Revenge, two sugars, no milk.
By Estellio
Rating: Pg-13
Pairing: McWeir, Sheyla.
Warnings: Vengeful pranks (Tee hee) WHITE LEDERHOSEN! Innuendo and...SECHS! That's right folks. Sombody's gonna have sex but this is still Pg-13 so no graphic scenes for ye!
Summary: Pay back time, Sheppard style. Sequel to Truth Or Dare.
A/N: It hots up a little and thingsstart coming to a head. Originally this chapter was so much dirtier with innuendo left right and centre but I decided to cut down all the innuendo to just a little. I had to cut out my favourite joke (sniff sniff) anyway. I know I said I'd take ages but I've had so many free classes it's not even funny. I wrote out the whole plot to this chapter and then typed it up. Also, sniff sniff, I was going to a Sci-fi convention in London but My passport has expired and I don't have the money to renew it. I cant go! (Cries) I'm so upset...maybe this'll cheer you and me up! Also, according to Mavis Becon I type two words a minute...LOL! I went to the bathroom, forgot about it, and came back. (Falls over laughing) it took me nearly half an hour to write this A/N according to the stupid thing! Anyway...onto the fic.
IOIOIO
McKay combed his hair over one way and looked at himself in the mirror critically. He shook head and combed his hair the other way…it wasn't working for him so he combed his hair back.
"Now we're talking." He said, running to check on the Athosian 'pizza' in the 'oven'. This must have been the third time in so many minutes because
A) Rodney had no idea what the hell the thing he was cooking was and it didn't come with instructions on the box.
B) He couldn't cook anything without a microwave and a box that had instructions on them
C) He didn't have a microwave or a box but he did have this heating oven thing that was either an oven or an incinerator.
The moment of truth.
His door chimed and with a final look in the mirror to reassure himself that he looked as handsome as ever, he went to answer it. At the last minute he decided he didn't like the hair and ran a hand through it, messing it up the way he had over heard Weir say that she thought made him look boyishly cute.
He he, she thinks I'm cute.
The doors opened with a thought and he turned his charm up to maximum levels. He was sure that if he was anymore charming Atlantis would put him in lock down and alarms would start going off.
"You're…KAVANAUGH!" The pony tailed scientist gave him a quizzical look and looked beyond him to the table lain for two with two candles flickering away happily. Not to mention the dimmed lighting and Marvin Gaye which screamed 'I have a date and I wanna get laid'.
"McKay." The irritating American drawled. "Were you expecting someone else?" Rodney's eyes narrowed almost out of existence and in his least charming and most evil tone he all but growled.
"What do you want?"
"Zelenka is looking for a pair of white Dungarees and I was told you have a pair."
"Dungarees? What the hell makes you think I've Dungarees?"
"He said Rodney had a pair!"
"Rodney Morreto you idiot, not me. The Danish guy, and they're not Dungarees, their lederhosen! Now scram." Kavanaugh rolled his eyes.
"God McKay, honest mistake. How was I to know?"
"Especially since your brain can't function cause your tight hair is cutting off all the blood." Rodney mumbled but Kavanaugh chose to ignore him.
"Where is this Amoreto guy live anyway?" Rodney had the urge to leap on the American, frothing at the mouth and slashing blindly but resisted for the sake of his hair.
"He lives in the residential tower with all the other military personnel. Now…I am busy. Please leave." Kavanaugh just smiled and, Rodney noticed with more than a hint of irritation, didn't move.
"What's the rush? Waiting for someone and you don't want me to see?"
"Of course not, I'm dining alone. I just like the candles and Marvin Gaye. It really sets the mood don't you think?" Kavanaugh smirked and opened his mouth to say something when, like Venus rising from the waves…just not naked, Weir appeared.
"Rodney…" She said smiling and coming to stand at the door. "…And Kavanaugh." She said with more than a trace less of enthusiasm.
"Yes, do you have the reports, Elizabeth?" Rodney asked, trying to divert the fact that this was, in fact, a date but even Kavanaugh was not stupid enough to fall for that so Rodney shot a desperate look to Weir. One moment was all his brain took to register the 'WOW!' factor and Rodney's jaw dropped.
She was wearing an aqua coloured top cut low enough to make him drool but just high enough not to be scandalous and a skirt that reached demurely for her knees but with a slit that showed enough leg to make his grandmother do back flips in her grave.
Vile temptress, he thought, She's doing this on purpose and I know it. Tempting me like a…vile temptress.
"Doctor Weir." Kavanaugh said drawing out every syllable. "You look very…dressed up for a meal to go over reports."
"Oh, I'm not here to go over reports." She said, her cherry glossed lips curling up into a wicked smile. "I'm here to have wild sex with my senior Scientist possibly on that table right over there." She pointed to the candle lit table. "Rodney likes to have candles so he can see what he's doing. Good night." She walked in passed a stunned Kavanaugh and an equally stunned McKay. Kav still hadn't moved as the door slid shut.
"Wild sex on a table, eh?"
"Only if our up for it." She teased but before his ingenious mind could even fathom a way in or out of this situation a small alarm started going off.
"What in the blazes is that?"
"THE PIZZA!" Rodney was off in a flash and dove into the kitchen, pulling open the 'oven' and pulling out the flaming pizza. The siren increased and a panel opened on the ceiling, spraying him with foam and water! He sat there for five or so minutes until the spray finally switched off without loosing a bit of power, and the panel on the ceiling closed. He heard snickering in the doorway and he turned his most evil glare on her.
"This is not funny."
"Actually, Rodney…it is!" He threw the dripping pizza at her, missing her by a few feet before sinking back with a loud squelch.
"There goes dinner and my dignity. Perhaps you should go." Elizabeth shook her head.
"Come on Rodney, I've been looking forward to this all day. How about I head over to the canteen and pick up a pair of MRE's while you dry off?" Rodney looked up at her and smiled.
"Sure, why not?" Rodney extended a hand. "Could you help me up?"
"Oh no! I'm not falling for that, you'll just pull me down and have your way with me." Rodney smirked and Elizabeth thought back on her words. "Oh my god that came out so wrong…That wasn't what I…" Rodney leapt up with a hand full of sud and threw it at her. The throw was pathetic considering how hard it was to throw sud, it was like throwing a piece of A4 paper that's not balled up. It'll just drift about a foot then go off on it's own little course. "I'll be back!" She shouted over her shoulder and skipped out.
"Women." Rodney sighed getting to his feet only to slip again and smack his head on the counter, knocking himself unconscious.
IOIOIO
"Okay. I'm at her quarters, do you have internal sensors up?"
"Check, nobody's coming."
"Alright…I'm taking off the panel. John…last chance to back out."
"Just do it Radek."
"But…If I got get caught it's all you!"
"RADEK!" Sheppard sighed and put down the radio, watching the sensors carefully. A blip floated dangerously close to the corridor but veered off at the last second, Sheppard breathed a sigh of relief and watched as another dot blipped happily down around its room. A second dot blipped its way up to the door and stayed there till a third dot floated along and past it. The two dots returned to the room while the third dot was left outside the door for several flashes before it moved on. One of the blips ran into an adjoining room, the room flashed red for a few moments then stopped and the second blip ran into the room. There was a few flashes before it ran out of the room and the other one moved, very slowly, to the bathroom.
"What the hell was that about." Sheppard mused, wishing he could see who the blips were and what they were doing. There was probably a very normal explanation for what happened…hold on. That was Rodney's room! Who were all those dots? Couldn't' be Radek! Carson was in his room with…OMG! He and the dot in the room with him just merged! Sheppard's jaw dropped and he watched nearly ten minutes for them to part. They didn't. "Sneaky bastard! I wonder who it is…"
"Who, who is?" The radio piped up and John realised who it was.
"Carson's getting laid."
"VAT! How can you tell?"
"Well his dot…or at least I think it's his dot cause it went from infirmary to his room, just merged with another dot and they've been merged for quite a while."
"They could just be standing close together!" Sheppard rolled his eyes.
"you've no flair for the dramatic, Radek. Progress?"
"I'm in. Did you know Doctor Weir has her own balcony."
"What? I don't even have a window!" there was a noncommittal sound from Radek as he entered the bathroom.
"Zkurvysyne! The tub is HUGE!"
"Tub…TUB! I only have a shower!"
"Wow, even I have a bath. You really got a crap room."
"I'm having a word with Rodney. Just put down the shampoo and…"
"Eh…Sheppard. She has a lot of shampoo, there is like…twenty bottles here."
"Well…just stick it down among them. She'll get it eventually. Or wait, put it up high. Is there like…a shelf near the shower or something."
"Yeah…Hold on…"
"SOMEONE COMING! They've stopped at the door Radek!"
"HONVO! Someone just came in!" The radio switched off and Sheppard saw the blip move into the large room off to one side. Weir's room really was big. He watched it drift around the room for several minutes then…entered the bathroom.
"OH MY GOD! She's going to kill me." He closed his eyes, holding his breath and waiting for the moment the radio would switch back on and he'd get a rather pissed off..
MAJOR JOHN SHEPPARD! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!
It didn't come…he waited…and waited…and opened his eye…the room was empty and there were several dots in the corridor.
"Oh god…she's called security and is having Radek arrested and it's all my fault. Wait! I'll be in charge of it! I'll make sure he gets off easy!" He resisted the urge to page Radek and tell him not to sell him out but the chance didn't come as the throng of dots moved down the corridor…turned left…got in a transporter…and materialised at the one nearest his room.
"Oh no…" He idly noticed that Carson and his dot had broken up before his door chimed.
"Come in!"
IOIOIO
A/N: I know I promised a longer chapter but…
Only joking! Lol. Sorry, I had to do it. Just to annoy a friend of mine who gave out stink about my short chapters and my Authros notes.Back to the story.
IOIOIO
The door slid open and he resisted the urge to wince.
"Muh druh! Happy to see me?"
"RADEK!" Sheppard leapt up and hugged the man without thinking.
"Erm…okay. Let go…you're crushing me…Can't…breathe!" Sheppard let go of the huggably scruffy Czech.
"I got your lederhosen." Kavanaugh said and handed him a pair of white Lederhosen, there were about six marines walking further down the hall.
That explains the big group. Oh thank god I'm not going to die horribly at the hands of an American with a British accent! Oh thank god, not only that, but the dye was in place and he had the lederhosen.
He began to laugh manically.
"The final phase of my plan is about to be completed! There is nothing in my way now! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"…Eh…Kavanaugh. Do you want to move so I can back away slowly?"
"I'm already backing away."
"I think he's crazy."
"Me too…"
"Don't make any sudden movements." Kavanaugh ran…Radek followed.
IOIOIO
Three hours, two MRE's, six plays of a Marvin Gaye Cd and a rather strange conversation about why Ice-Hockey was better than Tennis and the night was almost wasted away.
"I'm telling you, think about it. Tennis it's got all the running and tennis elbow but in Hockey you just….glide."
"Yes but in Hockey you have scary masks where in Tennis you have pretty white skirts. I would have thought a man like yourself would appreciate the skirts at least." Rodney smiled.
"Yes, the skirts…I appreciate them greatly but Hockey is just a better sport!"
"Have you ever played? I've played both hockey and Tennis and I found Tennis to be much more fun."
"Hold on…you played Tennis? Did you have one of the skirts?"
"Rodney…" Weir warned and he blushed, looking down at his MRE.
"We both have early starts in the morning. Do you want me to walk you back to your room?" Elizabeth couldn't help but smile. He seemed so unsure about himself, so wonderfully…endearing. It was like he was a nervous teenager again. Not the man who stepped in front of Koyla's gun, not the man who put his own life in danger to get rid of the living cloud, not the man who allowed her to dump Simon across a Galaxy. You have to admit, he had done a lot for her.
"Rodney…I'd love you to walk me back to my room." She got up and proffered her elbow.
"Shall we?" They walked mainly in silence down the empty corridors till they reached Elizabeth's room.
"Well…" Rodney said, "This is where we part way…hold on. Looks like someone's been tampering with your keypad…"
"Rodney?" He looked up from where he had stooped to look at it.
"Ye…" He was cut off when Elizabeth cupped each side of his face and kissed him till his toes curled.
"We don't' have to part ways if you don't want to." Rodney's face was one of shock.
"I don't want to." Elizabeth grabbed a handful of his shirt and walked backwards into her room.
"Then don't."
IOIOIO
Sheppard crept into Teyla's room and opened the closet. She was still over on the mainland and would be there for several days so he took the opportunity to finish his pranks. He began to giggle madly as he reached inside. Tomorrow…He would have had his perfect Revenge. It tasted so sweet already!
IOIOIO
A/N: Real one this time! He he he, two more chapters to go, my friends. Everything's coming to a head. This really is a Sheppard bashing fic, isn't it. I thought we should give the poor guy a break. Anyway, thanks for your reviews and keep them coming. Mwahahahaha. White Lederhosen!