Title: The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories of Cindy and Sandy
Authors: Cindy and Sandy
Rating: Now changed to PG…for Pollinating Geraniums!
Chapter 4The Spawn of Satan
An hour later in the hospital
::Mulder and Scully sit up in their hospital beds…at the same time, obviously::
::Loralia is sitting in a chair in the corner::
Loralia: Oh my God! How are you two living?
Scully: Well, we weren't wearing any protection this time, God just decided to spare us…
!$%&%Flashback%&%$!
::Mulder and Scully approach the Pearly Gates::
Scully: Wow, we're almost in Heaven!
Mulder: SHWEET! Are we there yet?
::God appears::
God: No, my child, we must first go through the Pearly Gates.
::Heavenly music plays::
Mulder: Ohh…are we there now?
God: No
Mulder: How 'bout now?
God: No
Mulder: Are we there now?
God: No
Mulder: Are we there yet?
God: No
Mulder: Are we there yet?
God: No
Mulder: Are we there yet?
God: No
Mulder: Are we there yet?
God: NO! BURN IN ETERNAL HELL FIRE!
::Mulder and Scully suddenly poof into hell::
::The Devil appears::
Devil: Why hello…and welcome to the Fiery Gates of HELL!
Mulder: Now are we in Heaven?
Devil: No…YOU'RE ENTERING HELL!
Mulder: …Oh…are we there yet?
Devil: No
Mulder: Are we there yet?
Devil: No
Mulder: Are we there yet?
Devil: No
Mulder: Are we there yet?
Devil: No
Mulder: Are we there yet?
Devil: NO! DAMN YOU! GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM, YOU EVIL SPAWN OF SATAN!
::Mulder and Scully reappear in Heaven::
God: WHAT? What are you doing back here?
Mulder: NOW are we there yet?
God: NOO! IF THE DEVIL DIDN'T WANT YOU, THEN NEITHER DO I!
::Mulder and Scully wake up in hospital::
Loralia: Oh my God! How are you two living?
Loralia: STOP! STOP! I HEARD THAT PART!
Scully: Mulder, I can't believe you got us kicked out of Heaven AND Hell!
Mulder: Why…are we there now?
Loralia: I don't even know why I was concerned about you…every time you two open your mouths I want to kill myself…
::Grandpa enters the room::
Scully: Oh god…Mulder…do you still see him?
::Mulder panics:: NO!
Scully: Either do I!
Loralia: Well, you should see him…he IS real.
Scully: That's what you WANT us to think!
Mulder: Scully, I wanna go back to Heaven…
Scully: You were never technically in heaven!
Mulder: Yes, but purgatory is better than seeing not real old guys!
::Nurse enters and speaks to Grandpa::
Mulder: OH MY GOD! WE'RE IMAGINING HER TOO!
Scully: Wait…maybe we're imagining this whole thing! Maybe this hospital isn't real and we never died! That means we never saw God!
Loralia: By the way…what did God look like?
Mulder: Oddly like Al Pacino…in a top hat and rental tux.
Loralia: No wonder Al Pacino gets all the good roles…and what did Satan look like?
Scully: He was a spitting image of George Bush…I swear it…
Loralia: Well, that explains why he was elected! We all know it wasn't his political campaign or his promise to fix education…
Mulder: Yeah…fix education…hehe…hehehe
Scully: YOU VOTED FOR HIM!
Mulder: I couldn't help it! His eyebrows moved every time he spoke! They were telling me things! EVIL things! LIKE THAT GRANDPA OVER THERE!
Loralia: OH JEEZ!
Grandpa: I wasn't even saying anything!
Mulder: JUST LIKE THAT! See! He's evil!
::Mulder pulls out a Bible and hands it to Scully::
Mulder: Quick! Open to Psalms 26 and don't stop reading until I tell you!
::He pulls out a vile of holy water and splashes it at Grandpa::
Mulder: The power of Christ compels you!
Scully: Mulder, I don't think that's what's wrong here…
Mulder: You're right! IT'S AN ALIEN INVASION! EVERYBODY RUN!
::He jumps out of the bed and crawls army style out of the room, where men with a straight jacket and container of blue pills await him::
Mulder: YOU CAN'T TAKE ME! YOU CAN'T HIDE THE TRUTH! THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE! DID GRANDPA TELL YOU TO DO THIS?
::They drag him away, as he chants random things about aliens and campfire songs hiding propaganda from the government::
Scully: Wow, I've always waited for the day that would happen…I just didn't see it coming today!