I apologize for the wait. I won't make excuses, but I will tell you my goal for Christmas break is to finish all the stories I've started, so be expecting more updates. Thanks for all of your reviews and know that they are greatly appreciated.
Victim of A Foolish Heart
Chapter 4
When Brooke awoke the next morning, there was a smile resting happily on her face. She'd had the best dream and was more than anxious to tell Ryan about it. She rolled over, expecting to find him awake already and waiting for their little Sunday morning ritual, but no such luck. He wasn't there. The smile faded and reality set in. Of course, he's got other things on his mind. Now that she thought about it, she had much more serious matters to worry about this morning.
Brooke stretched before realizing she was still clad in her beachwear from the day before. She contemplated her next move for several moments. Shower or Ryan. Shower or Ryan. She decided to shower first. It would be much easier to think clearly if she wasn't worrying about the sand resting in unconventional places.
As the warm water flowed over her body, she tried to remember everything that Summer had told her the night before, especially the part about Ryan being crazy in love with her. By the time Brooke finished, she was convinced that everything would be okay. That Marissa had said her piece and that she was gone and never going to show her face around here again. Her early morning smile reappeared as she pulled the t-shirt over her head. She was ready to talk to Ryan.
Or so she thought. He was sitting outside on the balcony, in just his boxers and wife beater. But instead of looking hot and scrumptious like normal, he looked confused and stressed. "At least you know what he's thinking" she reminded herself before turning the doorknob.
Ryan turned his gaze when he heard the door open. He smiled. One they both knew was forced. "Hey."
Brooke seated herself in the patio chair next to him. "Hey, yourself." An uncomfortable silence soon enveloped them. It wasn't a common thing between the two of them. Brooke was always talking and excited about something and Ryan, whose years with the Cohen's had rubbed off on him, always had some kind of comment to follow. That was their routine. It was comfortable and familiar and it flowed. They flowed. It wasn't this stand still of silence. It never really had been. Ryan would sometimes retreat into the quiet that had been his former self and Brooke knew there was always just cause, but it was different this time. Unable to bare it any longer, Brooke spoke. "So did you two talk?"
Ryan turned to look at her, taking in all her gorgeous features. It didn't matter that her hair was damp or her face make-up less. She was still radiant. She oozed beauty and grace and confidence. Though, at the moment, he didn't really see the confidence. She was worried. He'd told her she had no reason to be. He'd convinced himself that neither of them had reason to be. But once again, she proved to be the smarter one. There was definite reason to worry. "Yeah."
That's it. That's all I get is a "Yeah." She hated it when he did this. When he would shut down and cut her out. It didn't happen often and when it did she hated to push him. And most the time she didn't. Most the time, she'd just give him a reassuring smile, kiss his cheek, and let him be. But today she couldn't. Today she was afraid. Afraid that she could lose him. All of the other times, it had been about him. About something that he needed to deal with, something he needed to figure out on his own. But this time it concerned her. This time, she stood to lose something great. "Did she say why she was here?"
Brooke already knew the answer to that question. She knew it when she had heard Seth's message. She knew it when she had seen Marissa sitting in the stairwell at 2:00 in the morning. And she had known it when she'd seen him sitting outside this morning. Marissa wanted him back.
Ryan didn't look at her this time. He knew, she knew. She'd told him the first day. He'd tried to convince himself and her that it was a ludicrous idea. That there was no way Marissa was here to try and get back together with him, but he'd known the whole time that that was her intention.
Several minutes of silence passed and it was getting to her. Eating at her and making her worry more than she had before. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. It wasn't supposed to be complicated. She and Ryan had never been complicated. It was natural what they had. But not now. Everything in this moment was out its normal orbit.
"Ryan," she touched his arm gently as she spoke and he turned to her. "Baby, can you please tell me what you're thinking." Her eyes were pleading with his, begging him to calm her worries. He knew she wanted him to tell her that she was wrong and that Marissa was gone and everything would be okay. But he couldn't. He'd never really lied to her. Not like this and he didn't want to start now. He didn't want to ruin everything that they had created together, at least not more than he already had.
Ryan spoke gently as he confessed, "I kissed her."
Brooke's eyes widened in shock. He knew it wasn't what she was expecting to hear. She'd been expecting bad news. That much he knew, but not this. Not that he blamed her. If anyone knew how deeply that hurt her, it was Ryan. He knew all about what had happened with the Lucas. She'd told him how everyone had said she was making a big deal about nothing but a kiss, but to her it was much more. She'd let her guard down for the first time and it had proved to be a mistake. Lucas had only proven that everything she thought about guys and relationships was true. They would lie, cheat, whatever, to get what they wanted and it didn't matter who they hurt. Her wall had gone right back up again and never been cracked, not even in the slightest, she'd told him. Not until he came along. And here he was telling her, proving to her, that she hadn't been wrong in her earlier beliefs, at least not completely.
She didn't say anything as she got up and walked back inside their condo and he didn't follow her. He knew there was nothing he could say to take away what she was feeling. He couldn't tell her he loved her enough to make her forget. He'd screwed up. This kiss, a kiss that he himself was still confused about, was much more than a single kiss or a slip-up. It was a rift in something that had once been perfect. It was a crack, a flaw, in something that had once been flawless. He knew there was no way to get that back. So he sat and he waited until she was ready. And then he would explain. He just hoped he would have it all figured out by then, because at the moment, he had no answers.