Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Except for all the HP crap that's becoming gathering dust in my closet.
ONE SHOT
Once upon a time in the Hogwarts corridor… and the classroom… and the common room… OH YOU GET IT!
James Potter quietly hid in a small rut, just a few feet from the potions classroom. He peeked his head out to see a young Severus Snape, strutting down the hall, holding his books in hand; luckily, he did not spot James, or Sirius who was around the other corner. As Snape entered the classroom, Sirius and James popped out and casually walked into the room.
"Good day to you professor!" James exclaimed, though as he passed Snape he whispered in his ear, "And you too, Snapeypoo."
Sirius ran and jumped on Snape's back, "Oh how we love our Snapeypoo!"
Snape thrust an arm back, therefore knocking Sirius off him. "Oh dear, seems like some one is a little moody, what do you think James? Poor Snapeypoo!" Sirius tried to hold back a laugh, as ran up and hugged Snape, "There, there, pumpkin pie! It's okay, with about 900 years of therapy, and luck; you might receive a shred of sanity. But I doubt it."
"What the heck do you two bastards think you are doing here? Trying to ruin my life? I've of seen enough of it," Snape snarled menacingly.
The professor glared at James and Sirius; "James! Sirius! May I ask what you two are doing here? Apparently, you two didn't think that you have caused enough trouble! Forty points from Gryfindor! And as an extra bonus, both of you will receive detention with me, Saturday at eight!"
"Now Professor, would the be eight in the morning, when Snapeypoo looks more dreadful than he normally does, and eats his breakfast of Gerbers: Wizard Edition, or when he falls to sleep at eight in the evening, counting sheep and crying because he misses his mother so much?" James clapped his hands together while saying this. In his mind, it could not be more fun to torment Snape!
"That'll be enough Potter, and you too Black, although it's not like I expected good behavior from you two. That qualifies for a month's worth of detention in my book, you had better hurry, before I expel you two! Scat!" The professor shooed them, an extremely stern look on his face, as Snape presented a look of pure joy with the fact that his two worst enemies had a month of detention. It gave them less time to torture him.
As they headed towards the door, Lily Evans walked into the classroom, her books gripped tight in her arms, "Good day to you professor!"
The professor grinned broadly, "Ah, Miss Evans, what a great pleasure it is to see you!"
James bolted around as the professor said this, his eyes narrowed to an extreme extent. "Professor, this is exactly what I said to you, yet you welcome her with open arms! Why have you welcomed Lilykins, but not me? We're engaged you know!"
Sirius whispered to James, "You're so desperate!"
James whispered back, "Yes I know, but I love my Lilykins so much! We will be engaged someday! So why not pretend like we are now?"
"Because you really aren't!" Sirius demanded.
"So?"
"Nevermind."
Lily, seeming very offended by this, glared at James, "I WOULDN'T MARRY YOU IF YOU WERE THE LAST IDIOT ON EARTH!"
"Well than, no worries than! First, we are not married—yet… we're engaged, and as far as marrying an idiot, that's not a problem for us, but if you have a thing for Snapeypoo here, it might be! He's an idiot you know, though he is so sadly unaware of it."
"JAMES POTTER! YOU ARE SUCH A BLATHERING IDIOT!"
"Isn't it wonderful?"
"JAMES! SIRIUS! WOULD YOU NOW LEAVE!" The professor barked.
Lily diverted her attention back to James, and gave a firm nod, as to agree with the professor.
"I'll be back my Lilykins!" James blew a kiss to Lily, and headed out the door with Sirius.
"Why you arrogant little prat…" Lily muttered.
"Mate, why are you giving up this easily? She could've been yours!" Sirius exclaimed once out of the classroom.
"Sirius, you can't be serious!" James exclaimed, winking.
Sirius waved his hand, just as a Miss.America does when she wins, "Oh but I am!"
They laughed furiously as James led them up to the Gryfindor common room. "Finiginiliuius." James said to the portrait of the fat lady, in an amusing valley girl accent.
The fat lady rolled her eyes, however swung open to let them enter, no matter how much she never wanted to let the two in.
As Sirius walked in, James had already been up to the dormitory and back with his invisibility cloak. "All right Sirius, lets go!"
When they'd found the classroom once more, Sirius burst open the doors and up the hall, along with an invisible James. "Oh Professor! I've given up my troubled ways!" Sirius declared, "I want to explore the knowledge of… err… what exactly are you doing here?"
The Professor narrowed his eyes, fixing a glare on Sirius, "Advanced Potions," he snarled.
"Oh goody two shoes!" Sirius exclaimed, running up the front of the room, and taking a seat, "I want to doing this "learning" that you speak of! It'll be so much more fun than taking a nap!"
"Sirius, it's good that you've gotten a sudden fake zest for learning but…" The professor drawled, putting emphasis on fake.
Sirius ignored the teacher, awaiting impatiently the shrieks of Lily, "Three… Two… One…" he muttered to himself.
"AHHHH!" Lily's shrieked very loudly, as she had felt James hug her tightly, and then he dropped a note on her lap.
Before backing off, he whispered, "I love you Lilykins…"
Lily looked around breathlessly for the stalker that was James. She unfolded the note that had been thrust upon her, and as she did, a rose fell out.
The note read…
Dear Lilykins, it is I, your not so secret admirer. I love you dearest. Why don't you say we ditch this lunatic, and make out? Sound good honey buns?
Love ya Lilykins!
Lily could not help but think of James, but as for the fact that Snape, the Professor, and Sirius were to her; the only ones in the room, she thought it had to be one of them. Sirius! Her mind filled with anger, Oh, he'll pay all right, he'll pay!
She casually walked up to Sirius and wrapped her arms around him, dropping a note in his lap, "Oh me too Siriuskins!" She purred into his ear. When she was away from Sirius, she rolled her eyes at how perverted boys could be. Uhk!
Sirius grinned, though he was shocked, and unraveled the note.
Hey Baby Poo! You're sooo hot! I love you sooo much! Lets go ahead and get out of here!
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EWW! YOU PERVERTED FREAK! NEVER TOUCH ME AGAIN! DON'T YOU KNOW MY HEART SECRETELY BELONGS TO JAMES?
Sirius was taken aback by the last line, and wrote her a new note.
Thanks for the letter… darling. It sure was nice of you to send me a letter for no reason whatsoever. Oh baby, what's wrong snookeypoo? Are you a bit upset that I'm taken…? Oh yes, I do not think Serena will be pleased, she doesn't like cheaters, she'd break up with me! However, that's a chance I'm willing to take… for you!
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SUGARBUNS!
James wanted Lily to focus his attention back on him. He had to write her another note.
Ohhhh Lilykins, two different people are sending you messages! One is pranking you; the other really loves you! That'd be me of course. I'm not Sirius! Oh sugar pie! You know you love me….
Love ya Lilykins!
When Lily received the note, she was extremely confused. So two guys admired her? Snape wouldn't send me a love letter… and most certainly not the professor! James is here somewhere… I know he his…
James… is that you? You didn't by chance get the letter I sent to Sirius… did you?
No, I'm cat butt, not James.
Love ya Lilykins!
This is very unamusing. You and Sirius need to leave… NOW!
I'm sorry that you find it unamusing that I'm cat butt, but I'm afraid… I can't leave… or at least not yet.
Love ya Lilykins!
Why not? You need to! I do actually have dreams you know, of being an auror?
Oh goody! Me too Lilykins!
Love ya Lilykins!
Stop calling me that! Leave or I'll pull off your cloak.
How did you know?
Love ya Lilykins!
Duh. You practically yell it, but I'm surprised it fits over that big arrogant head of yours! NOW GO! Three…
Now is that anyway to treat the father of your future child?
Love ya Lilykins!
SHUT UP JAMES! YOU ARROGANT, BIGHEADED, BASTARD!
You forgot to say two…
Love ya Lilykins!
ONE!
Uh oh.
Love ya Lilykins!
Lily reached her hand out, but when she touched nothing but thin air, she felt around the room, looking like a bumbling idiot. "Ah hah! I've got you now James!" She ripped the cloak off him, as everyone in the room diverted their attention to James.
James pointed at Lily; "She called me a bastard! And she won't kiss me!"
Lily rolled her eyes and grabbed James; "Fine you want a kiss?" Lily embraced James, and kissed him, however, when they stopped, something absurd came out of James's mouth…
"Will you marry me? Might as well if we're going to be like this for forty-eight hours. I would kneel… but alas… I cannot."
"What do you mean… you can't kneel… AND NO I WON'T MARRY YOU!" Lily tried to shove James away, but she couldn't. It was as though something strong was holding them together. She looked at James, an evil look in her eye, "What… the… heck… did… you… DO!"
"Don't you love the stick spell? Doesn't come off for forty-eight hours! Magic or not! So will you marry me now?
Lily paused for a moment, a dreadful look in her eye, "For forty-eight hours I'll be wed."
"I knew you'd come around… soon we'll be moving up to three days! Love ya Lilykins!"
Snape glared, then shot down to Lily on one knee, "OH MARRY ME LILY! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! DON'T MARRY THAT BASTARD! YOU SAID YOURSELF HE WAS ONE!"
Snape jumped on Lily's back, then sneered at James, "I like the stick spell too!"
"BUT I LOVE YOU YET THE MOST FAIR LILYBUNS!" Sirius ran over and jumped on Lily's head, "And the stick spell!"
"Oh…. GOD NO!"
Fin.
Lily, James, Snape and Sirius sat on a wall… Lily, James, Snape, and Sirius had a great fall…
"Start a Love Train…"
Yes… the ending is cheesy… but I hope you had some good laughs, and liked it. I had loads of fun writing it. Sorry if grammar isn't perfect… PLEASE REVIEW!