Revenge, two sugars, no milk.
By Estellio
Rating: Pg-13
Pairing: McWeir, Sheyla.
Warnings: Vengeful pranks (Tee hee) and…a striptease?
Summary: Pay back time, Sheppard style. Sequel to Truth Or Dare.
A/N: Please, do not read this if you are British and have a great love of your parliament. The Margaret Thatcher joke was uncalled for, but it's in there and it's staying. Also I can safely say this is the longest chapter I've ever written of anything. Well…to date. 13 pages. Woah.
Purpleyin: Mary-sue? Moi? Never…to be honest, Vicky was in a fic I was writing called Childs Play that I gave up. I really liked her character so I put her in this fic. She stars a lot in this Chapter so you can make your judgement on her then. I kinda needed her to push the plot on a little because I couldn't find a Cannon character to do what I wanted done.
Orka: Cattle prods? What is this, South Park? But read on and you'll see that the Starfish had nothing to do with it. That's just prejudice against alien Starfish. Don't make me called the ISPCAS…okay. That doesn't exist but it could!
IOIOIO
Carson gave a heavy sigh as he surveyed Rodney.
"Third time today he's been in." He said, shaking his head. "I'm tellin' ya, Atlantis is a dangerous place an' Rodney's a dangerous man." He threw a smile to Dr. Weir who was standing in a corner, chewing on the nail of her thumb while she hugged herself with the other arm.
"Is he going to be all right? That…thing…on his neck isn't going to do any harm. Is it?"
"Oh, the Starfish thing? Oh no, not at all. It's just…sticky. For lack of a more scientific term."
"But, if it isn't doing anything harmful then why did Rodney pass out?" Carson smiled sympathetically at her.
"Rodney hasn't eaten anything in a while, nor has he rested. Now you get a hungry, tired scientist, drown him, resuscitate him then do a merry little jig with him and he's going ta pass out. All the starfish did was excite him a little." Weir gave a relieved sigh.
"That's good news, all we needed was another Sheppard incident."
"HEY! Quite talking about me like I'm not in the room." They heard Sheppard call from the nearby bed, the curtains were still pulled around him so that no one could see him in his current colourful state. Weir smiled at the curtain and turned back to Rodney as he groaned on the bed.
"Rodney?" Weir bent over him, watching as his eyelids fluttered for a moment before sliding back to reveal his bright blue eyes. Elizabeth stared in shock for a moment. She had never really realised just how blue his eyes were before, they were absolutely mesmerising.
From Rodney's point of view the world looked a lot different. As his vision cleared he saw Elizabeth's face hovering over his, her eyes soft and loving and behind her was a bright, white light.
I may not be a religious man Rodney thought, but if I'm not mistaken, that's an angel.
"Wow." He whispered, finding his throat suddenly very dry, which was ironic considering all he could think about was water, lots and lots of water, pouring all around him.
HOLD ON! I…I…drowned! I drowned and I've died! And I'm in heaven…figures Elizabeth would be here. After all, it is heaven.
"You're really pretty." Elizabeth's eyebrows crept up to her hairline with surprise.
"Why…thank you…Rodney." Her and Carson shared a look.
"He may still be a little…out of it."
"Are you an angel?"
"A little out of it?" She asked, looking back to Rodney.
"I did give him some medication that may be…uh…causing a little delirium." Elizabeth nodded understandingly, placing a hand on Rodney's head.
"You're going to be okay, Rodney." She said smiling at him before turning to Carson. "Carson, when will he be released?"
"Well, not until tomorr'ah, at least."
"Tomorrow? I though you said nothing was wrong with him?"
"Well, apart from inhaling water from another galaxy, no! We have no idea what went into his system, he checks out okay so far but ah still want to run some more tests."
"Oh, alright Doctor. I'll be by later to check on him. Alright?"
"Aye, lass. He probably wont be coherent for another few hours though." Elizabeth nodded and moved over to the next curtain.
"Hey, how come I don't get any special treatment like Rodney does?" Sheppard asked as Weir ducked inside. With a smile in place she sat next to him.
"Oh, come on John. Of course I give you special treatment. I mean, after all, you are my favourite Major."
"Aww…that touches me right in…HEY! I'm your only Major!" Weir grinned down at him.
"But if I had a second Major, you'd still be my favourite…unless the other Major was really cute…but otherwise it'd be you."
"Oh, joy of joys." John said, rolling his eyes.
"You know what Major…" She was cut off by her headset being commed.
"Dr. Weir?" She recognised the heavy German accent as belonging to the sleepy gate controller.
"Go ahead…" She could hardly call him sleepy German dude. "…Alex?"
"AT-4 have just come back, they have about six crates full of food and three barrels of…some sort of liquid thing. They say that's the first part of the shipment and the rest'll be delivered after we've given the medical stuff." Elizabeth smiled.
"I'm on my way?"
"Good news?" Asked Sheppard.
"Sergeant Reeves has managed to acquire several crates of food from the Irathian Traders. I better head up there and debrief them."
"Okay then, see ya." Sheppard said, raising a hand in mock salute. The moment Elizabeth was out of the infirmary she allowed herself to fall into convulsions of laughter. She was never going to get tired of seeing John that colour.
IOIOIO"So, Doc? Can I go yet?" Carson looked up from the chart he was reading with a sympathetic smile at the discoloured major
"Sure, we've run all the tests and taken enough of your blood ta keep a vampire happy fer life and every test has turned up negative. You're good ta go." John swallowed around the lump in his throat, he was sure the lump was the same colour as the rather hypnotic swirling pattern that still lay emblazoned on his chest.
"Yeah…well…that's good but what about this…" He gestured his discoloured skin.
"Oh that? I can recommend a few things to bring the colour down."
"Sure, Doc. Anything." Sheppard said, grabbing his shirt from the chair and pulling it on over his head.
"Okay, Max Factor should do the trick."
"What?"
"Max Factor foundation. Fer your face at least, I wouldn't recommend it full body but it's not like you're going ta be walking around in your bare-alls now, are ya? …are you?"
"What? No! That underpants thing was a once off I'm not likely to repeat."
"Well then, Max Factor foundation…or maybe some tanning lotion. That or mummification."
"…" Carson couldn't prevent the grin that crawled over his face at the look on Major Sheppard's face. "Make-up? You want me…to wear…make up?"
"Or tanning lotion." Carson offered, resisting the urge to fall to the floor in a shivering ball of hysterical laughter.
"It's still make-up!"
"So, lot's of men wear it. I can see you with lilac eye shadow.."
"HEY!" Sheppard turned sharply away from Beckett. "…really?"
"Oh yes, Major. Maybe some frosty pink lip gloss."
"Oh! That's it!" Sheppard snapped, throwing his hands into the air. "I don't have to sit here and take this sort of abuse. I'm going back to my quarters and I'm taking a shower!"
"A shower wont help Major."
"It's a helluva lot better than your idea of MAKEUP! I mean, there was that one time in ninth grade, sure, when at my friends sleep over where his little sister put on some…YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW THIS!"
"I didn't ask!" Carson watched with an amused grin as Sheppard struggled to find his pants.
"Okay, where are they! I know you're hiding them!" He said, turning on Carson and pointing an accusing finger at him.
"Paranoid, Major?"
"Why is everyone stealing my pants! What did I ever do to deserve this?" Sheppard collapsed onto the bed with a rather petulant look on his face.
"Major, I hate to break it to you but…you didn't come in here wearing pants. You were wearing that Athosian loincloth. If you want I can get someone to fetch you pants." Carson said in the most sympathetic voice he could muster, even though he was dieing with laughter on the inside.
"No, no. I'll just put on the loin cloth…Then I'm going home…and taking a nap."
"No time for that, John of the clan Sheppard."
"NO!" John moaned into his pillow as Sharin came around the corner. "Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean."
"Although we understand that it was necessary for you to receive medical attention due to your…unforeseeable reaction, that does not allow you to abstain from your duties. If the rite of flowers is not completed by noon tomorrow, you and Teyla shall not be joined, nor shall you ever be allowed, is this understood?" John's reply was muffled by the pillow he had his head buried in but Sharin seemed to take it for an answer, though Carson was pretty sure that it wasn't something you could exactly put on a kids T.V. show.
"Rite of flowers?" Carson asked, alternating his confused glare between Sharin and Sheppard.
"Don't ask me, ask her." Sheppard grumbled as Sharin approached.
"There is no need to dress, John, if you would be kind enough to leave us momentarily then I shall explain the process to Major Sheppard.
Carson, nodded and left however, he was only half way to his office when he heard the Major's raised voice.
"WHAT! THAT'S CRAZY! NO! THAT'S INSANE! THERE'S NO WAY WEIR'LL LET ME DO IT! HELL! I WONT LET ME DO IT!" Carson was tempted to go back but judging by the frustrated sounds, which sounded similar to a puppy with severe indigestion, Sharin had it under control
"Wonder what that's all about." Nurse Brady said, tapping her lips thoughtfully with the end of her pen.
"Don't ask me, I'm clocking off for lunch. As of now I officially see nothing, hear nothing, report nothing." Brady sniggered and returned to writing up the prescriptions.
IOIOIOJohn Sheppard ran for all he was worth down the corridor, looking like a reject from 'The Invisible Man' he finally skidded to a halt in front of Zelenka's quarters and began to press the buzzer furiously. When no answer was forthcoming Sheppard tied comming the Czech but once again, he was met with silence.
"DAMN!"
"Eh…Major?" John froze, if he turned around whoever was there would see his face and the news of his unusual colour. "Major Sheppard?" It was Sergeant Stackhouse, damn, he'd never live this down.
"Uh. Stackhouse…You don't know where Zelenka is now, do you?"
"Uh, yes Sir. I saw him heading to his quarters." Sheppard had to resist the urge to turn around, it was really weird talking to someone with your back to them.
"But…these are his quarters." Stackhouse chuckled, his voice deep and rumbling.
"Not anymore, those are mine. He moved to one of the bigger rooms in the East Tower, it's right by the transporter. Third floor, room…uh…eight I think."
"Thanks." Sheppard said, waiting for him to move on so he could turn around.
"Sir…I just got off shift and I want to go to bed. Care to let me into my quarters?" Sheppard swallowed.
"Okay, but only on one condition. When I turn around, you wont laugh…and you wont tell anyone." Stackhouse raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.
"Alright then." Sheppard turned slowly and the moment Stackhouse saw him he fell back against the wall, laughing as hard as he could.
"Hey! No laughing!"
"BUT YOU'RE…YOU'RE!" He dissolved back into helpless laughter.
"That's hardly the point!" Stackhouse slid down the wall to rest on the floor, still laughing. Sheppard knew that laughter like that drew people. Maniacal, deep, rumbling laughter meant only one thing, something so hilariously funny that everybody had to know.Sheppard had one option…bolt for the transporter.
Not for the first time today, Sheppard thought about leaving the army to take up track racing but all thoughts were turned now on the fact that the transporter was opening…
He collided full force with Dr. Heightmyer, throwing her onto her behind and back into the transporter. Sheppard made a hurried apology before transporting himself, and the evil shrink, to the East Tower. Without so much as a backward glance he bolted from the transporter, glancing at the room numbers. It wasn't until he had turned the corner that she was able to get up.
"Was that Major Sheppard?" She mused aloud to herself. "And was he…no, it was probably my imagination. Human's just aren't that colour." With a wry shake of her head she touched the transporter control.
IOIOIOZelenka lay back on the deck, enjoying the feel of his own clothes, the sun beating down on him and the wind gently blowing through his hair. Bliss…it figures that if one person was to intrude on his bliss it'd be Sheppard.
"ZELENKA! ZELENKA!" He shouted, running out onto the deck. "I'm so glad I've finally found you." With a sigh Zelenka looked over to see the Major running towards him…there was something wrong but he just couldn't place it.
"Major?"
"Zelenka, I need your help. I'm in trouble."
"Vat's new?" He sighed, moving to get up.
"What is it Radek?" A second head suddenly appeared on Zelenka's shoulder, and on further inspection it belonged to a completely different person who was lying next to him on the deck.
"OH MY GOD YOU'RE GREEN!"
"What, never seen someone who's bright green before?"
"NO!"
Zelenka rolled his eyes.
"Vat do you vant, Major? Or…should I say…Kermit?"
"SHUT UP! Listen, can I talk to you in private, Z?"
"…Only if you never call me that again." Zelenka said, getting up and stretching, a loud pop caused the girl on the deck to start laughing, saying something in Czech.
"Kráva." He said sourly in Czech and the girl feigned affront.
"Kříženec." She shot back and Zelenka smiled.
"Nemluvit" The girl turned away in pretend offence and Zelenka smiled.
"Uh, what's going on?" Sheppard asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Don't ask. Now, vat is it you're looking for, major?"
"Well…You see…the thing is." He cast a suspicious look to the still turned back of the girl and beckoned Zelenka closer. Whispering into his ear for a moment, Sheppard told him what Sharin had told him and by the time he was finished tears of suppressed laughter were rolling down Zelenka's face.
"What?" The girl asked, turning to face them again.
"Neptej se!" Zelenka laughed and the girl sat up.
"Care to let me in on your little joke, boys?" Zelenka began to roar with laughter.
"He wants…me…to pick…alien flowers…with him…" Zelenka said, between fits of laughter.
"OH! CONFIDENTIALITY MY GREEN BUTT!"
"Why are you picking flower, if you don't mind me asking." She said, grinning at Sheppard.
"Well…you see…the thing is…"
"THEY'RE FOR TEYLA!"
"Awww. That's so cute." The girl crooned, getting to her feet. "I didn't know you and Teyla had gotten you do me a favour though?"
"What?" Sheppard asked, wary of her far too innocent look.
"Could you, like…not tell anyone for another." She checked her watch. "Four days. I stand to win a lot of money if you do." The look on Sheppard's face was the true definition of 'Kodak Moment'.
"…There's a poll…on when Teyla and I'll get together?"
"Oh yeah. I had it pegged down in the first month but I lost that bet so I had my new date pulled out of a hat. Four days, that's all I ask, and in return I won't tell anyone about this flower thing or your new found verdant shade." Sheppard looked between Zelenka and Vicky.
"…oh…you're evil. Both of you!" He said, pointing an accusing finger, curiosity, however, got the better of him. "How much do you stand to win?"
"Enough sweets to last me until next year, a few bits and bobs, no gate duty for…forever and the last of the coffee ration. The poll is quite popular. The only one worth more than it is the Weir one." Sheppard sat down on one of the deck beds, now highly interested.
"Weir has a poll all to herself? Why didn't I hear about this?"
"Well…cause you're in it. Rodney doesn't know either. He knows about the you Teyla one though. He has you down for two months time. It's him I'll be getting the Coffee Ration off." She laughed to herself as Zelenka returned to his seat next to her, yawning loudly as he slung his arm around her shoulders.
"That cheeky little…meh, I'll get back at him tomorrow. Now, what's this poll about Weir and me?"
"Oh, not just you and Weir. It's a poll to see who Weir will get together with first and when. Rodney's favourite with you in second place. I have her and Rodney getting together by the end of this week. But that's because I have inside info that her and McKay were supposed to be going on a date yesterday but due to unforeseeable circumstances it's been postponed indefinitely. That and they were checking each other out in the gate room."
"WHAT?"
"Yeah, she told Rodney he had an ass like steel and he said that she had a nice one too. It was kinda sweet in a McKayish way."
"Why does no one tell me these things? These are things I need to know!" She shrugged, smiling.
"Just ask Bates, he and Stackhouse run the polls. A new one recently started up which I think you'll enjoy."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah…how long will it take for Sheppard to cut his hair. I haven't bet yet but if you and I work together, we could make a killing. Lets say…four months?"
"YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! You don't do this sort of thing, do you Zelenka?" Zelenka grinned.
"Actually, I had Dr. Weir and McKay pegged down for last week and you and Teyla for another two months. Ah vell, can't vin them all. I still have the Kavanaugh bet to fall back on."
"The Kavanaugh bet?"
"Yes, how long will it take McKay to flip and try and kill that Margaret Thatcher wannabe." Sheppard paused, completely unsure of how the hell that name was given to Kavanaugh.
"Uh…I'm almost afraid to ask but…Margaret Thatcher wannabe?" Zelenka and Vicky shared a meaningful look, both had grins set firmly on their face.
"Okay." Radek said, "You know Kavanaugh….well one look at him has the same effect of." Zelenka paused, trying to contain a shiver. "Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day." Sheppard threw his hands up to cover his eyes, falling back off the chair and onto the desk.
"THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Vicky had dissolved into fits of laughter and was curled up on the deck laughing for all she was worth.
"Okay, okay. Before my liver explodes, tell us about this flower thing." Sheppard pried his fingers from his eyes carefully.
"No more Margaret Thatcher jokes?"
"I promise." Vicky said, laying a reassuring hand on his arm. "No promises on the William Shatner ones though."
"NO!" Sheppard cried, returning to the foetal position. Zelenka gave her a withering look.
"Stop it, milenec." He said warningly. "That's just…" He shivered with the thought. "There are some lines you do not cross. Now, Major." Sheppard immediately uncurled and sat back on the deckchair.
"Okay, so here's the deal. There are three rites to gain dating rights to an Athosian. I've completed the first two, the rite of…you don't need to know them. Now, the Rite of flowers…stop laughing…means I have to go to Athos and collect flowers then I have to wind them into a wreath and present them to Teyla at noon tomorrow." Zelenka raised an eyebrow.
"Then vat do you need me for?"
"Okay, either freaky Athosian Lady goes with me or I can choose a…what was the word…Basically just a guy to help me along. He'll stand in, kinda as my best man at the ceremony." Zelenka's jaw dropped.
"And you choose me because?"
"Well…McKay is out for ten in the infirmary. Ford is avoiding me like the plague, Teyla's no help, I can hardly ask Weir to go gallivanting off to another planet and since I already have dirt on you, I figure you're a safe bet." Zelenka gave a thin smile.
"Oh, zat's touching but three things. A) I know nothing about flowers or flower arranging. B) Zis is my day off and I plan on spending it relaxing, not picking flowers. C) …just no."
"Oh, go on Radek. He needs your help." Vicky urged, giving him a small push in the small of his back.
"But I don't know the first thing about flowers." Zelenka grumped, crossing his arms.
"Then I'll go." At this Zelenka sat up.
"What? What do you know about flowers?"
"Oh please, I worked in a florists for five years. I know everything there is to know about flowers." The sheer look of glee on Sheppard's face once again registered as 'kodak moment' and she was tempted to run back to her quarters and fetch a camera.
"Alright! We're in business. Oh, hold on. You'll need this." Sheppard tossed a small brown velum book at her.
"What's this?"
"It's a book on the flowers. What the mean and do and where to find them and stuff. It's in Athosian so it might be a little hard to read."
"Oh, don't worry. I'm a linguist. I'll figure it out…eventually."
IOIOIO
Some time later…
Warm and fuzzy. Like that teddy bear he had when he was four that you could put a hot water bottle in, except, instead of feeling the fuzziness of the bears stomach against his cheek, he felt warm and fuzzy all over. What a nice place, no reason to leave it…
"RODNEY! FOR CHRIST SAKE! GET UP!"
Rodney sat up do fast he ended up getting dizzy and falling back onto the floor.
"Oh, where am I?" Bright lights swirled in front of his eyes and he found himself resisting the urge to throw up over the nice shiny shoes he was looking at. Hold on, that wasn't right, you don't look at peoples shoes, you look at their faces.
Straining his neck, he managed to look up into the rather disgruntled a fuzzy face of Beckett. Not properly fuzzy, like, manly stubble fuzzy, but rather blurred, like an oil painting gone horribly wrong.
"What happened, where am I?" Rodney asked…well…he tried to ask. What he actually said was somewhere more along the lines of. "Whapen Weremie?"
"Rodney, I unfortunately don't speak McKayish, now I speak English and Scottish and even a little Irish but not whatever the hell you just said."
"Wem-aye? Waylibeh, shez eremot ago. Ma tang?" Carson laughed, being reminded eerily of Jar-jar Binks as Rodney tried to get up, only to fall back, flat on his arse.
"Rodney, ya alright there lad?"
"Ma tang? I canufee ma tang? Carsonepme? Ma tang?" Carson eased the scientist back onto the bed.
"Rodney? You're not making any sense…can you understand me?"
"Cursacan!" Rodney snapped. "Buma tang? TANG! TONGUE!"
"You're tongue? Something wrong with it? Open you mouth." Rodney did as he was told and taking out his penlight, Carson had a look.
"Well Rodney, I had a little sconce around and I think I know the problem."
"Wah?"
"Well apart from the fact you're an absolute eejit, you appear to have bitten your tongue when you fell out of bed. Your tongue is swelling."
"AH! AAH! Swellen? NO! Matangfillamot, chokma?"
"No, Rodney. It's not going to choke you." Carson sighed. "Bloody hell, you're a walking catastrophe, you know that? It looks like it's going down but it's going to be sore for a while and it'll take a good ten minutes to go back to normal. No spicy food for you."
"Marys?"
"MRE's? Yeah, as long as you don't have the Cajun chicken."
"Wegohcajuniken?"
"Yes, Rodney, we do. Ah, Doctor Weir. I was just waking him up." Carson turned and smiled at the doctor as she entered to find Rodney perched at the edge of the bed, looking like a lost little boy.
"What happened here?" She asked, noticing the red patch on Rodney's forehead that was rapidly darkening into a bruise.
"Rodney, here, being the wonderful smart man that he is, fell off the bed." Carson teased, earning a dark glare from the man in question.
"Rodney? Are you alright?" He nodded, not wanting to let on that he was talking like a tellytubby.
"Oh, he'll be fine. I was jus' about ta release him actually. D'ya want to take him down to his quarters? I'd feel a little bad letting him go on his own after such a recent head trauma." Carson said with a large smile, patting Rodney's head.
"Yourvel." Rodney hissed and Carson laughed.
"I know. Now, off with you and if you come back once more, I'll beat you to death with a salmon." Whistling a jovial tune Carson walked off.
"Mad." Rodney said, trying desperately not to sound like an absolute eejit which was very hard considering the rest of him wasn't cooperating.
"He's in a funny mood today, I'll give you that." Weir said, putting an arm around Rodney and helping him up. "You okay?"
I passed out, I didn't lose the use of my legs, Rodney thought irritably, not that I mind having her arm around me, that rocks.
Whatever was going on in his head, he simply nodded to Weir, slipping on his shoes.
"Rodney…can I walk with you?"
NO!
He nodded.
Stupid head! Listen to me! Your brain! I SAID NO! STOP NODDING! HEY! SIT BACK DOWN! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! MY ASS IS REVOLTING AGAINST MY BRAIN!
Oblivious to Rodney's internal warfare, Elizabeth walked close to Rodney, their shoulders bumping together from closeness. Elizabeth wallowed convulsively a few times as they neared his quarters and she knew it was either now or never.
"Rodney?"
"Mmm?"
"Since out plans for dinner were so abruptly cancelled and since the cafeteria is closed now and since you also haven't eaten in a while…"
Is it just me or is Elizabeth babbling? I better listen, this could be important…either that or incredibly embarrassing. Either way, worth listening to.
"Well, I grabbed two MRE's, not realising how long you'd be in the infirmary. We still need to have that talk so I was wondering if…you would like to have dinner with me?"
A cease fire between his brain and body was called as they both cried in unanimous accord.
"YES!"
"I'll see you in…about…two hours? That'll give you time to freshen up and for me to finish up in the Gateroom."
Freshen up? What's wrong with…OH! THE SMELL! I SMELL LIKE TOILET CLEANER! GAH!
"Kay."
I wonder if she's noticed I'm only using monosyllabic words. Damn swelling, if this doesn't go down soon!
"I'll see you then, Rodney." The smile on Weir's face was infectious and he found himself smiling back, however the smile soon slipped into a shocked, disbelief when Elizabeth reached over and kissed his cheek. He was still staring off into space when Weir disappeared around the corner.
Hold on, that's not right. She just kissed me! I bet this is one of Major Sheppard's pranks, I mean after what he did to Ford he's capable of anything. But then again…we don't have proof that it was him…but…NO Elizabeth wouldn't do that. She must be serious! Hold on! NO! Really, really good looking woman don't just come up to me, walk me to my room, ask me out to dinner and kiss me. No! It just DOES NOT HAPPEN! Not to me! Not to Rodney Quentin McKay! Not in this galaxy! …hold on…we are in a different Galaxy. Maybe by some weird turn of events my luck has changed…either that or alien spores have taken over Elizabeth's mind…Okay. Maybe I watch a little to much Star Trek. They may call me Spock behind my back but she is certainly no Leila Kalomi. That was a really good episode. Ah well…
Rodney keyed opened his door and stepped inside, his mind racing.
She has been acting a little strange lately, maybe I should ask Carson to check her out…no…that'd just be silly.
McKay's stomach grumbled loudly and he groaned giving it a rueful rub…instead of feeling soft, plump skin he felt the ridges for the foundation for a six pack. It was barely noticeable and when he looked at his stomach he certainly couldn't see it but the more he looked at himself in the mirror, the more he realised…he looked really different than when he had left Canada for Antarctica. His hair was shorter than before and he was certainly after shedding a few pounds in favour of muscle. In fact, if he had his say in it…he looked damn sexy. With a grin he began to dance his way to the bathroom.
"I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt. So sexy it hurts."
He sang to himself, slipping his jacket down his arms and then swinging it over his head. Letting it fly to the other side of the room he began to pull his blue shirt over his head.
"And I'm too sexy for Milan. Too sexy for Milan. New York and Japan!"
Tossing it to the other side of the room he began to sway his hips in time with the music in his head.
"And I'm too sexy for your party. Too sexy for your party. No way I'm disco dancing."
His two shoes flew sailed across the room as he gave a little twirl and a shimmy. Strutting into the bathroom he gave a Tom Jonesque swing of his hips and his ran his thumbs along the waistband of his pants.
"I'm a model, you know what I mean. And I do my little turn on the catwalk."
The pants were dropped and he gave a little spin, stepping out of his pants.
"Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah. I do my little turn on the catwalk."
The underpants were twirled over his head and tossed on top of the towel rack as he spun around, still dancing. Little did he know that the walky talky was recording every word.
He rubbed his hand along his stomach again, smiling at himself in the bathroom mirror. As much as he liked looking at his new flat stomach and firmer chest he still had to clean up and get over to Elizabeth's so she could admire them too.
"Damn, this is gonna be a great night…hey! My lisp is gone, the swelling must be going down." He opened his mouth and examined his tongue, it looked about regular size, Carson had said ten minutes after all.
With a shrug Rodney stepped into the shower and grabbed his shampoo. He soaped up his hair and began to hum to himself. He was going to have dinner with Elizabeth, Elizabeth. THE Elizabeth. The one that he'd been dreaming about since Antarctica, the most beautiful and wonderful woman he had ever met. Sure, Samantha Carter had really great legs but…it was just the way Weir made him feel. It was odd. As he put his head under the spray he began to sing to himself. It was a bad habit he had since he was little, it was like the moment the spray hit him he became a shower radio and would belt out whatever was on his mind. It was one of the best kept secrets in the universe except for the fact that a certain sneaky Czech.
"The lights are on, but you're not home.
your mind, is not your own.
Your palm sweats, your body shakes.
another kiss, is what it takes.
You can't sleep, no, you can eat.
There's no doubt, you're in deep.
Your throat is tight, you can't breathe.
Another kiss is all you need!
Woah, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff. Oh yeah!
Closer to the truth, to say ya, can't get enough.
Woah you're gonna face to face it you're addicted to love.
You see the sign, but you can't read.
We're running at, different speeds.
Your heart beats, in double time.
Another kiss, and you'll be MIIINEE!
One track mind!
You can't be saved.
Oblivan, is all you crave.
If there's some left for you. you don't mind if you do.
Woah, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff. Oh yeah!
Closer to the truth, to say ya, can't get enough.
Woah you're gonna face to face it you're addicted to love.
Might as well face it your addicted to love.
Might as well face it your addicted to love.
Might as well face it your addicted to love.
Might as well face it your addicted to love.
The lights are on, but you're not home.
Your will is not your own.
Your palm sweats, your teeth grind.
Another kiss, and you'll be mine!
Woah, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff. Oh yeah!
Closer to the truth, to say ya, can't get enough.
Woah you're gonna face to face it you're addicted to love.
Might as well face it your addicted to love.
Might as well face it your addicted to love.
Might as well face it your addicted to love.
Might as well face it your addicted to love."
He finished towelling off his hair and threw on a bathrobe, oblivious to the radio now hidden by the steam. Too bad both Zelenka and Sheppard were off world.
IOIOIO
A/N: (Falls on the floor laughing as hard as she can, rolling around till she hits something) Oh, I'm sorry, just the wonderful mental imagery. Okay, Rodney sang. I even gave him two songs and a strip tease to make up for my lateness. Also, did you notice that half way through addicted to love there is the exact sound a dart makes? Well it's in my version anyway and mine is an Atlantis Music Vid but its an image of Ford at that moment, not a dart. Unless Ford was making really coold sound FX, in which case...GO FORD!
Now, next stop, Teyla. (Snigger) Gotta wonder how poor Sheppard is going to get back to his regular colour. Also, sorry it took me so long to post this one. I haven't been able to write and when I have, I haven't been in the mood. There was a death of someone I knew and as you can guess, comedy doesn't come easy to you when you're mourning. Okay, now, the Czech words I used were as follows.
Kráva: (Swear word)
Kříženec: (Swear word)
Nemluvit: don't talk
Neptej se: don't ask!
Milenec: lover, true love.
I love the Czech language, especially the accent. YEAH! Also, may be going to Prague soon. BOOYA! (Sorry, very excited) well, I hope you like the THIRTEEN pages. It's really long. A whole page longer than my other longest Chapter which was in a Voyager Fanfic called Frozen Hearts. It's kinda on the backburner to this one 'cause everyone seems to like it better. My friend wants me to enter this into a competition but I don't think so. Maybe if I get a lot of reviews (Hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge) Also, I may not be able to post the next chapter for a while 'cause I'm after getting back into an old fic called Childs Play. I'll post the first chapter soon. It's a McWeir one so keep your fingers crossed.