chapter two. Gingerbread Coffin
"We looked down at the ground and into her eyes,
Passed around an old tea cup filled up with dead flies.
Surprise, surprise!
Were brought but not used a collection of knives;
We'd remember this moment for all of our lives.
Lay her down in her Gingerbread Coffin.
She's so pretty all laid out in white.
Lay her down in her Gingerbread Coffin.
When we need her she'll rise to the night."
--"Gingerbread Coffin", Rasputina
Everything was a hazy sort of white.
It reminded her of snow, which upset her, a little. She'd never liked snow; that surprised people. After all, it was so much like her; pretty and bitter and god, so, so cold. But they never said this; not out loud. What poor manners, to actually say those sorts of things to a person's face (apparently etiquette has nothing on thoughts). But it didn't matter. She knew enough from her enhanced empathic abilities (so dubbed by Robin) to know when people thought things, what they thought. It didn't matter that she couldn't throw open people's heads and flip through them, making her own scribbled notes in the margins; it didn't matter that she couldn't read their minds. She could see their minds, and that really made all the difference; every twitch on their silly symptomatic faces managed to give the poor things away.
She tried to feel bad about it. She really did. Maybe she would if they wouldn't think what they did.
She was upset. Gods and hellfire, she was upset. She couldn't remember the last time she was upset, even this tiny thought of a spark, this wisp of a dream of something she didn't want to see. It wasn't just about the snow now, either. No. She knew what it was. It was that Under Toad, that damned Under Toad, chasing her down to pull her on under…No.
No.
She wasn't going to be pulled under. Not yet. Not now.
She didn't have the time.
"Friend!!"
Something black turned in the sea of snow, and Raven felt her upset burst like a roman candle before her psyche snuffed it out. The smoke and scent of burning sentiment would remain until she meditated again. And, considering her current situation, that could take a while.
"…g'lorkisfar interik pi…"
She hated this. Why couldn't she move? If she was dead, she was going to be very annoyed…
"…bortyyar uio hort'or…"
The black thing wouldn't stop turning…would somebody please stop its turning?
"…korkastar remelstar mortis…"
Fine.
"…j'rori malork…"
If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.
--------
"…hestar morik cochii-Raven." Starfire's curly-lashed eyes flickered open and her clamped hands released themselves, only to clench onto the hospital bed's metal rungs in earnest. She was un-used to this. Dis-used to this. What other short terms for to stick to the beginnings of words meant "not"? She would have to ask Robin when he got back…
When he got back…
She disliked this. Very much did she dislike this, and she disliked this because it was unfamiliar to her. Dis-fa—un-fa--… Between unbridled joy, righteous fury, and boundless confidence, there wasn't much room in the great red-headed pudding called Starfire for anything else. Nor did she wish there to be, if this sickening sinking of the heart was a part of that "anything else".
She wished the boys would come back.
Beast Boy did not wish to go. Neither did Cyborg, and neither did Robin really, she knew, even though he'd said it was for the good of the city. Raven would be fine, he'd said. Starfire always trusted Robin. Starfire always believed in what Robin had to say. Even if…
No! Such thoughts were silly.
Her concern was foolish. Raven was beautiful and capable and strong and she would continue to exist if she'd just wake up, when she just woke up…
Such thoughts were silly.
The wounds were small, Robin had said. Troubling, but…small. Just a wounding of the flesh. But (and she had very muchly wished to speak of this to Robin, but, oh, what if he disliked her for thinking silly things?) the wounds of the flesh were not the difficulty. Not the…correct…difficulty.
Raven healed in her sleep. She did not heal now.
Oh, she did wish she'd have voiced such silly thoughts to Robin! She remembered she used to voice silly thoughts to Robin all the time. But things had changed somewhere…Somewhere she'd realized how silly she sounded when she voiced her thoughts and somewhere she'd learned to blush whenever the others laughed at her errors. Somewhere she'd begun to worry if Robin would still like her when next she awoke; if any of her friends would. Somewhere something had happened. Somewhere she'd begun to care.
She wished sometimes she could correct this "somewhere".
"Star?"
Starfire stared in the general direction of the white-wiped cotton blanket which sheltered Raven's hospital bed, her face a porcelain expression of troubled. A weight formed in Raven's heart…
"Starfire."
"Hm?" The Tamarian's eyes meandered up to the Azarathean's bemused face, and then sat there for a few long seconds before a stick of dynamite exploded in Starfire's brain.
"FRIEND!!"
Star went from standing at the end of the bed to practically crushing Raven in less than the time it took a lightbulb to go out.
"Thank Glorst'r of Whitlblork you are well! We were all very disturbed at your falling into the night of mind!! I performed the Tamarian entreaty of good guidance to help you through the dark but nothing seemed to occur and worryness had begun to make me ill, but now you are back—" She took a deep breath, and her face proceeded to crack into a beam wider than any human was capable of. Raven's eye twitched. Star's pupils had somehow managed to morph from relatively-normal spheres into giant, four-sided twinkles.
"I shall construct the Pudding of Good Health to express my gladness!"
"Starfire…"
"Yes, most glorious and unresponsive of friends?"
"Air…please…"
"Ah!" Starfire quickly released her more fragile companion; a blush grazed her pretty apricot features and she laced her fingers together in worry. "A thousand pardons! Oh, but I am glad that you again are well! I shall go call Robin and the others—all of us were most concerned for your healthfulness! They will be so pleased—Please, Raven, you should not leave us again! A terrible thing has happened in your absence!"
"A terrible thing?" Raven felt the weight drop from her heart to her stomach. "What kind of--"
"I will be back! Please do not return to the land of blackness, please!"
And without further ado, the redhead sprinted from the room.
Raven sweatdropped, and quickly took stats of her quarters. She was in the hospital wing; 'a bit melodramatic of them,' she deadpanned to herself. Her hands were caked in strips of gauze, which were in turn caked in crayon doodles of hearts and kittens. Again, a bit melodramatic. She could simply have healed herself—
"I am back!" Starfire flickered back into the room, her face still plastered in that ridiculous beam, waving a communicator in her hand.
"Um, Starfire, are you certain this is--?"
"Robin? Robin? CAN—YOU—HEAR—ME—RO—BIN?"
Raven heard a scratchy grunt from within the handheld device.
"What is it?" Robin's voice snapped. Starfire visibly recoiled as though burned and Raven could practically see the sorry radiating from Robin's image.
"Sorry, Starfire," he amended, much more softly. "I am. Now what's up?"
"Many apologies, Robin," replied Starfire in earnest. Still, Raven cocked an eyebrow—had she just heard annoyance drift into Starfire's voice? "But friend Raven has returned!"
"Really?" she heard Robin exclaim. A twitch formed on Raven's forehead at this; by the nine hells, it wasn't as if she was going to die by…by a flesh wound. "Put us up on the monitor, Star."
"Yes, friend Robin!"
No, no annoyance. She had to have been imagining it.
But no…No, lines like "she had to have been imagining it" were things that characters said in her books. And they never really were…Everything happened for a reason in those with literary minds.
"Raven!"
Robin's lithe figure flickered on the computer monitor in the form of a thousand staticky pinpoints of red, green and blue. Something white was interrupting their view; something in white streaks. It whipped at Robin's hair and stung at his face…Raven could see the mask of peach covered in patches of flushed red. His expression made Raven once again reach inside and strangle her Upset; it was like a milky white skim of relief attempting to hide an entire crevice of gloom.
"Raven," he sighed again, fake-smiling and trying to catch his breath. "Good to see you're awake—"
"Dude!"
A jade gorilla shoved Robin out of view and immediately morphed into a fifteen-year-old boy, who stammered for a few seconds before finding his voice and exploding.
"Don't you ever, ever, ever, ever ever, ever, ever, everdo that again! Okay?! Ever."
He ran a hand through his hair in anxiety and proceeded to shift from foot to foot and look around, all of this in rapid succession. It was like he was looking for a place to direct his anger other than at Raven, seeing as the small part of his brain that was logical (even Beast Boy had to have one) was currently reminding him of how much of his butt an enraged Raven could kick. And Raven didn't disagree. Except he currently had her at a sever disadvantage, considering how much his sharp anger and worry had thrown her off her monotone course.
"I—It's just—Jeez La-freakin'-weez, Rae,way to freak me out, like, a flabillion times in a day! Ack!"
Raven's eye ticked. How many times had she— Hells damn that "Rae"!!
Robin had shoved himself back into their line of sight, and the now ranting Beast Boy out of it. Angering Raven right now was probably not the best of plans…And most of Beast Boy's purpose seemed to be to do just that. Sometimes he wished…
"Raven," began their leader, in weary tones. Robin always managed to feel ten years older than he looked. "Just—" He sighed. He had to do it. But…god…it felt like eating arsenic. "Give us five minutes. Just…five minutes. We're making a temporary retreat."
Raven's eyebrows rose and Starfire jumped in front of the monitor, eyes wide and utterly mortified.
"But—Robin! That would be 'giving up', yes? We cannot simply 'give up'!"
"We're not giving up," snapped Robin, a little too quickly. "We're not. It's just…temporary. Temporary. Since we're missing both you and Raven, we're severely understaffed."
"But we were informed the woman was only another cultist!"
"She is…" Robin's eyes fell to the "woman" a mere fifty feet away. He shuddered. "Sort of."
The Under Toad croaked.
"In any case," Robin went on, his face looking as though he'd swallowed an entire batch of Starfire's Friendship pudding. "We're in…deeper…than I'd thought. No one's injured but…We can't focus. It's just temporary. Just…We'll be right there. Five minutes. Just…five minutes."
And the screen went black.
Raven looked at Starfire.
Starfire looked at Raven.
'Oh, dear,' thought Starfire. 'So this is what is meant when a silence has become the awkward.'
"Awkward is an adjective—"
Starfire jumped with a tiny "meep!" and the controller she had been cradling in her gloved hands clattered to the floor.
" –not a noun," Raven continued, unperturbed, either not noticing Starfire's look of horror or choosing not to. "It doesn't require a 'the'."
The mortified Tamarian's mouth formed an 'O'. Then there was another long, awkward pause.
"I'm sorry."
Starfire looked up, startled, her eyes like jade beetles in her orange face.
"Normally I don't hear thoughts," Raven continued, suddenly rather fascinated with the wall. "Something particular must be going on."
"Something--?"
"Tell me about this…cultist…" She flipped her pale legs over the bed's metal frame and hovered to the window. Traffic to the city had been backed up for miles…"That little parley with Robin wasn't exactly a pep talk."
Starfire wrung her hands… She should not be standing up. Starfire was certain—After all, she'd only just returned from the land of night (which, as far as Star was concerned, was really just a chunk of death you could maybe, sometimes wake-up from). She should not be standing—Robin would be angry. Oh, Robin cannot become angry!
"Please…" She would not like this. She would be angry… "Please, please sit friend Raven. You are not well—"
"I'll stand, thanks."
"But friend—"
"I'll stand, thanks."
Silence. Starfire bit her lip and tried to suppress the sob congealing like wax into a lump in her throat. Raven was always so cold; it stung. Like a slap in the face. Like a cut on the hand you hold. Like ice.
Raven sighed, but didn't turn around. She hadn't really wanted to say that to Starfire (Really, being cruel to Star was akin to kicking a kitten. Not a regular kitten. Like a Beast Boy kitten.) But it had to be done. It wasn't cold it was practical. Practical.
"Raven!"
The Boy Wonder, followed by the Boy Mechanic and finally the Boy Stupid, fell into the room like flames. Raven's enhanced empathic abilities punched her in the face. Blue eyes swam in an ocean of dark circles of anxiety and illness behind a strip of black polyester which didn't protect him, not from this, not from—
His knuckles were bleeding. How had he only just noticed his knuckles were bleeding? How could she morph him? She was like Raven except not because Raven wouldn't do this Raven was smart and cruel but Raven was good Raven was good Raven was—
Torso power levels down 54.0078 power. Pelvic power levels down 39.8776. Cranial channels 61840 and 61812 damaged. Ranged torso weaponry down 88.9126. Ranged forelimb weaponry down—
fear anger fear blood blink hate fear doubt fear good fear ice fear anger fear blood blink hate fear doubt fear good fear ice fear anger fear blood blink hate fear doubt fear good fear ice fear anger fear blood blink hate fear doubt fear good fear ice fear angerfearbloodblinkhatefeardoubtfeargoodfearicefearangerfearbloodblinkhatefeardoubtfeargoodfearicefearangerfearbloodblinkhatefeardoubtfeargoodfearicefearangerfearbloodblinkhatefeardoubtfeargoodfearice—
"What happened, Raven?"
Fear.
"What?" Robin's voice tore her and all of it was gone. Cyborg checked monitors in the corner. Beast Boy stared at her from another. Starfire stood behind Robin and Robin, Robin sat beside her, looking at her. Why was he looking at her?
"I wasn't listening. I'm sorry, I—What was the question?"
Robin sighed slightly and fixed her violet eyes in his. Why was he looking at her?
"Your hands. Why?" He kept looking at her with those paper-white cloth eyes of his. Seconds passed. "Beast Boy tells us you were upset about something."
Raven's eyes whipped from Robin's face to the silent Beast Boy's where they bored into his as if they were nails, as if they were power drills and with them she'd kill him dead. That sophomoric fool…That desperate little whore!—
"I could ask you the same question," replied Raven stoically.
"I asked you first," shot back Robin. Under normal circumstances, maybe, just maybe, he'd have let her steer him from the subject. In fact he'd have definitely let her steer him from the subject…Robin, as a rule, respected others' silence. Hypocrisy was a trait he hated more than doubt.
But this case was different. And with this—he scowled— new girl in town, he could practically touch the something-fishy that was going on. With help he could identify the fish.
Raven didn't even blink.
"You know, Robin," she stated in tones intended to set off a silent alarm in Robin's head. "Some might say that the whole 'I asked you first' game would be very immature for the leader of a troupe of super-heroes."
"Yeah?"
All eyes turned to Beast Boy, still in his corner. His gaze held a sentiment which punched Raven's empathic abilities square in the face, even though he still wouldn't look at her angry eyes…It was the resentful, stony glare of a slighted six-year-old; that look, that look that was childish and ageless and old all at once. For the second time in the last five minutes, Raven was sent careening off her self-designed predestined track. Her eyes flashed as a scarlet swatch of rage flared up in her head. By the nine hells, didn't he understand anything?! It was there for them, it was there for him. That track was there so nothing could happen, so that nothing would explode or die or be released. He'd seen what happened when her track was discarded! Then why was it that everything the damned beast-boy did seemed specifically designed to make her into something…something wrong?
"Well, how about this, Rae?" He spoke very softly. He spoke to the floor. "I'm the immature one, right? I'm the stupid one, right? So if I played the 'I asked you first' game it'd just be like normal. Just like every day, right? So I'm asking you. And it's nothing new."
Raven shot him a look that could have curdled milk. Beast Boy flinched, then yelped and in a flash was hiding behind Robin's frame, while the Boy Wonder looked at him with a single cocked brow.
Pathetic.
Raven's face, blank as slate, looked into Robin's for a few long, long seconds.
"I had a nightmare."
"You had a nightmare?!"
Robin didn't look all that surprised. Beast Boy, on the other hand, nearly burst a few vital organs, and Cyborg's one eye widened like a chocolate dollar in his head.
"Whoa…" he remarked, stuck somewhere between anxious and impressed. "If those're your nightmares, I don't wanna mess around with your dreams."
"That's your big reason?! You had a nightmare?!"
"Please, friend Beast Boy, calm yourself!"
"For once, Star, I think Beast Boy may have a reason for freaking out." Robin fixed his eyes on Raven's; he could swear her vision shot straight through the mask. "Raven…No normal nightmare is bad enough to make a person dig her fingernails an inch into her own palms. Why didn't you tell us sooner?"
"Beast Boy was bothering me," she shrugged. "And the pain is considerably less than the sort I am familiar with. It was simply a flesh wound."
"A flesh wound that made you pass out due blood loss."
"Yes."
"I also notice you didn't heal yourself while you were in your unconscious state. Care to explain?"
Gods damn Robin and his intelligence…She really didn't need this right now.
"I was tired," she replied flatly. "I was tired, and besides, you seem to have taken care of the injuries quite well on your own."
"The wrapping was Starfire."
"That'll explain the kittens…"
"Listen…Raven…" He sighed and stared down at his hands. It was too much to deal with…First Raven, now this new little "problem".
"Robin," she replied suddenly, fixing him in the steady stare for which she was infamous. "We don't have time right now." She tried to calm the emotions which were currently threatening to rip through the thin little shell the world called her flesh. "Starfire tells me something terrible has happened?"
"Right…" muttered Robin. Starfire's eyes hovered on her best friend's back; she felt so helpless when it came to him. When it came to relieving his pain. Nothing she did stopped it, nothing she did helped…And it hurt her so much when she couldn't help the people she loved.
"Right," Robin repeated, stronger this time. He looked up, up at his team, up at each of his responsibilities. If anything ever happened to them…
"We've rested for long enough. We've got Star and Raven now…so…"
Anything at all…
"Who knows who else she's…wrecked."
He'd…
"Titans, GO!"
And with those two words every so-called super-human in the room darted for the door. Beast Boy hesitated and glanced back at the gray-skinned girl who sat suspended in mid-air over the hospital bed, unwrapping her hands with the polite yet pointed haughtiness usually reserved for queens and antiques collectors.
"What?" she snapped without glancing up.
"Dude…you're not, like, seriously coming, are you?"
"Yes, Beast Boy, I am, like, seriously coming." Rubbing her unmarked hands together, the girl floated over to the double-glaze window in the corner of the room. With a flash of black it opened. For the second time that day, Beast Boy was left staring into Raven's back. He opened his mouth—
"Here's the deal, Beast Boy," quoth the Raven. "I'm not seriously hurt, I'm not in a good mood, and I'm not certain you're in any kind of position to lecture me about making stupid choices. So, please, before you say anything, shut up."
And with that the empath fell out of the window, and began to fly into the ash-coated no-color of the Jump City heavens.
The fifteen-year-old shape-shifter she'd left behind walked over to the open window and stared out into the sky.
"Looks like nasty weather," he murmured, before morphing into a viridian eagle and gliding towards the car.
--
A pale woman dressed all in black stood alone in the center of Main Street. Surrounding her, in an exact 360 degree radius, were bodies. Little peach and black and brown bodies. Surrounding the bodies were yards of yellow-and-black tape, flashing lights, dozens of police cars, and every policeman in the city (which, considering it was normally guarded by a squad of five, were not exactly abundant in number). And zooming in ever closer to the black-and-white chariots of the law, was a gangly teen held by a flying alien, a giant cyborg riding on the back of a Quetzalcoatlus Pterodactylus, and a lithe pale girl dressed all in dark blue bringing up the rear.
It had begun to snow.
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" swore a portly man in his late-40's as the quintet dropped to the ground beside him. "It's about time! What the hell were you doing, playing truth or dare?"
The skinny body with suspiciously shiny black hair frowned.
"We were caught in traffic," he said stiffly.
"Speaking of which, we better go back and get my baby the second this bitch is KO'd," the half-man half-machine snapped, looking very displeased. "Whoever's bright idea it was to leave her in the middle of Highway 101 surrounded by a bunch of hostile German imports just waiting to jump her and steal her new and improved stereo system for themselves pays for every single replacement part if she gets so much as a scratch."
"Do not feel worry, friend Cyborg!" The alien beamed up at her disgruntled ally, despite quickly becoming soaked from head to toe in freezing snow. "I am sure the new and improved car of singing will still be in a state of…glorious…" She trailed off, her bright green eyes widening slowly in sudden horror as she realized—
"WHAT IS THIS?!" screeched the orange girl, clutching the skinny boy to her in terror. "THE SKY! THE SKY IS FALLING!!"
"Dude! Star! It's just snow!"
"NOT SNOW!!" That was when the alien paused and turned to the caped wonder who was currently going purple in her arms. "What is this 'snow', friend Robin?"
The dark girl sighed. "What exactly is the situation, officer?" She shot the fellow four a glare. "Since my teammates seem intent on not telling me."
Without a word the man pointed straight ahead of him to the woman in the center of the street. Her naturally mouse-like face was tilted towards the weeping sky; the sight of the snowflakes hitting her, turning to rain, and slithering, snaking their way down her white, white skin reminded the shape-shifter of congealing candle wax.
"That," spat the officer, sounding disgusted at the mere mentioning of the woman in black. "That…thing is the situation. She does something to people. Turns them off. Every time we send someone into that circle she's formed, it's like they just pass out and crumble to the floor."
"They are not…" The alien trailed off, staring with abnormal sobriety at the heaps of bodies.
"Might as well be." He followed her gaze as a shadow seemed to cast itself over his features. "It's like I said: it—she turns them off. Doesn't kill them; not quite. Just stops them. Just stops every part of their brain 'cept the ones that tie them to life. In a way, it's worse than what you feared, little lady."
"Well, the Titans aren't about to stand for it," replied the leader through ground teeth. "Not in our town."
As if on cue, the mind-melter in the center of her circle turned her gaze to the five super-beings. Her smile could be seen through the haze of the snow.
"So, my welcoming committee has finally arrived." Her smile grew to reveal carnal teeth as white as her skin. "What? No fruit baskets? Oh! But wait! You were here before, weren't you? I'm sorry, I had hardly even noticed."
"Robin…"
The leader jumped, and looked to his side in alarm. The white girl wrapped in black stared into the ground; her hands were clenched.
"A telemancer?" Slowly, deadly, her face rose to glare straight into his eyes. "You…were fighting…a telemancer? And you didn't even tell me?"
"Wait…"
By then the Quetzalcoatlus Pterodactylus had morphed into its default state of a small, teenaged boy. Who was confused. As usual.
"It has a name?"
"Of course it has a name, you utter moron!"
"Geez, Rae, you could at least, y'know, pretend to be nice."
"Don't call me Rae!!"
"Right…" The Boy Wonder whispered to himself. Long since had he left the two empaths and their bickering; he had something bigger consuming his attention. He should have run towards her by now; he should have given the signal, should've "Titans-GO!"-ed. But…somehow…
He had a really bad feeling about this.
"Not going to come to me, eh?!" Suddenly the villain's eyes faded into an endless shadowed black; dark energy began to crackle around her. She began to rise.
"That's terribly rude you know. So very, very rude. I can't abide by rudeness at all. Especially not from a gang of little children!"
It was like she had slapped him in the face. For a moment the boy stood stunned, the part of him that was still thinking straight desperately trying to regain the upper hand over the part of him that wanted to haul ass. It lost.
"You don't like rudeness, huh lady?" His eyes met hers dead-on. "Then let's introduce ourselves! Titans—GO!"
That was all the other four teenagers needed. Those who couldn't fly sprinted towards the floating woman; those could, did.
"Be careful!" Raven screeched over the by-now violent snowfall, her eyes beginning to glow. "She's a telemancer! She plays with heads! Concentrate on something, anything!"
"Oh yeah?!" demanded the cyborg from below, as he sent three missiles charging at the woman. "Like what, exactly?"
Raven's mind flashed through options at the speed of sound. The telemancer screeched in laughter as every blow the Titans through at her was repelled by the wall of black energy which surrounded her slender frame, like a goose inside an egg. It was so hard to keep that laughter out of her head…
"Cyborg—name all the car parts used to make the T-car!"
He whipped around to squint up at her through water-soaked eyes.
"Say what?"
"Just do it!" Without a backward glance the empath dived towards her leader.
"Robin!"
The soaked and chilled boy didn't bat an eye; his teeth were bared against the pain.
"Robin—name all of the kata for Aikido. Understand?"
He nodded without turning and continued to pound at the woman with his bo-staff.
"Starfire! Think of every Tamarian celebration song you can!"
"Every song?" Starfire paused her assault to look down at her friend with the expression of a puzzled puppy. "But, friend Raven, that would take—"
"Just do it!"
Already, she was frantically searching for the last member. Where was he, where the nine hells was he…?
Ah! There!
An ermine, a jade-colored ermine, creeping cautiously forward, his fur slick with rain. She jerked forward before she stopped herself with a sudden certain thought.
He was trying to trick her.
And it could work, she noticed suddenly, her thoughts darting like swallows through her adrenaline-induced daze. Ever since she'd instructed the Titans to concentrate on something true, something that—that witch couldn't get her spidery hands on, they pounded her relentlessly with crippling blow after crippling blow. Her grinning face had been replaced with a preoccupied scowl. Her field was dying…Her back was now exposed. All it would take was a well-place bite to the ankle or to the neck…
Her heart soared. She couldn't help it. It felt as though the skies had cleared, as though they'd already won—
"You think it's over, daughter of Trigon?" suddenly shrieked the girl of the snow-white skin, her head snapping over to glare straight into her eyes. "It's hardly even begun!"
And then everything turned off.
Author's Note(s): I have no excuse for taking this long. You are all wonderful, and your reviews are always such a huge part of my day; it was really rude of me to make you wait three weeks, especially for a chapter which I never could get right. I think I owe you all at least an explanation, if not another chapter pronto…
The first major part of its taking so long was finals, which, if any of you have ever gone to public high school, you'll know why my attention was eaten up elsewhere. So, after a week or so of studying, I return to the story to find that this chapter, frankly, sucks. So I edit. And I edit. And I edit. And I edit. And no matter what I do there is something, inevitably, wrong with the chapter. Perspective (there is none), length (9 pages—2 are actual action/plot), OOC-ness (BB, WHY ARE YOU SO ANGSTY? STARFIRE, WHY ARE YOU SO HARD TO WRITE?!), action (just…imagine the last battle had the awesome storyboarding of the series), etc. So I then get frustrated and stressed and wind up avoiding the story altogether…Go me.
Subsequently, this chapter is a combination of the 20-some various versions which have been written of it. I realize there are many, many problems (all of the above-mentioned are still quite relevant), but I figured that I needed to get it out there. That, and the next chapter is when this story actually kicks into gear and I really wanna write it. Like, whoa. This was such a transition chapter…It makes me sad that it took so damn long to write.
A note on Starfire (WARNING: prepare for another essay…): When I first decided to do some of this chapter from Star's POV, it was supposed to be a challenge. I think to myself, "Self? You need a challenge. Otherwise, how will you get to be a pro?" and I reply "Yes. Yes, I do." Starfire was not a challenge. She was a fire hazard. She was a terror warning. She was fatal. Writing Raven is easy for me because she's cynical (like me), sarcastic (like me), and knows many big words (like me). Starfire barely knows English, and that makes writing her practically painful. Not only is her language difficult, but her mentality is too. She's innocent, but she's constantly witnessing violence. She's confident, but she's constantly co-dependant. She's…weird. She's actually far more of an enigma to write than Raven is, because whereas Raven's motives are clear as day (don't kill people), Star's aren't. So, to summarize; my take on Starfire will be like the child whose only now wising up. It's like when your cat dies, and your mother tells you its only sleeping. Sooner or later there's that horrible moment when you realize its not only sleeping and its not coming back, and that your mother lied to you, but how could she do that, she's your mother, and she's perfect only apparently she's not. Guess who's the mother and guess who's the child.
Reviews! (and they're off!):
Lee—That's really good to hear. Logic is kind of what I'm going for; if I can't make the character's totally IC, then I at least want their actions to make sense when you know their motives. That's kind of why I always have these notes/essays at the end…The last thing I want is to be guilty of is the infamous Fanfiction-"I love you!"-"I love you too!"-"Let's get married!" syndrome (FILYILYTLGMS). This is the disease most R/BB shippers are immediately accused of; that if they were to truly get together Raven would immediately blow BB's head off. Seeing as I've seen real-life Raven and Beast Boy's get together, my mission is rather to prove it can work without the fatal FILYILYTLGMS. Hope to see you again soon! Rage shall consume you! (Jeez…it sounds like a salutation…)
Me!!!—Hope this medium-sized chapter in a few weeks was okay…/sweatdrops/
Change-of-Heart2—Yes! Someone from my dedication has made it to my fic! I know what you mean about BB and Inner Rae…I had some stuff in the first couple drafts of this chap that was even worse, but I eventually cut it cuz I felt so bad. Get ready to feel even worse for BB, too…Oh, and sorry for the cliffhanger at the end of this chapter, but there really was no other place to end. On the plus side, chapter three will hopefully be out much sooner than this. I really hope to hear from you again!
Jade-Monsoons—Firstly, uber-long and semi-rambling reviews absolutely make my day. Secondly, where are these forums of which you speak? I keep trying to find them but for whatever reason I'm not turning up anything substantial. I'd love to join the community, if you guys will let me. /grins anxiously/ I'm sure I'd never shut up once I got there, though… Thirdly, Inner Raven will play a major part of the story's plotline, and pretty soon I should think. I'm rather in love with her, to tell the truth; which is slightly odd, seeing as BB's my favourite character, but I think BB himself will give a pretty good explanation for me around chapter six or so… Fourthly, writing the TT team is a huge challenge. I think its that each of them have definitive syntax all their own; none of them speak quite alike, and none of them speak like me. It's something I really have to look for, and even then I mostly can't imagine them speaking these things. Fifthly, I hope this view of the other Titans was satisfactory, and you will be seeing a lot more of them later. Though the story's focus is Raven and BB, truly the story is about all of them. Sixthly (jeez…), I hope you don't mind the e-mail I sent, but I kinda wanted to make sure you knew I hadn't given up. I realize the update's timing was inexcusable, but it won't happen again. Fanfiction's a bit like a job, really; I try to give myself due dates, and then I inevitably pass them. Anyways…lemme know what you thought of the chapter and what was proposed in the e-mail. Ja ne!
Extravagent-Foolz—Oh dear…I hope that was my writing and not a stroke. I also hope you're feeling better now, especially since I've finally given into the junkie's demands, but please, please Extravagent, please take the fanfiction in moderation! Think of the children! Think of the children!! And, ah… See you soon!
Sycogerl64—Thank you for your kind and excellent comments, and I hope I'll see you at chapter three! Hearing that I'm doing well at their insecurities and strengths is exactly what I need…The fanfic's plot kind of depends on it.
Good Story!—Great. Trigon. I'm dead.
PirateChick—Imagery's good in moderation, but my imagery tends to get so ambiguous that it's just confusing /sweatdrops/. Anyways, I'm glad you did show up! It's great having good reviewers at your fingertips…I'm really pretty lucky! Oh, and by the by, I just updated the poems as well (kind of a present for having to wait so long for this). I'd love to know what you think!
Other Notes:
Sing Along's been updated with two new poems, rather as a present for having to wait so long for this. True, it's a weird ballad on Starfire and a creepy Slade-Terra thing, but still! I figured I owed you all something. Hopefully chapter three will be up in a few days…It's finally into the more interesting (but more difficult) realm I'd been waiting for, so I think I'll be more enthused. Or, um, dead.
With extra-love and poorly-constructed character Playlists,
Paiga
Next Up: chapter three. In which Raven falls down a rabbit hole; Starfire is sincerely scared; Beast Boy plays cat's cradle; Robin freaks out; Cyborg battles the pink rabbits; and an extra-large extra-existential chase scene commences.