CHAPTER TEN
*
The embers were dying. Glancing out at the dark woods, Inuyasha picked up a stick and stoked the fire back to life.
The soft breathing of his friends soothed his frayed nerves. Miroku and Sango were snoozing under separate trees. Kagome had opted to sleep away from her best friend, since she didn't want the baby's crying to disturb Sango. She was curled up in her sleeping bag, with her head resting on her arm. The baby was cuddled up against her, and Shippo was snoring loudly on top of her shoulder.
Inuyasha watched her face, thinking of how she had tried to comfort him. But he didn't want to be comforted. He wanted to do what he had always done -- hide his pain and wait for it to either fade, or sink into his soul.
Kagome couldn't understand, he thought darkly. She couldn't understand the memories that baby's face brought back to him. Memories of when he had been that innocent, that trusting. He'd been a child once. But he had grown up fast -- humans had stoned him, spat on him, beaten him with staffs. At first the pain had been as much of his mind than his body. The bruises and cuts had healed in a day or so. But he couldn't forget the burning disgust in their eyes as they had hit him, or the words that came from their lips as they drove him out. What had been worst was that they meant everything they said and did -- he disgusted them, repulsed them.
And looking at the baby's face brought back all the memories of how he had been. And, he thought darkly, the thought of what was ahead of that kid. Even if they found the father -- which wasn't likely -- the kid would always be an outsider. Nobody would know what he went through. His mother would have been the one to comfort him and protect him, but she was dead. Like Inuyasha's own mother.
A faint, puppylike whimper made Inuyasha look up.
He tried to ignore the sound, but it persisted, growing more desperate. Kagome stirred in her sleep, her eyelids fluttering.
Inuyasha crept closer to her. The baby was awake, and was clawing at Kagome's hand with his baby talons, trying to get her attention. His whimpers were too soft to disturb sleeping humans, but Inuyasha heard it keenly. And for some reason, he wanted the noises to stop.
Awkwardly, he worked his clumsy hands under the baby's tiny body, easing it from Kagome's sleeping grasp. It felt fragile and loosely put together, as if handling it to roughly might break it apart. The baby himself was staring at Inuyasha with wide eyes, sucking on his tiny fist. Something tugged in Inuyasha's chest, as if a string tied to his heart had been yanked unexpectedly.
He awkwardly shifted the baby into the crook of his elbow, the way he had seen Kagome do. The little dog-eared child had stopped his whimpering, and now seemed content to snuggle against Inuyasha's chest. One tiny hand grabbed Inuyasha's finger and tried to direct it to the fangless mouth.
Inuyasha sighed. He hadn't ever really thought much about babies -- after all, no one had ever wanted him. Until he had met Kikyo, no girl had seen him as a boy -- just a demon monstrosity who resembled one. When he had met Kikyo, he allowed himself to dream for a little while of a life and a family.... but those dreams had shattered the day Naraku turned them against one another. But, in the months since Kagome had freed him, he sometimes had those dreams again...
Inuyasha stared at the baby's face. "Man, I do not need this," he said out loud.
The baby yawned and continued its intent scrutiny of his face.
Inuyasha sighed and sank back against the tree. "You don't know what's gonna be ahead of you, do you?" he said to the baby. "Not a clue. I used to be that way too."
He moved the baby closer to him, as if the villagers were lurking somewhere in the darkness. "You don't know it now. You're too little to know. But... you're different from other people. Demons and humans both." A flinty look came into his eyes. "They'll treat you like dirt, for something you can't help -- like you don't have a soul. If they have a bad harvest, they'll claim you angered the gods or something. If somebody gets killed, they'll say the demon did it. It's always your fault when you're a halfbreed.
"Lotsa people claim that they're good because they take care of orphans, or they sweep out shrines. Then they see a halfbreed and try to pelt him with rocks or burn him alive." Inuyasha snorted. "Bastards, all of 'em. Self-righteous bastards. Like the ones who shot your mother..." He growled softly. "You won't even remember her when you're older... thanks to them."
The baby fussed a little at the growing anger in his voice. Inuyasha began awkwardly rocking the child, the way he had seen women do with their babies. "I was like you once," he said quietly. "I was alone. Nobody I could depend on. Nobody I trusted. Nobody I could even talk to. After awhile, I started scarin' people for fun, because that was all I could do. Until I... met Kagome, I didn't trust anybody. Truth was... I hated it, but it was all I knew. I thought being alone was just how I was."
Inuyasha fell silent, something strange passing through his eyes. He sighed deeply. "It doesn't have to be that way for you," he said, rocking the baby again. "You don't have to be lonely the way I was. I know what you'll feel, and how it'll hurt. But the difference between you'n'me is you'll have somebody to go to. I won't let you be alone."
Inuyasha's face was turned down toward the baby's, watching the golden eyes starting to close. "I promise," he said quietly.
He didn't see Kagome lying in her sleeping bag, with tears in her eyes. "Inuyasha..." she whispered.
TO BE CONTINUED
*
The embers were dying. Glancing out at the dark woods, Inuyasha picked up a stick and stoked the fire back to life.
The soft breathing of his friends soothed his frayed nerves. Miroku and Sango were snoozing under separate trees. Kagome had opted to sleep away from her best friend, since she didn't want the baby's crying to disturb Sango. She was curled up in her sleeping bag, with her head resting on her arm. The baby was cuddled up against her, and Shippo was snoring loudly on top of her shoulder.
Inuyasha watched her face, thinking of how she had tried to comfort him. But he didn't want to be comforted. He wanted to do what he had always done -- hide his pain and wait for it to either fade, or sink into his soul.
Kagome couldn't understand, he thought darkly. She couldn't understand the memories that baby's face brought back to him. Memories of when he had been that innocent, that trusting. He'd been a child once. But he had grown up fast -- humans had stoned him, spat on him, beaten him with staffs. At first the pain had been as much of his mind than his body. The bruises and cuts had healed in a day or so. But he couldn't forget the burning disgust in their eyes as they had hit him, or the words that came from their lips as they drove him out. What had been worst was that they meant everything they said and did -- he disgusted them, repulsed them.
And looking at the baby's face brought back all the memories of how he had been. And, he thought darkly, the thought of what was ahead of that kid. Even if they found the father -- which wasn't likely -- the kid would always be an outsider. Nobody would know what he went through. His mother would have been the one to comfort him and protect him, but she was dead. Like Inuyasha's own mother.
A faint, puppylike whimper made Inuyasha look up.
He tried to ignore the sound, but it persisted, growing more desperate. Kagome stirred in her sleep, her eyelids fluttering.
Inuyasha crept closer to her. The baby was awake, and was clawing at Kagome's hand with his baby talons, trying to get her attention. His whimpers were too soft to disturb sleeping humans, but Inuyasha heard it keenly. And for some reason, he wanted the noises to stop.
Awkwardly, he worked his clumsy hands under the baby's tiny body, easing it from Kagome's sleeping grasp. It felt fragile and loosely put together, as if handling it to roughly might break it apart. The baby himself was staring at Inuyasha with wide eyes, sucking on his tiny fist. Something tugged in Inuyasha's chest, as if a string tied to his heart had been yanked unexpectedly.
He awkwardly shifted the baby into the crook of his elbow, the way he had seen Kagome do. The little dog-eared child had stopped his whimpering, and now seemed content to snuggle against Inuyasha's chest. One tiny hand grabbed Inuyasha's finger and tried to direct it to the fangless mouth.
Inuyasha sighed. He hadn't ever really thought much about babies -- after all, no one had ever wanted him. Until he had met Kikyo, no girl had seen him as a boy -- just a demon monstrosity who resembled one. When he had met Kikyo, he allowed himself to dream for a little while of a life and a family.... but those dreams had shattered the day Naraku turned them against one another. But, in the months since Kagome had freed him, he sometimes had those dreams again...
Inuyasha stared at the baby's face. "Man, I do not need this," he said out loud.
The baby yawned and continued its intent scrutiny of his face.
Inuyasha sighed and sank back against the tree. "You don't know what's gonna be ahead of you, do you?" he said to the baby. "Not a clue. I used to be that way too."
He moved the baby closer to him, as if the villagers were lurking somewhere in the darkness. "You don't know it now. You're too little to know. But... you're different from other people. Demons and humans both." A flinty look came into his eyes. "They'll treat you like dirt, for something you can't help -- like you don't have a soul. If they have a bad harvest, they'll claim you angered the gods or something. If somebody gets killed, they'll say the demon did it. It's always your fault when you're a halfbreed.
"Lotsa people claim that they're good because they take care of orphans, or they sweep out shrines. Then they see a halfbreed and try to pelt him with rocks or burn him alive." Inuyasha snorted. "Bastards, all of 'em. Self-righteous bastards. Like the ones who shot your mother..." He growled softly. "You won't even remember her when you're older... thanks to them."
The baby fussed a little at the growing anger in his voice. Inuyasha began awkwardly rocking the child, the way he had seen women do with their babies. "I was like you once," he said quietly. "I was alone. Nobody I could depend on. Nobody I trusted. Nobody I could even talk to. After awhile, I started scarin' people for fun, because that was all I could do. Until I... met Kagome, I didn't trust anybody. Truth was... I hated it, but it was all I knew. I thought being alone was just how I was."
Inuyasha fell silent, something strange passing through his eyes. He sighed deeply. "It doesn't have to be that way for you," he said, rocking the baby again. "You don't have to be lonely the way I was. I know what you'll feel, and how it'll hurt. But the difference between you'n'me is you'll have somebody to go to. I won't let you be alone."
Inuyasha's face was turned down toward the baby's, watching the golden eyes starting to close. "I promise," he said quietly.
He didn't see Kagome lying in her sleeping bag, with tears in her eyes. "Inuyasha..." she whispered.
TO BE CONTINUED