Revenge, two sugars, no milk.

By Estellio

Rating: Pg-13

Pairing: McWeir, Sheyla.

Warnings: Vengeful pranks (Tee hee)

Summary: Pay back time, Sheppard style. Sequel to Truth Or Dare.

A/N: A few things. A) Tea is great. Tea is the foundation of the civilised world and giver of life to sleepy people who can't have coffee because of that ity bity addiction that made them do crazy things...Moving swiftly on...Rodney is Canadian and it is my experience that very few Canadians and Amercians like tea (Why, it's GREAT!) But anyway, Scottish tea isn't. They brew it so weak! It's just brown water with milk in it. YUK! Thanks to everyone who reviews (hugs) I'm now up to 70! WOOHOO! (Dances) And I'd like to apologise for the following. First, cause this chappy is so short and secondly because this is the last time I'm gonna be able to post till the summer holidays. Sorry, that's a month away folks. So I'm gonna end on a nice little cliffhanger...of sorts...well...Not really a cliffhanger more of a wire hanger...Yeah, I'll jsut go away and let you read now. Oh! DOn't forget to keep up your wonderful reviewing!

IOIOIO

Hectic day? You don't know the meaning of a hectic day until you've spent a day as Dr. Elizabeth Weir. She didn't think all the coffee in the world could wake her up from this zombie like trance she was in now as she made her way to the infirmary. Early this morning she had gotten a call from Dr. McKay to come to the lab. Although it was certainly quite beautiful and worth seeing, it could have waited till after breakfast because the moment the base found out she was awake, Weir had to make herself appear in three places at once and this left no time for breakfast. Now, to top this all off with a nice big cherry…Major Sheppard was in the infirmary with some disease he got while picking flowers. How the hell was she supposed to phrase this in a report and retain any measure of seriousness? Worse than that, he currently looked like the hulk! She'd never be able to grace the SGC with her presence again without a snide remark. She could only imagine what it would be like for him.

"Mornin' Dr. Weir." Carson looked up, his usual cheerful self. Where did he get the coffee? Oh wait, it was tea…it'd do.

"Carson." She said smiling, eyeing his tea. "I've come to check on our wayward Major. Is he in?" Carson snorted at the joke and reached into his desk, taking out a bottle of Scotch.

"I think you'll need a stiff drink ta face this, lass. If not one before, you'll need one after. Also, perhaps I should wheel ya in cause I don't want to have ta treat ya for a broken Cox' now or nothin'." She stared at him blankly for a moment.

"Why…what has he done?"

"It's not what he's done, per se…more like what he's doin'." Weir rushed past Carson and into the Ward. She looked around for one moment then rushed back to him, grabbing the bottle and the glass he offered.

"Well?" He asked.

"Get up, I need to sit down." He obliging rose and she fell heavily into his place.

"I've been here nearly a year and I've seen pretty strange things. Amphibious creatures that suck the life out of your chest, electricity eating clouds, nanovirus', aliens that have ascended to a higher plane. You know, you think you'd be hard pressed to find something to shock you…but…" She downed the whiskey.

"What was wrong?"

"Bates had Kavanaugh in a headlock demanding he hand over the little blue ones. Carson…they're flower arranging."

"I know. It scares me a little too. D'ya want me to get ya a sedative? Some Vallium, opium?"

"I'm going to have to go back in there. Aren't I?"

"'Fraid so, luv."

"Carson…Was that really happening? Did I just imagine it? Am I in a coma induced hallucination."

"'Fraid not, better get you back in there then?" She put out her hand for him to take her in and she shut her eyes as they walked through the door.

"I SWEAR TO GOD! IF YOU TWO DON'T QUIT IT I'LL STRANGLE YE! GIVE ME THE YELLOW ONES! NOW! No more flowers for ye, if ye can't behave. I mean really! I thought they thought discipline in the army and I thought scientists had brains?" Weir opened her eyes to see Bates and Kavanaugh being given a dress down in front of the rest of the ward. The ward consisting of a green Sheppard, a slightly pink McKay, a bandaged scientist and two other military officers who were grinning like mad at seeing their CO being given the 'glare' by a linguist and Bates had the intelligence enough to actually look ashamed whereas Kavanaugh looked like he was ready to give as good as he got. Weir could almost see Vicky's anger rising and knew this might come to blows if she didn't intervene.

"Dr. Fox, Dr. Kavanaugh, Dr. McKay, Dr. Who, Sergeant Bates, Major Sheppard, Lt. Lester, Private Macalister." She greeted them each in turn, their heads turning to look at her in absolute mortification.

"Dr. Weir!" Sheppard said jovially, grinning his trademark smile at her. "We were just making floral wreaths. Care to join us?" He asked, waving his own at her. She had to admit, it looked nice.

"Unlike the rest of ye, I have a busy day ahead. I just came down to see how everyone is doing."

"Can't complain." John said, returning his attention to the wreath. Bates and Kavanaugh gave noncommittal grunts as they tried pointedly, not to look at each other. There was a muffled response from the bandaged Scientist and the two marines said something low that had a 'M'am' on the end.

"Well…alright then…get back to your flower arranging." She backed out…slowly.

"Okay, I'm done. Did I do it right?" Sheppard proffered her his wreath and Vicky looked it over

"It's fine. A little…brutalised but fine. Did you use the flowers you wanted?"

"Yes."

"Did you put them where I told you they have to go?"

"Yes."

"Then it's fine. Now, what time do you have to get to the mainland, anyway?"

"Noon." Vicky started.

"Major! It's eleven! Ten past actually! And it's a ten minute jump to the mainland and you're not even washed or dressed!" She grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the bed, starting a quick jog to his quarters.

"But hey, I'm meant to be in sickbay! I'm ill!" She stopped in front of his quarters and punched in a code.

"Get in there!"

"Hey, how do you know where my quarters are? And how did you get in? That's kinda creepy!"

"Get in." Vicky man handled him into the bathroom and instructed him to strip, shoving a bottle of pink shampoo into his hand.

"This isn't shampoo. This is…" Can't tell her what it's for… "Hand me the Head and Shoulders!" A bottle of Head and Shoulders flew through the air at him while Vicky ran into the next room and began to route through his closet for the ceremonial robes Sharin had given him.

"Hey, if I'm gonna shower then get out! This door doesn't close!"

"I've seen it all before!"

"Not mine! Get out!"

"Where are the damn ceremonial clothes!"

"In the basket!" Vicky grabbed them and lay them out on the bed before running out of the room.

"I'll have a puddle jumper prepped. Be in the bay in fifteen minutes, washed and dressed. Then we have to paint you!"
"But the green swirls are already on my body! I look like an extra in river dance!" He said, tugging up his shirt to show his colourful midriff.

"Well there are different orange ones to be drawn on. Think about it, if they turn your skin yellow you could go naked to a Kerry GAA match."

"What's GAA?"

"…You should be ashamed of yourself for saying that, now, what I said about fifteen minutes. Start stripping." With that she was gone.

"Madness…madness."

IOIOIO

Four hours later Weir sank into her office chair, tethering dangerously on her wits end. As the leader of Atlantis she had been required to attend the ceremony…no…she wouldn't call it that. That desecrate the word ceremony…it was the …CIRCUS act that was the Athosian courtship ritual. It was bad enough that through out the whole thing John was scratching but Rodney and Zelenka were constantly fighting and Bates and Kavanaugh glared at each other for the whole thing while trying not to look at each other and, on top of that, the woman who was reading the rites kept sneezing because she was allergic to Johns aftershave. Oh, and if that wasn't bad enough…John was now not only green….but purple as well! River dance extra? He looked like Barney the freakin' dinosaur! Any moment she expected him to burst into a tone deaf chorus of 'if all the raindrops' or 'I love you, you love me.'

"Will this madness never end?" Elizabeth groaned to herself, rubbing her weary eyes.

"Elizabeth! Glad I found you." Rodney burst into her office and Elizabeth fought the urge to scream until she passed out.

"Apparently not."

"What?" Rodney looked confused.

"Nothing, Rodney, I wasn't talking to you." She sighed, looking up at the far too energetic scientist.

"I'm the only person in the room, who were you talking to you? You're not hearing voices again, are you?"

"RODNEY! I was thinking our loud. What do you want, I'm tired, grumpy and I've a lot of paperwork to finish. Please, make this brief."

"Okay, three things. First, you have to get Major Sheppard to unencode the chair. He's password encoded it and it shocks the person who sits on it if they don't know it!" Elizabeth smiled.

"Oh yes, I remember that. How's the ass?"

"A little tingly but otherwise fine. Now, secondly! I want Zelenka put on a team. He's driving me up the walls and down the other side. He needs projects of his own to work on, he needs to get out and stretch his skinny little legs and most importantly, he needs to get out of my hair! I can't work in these conditions anymore!"

"Suggestions noted." Elizabeth said, stretching in her chair and closing her eyes.
"Never gonna happen, is it?"

"No." Her eyes felt so good closed she didn't have the heart to open them.

"Alright, finally…would you like to have dinner with me this evening?" Elizabeth's eyes snapped open.

"…Well…Yes. Yes I would." Rodney let loose a breath he probably didn't know he was holding and smiled brilliantly at her.
"Right, see you tonight then. I just thought that we should, you know, have a longer dinner since our last one was cut so short and then there's that thing you wanted to talk about, you did want to talk right? And I thought, maybe, if you liked, after dinner we could talk this time instead of one of us rushing off and…"

"Rodney." Elizabeth said smiling. "You're babbling."

"I am? Right, yes…well…I am. I see…I'm just gonna go now."

"Alright, Rodney. I'll see you tonight, around seven?" Without a further word Rodney nodded, smiling like a kid who just got the candy, and left. She heard him woop loudly outside her door and couldn't help but laugh. Her reports could wait, unless she wanted to fall head first into the MRE Rodney would no doubt be serving tonight, she was going to sleep.

IOIOIO

"Okay, I have a plan."

"Major…you are aware that some of us actually have work to do." Zelenka sighed at the walky talky on his desk. Ever since the ceremony, Major Barney refused to leave his room until the colour wore off.

"No, really. I've got it all figured out. All you have to do is sneak into Dr. Weirs quarters tonight and put this bottle of shampoo in her shower. It's simple."

"If it's so simple zen vhy don't you do it?"

"You are the tech guy, you can open the doors without detection and give her some bull about a power surge. Me showing up in her quarters just looks suspicious." Zelenka rolled his eyes.

"Short answer…no. What's so special about zis shampoo anyway?"

"It's not shampoo, it's pink hair dye. Only temporary though. Don't want to be stuck cleaning the bio filters in the bowels of the city for life, do I because she'll know it was me, wont she?"

"Sheppard, zis is madness. Rodney vas one thing…"

"No, seriously, guess what. I forgot to disconnect the walky talky in Rodney's shower and I over heard him butcher a Girls Aloud song but also that he has a date, tonight, with Dr. Weir, in his quarters." At this Zelenka's ears pricked.

"Really?"

"Yep. Not only that but apparently 'Waters running in the wrong direction, gotta feelin' it's a mixed up sign. I can see it in my own reflection, it's the sound of, it's the sound of…"

"Major! Kroykah! Please, no more! I do not need to know."

"It's really funny. I'm thinking of making a Cd of Rodney singing in the shower and selling it. We'd make a killing. Think about it." Zelenka laughed and picked up the walky talky.

"I'll come talk to you after my shift, da?"

"You're a saint, an evil saint, but a saint nonetheless. Did I mention a genius and great and…need I go on?"

"Actually, yes. Please Major, do."

"Egotistical son of a…really nice person. Did I mention you're really nice."

"Alright Major, I'll do it."

"Alright! Also, you don't know where I could find a fair of white dungarees, do you?"

"White dungarees? What could you possibly need those for?"

"…Teyla."

"I'm not going to ask, I'm not going to ask…what do you need them for?"

"The same thing I need blue body paint for."

IOIOIO

Yes, anyone who doesn't know what GAA is should be ashamed. Best sport ever! Well...sports. Hurling and Gaelic footy. (Waves patriotic banner) Best sports ever and they're Irish! WOO! Anyway, don't forget to press that little button. you know what you have to do...REVIEW! (Oh no, back with the rhyming. This has to stop!)