Revenge, two sugars, no milk.
By Estellio
Rating: Pg-13
Pairing: McWeir, Sheyla.
Warnings: Vengeful pranks (Tee hee) name calling, animal noises and nakedness?
Summary: Pay back time, Sheppard style. Sequel to Truth Or Dare.
A/N: He he he. I have a dirty mind.
IOIOIO
Vicky looked up at the two 'brave adventurers' and smiled from where she sat. No wonder you had to pick flowers to prove our worth, all the flowers on Athos grew in impossible places to reach. Under water, up trees, on the sides of canyons and….as the boys were finding out, up mountains. Not that she minded that they had to climb a lot, it afforded her a spectacular view of their backsides. A view she was taking full advantage of as she tied the separate bundles of flowers and put them in the basket.
"I'M LOSING MY GRIP!" Sheppard's voice carried and Vicky watched in horror as he slipped, colliding full force into Zelenka sending them tumbling down the mountain side.
"Oh my God, they're going to kill themselves!" Vicky grabbed the medikit and ran to where they were rolling towards. All too late she arrived and watched them soar off the edge of a rock ledge, right over the lake, where they unceremoniously were dumped in. Immediately she threw the kit away and pulled off her jacket, flaking towards the lake at top speed.
Before she reached the shore, Zelenka's head broke the water, quickly followed by Sheppard.
"YOU ABSOLUTE HLUPÁK !"
"DON'T BLAME ME! HOW WAS I TO KNOW THE LEDGE WAS GOING TO CRUMBLE?"
"BY THE FACT IT VAS COVERED IN CRACKS!"
"I DIDN'T SEE ANY CRACKS!"
"YOU'RE BLOODY VELL CRACKED!"
"GUYS! COP ON AND GET OUT OF THE WATER! GOD KNOWS WHAT'S IN THERE!" She shouted out to them. That seemed to shake the two of them out of their immediate aggression and they both swam towards the shore quickly.
"Look at me, I'm all wet." Zelenka grumbled angrily as he pulled off his squelching boots.
"You'll dry off, it could have been worse." Vicky said, checking him for any sign of a serious injury.
"Polib mi prdel." He snapped, stripping off his saturated jacket and ringing it out.
"Maybe later." Zelenka's head snapped up and he smiled, his bad mood lifting. "Come here Sheppard, I have to check if anything's broken or fractured."
"Try his brain." Radek offered, stripping off the rest of his wet clothes.
"Apart from a few scratched, ye're fine but I'd like to get ye back to Carson for a check up. Who knows what you've done to yourselves. Come on, get these wet clothes off of you." Sheppard pulled off his jacket and T-shirt and wrung them out.
"You better take off your socks and shoes or your going to blister. Put them out on the rocks to dry. I have to finish off binding the bunches anyway." Sheppard nodded and lay out his jacket and T-shirt on the rocks with his socks and shoes but refused to remove his pants.
"Major? Your pants are wet too."
"I'm not taking them off." She raised an eyebrow.
"You do have underwear on…right?"
"Yeah."
"Then take them off, I've seen guys underwear before. I grew up with two brothers."
"…No. Lets leave it at that."
"Major. OFF! I'm not going to let you catch hypothermia on my watch, right? Carson would kill me." Sheppard hesitated. "If you don't take them off, I will." Sheppard bit his lips.
"The thing is…they're white."
"So?"
"White goes see through in water and you know it." Vicky smiled.
"Trust me Major, I've seen it all before."
"Yes, but you haven't seen mine." Vicky sighed and rolled her eyes.
"If you want, I'll go over there and finish with your precious flowers. That'll give you more time to dry off and I wont see a thing. Okay?" Sheppard didn't look pleased with the arrangement at all but nodded.
"Alright…but turn around." Vicky gave an exaggerated sigh and turned to find Radek sitting on a rock with her jacket on.
"HEY! That's my jacket give it back!"
"You haveaT-shirt and pants. I do not."
"Still…it scares me that it fits you and I left Earth expecting to not have my clothes stolen by guys."
"Zat happened on Earth?"
"My brother was a very slight build. Now, jacket."
"No, I'm cold." He said grinning. Vicky just crossed her arms and made her way back to where the basket was. She was half way there when a roar sounded and she swung back to see Sheppard and Zelenka staring in horror as a lizard like thing came out of the water and began to eat their clothes.
"Hovno. Zat was in ze water? Ze water we were in?" Zelenka said, clearly spooked.
"Apparently." The beast bit into Sheppard P90 and began to munch happily on it as two of its comrades joined the feast. A fourth one slid out of the water near them and began to sniff the air. Obviously getting their scent. "Lets say we go back to Atlantis…like…now."
"Agreed." As the beast lumbered towards them they began to run. The giant Komodo Dragons all turned and began to move after them with surprising speed considering their size and build but the humans were faster and reached the gate quickly.
"DIAL IT UP!" As the Gate sprung to life, Sheppard began to panic even worse.
"I don't have my IDC?"
"VAT!"
"I left it with my clothes."
"Zkurvysyne, zose lizards have probably already eaten it by now."
"Silly men." Vicky said, pushing past as she typed in a code to the IDC on her wrist.
"You've an IDC?"
"I'm on SG-8, smartass." Vicky said, stepping through the gate calmly. A tongue lashed out and caught the sleeve of Zelenka's jacket. It's barbs tearing away the whole sleeve.
"HOVNO!" He swore, leaping through the gate with Sheppard close behind.
"What took ye so long…MY JACKET! WHAT DID YOU DO!" Sheppard picked himself up off the floor with a groan as the gate shut off.
"Maj…or…Where are your pants?" Elizabeth stopped, half way to the group.
"They got eaten. You don't have a spare set on you, do you?"
"No…I don't. What happened, I though ye were flower picking?"
"…We were. Eh…Well...you see…"
"He slipped off a ledge sending him and Radek into the lake. They got soaked and took off their clothes and then dragons came out of the water and ate them. They tried to eat us too and would have if I didn't bring my IDC because someone let theirs get eaten." Vicky said, yawning "Well, I've had enough excitement for one day."
"I concur." Zelenka said, pulling the jacket around him, leaving Sheppard standing in the control room, once again, in his underwear.
"Really, you have to stop making a of this." Elizabeth said, looking him up an down.
"What, don't you like seeing me in my underwear?" Elizabeth shook her head and John pause. "Hold on…you've done something with your hair."
"What? No I haven't."
"Yes you do…It looks…you're wearing makeup too!"
"Can't I wear makeup now?" Sheppard grinned.
"That's why you're wearing a pair of jeans and a black silk shirt beneath your jacket. I can see right through you Elizabeth Weir, you're all done up. Who is he?"
"I have no idea what your talking about."
"Your hair, it's all clean and you obviously got it cut and straightened in the barbers. You're wearing makeup, wearing really pretty clothes and…" He sniffed the air. "If I'm not mistaken that's perfume!"
"Go home Sheppard."
"Come on, who is it Liz. You can tell me!"
"Can't a girl just make herself up every once and a while?" Sheppard grinned.
"Lizzy's got a boyfriend, Lizzy's got a boyfriend."
"You're such a child." Elizabeth said, walking off but Sheppard was relentless. Taking a blanket offered to him by one of the Lieutenant he followed Elizabeth into the corridor, still singing away to himself. "Sheppard, while you're still able to walk, go." She turned the corner at stopped at her room.
"Wooo, who's quarters are these?" He teased. With a smile she keyed open the door.
"They're mine, Major. Now, get some pants and head to the infirmary."
"OH MY GOD! YOU'RE HAVING DINNER WITH SOMEONE! I SAW THE TABLE SET UP!"
"SHEPPARD! GO!" She said, giving him a shove out the door. Laughing away to himself, Sheppard continued down the hall to his significantly further away quarters.
"Morning." He saluted to two stunned Scientists in the hallway and recognised them as the 'shaking that ass' singing girls from a few days ago. They now just stood there, gobsmacked, staring at him dressed only in a small blanket around his waist. "Lovely day for walking around in a blanket, don't you think?" Oh, he was never going to hear the end of this but he might as well enjoy it while it lasted.
CLICK
OH. MY. GOD.
He turned slowly. One of the girls was holding a camera and grinning.
"I didn't say take a picture!"
"Yeah," One of the girls said smiling. "But it'll last longer." The two girls broke down in a fit of laughter and Sheppard hurried away. His fleeing didn't last long as he collided full force into.
"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!"
"Kavanagh!" Sheppard froze, his towel had slid down. The girls were staring. The camera raised. "NO!" He dove for the towel, even as he heard a click and the two scientists ran off, screaming happily to everyone in ear shot about his ass. "Damn, damn, damn, damn. Why does this keep happening to me!"
"You're wet! Now I'M wet. I'll have to go back and change. I mean really. The management of this place is laughable at best. I'm surprised the Wraith haven't wiped us all out yet!" Sheppard wrapped the blanket around him again.
"You know, Kavanagh. You have a problem, a real problem with authority. You don't like it, there's a door there. Walk through it." Sheppard said, pointing towards the door to his right.
"Oh please, that's a door to the balcony."
"Yeah, I knew that. I'm still waiting." With his nose in the air, Kavanagh turned and left. "YOU KNOW! LONG HAIR LIKE YOURS HAS A TENDENCY TO GET CUT MYSTERIOUSLY IN THE NIGHT!" Kavanagh grabbed his hair protectively and turned around the corridor.
"Watch it Maggie." Rodney hissed, rounding the corner. "Major, your surprisingly…undressed. Was there a blanket party and no one told me?" Sheppard looked him up and down.
"Rodney…cologne."
"What?"
"You smell of cologne...and your hair…it's gelled."
"No it's not."
"You're wearing a shirt. Rodney? Why are you wearing a shirt!"
"What, can't a guy change out of his uniform ever once and a while?"
"And your wearing black pants, and shiny shoes!"
"So?"
"IT'S YOU!"
"What? Yes Major, it is me. Are you sure you're all right?"
"ELIZABETH IS MEETING YOU!" Rodney stopped.
"What?"
"When I met her in the control room, she was all done up. Make-up, hair, perfume, silky shirt. The works! It was for you! This is terrible!"
"What? Why? Major, our personal life is none of your business." Oh that sounded wrong.
"I'm going to lose soooo much money. Vicky is going to win it all. NO! I said next week. She said this week. This is terrible. Why did she tell me about that stupid poll. Why!"
"Major…" Rodney raised an eyebrow, taking a step back. "You're making very little sense." Sheppard shook his head.
"Of course you don't know about the poll. Ah well, I'll leave you two hummingbirds to it then." John slapped Rodney on the back. "Go get her you dog you Raar."
"Oooh. Disturbing. Hold on…what the hell do you mean, hummingbirds?" Sheppard made another raar noise and clawed the air.
"Like a tiger, a tiger." Rodney nodded with a fake smile.
"Riiiiight. Report to infirmary…now." Sheppard laughed as he rounded the corner, leaving a stunned Rodney. "Hold on…did he say there was a poll?" Shaking his head Rodney continued to Elizabeth's quarters. As he waited outside the door he sniffed the air. He didn't overdo it on the cologne? Did he? He just always got so nervous when it came to dates…not that this was a date or anything…with his fairly hot boss. Oh no, there were rules against that sort of thing. No, this was just dinner with his fairly hot boss.
"Rodney?" Weir smiled when she opened the door. "Come on in."
IOIOIO
Sheppard towelled his hair dry and looked in the mirror. Strange, his hair didn't look any different than it normally did…maybe he should get it cut…I mean it was going a little bit…well…everywhere!
"Nah." He tossed the towel onto the nearby chair and opened his wardrobe. Rifling through for a few moments he pulled out his favourite, warm woolly jumper and a pair of navy slacks. Once he had gotten redressed he threw himself onto his bed and grabbed his copy of war and peace.
"Time for some relaxation, lord knows I deserve it." He sighed, opening the book. "Page Twelve…" A beep from his nearby console interrupted his reading and he turned to look at it. The screen was a pale blue and there was a red light flashing above it. "What the…it's never done that before." He roled off his bed, dropping his book on his bed side locker. The console beeped again and Sheppard sat in front of it.
"AH, Sheppard." Zelenka's face appeared on the screen.
"WHAT THE! How are you doing that?"
"Through the Comm. System. Didn't you know you could do that?"
"NO!"
"Oh, well." Zelenka shrugged as he typed in a command into the system. "Check this out. When I came back I noticed I had a message waiting for me. Listen."
"I'm a model, you know what I mean. And I do my little turn on the catwalk.
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah. I do my little turn on the catwalk."
Sheppard's eyes widen in a this does not compute', way that Zelenka was familiar seeing from Androids and Cyborgs on Sci-fi shows. Sheppard's imitation did them proud.
"Is that…Rodney?"
"Da, but listen. There's more!"
"NO! I don't wanna hear it! That's DISTURBING!"
"Damn, this is gonna be a great night…hey! My lisp is gone, the swelling must be going down."
"A great night? A great night for what, what swelling?"
"It gets better, listen."
"The lights are on, but you're not home.
your mind, is not your own.
Your palm sweats, your body shakes.
another kiss, is what it takes."
Sheppard screamed and fell of the chair, his hands over his ears.
"TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! NO! NOOOOOO!"
"Sheppard? Sheppard? Are you alright?" The silence was even more disturbing that Sheppard earlier screams. "MAJOR?"
"What happened?" Vicky asked, coming up behind him.
"I think he went into Cardiac Arrest! CALL CARSON! QUICKLY!"
IOIOIO
"And then he said, Wife! I thought she was your sister!" Elizabeth grabbed her mouth and willed the wine not to come shooting out of her nose.
"You didn't?"
"I did, I had a black eye for weeks but ah, it was worth it." Rodney sat back in his chair with a smug grin, his hands behind his head. "So. You get up to any misadventures in college. I bet you were a goody two shoes." Elizabeth took another sip of wine as she shook her head.
"Actually, I was a bit of a rebel in college." Rodney scoffed loudly. "What? Is it that hard to believe?"
"I dunno, you always seemed to…hippy to be a bad ass."
"Excuse me?" Elizabeth's eyes widened as she stared at Rodney.
"Uh. I mean…I…Uh…I didn't mean to insult you!"
Rodney's screw up counter: 1
Elizabeth was too must laughing to listen to the litany of words Rodney was spewing forth.
"Hippy? Please don't tell me I come across as a hippy?" Rodney calmed down a bit.
Rodney's screw up counter: 0
"Well. A little. I mean, not much but you do seem to have very pacifistic…flower power kinda views?"
"Flower power? Oh please, next thing you'll be saying you can imagine me standing on a park bench burning bra's for women's rights and all that malarkey."
"Malarkey? What is that, some kind of hippy code?" Elizabeth was laughing even harder now.
"Rodney, Rodney stop. Seriously" She wiped a tear from her eye and sat back, stretching her hands above her head. Rodney immediately wished she hadn't because
A) She was wearing a shirt
B) She was a lot better endowed in the general chest area than he was.
C) He wasn't going to be able to stop staring any time soon.
"So…how's everything working out at the top?" Elizabeth smiled.
"Oh, same old, same old. Reports, debriefing, paperwork, briefing, reports, debriefing, briefing, coffee, de briefing. Every now and again I get to sleep."
"Wow, sleep? What's that?" She laughed again, her eyes locking with Rodney's. He felt his heart leap at her gaze and smile and fought the urge to just lean over and kiss her.
"Rodney." Her voice was soft and he found it hard to breath. Her hand was reaching out to his, which lay on the table next to his MRE.
"Dr. McKay." He shook his head.
"Oh toss off." He growled at his headset.
"Dr. McKay, please respond." The panicked voice of Dr. Kusinagi came over his Comm. Again. The moment was ruined as Elizabeth sat back.
"McKay here, go ahead."
"Uh…it's glowing."
"What is?"
"The lab."
"What in the lab?"
"No, sir, the whole lab."
"WHAT! I'll be right there." Elizabeth was already up and she walked him to the door. Just before she opened it, Rodney put a hand on her shoulder.
"Thank you for the lovely meal, Elizabeth. We should do it again some time." She smiled warmly at him.
"I'd like that." Without warning she reached up and kissed his cheek. "I'll see you in the morning."
Rodney's screw up counter: -1000
Rodney all but floated out of her room and to the lab.
She had kissed him, of her own violation…and they were having diner again, and she'd like that and she'd see him in the morning!
"BOOYA!" Rodney McKay danced the rest of the way to the lab, earning several curious looks from scientist who were still up and about but he found he couldn't care. She had kissed him. Elizabeth Weir had kissed Rodney McKay on the cheek and it wasn't for a dare or a bet or under alien influence or nothing. That, and they were having dinner again. Next time, he was going to kiss her.
With a little skip he entered his luminous yellow lab and the regular Rodney was in place, barking out orders. Funny, when he stepped into the lab it seemed to brighten a little.
"Okay, who touched something they weren't supposed to?"
IOIOIO
A/N: This would be longer and there would have been a proper dinner scene if people weren't constantly telling me to hurry up. I mean, I posted the last chapter 10 days ago for crying out loud! I never said I'd post weekly, that and I have other fanfics. I haven't updated Frozen Hearts in nearly a month! Bloody slave drivers. (Shakes fist at you) Well anyway, hope you enjoyed. Half Naked personnel, Margaret Thatcher's hair threatened, pictures taken, animal noises, cardiac arrest, bad jokes, name calling, kissing, dancing, singing and glowing. Tune in next time, same bat time, same bat channel.
(DAMN YOU RYAN! YOU GOT THAT STUPID QUOTE STUCK IN MY HEAD)
The Czech I used in the story is as follows (I love swearing in other languages!)
Hlupák – idiot. (They have a LOT of ways to say idiot)
Hovno – Oh shit.
Zkurvysyne – son of a bitch.
Polib mi prdel – Kiss my ass. (Ha, I said this to my Science teacher. She had no idea what I said.)