I should have stayed

Author's Notes: OMG! I finally did it! I finally finished this fic! YAY! I can't believe that I managed to write this as quick as I did. I mean, I did prolong writing this last part because I wasn't quite sure how to take it to the ending that I intended it to be. But to manage it in roughly four days? And like in HI, this is all written in the computer so there may be some grammatical and spelling errors. But yeah... I'm sooo happy. The ending's not quite though. I had a hard time typing out the last part because just thinking about it, it makes my heart break. –insert sad face- Well, I hope you like it, though.

This would be cross-posted at the 30kisses community at LJ and at mejitales.

Disclaimers: RK characters are Watsuki-sama's creations. If I owned them... Well, I certainly wouldn't share Kenshin with you. XD Events are based on a real life story I watched over at a local channel here.

30kisses themes used are: #2 – news, letter; #8 – our own world; #24 – good night; #26 – if only I could make you mine.

Part Three

"Oi, Jou-chan! Where are you?" a loud voice startled them both, causing for the clothes they had just gathered to be scattered on the ground again.

Kaoru giggled and Kenshin gave her a smile and shouted, "We're at the back!" before collecting the clothes once again.

He was helping her up with his free hand, her hand warm in his when Sanosuke appeared at the porch.

"Did I just interrupt something?" he asked them in an amused voice, a fishbone in his mouth while leaning against a post casually.

"Mou, Rooster-head! He was just helping me stand up," Kaoru yelled, already on her feet, and she threw her wooden slipper at the man. To which said rooster docked his head just in time.

"So, defensive, ne?" he said gleefully.

"Sano..." Kenshin warned the taller man.

Sano just grinned at the samurai. "So, what's for lunch?"

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The sky glittered with the thousands of stars twinkling against the blackness of the night. The wind blew gently, ruffling the leaves of trees, making shuffling noises that broke the stillness of the evening.

Kenshin and Kaoru sat side by side at the latter's porch, her head resting on his left shoulder and his left hand wound across her back to rest at the floor, their right hands clasping each other. Both were content not to speak. Both just reveling in each other's presence, since it's the only time of day when they can be together without worrying about appearances and reputation. Even if the whole village wouldn't dare cross the samurai who oversees them, it was entirely different when it comes to the farmer-girl. Some would say she's lucky. Others would say she's an opportunist. Some would say finally, someone's going to take care of her now. Others would be envious. But all in all, disclosing their relationship outside the confines of Kaoru's house will bring ugly consequences to her.

It was good, then, that her neighbors haven't found anything to be of interest to them yet. With Kenshin's frequent visits before, they found nothing but friendship and companionship between them and Sanosuke. Even when the tall man had lessened his visits and stays at the house, they can't gather sufficient proof that the two were more than what they present to the world: close friends. Because it's quite understandable how that happened, as the samurai had begun talking to the villagers a few days after he had first approached Kaoru and Sano. And those late night visits? Why nobody makes anything out of it? Not many know that Kenshin can move so fast he appears in a blur, making it impossible to the casual observer to notice that he had just passed by them.

Right now though, the villagers' opinions on them were far away from their thoughts. Kenshin had learned earlier that he has been assigned temporarily to a new village, somewhere up north, until the shogun found someone to take over, and he doesn't know how long he has to stay there. He'll be leaving in three days and all that he knows was that ideally, he would be staying there for a minimum of two months.

Two long months on an unfamiliar ground, with comrades that he hasn't seen for years, and no Kaoru to hit him with her broomstick or bokken. His arm unconsciously wrapped around her waist, to which she answered with a kiss on his shoulder.

"Ne, Kenshin," Kaoru started, her left hand creeping over the edge of her yukata. "Why me?" she asked quietly, as her hand gripped the cloth.

"Hmmm?" he muttered, peering down to see her face. "What do you mean why you?"

She sighed, then removed her head from the redhead's shoulder and looked at him. "Of all the women here in the village, why did you like me? A girl... utterly unfeminine in many ways... someone who has no known skill in the kitchen... someone who constantly hits everyone who pisses her off... someone who-"

His forefinger over her lips cut off her tirade. "You just enumerated some of the reasons why I do..." Her eyes widened at this and he just smiled tenderly at her. "I just do, Kaoru. It's hard to completely list the rationalizations of why I found you attractive or why I feel the way I do. Not just because your hair feels like silk when I touch it," and he did, his left hand freed her hair from its ribbon. "Or because your skin looks and feels like milk..." His right hand coming up to caress her cheek. "Or the way your eyes darken into an endless pool of dark blue... And your lips..." He leaned close to her and let his lips graze Kaoru's, his eyes never leaving hers, allowing him to see the emotions flicker in her eyes, before dipping his head and capturing her lips in a kiss.

A kiss so sweet. A kiss that held promise. A kiss that told everything. A kiss that turned passionate and demanding.

And Kaoru gave in, letting Kenshin take care of her.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Later that night, as they huddled together on the porch wrapped by thick blankets, Kaoru can't help but feel herself tear up at the thought of Kenshin leaving. For the past months that they've been friends and then something more, she had grown dependent on him. Because for years, she only had herself to depend on, and then Sano came, who treated her as she imagined an older brother would. She finally had someone she could call family. Someone she could bicker with, someone who she could bully and bully her back, someone she could take out her frustrations on... But most importantly, someone to talk to, someone to look out for her... and someone to depend on no matter what.

Then Kenshin came and her world shifted again. But this time, she didn't see him as a brother. She saw him as... someone who would take care of her. Someone she could share her hopes and dreams with. Someone she could stare at for hours and not get tired of it. Someone she could spend long nights talking to or even just quietly spend time with. Someone who...

Someone she could spend the rest of her life with.

And she almost did start to spend it with him. Kenshin had asked for her hand in marriage a week ago and she had agreed happily. But he had to go and inform his superiors and get their approval first before they could proceed with the wedding. He had been positive that they would give their consent easily with no hesitations. But he came back early that morning with an inscrutable face. And he refused to talk about what happened until he snapped and he told her in biting words that they were not given permission and that if they dared continue their insanity, they and the whole village will be given grave consequences. Hearing those words... she fled outside, tears streaming down on her face, not heeding Kenshin's call to come back. She ran and ran, until she felt as if all her strength were suddenly snatched out from her and she fell to her knees, her body shaking violently as she bent down and cried.

Kenshin had found her about two minutes later and he had to stop and stare before he remembered why she was there and why he followed her. There, on the riverbank, she was sitting on her knees, her hands covering her face as her body shook with racking sobs... and she was surrounded by hundreds of fireflies. A full minute passed before he moved, scooped her up, then carried her back to the house, where she continued to weep against his chest. He stroked her back, soothing her, calming her down. It was all he could do to keep from breaking down himself. He needed to be the stronger one between the two of them for she has been brave long enough on her own.

And that had led her to question him, long after he had calmed her down and soothed her tears. Which led to them becoming closer and discovering each other's body. He shouldn't have allowed it to happen, though, much as he wanted it too. It's just that when he leaves, who knows when he'll be back. And he can't have Kaoru thinking that he just took advantage of her.

He sighed, quietly wrapping his arms more securely around her. "I love you. Always remember that. Whatever happens, I love you." He kissed her forehead tenderly, tightening his hold on her when he felt her shiver. "I'll come back. No matter how long it would take but I will." It's a promise that he would keep.

She nodded. "I'll be waiting for you." And she will.

The next two days went by in a blur as they tried to spend every moment with each other. There were stolen glances, touches... And they spent the nights in each other's arms.

When the day Kenshin has to leave came, he woke up early, earlier than his usual waking up time, and slipped away from Kaoru's arms, careful not to disturb her from her sleep. He stared at her sleeping form, memorizing the way her eyelashes fanned on her cheeks, the way her lips parted, the way her chest rose and fell with each breath, the way her hand clutched at the sheets... Sighing, he turned away from her and quietly gathered his things. All set, he moved to her form, brushed away her bangs and kissed her on her forehead. Quietly still, he went out of the room after taking one last, long glance at her, and slid the shoji door shut.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Kenshin wandered along the streets, so familiar yet so very different. Thirty-five years... Thirty-five long years he has been away from this little town. Thirty-five long years he has not seen her... Nor heard anything from her. Thirty. Five. Long. Years.

Where he spent five years of it married to a woman named Tomoe. Who somehow reminded him of Kaoru because of her long raven hair. But constantly reminded him that it wasn't so because Tomoe was timid while Kaoru was not.

Where he spent thirty years dreaming of a woman he left. Whose eyes were like the deep ocean. Whose locks were as dark as the night. Whose laughter can light up the whole room.

And he came back to where he met her, thirty-five years later, looking for her. With the hope that he could at least have a glimpse of her. It wouldn't matter if she had decided to marry. Just seeing her, how she was, if she was happy, was enough for him. He just had to know. He just had to see her.

Turning around the corner, he stood looking for something that would clue him in on the location of her house. He walked slowly, looking at every gate he passed, until he saw it: a battered wooden tablet whose carving was undecipherable. But he's sure that that was the one he was looking for. Stopping in front of the gate, he pulled the rope attached to the bell and waited. A minute later, a young girl opened the door and looked at him curiously.

"Ohayou!" he greeted the girl. "Is there a Kamiya Kaoru here?"

The girl shook her head. "No."

Hope deflating from his chest, he asked another one. "How about Sagara Sanosuke?"

"Um..." the girl looked thoughtful until an older woman rushed from the house. "Suzume! What are you- Oh! Ohayou! Are you looking for someone?"

"Hai. Do you know anyone named Kamiya Kaoru? She used to live here," Kenshin said.

"Kamiya? No. I'm sorry. When we bought this house, the owner was a Myojin," the woman answered.

"Aa. How about a Sagara Sanosuke?"

The woman tilted her head to the side. "I know someone with that surname but he's not a Sanosuke."

"Do you know where he lives? He might know Sano."

The woman looked at him, measuring his intentions. "Why are you looking for these people, anyway?"

"I... I knew them way back. But I lost touch with them when I moved to another place," he offered as an explanation.

Nodding, the woman stepped a little from the gate and pointed to the street ahead. "His name is Aoki Sagara and he lives on the third apartment after you turn left at the end of this street."

He looked to where she pointed then he bowed to her. "Arigatou gozaimasu."

He met Aoki and he was surprised to find out that he's the son of Sano and that lady doctor Megumi. They did end up together after all. But both his parents were dead and he hasn't heard of any Kamiya Kaoru mentioned while they were still alive.

Not giving up, he started knocking on doors, asking if they knew of Kaoru, or any Kamiya at all. But they all answered in the negative. He went around like that for three days. He almost thought he was getting near to finding her but it was all a hoax, the villagers were getting wary of his questions. The woman who answered his knock was younger than he imagined Kaoru would be and her eyes were turquoise, not blue.

Still with hope in his heart that he would find her, he placed an ad at a national paper, with the instruction that if the woman he was looking for happens to read it, she can find him all afternoon, for the next five days, in the river bank of a farming village in Yamanashi. And for five afternoons he waited. But she didn't come. There were those who came, yes, but all were just curious.

The fifth day came, and still no sign of Kaoru. Kenshin had long resolved that if she didn't show up, it was either she forgot about him or worse, she was already dead. The afternoon seemed to drag on and there were no more onlookers bothering to look or stare at the lone man on the riverbank.

The sky turned orange and then it was already night. Kenshin let out a long-suffering sigh. She wasn't coming and he has to return to Kyoto the next day. Unmoving, he stayed where he was and let himself get immersed in his memories of roosters, tanukis, bokkens, blackened rice, laundry, blue eyes, long black hair, soft lips, smooth cheeks... And then he suddenly jerked awake, feeling something passed through him. He opened his eyes and looked around but he saw nothing. Nobody was there. A tear fell down from his eyes. He was never going to see her again.

Slowly, he stood up and brushed the dust off his pants. With one last look at the riverbank, he realized that he was surrounded by hundreds of fireflies. He shuddered as he suppressed his urge to cry.

He shouldn't have heeded his orders and just faced the consequences.

He shouldn't have left her here.

He should have...

He walked swiftly, away from the river. He couldn't bear the regret that was starting to build up inside of him. And as he passed what used to be Kaoru's house, he thought he saw her shadow there. But when he took a closer look, it was only a tree.

And as he walked away from this town forever, one thought kept on running in his head.

I should have stayed.

Owari

Last Notes: All done. Please leave a review and tell me what you think.

And... Thanks for reading!