Okay, I'm leaving on a two and a half week trip to visit my relatives on the 23rd, so I'll try to get at least one more chappy out after this one for Crystal Heart. Just thought I'd let you know. :) ON WITH THE FIC!
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Kuwabara sat on his friend's bed as he watched the former spirit detective stuff his backpack with basic camping supplies.
"I still think this is wrong," he grumbled. It didn't matter what suspicions Koenma had, Hiei had always been a loyal member of their team and it felt like a debauched and dishonorable act to hunt him down on a hunch. Yusuke sighed as he zipped up his backpack, turning to face Kuwabara. The usually energetic youth looked tired and worn as he met his friend's gaze.
"Kuwabara…there's something else...something Koenma didn't tell you…" Yusuke sighed and sat down on his bed next to the copper haired teen, running his fingers through his slicked back hair.
"What? What didn't he tell me?" Kuwabara asked eagerly. Maybe it wasn't just a hunch. Maybe Hiei really had done something horrible after all. Maybe…but Kuwabara doubted it.
"It…it's about Kurama," Yusuke whispered, hanging his head in his hands. Kuwabara's eyes widened. Koenma had told them that Kurama had been killed by a demon attacking him at home, but Kuwabara had never really believed that story. Kurama was too strong and far too cunning to have let himself be killed like that. Besides, there were no signs of a fight in the fox's room, just a body…with its heart viciously ripped out and missing. Kuwabara shuttered as he remembered the sight of his friend's body.
"Koenma…Koenma thinks that…" Yusuke heaved a heavy sigh and forced himself to continue. He hated saying this, he didn't believe this, but…Koenma was right, what other explanation was there? "He thinks that…that Hiei had something to do with it."
"HE THINKS SHORTY KILLED KURAMA!" Kuwabara jumped up, staring at Yusuke in utter shock and disbelief. That wasn't true, it couldn't be true. It just couldn't! Hiei wouldn't do that. He was closer to Kurama then anyone else, why the hell would he kill him?
"Hiei used his Jagan to block Koenma's surveillance that night," Yusuke explained calmly, running his fingers through his hair once more.
"So…so there isn't any proof that Hiei did it then!" Kuwabara exclaimed hopefully, but Yusuke only shook his head.
"Yeah, but there isn't any proof that he's innocent either. Koenma showed me the tape Kuwabara."
"When!" Kuwabara cut his friend off. He hated being left out of the loop. First no one told him about Genkai's death, and then he was left home during the whole Makai fiasco, and now Kurama had been murdered and everyone believed that Hiei did it but of course no one thought to inform Kuwabara about it.
"After the funeral," Yusuke answered, dropping his gaze to the floor. "I didn't tell anyone because I didn't believe it. But…damn it, Kuwabara, it is suspicious. I mean, Hiei went to Kurama's and then the tape goes all fuzzy, guess Hiei scrambled it or something, and next thing you see is him leaving and Kurama dead just the way we found him. Maybe…maybe Koenma is right."
"No…no Urameshi, don't say that," Kuwabara's voice had dropped to a weak sound that was only just above a whisper.
"Why not? You said it yourself, Hiei's lost it. Psychos kill people all the time. Maybe that's when he went nuts. Maybe he really did kill Kurama. We don't know!" Yusuke cried, standing up and throwing his hands in the air. There was silence for a minute and then Kuwabara placed a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder.
"Then let's go find out."
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Hiei sat on the bed, gingerly pulling his now dry garments on. The blue haired demon, Tejinashi, had healed most of his wounds and all of his broken bones, but he was still sore and stiff. After telling Tejinashi his story, the demon had offered him food and first aid and shortly after left to get something he said would help. Hiei had no idea what he was talking about, but was glad for the moment of peace to reflect on things.
Just as he was pulling on one of his boots a sneeze he had been holding back finally broke through and he tumbled backwards, dropping the boot to the floor. He cursed and ran a sleeve under his nose. Tejinashi had also given him a strange purplish liquid to drink that he said would help with the cold. To be honest, Hiei did feel stronger and definitely warmer, but he was still plagued by sneezes, which didn't help the headache that had yet to subside either.
As the final buckle on the side of his boot clicked into place and he stood, now fully clothed, he turned to the right to see the crystal heart where he had left it on the table when he retrieved his clothes. He picked it up and watched the flickering firelight dance off its many surfaces.
"Kurama…" he whispered tenderly. He would have said more but at that moment the door burst opened and Tejinashi returned carrying a large, leather-bound book in his arms.
"Ah, here we are!" he announced excitedly as he laid the book down on the table, pretending that he didn't notice Hiei's swift movement to pocket the crystal heart.
"Now…let's see…" Tejinashi began thumbing through the pages, Hiei watching curiously over his shoulder. The book seemed to be what most humans would probably call a 'spell book.' In it were all kinds of potion recipes, incantations, curses, and spells for all manner of different things. Tejinashi flipped to the second to last page before he finally found what he was looking for.
"Aha! The Crystal Heart!" He said triumphantly, grinning at Hiei who only stared emotionlessly at the page.
"Hmm…" Tejinashi murmured, skimming over the page. "You already know the basics…" He flipped the page and cried aloud again as he found what he was looking for. Hiei followed his finger half way down the page to a line in bold that read "Revival Spell." His heart leapt into his throat. Was this it? Was this the way to bring Kurama back? Was this what he had been searching for at long last?
"To revive he who has given his heart," Tejinashi read aloud, "bring heart and body together and recite…" he trailed off, skimming the rest of the page. "Alright, so basically we just need to get your heart and the body in the same place and then just do a little power exchange, nothing too difficult."
"Power exchange?" Hiei asked suspiciously, subconsciously fingering the heart in his pocket.
"Yes, nothing comes without a price I'm afraid. I'll have to give a great deal of my energy to invoke the power of the chant, but you will have to give as well, and a great deal more I'm afraid."
"How much must I give?" Hiei didn't really care about the answer, he would give his life if it was necessary, but he thought it would be expected of him to ask.
"Actually, it says here that the spell will have to strip you of your powers in order to merge the heart with the body as a soul once more," Tejinashi explained, watching for Hiei's reaction. Hiei merely nodded. He had build himself up from scratch after the Jagan implantation had done the exact same thing to him, and he was more then willing to do it again for Kurama's sake. He winced slightly inwardly as he remembered just how much the stripping of one's powers hurt, but if that was the price he was more then glad to pay it.
"I advise you to think about this, my friend. You should not make any rash decisions," Tejinashi said quietly as he closed the book. "There is always the chance that a spell may go awry, and when stripping powers is involved…well…things can get quite nasty."
"I know the risks, and I don't care!" Hiei growled, glaring at the demon that seemed to be trying to talk him out of bringing his fox back. Tejinashi sighed and stood up.
"I just don't want to see you go through all this trouble for naught," he said as he pushed his seat in. "After all, what good would it do to bring your lost friend back only to put him in the very position you are in now, alone in the world without the one he cares most about." The tall demon paused, studying Hiei for a moment, before turning and striding to the door. "I'm going to go and gather the supplies we need to attempt this little resurrection of yours. I'll be gone a few hours. Please, take the time to thoroughly think this over."
Hiei glared at the door as it shut behind the blue haired demon. He wanted Kurama back and he would do whatever it took, take whatever risks he had to, in order to do so. But, as his anger cooled and his rationality returned, he began to wonder about Tejinashi's words.
'If I were to die bringing Kurama back, what good would it do? He would be alive again yes, but I would not be able to enjoy it and surely neither would he if I lost my life so he could have his. Stupid fox…he would probably just blame himself. But then…what should I do? What if things do turn out that way and all I succeed in doing is hurting him again? Hn, Forbidden Child indeed. First I kill him and then I bring him back to a life of misery and pain…my life.'
Hiei sighed as he trudged to the bed and sat on the springy mattress, withdrawing the crystal heart from his pocket. Just as before, the light of the fire dancing as it was reflected by the gem was almost mesmerizing and he found himself staring deep into the heart of the crystal. He blinked…and suddenly found himself lying in a dark room, staring at the ceiling.
What the…Genkai's! But how! He hadn't been asleep. He had merely blinked. Was this proof that this realty wasn't a dream…or was he just going crazy in his waking mind now too? Damn it! Why did this keep happening! Switching while he was sleeping was one thing…but what if he started jumping between realities at any time, sleeping or awake? He wasn't sure he could handle that and keep what was left of his sanity intact…if there was anything left at this point.
He blinked again experimentally. Nope, still Genkai's. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to remain calm. He had learned to be weary of the fox's presence in this reality, for being with his dead love always served to fill him with even more self-loathing when he returned to that other, darker reality. But now he found himself aching for the redhead to be with him, to comfort him. He had never allowed himself to feel such weakness, such need for another person, and he would certainly never admit to anyone that he felt it now, but at the same time he longed to give in to the feeling and let Kurama assuage all his fears and doubts, if only for a little while. As if on cue, the door to his room slid opened and the fox in question entered with a tray of food, obviously intended for the ailing demon watching him.
"Hiei," Kurama smiled down at him as he sat by the half-Koorime's side, laying the tray down beside him. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine," Hiei replied shortly, never taking his eyes off the redhead before him. He was torn once more, as he always seemed to be lately. He wanted so badly to hold the fox, to kiss him, to let the world slip away and be lost in those endless emerald pools, but he held himself back with the knowledge that it would do more harm then good when he switched realities once more, which apparently could happen at anytime now.
"Are you hungry?" Kurama asked, gesturing to the tray, "Yukina made this for you." Hiei shook his head. He hated to turn down an act of kindness from his sister, especially since he knew she would worry about him when news reached her that he hadn't eaten her food, but he was far too concerned with other things to eat at the moment.
"You should eat, Hiei," Kurama half scolded him. "You'll never gain your strength back if you don't eat properly." Hiei's eyes narrowed in annoyance and he looked away. He hated it when Kurama did that, when he talked to him like he was some damn little kid.
"I'm not hungry," Hiei growled, his tone daring the fox to bring it up again. Kurama sighed in defeat. Sometimes Hiei was just too stubborn for his own good.
"Alright, Hiei, I won't force you." Hiei closed his eyes and clenched his fists under the blankets. Damn it, why did he keep doing that! All he did was hurt his fox, over and over again. He almost smirked at the irony of it. That was the one consistency between the two realities. In both of them he only brought his fox worry and pain. Maybe he really shouldn't try to bring Kurama back. If Hiei was only capable of hurting him then what was the point?
Kurama, startled by Hiei's reaction and the pained expression on his face, instantly grew worried. "Hiei? Are you alright? Are you in pain?" Hiei grit his teeth harder together, tightening his fists until he was sure he had drawn blood. DAMN IT! Why did he do this constantly! The Koorime were right to throw him from their home! He was a disease; an unspeakable cancer that ate away at all that was bright and happy and replaced it with darkness and sorrow.
"Hiei? Hiei!" The fox was shaking him now, the concern in his voice unmistakable and sickening.
'Stop fox, please stop!' Hiei thought desperately as the redhead continued to shake him and call out his name. 'Stop, don't worry about me. I'm not worth worrying about. Please just stop!'
"STOP IT!" The scream escaped the small demon's mouth startling even him and causing his worried lover to jump back in surprise. "Stop it, Kurama…" Hiei whispered. He was sitting up now, edging away from the fox who was gaping at him, tears streaming down his pale cheeks and falling to the floor in perfectly round, jet black teargems.
"Hiei…what…?" Hiei winced again as Kurama said his name and the fox made to reach out to the little demon, but he half jumped half crawled backwards out of reach.
"Stop…don't do this anymore! Please…" The look in Hiei eyes, it was the look of a frightened animal, a look Kurama had never imagined to see in the cold rubies of the ever proud Hiei. And yet, it was there, plain as day.
"Do what, Hiei?" Kurama ventured to ask, silently weaving a kekkai around the room, trapping them inside should his lover chose to run. He didn't know what had gotten into Hiei, but that look in his eyes was proof that he would be a danger to himself and everyone around him if he chose to disappear now, as he so often did whenever a situation became too much for him.
"Hurt yourself over me!" Hiei cried, inching ever backwards towards the door. He had to get out of here. He had to get away from the fox. This was too much. He was worried about hurting Kurama by bringing him back but even in this reality, where he was alive and well, all Hiei did was wound him and poor salt into those wounds until they festered. "If you want something, then take it," Hiei attempted to explain, not at all sure if the explanation was making any real sense. "You always try to…to…please me to get what you want and it always ends the same way: you get hurt and you don't get whatever it is you wanted in the first place anyway. So just stop!"
Kurama stared at him, stunned. It wasn't exactly the ravings of a lunatic, in fact he could think of quite a few cases off the top of his head where what Hiei had just said proved true. But it wasn't that Kurama thought Hiei was dominant over him or anything, he had just always harbored the secret fear that pushing the half-Koorime too hard would drive him away and so usually he let Hiei get his way. He had never imagined it would hurt the fire demon so much.
"Hiei…I had no idea you felt that way," Kurama whispered, his voice catching in his throat as his eyes began to glisten. Hiei cursed himself and looked away. He'd done it again! He had to leave, now, before he dealt the fox any further blows. Concentrating, he managed to sum up enough energy to at least get away from Genkai's. It wouldn't be quite his full speed, but it would be enough to outrun anyone who tried to follow him. Turning towards the door, he raised himself to all fours, almost in a sprinter's ready stance, and in a flash was gone.
"Hiei! Wait!" The words hadn't even left Kurama's mouth before Hiei re-materialized by the door, reeling backwards from the force with which he had hit the kekkai that he had been too disoriented or else distraught to notice. He hit the floor hard and then lay there motionless.
Scrambling to his feet, Kurama raced forward to his fallen love's side. Skidding to a halt, he dropped to his knees, staring in horror at the prone body laid out on the floor before him.
"Hiei? Hiei! Answer me! Hiei!" The tears that had gathered in his eyes before now began to snake down his cheeks as he gently lifted the small demon's head to rest in his lap. "Hiei, please! Wake up!" He began to gently stoke the starburst in the demon's raven black hair, trying to coax him back to consciousness. "Hiei…"
This time he was answered with a pained groan and he almost hugged the fire demon in relief, but held back for fear of causing him more pain. Slowly, unfocused crimson orbs were revealed as Hiei squinted upwards, only to be lost once more as Hiei closed his eyes again reflexively as something dripped onto his forehead.
"G-gomen," Kurama apologized, nearly choking on the word, as he wiped the fallen tear from Hiei's skin. He didn't know why he was still crying, Hiei was alright, but for some reason he couldn't stop.
Hiei's eyes opened again in surprise at the sound of the fox's voice. Looking up, his heart bled as he saw the condition he had reduced Kurama too. His beautiful emerald eyes had been stained red around the edges and two streams of tears flowed continuously down his flawless face. Hiei looked away in disgust, not at Kurama, but at himself for being the cause of his fox's torment.
Kurama wasn't really sure what to do at this point, a turn of events that he wasn't often faced with. He hadn't cried since he was a child, and even then he had always only done so because he felt it was what a normal human child would have done. An act…every time he had cried in the past, at least during his life as Minamino Shuichi, it had always been an act; a mere ploy at a humanity that he didn't possess. Wait…no…that wasn't entirely true…there had been one time, when his mother had been saved by the Mirror of Darkness. Then he had cried, cried out of relief and happiness that he hadn't lost her. Why? Because he loved her. This was the just he same, it felt the same. When Hiei had hit the kekkai, Kurama had felt his heart stop at the thought the reckless little demon might have severely injured himself. But it was okay now, he was alright, and that fact alone was enough to make the proud Youko Kurama shed tears. He truly did love the strange, unpredictable half-Koorime, didn't he?
Hiei continued to stare in the opposite direction as more tears fell, the salty rain soaking into his clothes and skin. He felt his chest tighten uncomfortably. His fox was hurting, and he had never, never cried before, which could only mean that the pain must be near unbearable. After all, the only thing that would make Hiei cry was his fox's death and the confusing events surrounding it, and he and Kurama were really not all that different in that aspect. Kurama may have grown…softer from his time in the Ningenkai, but that didn't mean he had been reduced to something so weak as to cry at every minor heartache as Hiei had been revolted to see in some humans, particularly females. No, Kurama was stronger then that, he could take even the deepest emotional cuts without damaging his mask, deeper cuts even then Hiei could bare. So then why…why was he crying?
"What are you doing, fox?" Hiei asked, more whispered really, still staring at the floor.
"W-what?" the reply was a startled one, still choked with emotion; emotion that didn't quite sound like pain now that Hiei heard it voiced. That only made his curiosity as to the fox's strange antics burn even fiercer.
"Why—why are you crying?" Hiei had meant for it to be a rough growl, but as he turned to face the fox he was stunned to silence for a moment and forced to finish his question in a much softer voice, one that was reserved for Kurama and Yukina only. The fox was…smiling. Tears still dripped down his face and nearly the entire whites of his eyes had been tinted red and yet he was smiling warmly down at the smaller demon resting in his lap, his emerald eyes shining with more then just water.
"Be-because…you're alright," Kurama was half laughing through his tears now, making speech almost impossible. Hiei quirked an eyebrow in confusion but didn't say anything, pondering what the fox meant. He was crying because he was…happy? Apparently Kurama had managed to regain enough composure to talk while Hiei was thinking because Hiei was suddenly aware of his soft voice again.
"I…I was worried that…that you might try to…to run," Kurama managed, stray hic-ups beginning to impair his speech even further than the laughing had. "And…and so I…I made a ke-kekkai. But…but you didn't sense it…and when you hit it…" Kurama trailed off, the light momentarily leaving his eyes as he recalled the fear he had felt in that moment when Hiei had hit the floor and gone still.
As the memories kept flowing, Kurama seemed to loose himself in them and the smile faded from his face and was replaced with what Hiei had expected to see there from the start: pain. Hiei tried to twist away, he didn't want to see that pain, but his movements brought Kurama back to reality and he tightened his hold, hindering the smaller's movements.
"Hiei, stop," Hiei stopped struggling and turned back to face the fox. Kurama had fixed him with a semi-stern half glare that belied the gentle, almost loving look he had harbored but moments before. "Hiei…" Kurama sighed as he dropped the glare and let his features take on a look of weary contentment, a slight smile tugging at his lips even as he tried to remain dispassionate. "Hiei," he began again, absently running his fingers through soft raven spikes, "you can't punish yourself for my pain like this."
"But—" Hiei tired to cut in, to argue, but Kurama's hand momentarily left his hair and very gently covered his mouth.
"Let me finish," Kurama smiled reassuringly down at the fire demon and said demon obediently closed his mouth, waiting for his fox to continue. "I'm not like you," Kurama sighed, returning his hand to its previous occupation of stroking Hiei's surprisingly soft hair. "I can't lock all my emotions away, at least not as well as you may believe I can. Sure, in the company of certain people I make certain to keep the barriers up, to make them believe I'm not sad or depressed or whatever the case may be. But when I'm alone, or with you, the barriers fall, they have to. I just can't keep them up all the time. Hiei, kitsune's are sentimental creatures by nature, and my time here in the Ningenkai has only amplified those characteristics. If I'm happy I show it, and if I'm in pain I show it. What I mean is you have to learn to take all of my emotions in stride, the good and the bad, and not beat yourself up over them so much. Do you understand?"
Hiei stared up at the smiling face above him and suddenly felt guilty. Kurama was so opened around him, he had just admitted that Hiei was the only one he could be fully opened with, and yet Hiei kept everything hidden inside until it burst forth in a violent display of questionable sanity as it had over the past few days. What was worse, Kurama felt free to show any and all of his feelings in front of him and then he turned around and threw them back in the fox's face…the same way Mukuro had done to him…the same way everyone had done to him. He couldn't blame Kurama for feeling.
"I understand," Hiei replied simply, reaching up a hand to gently wipe away the salty droplets that still clung to his love's cheeks. Kurama smiled wider, closing his puffy eyes in pure happiness and leaning into the fire demon's touch. "But…" Hiei began, trying to voice a thought that he couldn't quiet grasp, dangling just out of discernment's reach.
"But?" Kurama prompted, opening his eyes once more as Hiei's hand left his face to drop to its owner's chest.
"But…you have to do the same for me," Hiei finally managed to get his tongue around the right words. "You can't worry and fuss over every little thing that bothers me. You said it yourself…when you love someone, you share their emotions, regardless of why they feel them. If you're upset, then I am too and if you're angry, then so am I. And…and when I hurt you…however miniscule or unintentional the wound—" Hiei was cut off as Kurama's hand covered his mouth once more, effectively silencing him.
"Hiei, the very bases of human…er…demon interaction is based on pain. When you open yourself to someone you always run the risk of hurting them, or of them hurting you. You can't avoid it, it always happens in some way. But the strongest bonds can work through the pain and thus become even stronger. I have no qualms about strengthening our bond, Hiei, whether that means walking through the brightest of joys or the darkest of pains, as long as I remain by your side I don't care. I love you."
Hiei stared, utterly speechless, and suddenly, he knew he had to take the risk to try to bring Kurama back in that other reality. As Tejinashi had pointed out, there was the definite chance that Hiei could die in the process and just as he had thought before he was still sure that such an event would leave Kurama utterly broken, but he had to try. He owed Kurama so much, and besides, Hiei had no doubts in his head that if their positions were switched and it was Kurama's choice to make, the crafty fox would take the risks involved in a heartbeat.
Hiei smiled, a true and genuine smile, and closed his eyes in absolute contentment. "I love you too, Kurama." He opened his eyes again, about to sit up and show the fox just how much he did indeed love him, when the sight that met his ruby orbs made him blink wide and sink back into the mattress below him in surprise. He was no longer in Genkai's temple but in the Makai, in Tejinashi's one room cottage.
Cursing, he sat up and rubbed his temples. His headache had returned full force. He nearly cringed as the door was flung opened and Tejinashi announced his return. Why did he have to be so damn loud?
"So," the blue haired demon fixed his sparkling, impishly mischievous gaze on Hiei, "have you decided?"
"Yes," Hiei answered as he stood up, placing the precious gem in his hand back into his pocket. "I'll do it."
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Yay! A long one. Oh, now it gets interesting. Poor Hiei doesn't have to be asleep to go insane anymore. ;) Anyway, please let me know what you think. And plushies to whoever can guess what Tejinashi means. Ja for now.