um... I'm surprised with myself that I could come up with something like this.
um... anyway, there is an INSANE amount of OOC-ness... and some crack... and a lot of random-ness... sorry about that! --;;;
and... disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any of the characters. If I did, then Byakuya would be my brother and give me lots of money. XD
One day, Zangetsu decided he was fed up with all the crap going on in the inner world.
so he wrote a letter.
He thought, hey, politicians do it a lot. right?
So he did.
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Ichigo,
There are a few things that have come to my attention.
First of all, why am I wrapped up in some cheap bandages/cloth stuff? All of the other zanpakutou have some kind of sheath (and let me add, Senbonzakura has a very nicely polished sheath.). I mean, even Zabimaru has a sheath! I'm COLD! I'm a zanpakutou! Not a common sword! I have FEELINGS! At least get me some high-quality cloth, like silk or velvet!
Second, it has been flooding here. Dammit, I'm drowning! Stop being so angsty/emo! It doesn't make you look cool! Now get over that Rukia chick and go get laid! (Might I add, that brown-haired little girl has a nice rack...) JUST MAKE IT STOP RAINING DAMMIT! YOU KNOW I HATE THE RAIN! I TOLD YOU PERSONALLY!
Third, how come you never have any conversations with me? How are we supposed to fight and get stronger if we never talk? Talking is a vital part of a relationship. Benihime told me so. And you know, you never start any conversations with me. I always have to approach you, and say stuff. And all you reply with is "gimme power!" It's not all about you!
Fourth, train more, dammit! Almost every time you fight, a zanpakutou breaks. And most often, it's me. Stop handling me so roughly! I'm a living (am I living? Will have to ask Benihime. She's smart.) thing! It's because you're not strong enough! So get stronger, and try not to break me anymore! I sill have cracks from the fight with Kenpachi. Speaking of Kenpachi, if yuo leave me alone like this, I'll end up looking like his sword!
Well, that's all I have to say. Please do something
about these things of I will purposely let your hollow side out of the
cage. We all know that wouldn't be pretty...
-Zangetsu
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Zangetsu,
You want silk, or velvet? Dammit, I'm not rich! If you want something, work for it and pull your weight! And besides, it's because you're so big I can't find a proper sheath for you! Be glad I don't just leave you wrap-less!
And
you say you're drowning. Oh shut up and suck it up, you drama queen.
You are not drowning. those buildings are pretty tall. And don't try to
lie to me, you know I've been there before.
And you say I never talk to you. Where were you when my hollow side took over when I was fighting Byakuya? I had to force him out myself! Do you have any idea how much work that took? And when Hirako told me about my hollow side coming out sooner or later, where were you? I needed help; I got NONE. ABSOLUTELY NO WORD OF ADVICE/HELP. And all of those other times you came to me, I was near death! You only want to talk to me when I'm near death! And you never teach me anything, so how am I supposed to know how to communicate with you? It's not like there are any magic words that I magically say and "poof", I'm there! Or are there, and you just haven't told me? Besides that, you ignore me all the time, and it's always about YOU. You're always whining that I don't talk to you, I don't know much about you, blah blah. Shut up, I'm the shinigami here. You're the zanpakutou. You work for me. You provide me power.
And finally, you want me to train more. Well, the problem isn't me; it's YOU! I train my ass off all the time, and still, you're weak! No more french fries and onion rings for you, old man. And you're a zanpakutou. I fight with you. I don't pamper you and dress you up and put you in a gallery. I'm a shinigami, not a ballet dancer. And you better be glad I'm not Kenpachi, or you'd be sheath-less, friend-less, and chipped all over like crazy.
So shut up, or else I'll trade you to Renji for Zabimaru. Or better yet, I'll trade you to Kenpachi for his. See how you like it with someone who doesn't even know his zanpakutou's name.
-Ichigo
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Epilogue:
In the end, they reached an agreement, where Zangetsu would shape up and stop complaining. Ichigo would simply refrain from letting his hollow side loose on Zangetsu.
Notes:
okay, that was my very strange and crack-filled story. thanks for taking the time to read it... --;;;
anyways, I was thinking maybe I should do one for Zabimaru or Benihime. Should I?
Well, anyways, thanks for reading, and please review! I need to get better at writing... --;;;