Revenge, two sugars, no milk.
By Estellio
Rating: Pg-13
Pairing: McWeir, Sheyla.
Warnings: Vengeful pranks (Tee hee)
Summary: Pay back time, Sheppard style. Sequel to Truth Or Dare.
A/N: There just really hasn't been enough Ford in this fic so I present to you, Lt. Aidan Ford! Also, just a few Ode to legends. I meant to put this in last chapter but I was in a hurry.
Fanwoman: Thank you for your email. (hugs you) also lad to know your enjoying it. I mean, wouldn't you just love a pic of Shep in his underwear? I know I would…(Goes off to do Google Image Search)
PurpleYin: It was early in the morning. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it! Quick explanation jotted in, in this chapter. Hope it helps. Don't hurt me.
Peanut, spartansam086 and Orka: Bloody slave drives grumble, grumble Hold on…Teddy Bear shaped. OMG! DON'T HURT ME!
Abby Lockharte-Carter: You absolute, freaking legend! (Shakes your hand) For those of you that don't know she sent me the meaning of Steatopygias.
(an excessive development of fat on the buttocks that occurs especially among women of the Hottentots and some black peoples) You're so cool! You had to be mentioned.
Now that I've mentioned the legends for the week, onto the fic. Don't worry. I love the rest of ye too. Silent Cobra, Pentagon Merlin, szhismine, Erin, Shippie, hnyswtypie. Too many to name but ye all rock my socks! Nearly at 60 reviews! OMG! That's like more than all my other reviews put together (Dies)
IOIOIO
SPLASH!
Major Sheppard opened his eyes and briefly wondered why he was wet. The question was answered when he saw Lt. Ford standing over him with an empty glass of water.
"FORD! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR!"
"You were out for the count, Sir. You didn't wake up when I shouted your name or slapped you."
That explains the pain in the jaw.
"You hit me!"
"I tried to wake you up, you've been missing for nearly ten hours. When Zelenka said the last time he saw you, you were in your quarters I came here and found the door ajar." Sheppard gave Ford what he hoped was a disbelieving look. It looked more sleepy to Ford but that wasn't the point.
"Ford, in case it's escaped your notice, the door are slidey. They can't be ajar!" Ford bit his lip. Busted!
"Well, Sir. We better get you down to Beckett's anyway. You might have done some damage when you fell. What happened anyway?" Sheppard paused, thinking back.
"I'm not sure, one minute I'm listening to McKay singing in the shower and the next…flat on my back. I can't explain it." Ford was silent for several moments.
"Hold on, you were watching McKay in the shower?"
"Listening. Not watching." Sheppard clutched his head as he got to his feet groggily. "Damn, I feel like I was just blasted by the G-force of a landing Boeing."
"What, Sir?" Sheppard looked at the shorter Lieutenant and shook his head.
"Never mind. You wouldn't understand…Please, stopping banging that drum." Ford regarded his superior with scepticism.
"Come on, you better get to sickbay, Sir."
IOIOIO
Eight hours, two minutes and three seconds after he had arrived in the lab, Rodney had finally decided that a glowy lab…might not be so bad.
"I've no idea." Zelenka said, sinking down onto the bench next to him. "There doesn't appear to be any interface from ze lab to ze lights at all. No button, trigger, switch, panel…nothing." The Czech swiped of his glasses and rubbed his eyes wearily before placing them back on. "Not only that, but it's not drawing any power from the naquadah generators so…there must be an outside source of some kind."
"A ZPM?" McKay asked, suddenly very curious, if not very tired.
"No, we would have seen a power spike on internal sensors. As far as I can tell this thing is running off…petal juice."
"…" McKay stared at him as if he had suddenly gone mad. "Petal juice?"
"It's a phrase! It means it's running on sweet fanny adams." Zelenka said irritably. "This is a complete contradiction of every law of physics there is!" Zelenka sighed wearily. "I don't know. Maybe it runs off…body heat or something." Both scientists paused.
"EVERYBODY OUT!"
The entire lab was vacated except for Zelenka and McKay…and the light only seemed to get brighter.
"Podivuhodny, there goes that theory." Zelenka muttered, sitting back down.
"Maybe it needs a moment." Rodney said, uncharacteristically optimistic.
"You know, Rodney, if I didn't know any better…I'd say you were in a good mood…why?"
"What? No! I'm not in a good mood, I'm in an exceptionally foul mood, the lab is glowing, in case you missed that fact!"
"Rodney?"
"Yeah."
"You didn't shout or pull a face. Regardless of ze luminosity of ze lab…it seems to me zat you're…happy?"
"Don't be absurd, I haven't even had my coffee yet." Zelenka smiled.
"You know, Rodney. Your hair, you've been running your hands through it but it's not mussed at all…one would think that you use…" immediately Zelenka was up and had run a hand through Rodney's hair. "HAIR GEL!" Rodney immediately scowled at Zelenka, his hand moving protectively to his hair.
"What this got to do with anything?"
"Nothing, but I vant to know why your hair is gelled."
"Margarine was dropped on me from a great height! That is why my hair looks gelled. Alright?" Zelenka snickered.
"Margarine?"
"I don't know! Maybe it was butter or lard or bread spread! I was too busy being UNCONSCIOUS!" Zelenka smiled broadly, sitting back against the table.
"Okay, lets say I do believe you about the Margarine, which, for record, I do not…Why the dressiness?"
"That so isn't a word."
"You know what I mean." Rodney chewed his lip a moment. Willing his oh so brilliant brain to come up with a plausible excuse which didn't involve dinner, Elizabeth or dinner with Elizabeth.
"The margarine splattered and wrecked my uniform. Everything else, except my formal clothes, is in the wash basket. I haven't done laundry since we got here." The stunned silence gave Rodney all the opportunity he needed to change the conversation.
"Quickly moving on, when did this whole debacle start, no one gave me a definite answer earlier."
"Uh…It started when I walked into the lab." Rodney stopped.
"When…you…walked into the lab?"
"Yeah, why?" An idea struck Rodney so fast and hard that he was surprised he didn't go flying across the room in a trail of fire.
"What were you thinking at the time?" Zelenka wondered briefly if McKay had gone mad.
"Why? What does that have to do with anything?"
"Some ancient technology activates on thought, you know, like the shield. What were you thinking when you came into the lab?" Zelenka paused, trying to remember.
"I can't remember? Eh…I'm entering the lab?"
"THINK ZELENKA!"
"Muj buh, I don't know!" he paused and grinned. "Actually…"
"Yes, yes. What is it?" Rodney asked, slightly impatient.
"I can't tell you, it's not proper."
"…"
"…"
"…You were having dirty thoughts, weren't you…you dirty, dirty Czech. I mean really….are you sure?"
"Yes, tonight is the first time Vicky and I shall be sharing a room…alone…together…all night."
"I get the picture." Rodney said tightly, trying to control the rampant fantasies about a rather sexy boss that that conjured in his mind while suppressing the unwanted mental imagery of a rather inappropriately dressed Czech and Finnian doing very inappropriate things. "Was there anything else? Did you have a fleeting thought that it was too dark in the room or something?"
"If it was fleeting, would I remember? But no, I can see adequately. Or at least could, I'm getting rather tired and my eyes a blurring."
"Poor baby". Rodney said dispassionately, trying to think of a reason why this would happen. "Zelenka, step outside for a moment." The Czech raised an eyebrow but stepped outside willingly. Although the light dimmed considerably, it was still there…but now a rather pleasant shade of amber.
Like her eyes.
The thought was fleeting but the moment it crossed his mind the walls changed to have stroked of green through it.
Exactly like her eyes!
"ZELENKA! HERE! NOW! ALONE!" Zelenka stepped into the room and Rodney stepped out, leaving the door open. "Alright, think about her eyes."
"Who's eyes?"
"Nicky's."
"Vicky's?"
"Right, Mickey's."
"VICKY'S!" The room had turned a scarlet and black roiling colour but the moment Zelenka calmed and closed his eyes, picturing her eyes…the room turned to a silvery white.
"Wow, pretty." The young scientist next to him said quietly and Rodney nodded.
"Booya, it runs on emotion. Human emotion." Rodney said, making a little fist in the air.
"Why hasn't it been active till now? …hold on. Did you just say Booya?" The same young girl asked, tugging on her foxy haired braid.
"Yeah? Why?"
"…uh…no reason."
"Sorry, I was watching that episode of Simpsons with duffman in it. It kinda got stuck in my head…"
"Riiight. So…Why hasn't it been active till now?"
"Maybe it has but to a lesser extent. I think, the more profound the emotion, the brighter the colour. This lab was only recently discovered and only really put into use last week so…it seems…that until now there wasn't an emotion powerful enough to set it off." The young girl stepped in with Zelenka and swirls of orange began to dance along the walls and floor making an attractive fresco.
"My god, it's beautiful. I have to show this to Elizabeth." Stepping in he watched the amber and green swatches slip beneath his feet and then begin to chase the orange. They seemed to play gaily across the walls in some random game of cat and mouse.
"Dr. McKay to Dr. Weir. If you're awake….you've got to see this. It's beautiful." Nearly as beautiful as you.
IOIOIO
On the other side of Atlantis in a distinctly less colourful room…sat a rather disgruntled Major Sheppard.
"Can I go yet?"
"No."
"Can I go yet?"
"No."
"Can I go yet?"
"No."
"Can I go yet?"
"THE MAN SAID NO!" Kavanaugh, who was in the next bed, roared. Becket looked up from where he was taking a copious amount of Sheppard blood to smile at Kavanaugh.
"Calm down now, you don't want to get Nurse. Chapel in here, do you?" Kavanaugh grimaced and turned away in a huff.
"We don't really have a nurse called Chapel? Do we?" Sheppard asked grinning.The thought was just too bizarre.
"Yes, funnily enough her name is Christine and she's a dyed blonde too. Ain't wearing a blue mini dress with a bob though."
"Chapel didn't have a bob?" .
"In series three she did." Becket said, removing the needle.
"Na ah."
"Yeah she did, but unlike their Chapel, this one doesn't have a crush on Spock."
"We have a Spock?" Beckett sighed and gave Sheppard the same look he'd give a misbehaving child.
"If I'm McCoy, and you're Kirk…what does that make Rodney?" Sheppard grinned.
"Oh yeah…but more importantly….what does that make Weir?" The two men shared a laugh before Dr. Beckett walked off with the syringe. "You're hiding the vampirism very badly, Carson!" He shouted after the doctor who waved him off.
Sheppard relaxed back onto the bed and began to count the overlapping tiles that made up the roof. He heard Kavanaugh grumbling next to him and turned to face the pony tailed scientist.
"What was that, Kavvy?"
"Nothing."
"Bet you were wondering who you'd be if you were in Star Trek." Kavanaugh scoffed loudly.
"As far away from Kirk wannabe's like you!"
"No…don't be silly. I know exactly who'd you be." Kavanaugh shifted to face him, raising one eyebrow half way up his expansive forehead.
"Oh really? Please, enlighten me." Sheppard grinned evilly.
"Why, you'd be the important scientist!" He said, making the Thatcher Wannabe grin smugly. "You know, the one who handles all the dangerous chemicals and entities and screws up majorly, possibly from turning too fast so your pony tail knocks a container that holds a terrible disease that makes everyone really horny but since you're locked in the room with only a pole for company, you die of arousal while the entire crew PAR-TAY!" Kavanaugh made a disgusted, snorting noise and turned away.
"You make me sick!"
"Actually, you were in sickbay first."
"Both of you! Don't make me get the sedatives!" A blonde nurse entered and pointed an accusing finger at both the patients. "I'm telling ya, on a base with all these hoity toity scientist and gung ho military types. It's enough to send a girl crazy." She said in a heavy British accent, busying herself with inspecting the bandages of a scientist who was unlucky enough to have a console explode in his general direction. Luckily he had his back turned so it didn't damage anything major like his face, chest or hands but he did have a rather…painful looking…behind. Sheppard resumed his task of counting the tiles, he had just reached 412 when Dr. Beckett came back in.
"The preliminary results are back, Major, an' I'm sorry ta say but it seems ya picked up a wee bug on the planet. It's nothing a few antibiotics can't clear up but I'd like to keep you in for observation.."
"Why? What happened?"
"Seems there was summit in that water which shouldn' a' been there. It's gonna have some strange side effects but as long as you keep your blood sugar level up and have plenty of rest, you'll be grand." Beckett smiled warmly at him and Sheppard was eerily reminded of the creepy Doctor in the new Series of Star Trek, Enterprise. The one who's smile reached his eyes…quiet literally.
"Well it should give me some thinking time but I'm really busy, you think you could do me a few favours. Have someone keep an eye on my quarters, not Ford though, cause I've a feeling if you don't then tomorrow my underwear is going to be decorating the Star Gate." Beckett didn't ask, because he didn't want to know. "Oh, and could you bring me the basket of flowers from my quarters, I need to get started on the bouquet and ask Vicky if she's free. I've no idea what to do, she'll have to show me and…oh! And if you see Dr. Weir tell her that I'm gonna be outta action for the next few days." Beckett was suddenly very glad he had nursing staff to do things for him.
IOIOIO
Teyla finished threading the last of the flowers into her wreath and smiled, pleased with her work.
"Are you finished already, child?" Sharin asked, entering the tent beside her and smiling at the wreath in her lap.
"Yes Sharin." Teyla rose and placed the wreath on a nearby shelf. "Has Major Sheppard completed his?"
"I am unsure, he declined my help and instead went with a man named Slinka."
"I believe you mean Zelenka. I was unaware they were friends."
"More like partners in crime. I do not understand his reluctance, I could have shown him the Garden's of Athos where all the flowers are grown. He would have had to climb mountains and scale the great canyon to get some of the more beautiful ones otherwise." Teyla laughed quietly to herself.
"The major seems to prefer doing everything backwards. The more difficult it is, the more manly he seems once he has completed it." Sharin nodded in understanding.
"That is why he does not shave, for manly stubble?"
"I believe that is a Terran concept of some kind. That and making loud noises come from their armpits. I have seen him and Lt. Ford do this many times." Sharin raised an eyebrow.
"A….noteworthy accomplishment." Sharin said sceptically. "However, I have come to tell you that there are only four hours left till noon , you have barely slept, nor have you gone to Shanra to have your dress fitted. She used the measurement we gave her, and the material you required but there are always bits to pull in and pull out. Then you must bathe and have the ceremonial marks drawn on your skin and…"
"I am aware of what is to be done."
"You hardly slept. I don't want you to be tired for the ceremony."
"Does any girl sleep on the eve of her courtship?" Sharin smiled suddenly and picked up the wreath.
"This is a good wreath. You made it of solid vine with hardy flowers. I see most of these flowers symbolise strength and passion. You think very highly of this man."
"I do." Sharin nodded, placing the wreath back.
"I think he's the biggest idiot I've ever met, personally, but I trust in your decision." Teyla watched her leave with wide eyes and an open jaw.
IOIOIO
The last thing Dr. Rodney McKay ever expected to see when he walked into infirmary was…well…what he was seeing now.
Nicky…Mickey…no…Vicky! Was standing in front of about five patients, including Kavanaugh and Sheppard, with a bunch of vines and showing them how to weave it.
"The trick is to use your elbow to keep the shape circular, once you tie it in, you should be fine. Any questions?" McKay watched in horror as Kavanaugh raised his hand.
"Wouldn't it just snap if you put that much tension on it?" Vicky smiled as if she was expecting the question.
"No, the vines are fairly stretchy and durable. You'll be fine. Now, if everyone can make their ring, we'll get to adding in the flowers. We've got plenty for everyone but since it's the Major who's dong the ceremony thing, he gets preference." There were a few non committal murmurs around the room as they worked on the dark brown vines they all had.
"Oh, hey Rodney. What brings you ta the infirmary, you're not hurt are ye?" He looked from the crazy spectacle to Dr. Beckett who was sitting down with a cup of that vile British stuff called Tea.
"Oh, no. I was looking for Major Sheppard." Carson smirked, taking a sip of the creamy coloured liquid.
"Well, he's a little busy at the moment, as ya might see. They're making Wreaths."
"Who died?"
"Oh no, they're not 'cause someone died, it's an Athosian custom to give a Wreath to your 'intended'."
"Intended what?" Carson gave McKay a long suffering sigh.
"You know, for the supposed smartest man in the galaxy, you're awfully dense."
"What?" Carson shook his head and looked back over at the florists. The next thing Rodney knew, tea was shooting out of Carson's nose. Looking over he watched as Kavanaugh and Bates fought over the link daises.
"Okay…We have now entered the twilight zone...Hold on, is Major Sheppard green?"
IOIOIO
I really couldn't think of anything else to write. This chapter was just one big patchwork quilt I wrote a varying hours of the morning. I'm not sure if it even makes sense but it's meant to kinda explain everything going on without me having to write and extra six pages in the next chapter. Coming up next week…ish, the ceremony, Teyla's prank and enough smurf jokes to turn you blue! I got so distracted while writing this, I've written about twenty stand alones for various things. Meh, I need a beta. I hate rereading things and I've noticed I write 'could' instead of 'couldn't' a lot which makes no sense.
He could fly, so that was out of the question
I mean, that makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER! Now, off to see Ms. Congeniality 2 because the lush Enrique Murciano is in it. My god, I'm so weak.