Title: The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories of Cindy and Sandy
Authors: Cindy and Sandy
Rating: Now changed to PG...for Pilfering Guardians!
Chapter 9 – The Woes of Loralia
Disclaimer: Though it seems Chris Carter has decided to let the X-Files take a nap, we still weren't able to aquire rights…not even to a prop (-cough-stapler-cough-) or two. But never-the-less, we must make best of what little our imaginations can muster!
A/N: Spontaniety continues
AFI: WTF?
:They instantly turn and leave.:
:Mulder stops in the midst of rambling about his precious asparagus surprise and looks around, completely calm:
Mulder: Scully?
Scully: Yeah?
Mulder: Do you think we're forgetting something? Like there's some horrible conspiracy that we've completely missed?
Scully: …no.
Mulder: Yeah, me too…I think we missed something in that house. We need to stop this evil do-er that calls himself "Grandpa".
Scully: No we didn't…there was nothing wrong with that house!
Mulder: I know! If only I could put my finger on it, too! I think we misunderstood the Jello…
Scully: Are you listening? We don't need to go back there! There's nothing to investigate! There never is Mulder! You just drag me along and make a fool of me and everytime we get no where and look like idiots when we hand in our report saying, "Well, sir…the bad guys got away again, but this time we SWEAR…pinky promise…scouts honor…pretty please with sugar on top…PROMISE that they were bad and we'll blame it on the guy in the corner. You know the one, evil, unforgiving wrinkles, sinister grey hair, has a smoke cloud following him every where?"
Mulder: …:blink:…you're right Scully!
Scully: Thank you!
Mulder: We should definitely go back to that house and further investigate! The Smoking Man is definitely behind this! Leave it to "Grandpa" to return to the scene of the crime, I'll bet!
Scully: No! Nuh uh! I'm not going! I don't wanna play any more! I quit!
Mulder: You have to, or I'll tell Skinner!
Scully: Nuh uh!
Mulder: Uh huh!
Scully: Nuh uh!
Mulder: Uh huh!
Scully: Nuh uh!
Mulder: Uh huh!
:Two hours later:
Scully: Nuh uh times infinitey and that's final!
Mulder: Too late!
:Scully looked around…they were standing in Loralia's house, a dead Bob Dole laying just feet from the, a surprised expression still frozen in his lifeless eyes, ripped pants lying next to him, his hips frozen in mid pelvic thrust…:
Scully::throws hands up in the air dramatically: NOOOOOOOOOO!
:Mulder copies her:
Scully: What the hell are you doing?
Mulder: Introducing drama to the case, making it all the more dramatic with creaky floor boards, scary villians, and a love interest for the main, male character…
Floor Board: Squeak…
Scully: Mulder…
Mulder: Shh, Scully, don't say anything. :he puts his finger to her lips violently: I was going to say this when the moment was right, but I'm afraid that this case is too dangerous, I'm afraid I won't make it out alive! Scully?
Scully: Yes?
Mulder: I…
Scully: Yes!
Mulder: I want….
Scully: YES!
Mulder: I want you to me Gunther Stubs! I met him at Fardees and I just knew you two would be perfect together!
Scully: WHAT!
Mulder: Yeah! Since he's the lead, male character I just knew I had to pair him up with someone in his range. :whispers: You know, he's not very good looking so he's got to find someone who share similar qualities…
Scully: …:she shakes with rage: Must kill…
Mulder: You ok? You're looking more blotchy than usual…
:Scully whips out her gun and shoots herself:
:She suddenly appears, once again, by the pearly gates:
:God peaks out from behind a cloud, looking terrified:
God: What are you doing back here? I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE! GO AWAY!
Scully: NO! PLEASE! DON'T MAKE ME! I CAN'T GO BACK THERE WITH THE SINGING AND THE THEORIES AND THE FARDEES!
God: Well, I suppose…
:Mulder appears:
Mulder: Cool! Heaven again! Are we in this time!
God: EEK::he sends them back immediately:
:Scully stands there, twitching uncontrolably:
Scully: HA! LOOK! FINGERED JELLO! AND LOOK! A DEAD BOB DOLE! AND LOOK! A RIP IN "GRANDPA'S" HAND SEWN DRAPES! AND LOOK::Sarcastic gasp: A USED CIGARETTE BUTT! OH! AND OH NO! NOT AN ALIEN SPACE SHIP, LANDING IN THE BACK YARD!
Mulder: I'm not wearing any underwear…
Scully: Really? Still? I mean, after like, three days you're still running around comando?
Mulder: Yeah…
Scully giggles: Heh, gross!
Mulder: Gross as in Faris Filton's acting gross or Fance Farmstrong's genetalia gross?
Scully: Mulder! You know you're not supposed to make fun of the less fortunate!
Mulder: I'm sorry…so it's Fance Farmstrong's genetalia gross?
Scully: Of course!
:Just then Loralia runs through the front door:
Mulder: Where have you been? This is no time for a vacation! We're trying to investigate and you're obstructing my justice!
Loralia: Not you two! I went to the bad place because of you two! But not any more, no sir! I got away just before they could suck out my soul, I did! They told me the koala bears were nice, but they tried to sell me the banana of doom! I didn't want to by the banana!
Mulder: Wait, the banana of doom? Can you describe this banana?
Loralia: Oh no…can't describe it…I'll get a mouth full of paper cuts they said!
Scully: Hey Fulder – I mean Mulder…
Mulder: Yes?
Scully: I'll take that date with Gunther Stubs…anything to get away from…this…
Mulder: Scully I never said he wanted to date you! I just figured you guys are a lot alike so you could help him find somebody. Besides, he's not gay.