Title: The Stylings of the Spontaneous Stories of Cindy and Sandy
Authors: Cindy and Sandy
Rating: Now changed to PG...Pirated Groundhog
Chapter 10 – And All This Time It Wasn't a Beard
Disclaimer: We own stuff. But none of it's real….especially the fake stuff.
Scully: I'm not even good enough for a 4 hundred pound, hairy, truck driver?
Mulder: With a tiny penis…wow, I'm surprised you're NOT good enough for him! If only you were a woman…but you'd make a pretty ugly one, anyway, so thank God you're not.
Scully: I AM A WOMAN!
Mulder: …woah…
Scully: you seriously can't tell?
Mulder: no…no I can tell…:rolls his eyes at Loralia as if Scully is crazy:…sure…I can tell...so then you've shaved the facial hair, right?
Scully: Are you insinuating that I had a beard?
Mulder: Should I be? Perhaps you should tell me what I should say to make you feel better.
Scully: That I'm the most beautiful woman you've ever seen!
Mulder: Scully, you're the most bea-ngngngshudders I can't lie Scully, I just can't say it! Come on, give it up! We both know you're a man!
Scully: growls
Mulder: Besides…we need to pay attention to this investigative stuff…or whatever
Scully: FINE! Loralia's crazy, Grandpa's real and we're not crazy, Bob Dole is dead, the jello is still sitting here, and I think I detect a faint smell of smoke in the air!
She glances over at Mulder, who has a cigarette in his hand.
Scully: Mulder! ARE YOU SMOKING?
Mulder: No!
He throws the lit butt in the corner. Grandpa's hand sewn drapes start on fire.
Mulder: I was holding it for Loralia…who's
now become an old wrinkly man with gray hair…
Scully: Mulder! That's him!
Mulder: You know Scully, there are surgeries. You can really become a woman one day, if you really wanted to!
Scully: There's no time for that! The Cigarette Smoking Man has been pretending to be Loralia this whole time! But we were to blinded by the case to notice anything! Come to think of it, I don't ever remember Loralia being a girl!
Mulder: I thought she looked familiar!
Scully: That's the best disguise ever! No disguise at all…
CSM/Loralia: I suppose you're going to shoot me now. But then you'll never know how close you are to uncovering the conspiracy. All that we tried so hard to cover up you almost discovered in a few days. I must congratulate you. Though I must say I am disappointed, all this teasing. First you die, then come back, then die once more. You were really getting my hopes up!
Mulder: I'm sick of you're crap, Cigarette Smoking Man!
He takes his gun out and points it at him.
CSM/Loralia: I'm not cigarette smoking man! I'm Loralia!
Mulder: My mistake! Where'd he go?
Scully: SHOOT HIM YOU IDIOT!
Mulder: But that's Loralia, we can't shoot her! Look how innocent she looks!
Scully: You dolt…
Mulder: Did you just call me a bolt?
Scully: No, a dolt.
Mulder: Oh, my mistake again.
Meanwhile Loralia is escaping, taking the jello with her. The key to all that Mulder and Scully have searched for so long is in the core of its sugary goodness.
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Sandy: I don't even like Jello…
Cindy: Yeah, me either…except the purple kind
Sandy: Yeah
Cindy: Unless it has fruit in it or something
Both: Yeah, but that's more like a Jello salad.
Cindy: We better add that in there
Sandy: Good idea…
Cindy: Now where were we?
00000000
But both are oblivious.
Tinkerbell: It's getting away!
They both run outside. The Smoking Man is sitting in the middle of the backyard with an empty plate.
Mulder: Where is it? You can't hide it forever! The truth is out there!
CSM/Loralia: You're wrong, the truth is now within me…you kill me, it dies too.
Scully: You ate it? You sick bastard!
Mulder: Just wait a couple hours…it'll be back out there!
CSM/Loralia: THEN I'LL EAT IT AGAIN!
Mulder (like a child): EEEEEEEEWW! That's gross! You're eating poopy!
Scully: no, boo…Mulder, it's not even worth it anymore. I'm not dealing with any more shit.
Mulder: Haha, double meaning. His shit, and his LITERAL shit…I get it.
Scully: No, YOUR shit and his literal shit.
Mulder: I don't get it…oh wait, ow…my pride
(A/N: Which we totally stole from Family Guy, or wait, Family Fuy, so we don't get sued.)
Mulder: So we have another unsolved case?
Scully: Yeah, Skinner won't be too happy.
Skinner appears out of no where, bald head gleaming in the unyielding sun.
Skinner: I'm upset!
Cindy: Shall that just be the end of it?
Sandy: Yep