I was writing and writing happily, and I was just before I was going to get to the smut. I was just going to have this little part where Akira says some stuff and Hikaru realizes his feelings and then smex. Couldn't have been more than 2 or 3 paragraphs away. But then I read a fanfic called THE LACQUER BOX by penguin474 over on Live Journal, and my world turned upside down. So, what started as a smut fic WILL end as a smut fic, I promise. But now, I ditched the PWP and went for some meaning, because that fic just struck a chord with me somewhere, and I felt the need for meaning. Oh, and though that fic inspired it, there will be no Sai story. I was moved emotionally, but I'm not gonna steal her plot. .;; I'm just gonna add some lovin'. ) And not the smex kind. (The smex will come, I promise!But I'll have to cut a lot of it out here, so I'll be sure to tell you all where you can get an unedited version when part two goes up.

Ticking Clocks - Part One

Shindou laid on the couch in silence. Well, almost. He was amazed that he had never before noticed that there was not one, but two ticking clocks in his living room. He supposed it was because he'd never slept in the living room before. He tried to close his eyes and ignore the sound, but the ticking seemed to grow steadily louder, and it was just one more reason why he couldn't sleep.

The other reason was sleeping in his bed upstairs.

Shindou's dad had bought his mom a wedding anniversary present with his tax refund - a trip to China - and they were out of town for the week. With his parents out of town, Shindou had felt somewhat uneasy about sleeping in an empty house, and naturally, when discussing it with Touya at their game the next day, he'd agreed to come help him house sit. However, Shindou didn't think Touya would want to sleep in the same room as him, being he only had one bed. He couldn't put him in his parents room, and asking him to sleep on the couch was just rude. So Shindou had offered Touya his room.

As the night went on, Shindou started to think that this was a bad idea. He was extremely bored, quite awake, and curious to see if the other Go player was also awake. At least they could have talked some instead of just going into separate rooms. He found himself wishing Touya would have offered to sleep on his floor. But Touya being Touya, he had just nodded in agreement when Shindou said he could use his room.

It was at this point in his thoughts that he heard the door to his room open upstairs. Light feet padded their way to the bathroom. Shindou listened intently for any sign that Touya would come down and check on him, but he was promptly disappointed as the soft sound of feet returned to his room and he heard the click of the door.

But it meant Touya was awake.

Shindou promptly got up, all thoughts of forcing sleep gone, and walked as loudly as possible to the kitchen. He swung the cupboard door open, clinked all the glasses in the process of finding one, turned the water on high to fill his glass, and leaned back against the counter, drumming his fingers on the smooth tile. If he made enough noise, Touya was bound to come and check on him.

When his glass was empty and the soft steps of Touya were still yet to be heard, Shindou stomped over to the stairs, glared angrily up them, and sat down on the bottom step, this time bouncing his leg at a furious pace. Why hadn't Touya come down to check on him? He was bored and in dire need of entertainment. Besides, it felt strange to be in the same house as Touya without being in the immediate presence of Touya himself. It was just plain weird, and Shindou didn't like it in the slightest.

A few more minutes passed. He got up and ran up the stairs, his feet sounding like thunder, purposefully passed the door to his room and retreated to the bathroom. He used the restroom even though he wasn't in immediate need of relieving himself, washed his hands with the liquid soap, which he knocked over twice, flushed the toilet and opened the door with so much force that it hit the wall behind it.

Yet even still, the door to Shindou's room remained closed.

He knew that there was no way that anyone could have fallen back to sleep after all the noise he had just made. Touya had to be awake in there, but for some reason, he wasn't coming out to check on him. Half angry that Touya was ignoring him and half curious as to why, Shindou walked firmly up to his door and reached out for the handle. It dawned on him then that he was most likely being foolish and that he should just leave Touya alone, and his hand almost dropped at the thought, but he had come this far, he may as well...

The door swung open and Shindou almost ran right into a bewildered looking Touya.

"Touya! I, um, well, I was just..." Shindou mumbled, thrown off by the immediate presence before him, and he stumbled over his words. "Couldn't sleep..." he finished lamely.

"Neither could I." Touya retorted wryly. It was quite dark in Shindou's room, and though he could see Touya's eyes, he couldn't quite see their color, much less their expression. "I was just about to check on you, actually." His voice softened. "I feel a little uncomfortable sleeping in your room while you have to sleep downstairs."

A stray moonbeam illuminated a patch of Touya's cheek, and Shindou couldn't help but notice how it grew red at his last statement. It was then that Shindou realized how close they were standing. Shindou felt himself flush a little, but made no effort to distance himself. Instead, he continued to observe Touya's behavior. He was standing straight up as usual, but his hand was toying with the cuff of one of Shindou's old night shirts that he had let him borrow. This was a clear sign that he was nervous, and for some reason, Shindou felt the signs of nervousness flutter over him, too.

They stood there like that for a long time before Shindou realized he should do something, so he moved forward a little to let the door swing shut behind him. Touya didn't back up, and Shindou could feel the delicious warmth of the body in front of him. He bit his lip, suddenly very glad that it was dark. There was something so right about being this close to Touya. Something that, when he tried to think about it, just made his stomach do flips.

He wanted to touch Touya.

His eyes slid back down to the fingers caressing the cuff of the borrowed shirt, and without thinking about it, he reached out and wrapped his hand around Touya's nervous fingers. He wanted to be closer, and Touya gasped as Shindou pulled his rival towards him.

They were now touching, stomach to stomach and chest to chest. Aside from the gasp, Touya hadn't said anything, and Shindou's mind was reeling. Touya wasn't pulling away, but then, he wasn't doing anything at all. He was just standing there, staring into Shindou's eyes with an unreadable expression. Shindou took a deep breath, and inhaled the most beautiful scent of flowery shampoo and aftershave. The scent coupled with the incredible warmth of being pressed up against one another threatened to explode Shindou's heart, and filled with need, he moved his face towards Touya's. Still, there was no reaction, not even when he closed his eyes and pressed his lips against his.

They were soft and gentle, not quite yielding, but not rejecting. It was a small kiss, innocent and confusing, and when Touya still hadn't returned it after a few moments, he drew away, averting his gaze. What was he doing? What was Touya thinking?

His hand was still curled around Touya's, and neither of them made any move to change it. But now, Shindou was deeply flushed, memories assaulting him from every angle.

Just when did he start feeling this way about him?

His actions had come from instincts, but instincts are fueled by feelings. The feelings he felt then were so similar to many of the things he encountered in his everyday life around Touya. Similar, but not quite exact. It was the adrenaline of their post game fights, but without the anger. It was the passion of their serious games, but he wasn't trying to crush him. It was the flutter of knowing he had a professional game with Touya, but they were in private now. It was everything he had always felt for Touya, stripped of their negative aspects. It was... intimate.

He felt it well up inside him; all the feelings he'd never put together; everything he'd ignored. It felt good, so good he wished time would stop so this moment would never end.

But then, he was scared. He had shown his affection without even realizing what he was doing. It was true that he often took action before he thought things through, but this was no ordinary action. He kissed him. He kissed him, and he had no idea what Touya Akira was thinking.

What would he do? He was clearly in shock, but that couldn't last forever. Touya was a paradox to Shindou; something he longed to explore but had barely scratched the surface.

He loved him. Nothing could change that fact now, and Shindou was slowly realizing that he had loved him for a very long time. But with his foolish actions, he might lose what he only just realized he had.

A single tear rolled down his face, and in the silence, a single sound reached him ears: the soft but definite tick of Touya's wristwatch.