasn't mad, no, just upset. The room was heavy with tension. For some reason Squall felt anger toward his wife. She sat on the couch, wringing her hands looking down at the floor like she'd been beaten. He'd done nothing to her so why was she acting like that? He could see she was on the verge of crying.
"What's wrong?" he finally asked her.
She said, "Nothing."
"Don't give me that. You look like you're about to cry. Tell me what's wrong. Did I do something? Is that it?"
"No. I'm fine really." Then she smiled at him. But as happy as she tried to look, she couldn't hide the sadness in her eyes.
"Whatever. I'm going to bed." He got up out of his chair and she listened to his footsteps fade up the staircase. Instantly tears fell onto the skirt of her white dress. Why exactly was she crying? Maybe it was because of everything. Seeing Squall drink 'til he couldn't think properly anymore. Hearing Julie talk about school with happiness shining in her face. Feeling like you don't matter as long as you can go to the grocery store. Remembering what things had been like before. When she regained her composure, she went up to Julie's room and slept on the floor by the bed.
In the morning, Julie was shaking her. "Mommy, wake up," she said. It was apparently seven in the morning, Julie would have to go to school soon and Rinoa had to go to work. "Why were you sleeping on the floor, mommy?" As Rinoa sat up, she tried to conjure up a good excuse but came up with nothing. Her daughter was already dressed for school. She looked so adorable in her overall dress Rinoa thought. "Daddy went to work already… Are you and daddy fighting?"
"No, sweetie. We're not fighting. Let me get changed real quick and then I'll make you some breakfast."
"Okay." In the bathroom, the young mother took a look at herself in the mirror and sighed. Strands of hair stood from her head as though someone had rubbed a balloon on her scalp. Dark circles had formed under her eyes. She didn't understand why, she'd slept the whole night. She washed her face quickly, put some cover-up on where it was needed and got dressed for work. Julie wasn't late for school; Rinoa wasn't late for work.
"You look tired," Selphie said.
Rinoa said, "Well I slept on Julie's floor last night. Must not have been all that comfortable, I guess."
"Oh. Why were you sleeping on Julie's floor? Did something happen?"
"Got in a tiny fight with Squall. He was mad at me anyway so I went and slept in Julie's room. I think that may have worried Julie a little…"
At elementary school, Julie met Ellone on the playground. They sat by a tree in the field and talked, "Elle," Julie said. "Do your mommy and daddy ever fight?"
"Yeah. A lot," Ellone said.
"I think mine got in a fight. My mommy was sleeping on the floor by my bed when I woke up this morning. Daddy just ignored me when I told him."
"My mommy and daddy yell at each other a lot. Then mom cries. I hate to see her like that."
"Why do they fight?"
"Mom yells at dad for drinking a lot. That's usually why they fight." The conversation made both of them feel sad. Julie thought she felt her heart sink in her chest. The day seemed to go by in a flash because she was afraid to go home. Would her parents get in another fight? Would they yell at each other? Would her mom cry again? She didn't really want to know the answers to those questions. She just wanted it to stop. Rinoa was lying on the couch when her daughter came in the house.
"Hi, sweetie," Rinoa called. "How was your day?"
"Fine," Julie said. She slipped her shoes off and ran over to the couch. "Can I lay by you, mommy?" Rinoa scooted over to make room for her daughter. Sadness was evident in her daughter's face. "What's wrong?"
"Why do you and daddy fight?"
"Grown ups do that sometimes."
"Do the mommies always cry?"
"… Sometimes, but not always. It probably depends on why they were fighting."
"It makes me sad to see you cry, mommy." No words would come out of Rinoa's mouth so she just kissed the top of her daughter's head. It didn't really matter; she couldn't come up with anything comforting to say anyway. Squall found them on the couch when he came home and at first thought something had happened. But Julie was staring at him. He could sense she wasn't very happy. Rinoa was asleep. The rims of her eyelids were red.
"Hi, daddy…"
He picked her up and said, "Hello, Julie. You okay?"
"No."
"Why what's wrong?"
"I think mommy's sad. It makes me sad when she cries. Are you going to fight today?"
"… No … Julie, why don't you go upstairs and play. I'm going to talk to your mom."
"Are you going to make her cry?" she said in an accusative tone.
"No." Julie went upstairs cautiously. Squall shook Rinoa's shoulders gently. Her eyes fluttered open.
"Squall! Why are you home so early? Oh… shit. I don't have dinner ready. I'm so sorry. If you just give me a few minutes I can-"
"Rinoa, it's okay. I need to talk to you. Why are your eyes so red? You've been crying, haven't you?"
"No, no. I feel asleep on my hand."
"Don't lie to me. I know you've been crying. Julie told me. I'm sorry for upsetting you. Have you been to the store yet?" She shook her head. "Good. Don't go then. I'll try to quit drinking. I promise I will. I just don't know where to start." She hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. As much as she wanted to believe he would quit, she had some doubt in her heart. Maybe that's what made him fall through on his promise. And she let it go on so she knew she was just as guilty. She restocked the cupboard each time it was close to being empty and slept in Julie's room whenever there was a fight. Julie discussed this with Ellone until they came up with a plan.
That weekend Ellone came over to spend the night. Squall had to work Saturday so he was gone almost all day. While Rinoa was asleep early in the morning, the two girls snuck downstairs to the kitchen where they found a way to reach the cupboard. One by one they opened all the cans of beer and emptied it in the sink. Rinoa came down just as they finished up. "Julie! What have you done? Your father will be so angry," she said. There was fear in her voice; her eyes were opened wide in worry.
Julie said, "Now daddy doesn't have anything to drink. He can't fight with you anymore and you wont cry anymore." The two little girls watched Rinoa throw all the cans into a plastic bag then hide it in the garbage can. Once that was finished, she made breakfast. Julie felt proud of what she'd done. Squall wouldn't have anything to drink now. During breakfast, Rinoa was silent. Julie and Ellone were extremely talkative. Raine came to get Ellone around noon. The two mothers talked for a few minutes before saying their goodbyes. Rinoa took Julie with her on a walk to the store. "Can I get a candy?"
"Sure you can." They picked out something to eat for dinner and grabbed a gallon of milk. The next thing her mother did shocked Julie. Watching her mom come out of the bar fully loaded with everything that'd just been dumped down the drain upset her. But she said nothing and walked hand-in-hand with her mother down the road back home.