Wow! Ok… Who's read HBP? I read it in under a day. It was that good. And I want to make this clear. I'm gonna ignore the book dispite it's awesome-ness. Obviously I can't go changing it now. So it's officially AU. Right. Moving on.
Anonymous:… Eh… Wow. You're very set in this aren't you? And dispite the fact that….. Well I actually agree with your pairing choices, as how they're going to be in the series. I've already decided that there will be no pairings. Maybe a tiny, tiny bit of Hermionie Ron though. Because it's so cannon to begin with. But aside from that. Sorry.
HoshiHikari: Yeah, I know it's a bit too soon. As we've learned so far…. Harry is a very persuasive boy. So…. Well, you'll see what's going to happen. And Snape and Lupin are on good terms because they have something to fret over…. Eh…. Together. Co-workers that fret together stay together.
&HP&
Harry nervously walked down the corridor to Lupin's office; they were near deserted due to the fact that lunch was still going on. He tried to stay there as long as he could, but Hermionie had noticed that he had stopped eating and was simply sitting there and told him that he should go see Lupin. He complied. What was he supposed to do? Sit there and tell her that 'Oh no, I'll sit here for a bit. 'Cause you see I don't want to go see him because I know he wants to talk about me being the poor lil' abused orphan boy!' He would have then attempted to start a conversation with Ron about… Quidditch or something… Eh… Normal.
All too soon for Harry's taste he was outside Lupin's doors. He stood there in surprise, as he had been lost in his mind for a bit there. So he held the starring contest with the dark oak wood before him and grudgingly knocked softly on the door, hopping to whatever god was out there that Lupin would not hear him and he could leave guilt free.
No such luck.
The doors opened to show a softly smiling Remus Lupin, he opened the door wider and let Harry in. He nodded politely to proffessor Snape, who was sitting on a couch near by. Harry bit the inside of his cheek and sat nervously on the very edge of the armchair Lupin presented him with. He declined the offer of tea and biscuits and sat before the fire feeling very awkward. Then again he always felt awkward. He looked into the lit hearth and wondered if there was a fire in every single room of the castle. And if they were always lit, he thought so. Even late into the night (or early in the morning depending on how you looked at it) when he would go down into the common room because of waking from a nightmare, or vision, or simply a case of insomnia the fire would be lit, bright, and warm. Harry figured that a castle would need fires for heat. But couldn't magic do that? He guessed that fire was for decoration rather than necessity. Harry was glad they were there though. He loved fire. The look of fire, the heat of fire, and most of all the company of fire. As stupid as it sounded Harry would feel almost relieved when he would go down into the common room due to one of the previously mentioned reasons and find the hearth lit.
He could sit with the fire next to him and let all his sadness and fear and worries pour out of him. He would empty himself of all the pain he felt so regularly and let the fire eat it up and turn it to non-existent ashes. He would sit serenely as the fire would console him and calm him with sweet caressing hands of warmth and soft, crooning words that it would never even have to utter. It's mural of colors and allure of graceful dancing movement would say everything Harry needed to hear.
He snapped from the daze he had gone into as he gazed at the fire beside him when he recognized the sound of a soft voice that did not belong to his fire called his name. He looked up to see Lupin sitting across from him with slight worry etched on his handsome yet tired face. Snape sat looking at him as well with that sort of Awkward look that suggested that he didn't know if he should feel worried or irritated.
"You ok there Harry? You didn't answer when I called." He said, regarding Harry with kind eyes. Yet Harry didn't budge, he had learned ages ago not to always trust looking eyes. No matter how kind. In fact the kind eyes were sometimes the worst.
"Fine. Sorry, I must have zoned out. So, what did you want to talk to me about?" He replied calmly, not giving any signs to the nervousness he felt.
"Oh, yes…. Well…" Remus began slowly. He was a bit upset. Harry was holding back, trying his best not to confide in him. Maybe it was best not to force Harry into anything yet. He would go for a lighter approach. "I was wondering when you wanted to tell Dumbledore about… Well, the fitness of your living arrangements. Not that I'm pressuring mind you… But I do want to give my two cents in believing that the sooner the better." He watched Harry's face carefully and was a bit worried when he saw that it held little to no emotion.
"I… Not now. Please. Give me more time." Harry said softly. He only seemed to find his voice when he looked away from Remus and into the fire. Remus mentally sighed. Snape on the other hand didn't try to hide his sigh.
"You can't hide it for long." He said calmly yet firmly. Harry looked at him blankly.
"I've hid it for 13 years." He responded numbly. Snape flinched in what could have been anger or worry. "I'll tell. But remember that it's my secret to tell and I'll tell it when I'm ready."
"Alright… I'll respect your decision because it is indeed yours." He ignored Snape's angry growl to his left and was about to dismiss Harry (reluctantly) when something came to mind. "Harry?" He got a small "Hm?" in response and continued. "May I ask you something?" He got another "Hm." With a tone of complying to it and continued again. "I've been wondering about the second form of your boggart." He saw Harry's eerily fire-lit face flinch a bit and saw Snape lean foreward, obviously curious about it too. "I understand most of the people that were there." And he did. Ron and Hermionie were his friends and he would of course worry about what they thought of him. Albus was his headmaster and Harry always seemed to look up to him so his opinion mattered. As for himself he knew from Hermionie that Harry had thought he was the best DADA teacher they ever had and that he was fonder of Remus than he let on. Like a sort of mentor/possibly distant friend. So his opinion mattered as well. Then there was Sirius, Lily, Cedric and James. They had made it clear when they spoke why they were there. Harry obviously felt responsible for their deaths and felt that they would hate him if they could. But then there was Snape and Malfoy. Sure, Snape was Harry's teacher, but Harry always hated him, didn't he? And Malfoy? That made even less sense.
"You're wondering why Proffesor Snape and Malfoy were in the group." Harry said duly, keeping his eyes trained on the fire. He had said it as a statement, not a question. Remus nodded and Harry apparently saw him because he continued. "Proffesor Snape, you were there because… I don't hate you as much as you may thnk. Yes, you're a prat and Merlin knows you're a bastard but you isn't all that bad." Remus raised an eyebrow; that hadn't made much sense. Snape on the other hand bristled up and growled again, otherwise staying quiet. "You're a jerk but you do decent things." Harry elaborated. "I know you've saved my life a handful of times, you put up with my shite potions skill," Snape snorted at this "and you risk your neck every day to spy for the light. I've seen in visions, dreams, yes I still have them and no I won't talk about them right now. I've seen you be put on the spot and I've seen you be tortured. In fact I sometimes even feel the damn crutias. You've been nothing but a put down to me since I've been here but I do respect you." Harry chewed his lip for a moment and refused to look away from the fireplace. Snape seemed o be in shock.
"You… Do?" Harry nodded, a faint flicker of embarrassment on his face. "You've seen him… Torture me?" Harry nodded again. "And you sometimes feel it for yourself?" Another nod. "Bloody hell. How did you carry on for so long without anit-crutias potions?"
"How did I carry on through first year with a sprained wrist and two broken ribs? I just did." After several long seconds he continued. "The reason I give for Malfoy Applies to you as well. The thing is that everyone in this school. Hell, everyone in the bloody wizarding world has me stereotyped.
They all think I'm the perfect little hero boy with the perfect little family, the perfect little house and the perfect little home. They expect me to be the knight on a white sodding horse come to save them with my amazing power and skill. To deliver them to freedom. You and Malfoy never fell for that ploy. Sure, you may have thought me happy with a perfect life, but you thought me spoiled as well. You recognized me for what I was. What I am. I'm so far from perfect I lost track of what perfect was ages ago. I'm a sad little orphan boy with nothing special about him and no chance to save the world like he's supposed to. You recognized me for the freaky loser I am. No one ever believed you. That's how I liked it. If you knew, if you saw first hand you could tell people.You would have proof and you would have an argument. I would be outted." He finished calmly, yet inside he was beyond nervous. He had said more than he had meant to.
"I… Potter, I never thought you were any of those things. Yes, you are shite in potions and yes I did think you were spoiled and sort of a brat But I never thought you to be a freak or usless." Snape said in a quiet voice. "And I wont tell anyone. I made a promise not to tell anyone unless your ok and I intend to keep my promises."
"Harry… None of what you said is true. You're extremely special and talented! And you're not a freaky loser. Don't ever call yourself that. And just so you know. Snape respects you too. I don't know if he'll ever admit it out loud but I can tell he does." Remus added, Harry sighed deeply and nodded. Though he didn't look convinced. Remus frowned in defeat and looked over to the clock that was filling the room with soft ticking.
"It's getting late. You should go to class, Harry." Snape nodded in agreement. Harry didn't need to be told twice. He stood up and walked from the room without another word apart from "goodbye Professors."
&HP&
'Back and forth, Back and forth. Back and forth, and back.' Harry blinked in mild surprise when he accidentally rolled his muggle pen off the edge of the desk, effectively cutting off his boring and redundant train of thought. He let out a small sigh and sat back in his seat, glancing around the room as he did. As he had suspected that no one, not even Hermionie, was paying attention. They were in history of magic and as per usual routine professor Binns was droning on and on in a low monotone voice. Harry didn't know how long he had been sitting there rolling his pen but people were suddenly packing their things up. He sat up and began putting things in his bag. He, Hermionie and Ron all stood and were almost out the door when a dreary voice stopped them.
"Mr. Potter!" They stopped and turned to find Binns approaching them. "Hello Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley." He said politely before turning to Harry. "Mr. Potter, professor Dumbledore wants to see you in his office. He says it's urgent. The password is blood Lollies." And with that the ghost turned and floated back into his class. Harry turned to look at his friends.
"That's odd… We haven't done anything lately have we?" Ron muttered, confused. Harry smiled and chuckled a bit.
"Not to my knowledge. I'll meet you guys later, ok?" His friends nodded and waved goodbye as they went down the hall. Harry went down the hall as well, only he turned left. He continued to Dumbledore's office with a sense of foreboding in his gut. Almost every time he went there it was for something bad. Not to mention that Lupin and Snape could have… He trailed off on his thoughts and stopped in the hall. 'No. Oh god, please… Please let them not have told.' He thought to himself as he reluctantly continued walking.
He muttered out the password and stepped on the rotating stone steps as they churned past him. In no time he was outside Dumbledore's door and he heard a familiar voice say "enter". He took an unsteady gulp of air and went in. Everything seemed normal. Dumbledore sat at his desk with his usually calm smile and Fawks thrilling behind him. Aside from that there was no one else there. He sat down in the chair before Dumbledore's desk and politely declined both the lemon drop and the tea.
"Harry 'm boy. I… Something has come into light. Something quite important." Harry's heart sped up. "We should finish this conversation quickly and proceed to the hospital wing." His breath caught in his throat but he remained quiet. "Do you remember what the veil of mysteries is?" Harry blinked in surprise and his heart slowed a few beats. He nodded and the elderly wizard continued. "And what is that?"
"It's not completely explained, but it is believed to be a passage or doorway between life and death." Harry replied, somehow keeping his voice even.
"Exactly. So, anyone who falls through it dies." Harry felt a painful stab in his chest. "Unless the veil had been switched." Dumbledore took a pause to survey Harry over his half-moon glasses and continued. "It would appear that Voldmort had the attack at the ministry more planned out than we thought. Before he sent you the vision that compelled you to leave to school he had Lucius Malfoy go down into the department of mysteries and put a fake veil right in front of the real one. This fake veil would be a direct portkey to one of their many prison cells. Lord Voldemort told all his followers to knock as many people as they could into the veil, as it was now the most efficient way to get prisoners. The only person they managed to get through was your godfather. Sirius black." Harry felt his heart quicken again and he watched the headmaster carefully. "Yes Harry. Sirius is alive. We discovered him in one of the cells of a deatheater hove on a raid. He's in the secure room at the hospital wing." Harry could see his vision blur from his tears as he stood quickly.
"Please! I want to go see him!" He said, his voice feeling thick as marmalade. Dumbledore nodded and they were making their way to the hospital wing in no time.
&HP&
It seemed to take an eternity but they eventually stood in front of the doors that separated the normal hospital wing and the secure room. Poppy came out and gave them a nod; Harry took in some air and walked unsteadily into the room. The breath he had taken was let out in a strangled sob as his tear-glossed eyes fell upon Sirius Black. Sitting in the hospital bed with a smile, he had bandages and a few bruises but was still very much alive.
"Hey kiddo." And those words seemed to be the trigger. Because the next thing he knew he was running across the room with hot tears on his face. He let out another sob and threw himself into Sirius' arms. One leg was tucked under him and the other was still to the side with his foot on the ground. His hands were gripping Sirius' forearms tightly and he had his face buried in his godfather's chest. Sirius wrapped his arms around Harry and pulled him so he was fully on the bed and tucked safely into his arms. "Shhh, it's ok Harry… God I missed you so much." Sirius continued to whisper soothing things to him and would occasionally turn his head to kiss the top of Harry's head.
"Oh Sirius!" Harry cried out between sobs. "I t-though you were g-gone for good! I though you w-were dead! I-" Sob "Though I had k-killed you! I'm s-so sorry!" These words caused surprise in everyone there, but Sirius was the first to say what they were all thinking.
"Harry! I- What do you mean killed me?" Harry made a noise and responded.
"It w-was my fault… I didn't t-take lessons with Snape so I fell for the vision and went to the ministry. It was my fault you were there and it was my fault she killed you!" There was a resounding silence in the room. Everyone was shocked by what they were hearing. Dumbledore knew that Harry was upset from Sirius' death but he had no idea that he had felt responsible.
"Harry, that's not true! I went there because the order went there. They went there because deatheaters were there. They would have been there if you hadn't. I sure as hell don't blame you for what happened and you shouldn't either." Harry sobbed and gave a barley there nod against his chest. Sirius accepted this for now, but he knew that it would take more than that to get him off this guilt trip.
Suddenly the door opened to show a tear ridden Remus Lupin in the door. Harry reluctantly but quickly moved over so Lupin could run forward and have his turn sobbing in his close friends arms. He sat at the edge of the bed silently, barley noticed tears rolling down his cheek. He watched them hug and talk. He watched Lupin cry and watched Sirius comfort. He noticed that Poppy and Dumbledore had left them alone and only him and the two crying men at the head of the bed were in the room. After many moments they broke apart and Remus and Harry were listening to Sirius' accounts of what happened from being captured to being rescued. He obviously cut out all the torture he must have had to endure.
"So, anything of interest happen lately? Aside from me being back." Sirius asked once he was through, Harry responded without really thinking.
"Nope, boring as ever." He said in a casual voice that sounded no different from the one he had been using for the past few minutes.
"Oh, well I suppose that's sort of good." Sirius responded with a nod and a Smile, Harry returned the smile and tensed as he realized that someone was starring at him. He looked over to see Lupin starring at him with an unreadable expression.
"That's not true, Harry." He said calmly, refusing to break eye contact. Harry felt his stomach twist.
"You… You said you wouldn't tell." He whispered, so nervous that he let his mask slip and now wore a worried and terrified expression. "You said I could wait till I was ready!" Lupin sighed and allowed pity and apology to show on his face, it also held a sign of firmness.
"I know… I said we could wait till you were ready to tell Dumbledore. But Sirius is your godfather. He's your legal guardian and he cares about you. Merlin knows he's nosey as hell" Remus ignored the snort Sirius gave, but noticed that the animagus was watching both of them in interest and curiosity. "And Merlin knows that he's sneakier than any Gryffindor I've ever met, aside from you. He has a right to know and if you don't tell him he'll figure it out eventually. Then think how he would feel when he realized that you kept something like this from him while Snape and I know!"
"It's not like I told you! The stupid boggart told you! If it weren't for that test you would still be oblivious and I would still be perfectly fine with pretending!" By now Harry was shouting and tears were rolling down his face again.
"So you never had any plan to tell anyone? You were just going to take the abuse and take the secret to the grave?" Remus countered looking upset.
"If you must know yes! That was the bloody plan!" Harry snapped angrily. The next thing they knew he had gotten up and was running to the door. Sirius sat all the up in surprise and moved to get out of bed.
"Harry! Please!" He shouted to the boy's back. Harry stopped with his back still to them and his hand on the doorknob. He stood there for a few short moments until his shoulders began to shake slightly and he fell to his knees and lent his forehead against the doorframe. Sirius climbed out of bed quickly and hurried over to his side along with Remus. Sirius got to his knees next to his godson and put his hand on his shaking shoulder, about to ask what was wrong. Harry looked up and Sirius got a distressed look on his face. Remus knew why. Harry wore the same blank yet pained look he had a few days ago when Remus and Snape had found him in the bathroom. He knew first hand what a terrifying and painful expression it was to see, especially on a boy like Harry. "Sirius…" Harry began with a sniff. "I've been lying to you about some things…. And I've been keeping a lot of secrets.
&HP&
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