Revenge, two sugars, no milk.

By Estellio

Rating: Pg-13

Pairing: McWeir, Sheyla.

Warnings: Vengeful pranks (Tee hee)

Summary: Pay back time, Sheppard style. Sequel to Truth Or Dare.

IOIOIO

Vicky heaved a loud sigh and pushed the hair out of her eyes as she stepped off the Puddle Jumper and back onto Atlantis.

"It's good to be home." She said, sighing contently as Zelenka rushed forward and enveloped her in a hug. Dawn's first light cast a dim glow over everything giving the city a harmless and romantic look as she strolled hand in hand with Zelenka through the corridors.

"It's nice when it's like this." She said, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Peaceful." At that Zelenka snorted.

"Appearances can be deceiving, Milenec. This place has been anything but peaceful since you left. Muh buj! It has been like a circus." Vicky , stopped, turning to face him, her face serious.

"Why? What happened. Was anyone hurt? Did we discover something? Did someone win the Weir poll? What happened?"

"Well, Kavanaugh was hospitalised after his hair was set on fire, we discovered that Teyla doesn't like being dyed blue and being forced to walk around in white lederhosen, I'm on waste disposal with McKay and Carson for locking Sheppard outside his door naked and making him dance oh and Carson got a girlfriend, McKay and Elizabeth are together as of two days ago meaning Teyla won the bet and Sheppard and Teyla are now, officially, dating." Vicky stood there stunned for several moments.

"Okay, run that by me one more time…Kavanaugh was hospitalised because…"

"Rodney set his hair on fire." Zelenka said, smirking.

"And Rodney set his hair on fire because…"

"Kavanaugh mocked his pink hair."

"And McKay has pink hair because?"

"Sheppard put pink dye in Weir's bathroom."

"…What the hell was McKay doing in Weirs bathroom?"

"Showering, I presume. After a night of passionate lovemaking, or so I've heard…Speaking of passionate love making." Zelenka moved to put his arms around her but she stepped back.

"No, hold on…So…McKay and Weir have pink hair?"

"No, just McKay." He said, advancing on her.

"And Kavanaugh had no hair?"

"Well…a crew cut. Must we really talk about hair when we could be making up for lost time while you were on the main land for the weekend?"

"Zelenka! Down boy!" She commanded, slipping out of his grasp and backing down the corridor. "Now, what does this have to do with Teyla being blue?"

"Well, Sheppard dyed her blue and stole her clothes to get back at her for forcing him to walk around in his underwear."

"And why did you lock him out of his room naked?"

"Because he kept calling me a girl and making me do all his dirty work when pranking Ford and McKay?"

"What did he do to them?" Vicky asked, allowing him to take her hand and resume walking to their shared quarters.

"Well, he wired Ford's pants and glued it to the chair while dying his underwear pink so that when it ripped he'd show off bright pink underwear and he recorded McKay singing in the shower" Vicky burst out laughing, doubling over.

"I was here when Aiden's pants ripped but McKay singing in the shower? You have to get me a copy of that tape." She sniggered, turning the corner to their rooms.

"Oh, I don't have it. Weir does. You see, she confiscated the tape of McKay singing in the shower and Major Sheppard singing 'If all the raindrops' in the buff." Vicky turned a rather peculiar shade of pink.

"If you get me that tape I promise you, I'll do that Leia thing you've been bugging me to do." Zelenka giggled like a little school girl and let her into the quarters.

"If there's anyone on base who can get you that tape it is I! I'll just calmly explain to Doctor Weir that I need it to have you dress up like Leia in the slave girl outfit fulfilling every male Sci-fi fan's fantasy." Vicky shook her head and shrugged off her jacket, falling bonelessly into the nearby chair. "I think that covers everything that happened in Atlantis while you were gone." Vicky cuddled into the pillow of the chair and closed her eye, yawning loudly.

"Oh I'm so tired, the Athosians had me up all night yammering on in their language. What I wouldn't give for one of my Nan's Irish folk songs right now. There's something soothing about that language." She sighed contentedly, cuddling up to the pillow and closing her eyes. Zelenka smiled and took a blanket from one of the chairs, draping it over her. Suddenly she bolted up.

"Carson has a girlfriend!"

"Yes, why?" He asked, feeling like he had missed something very important. Was there a poll about Carson too that he had missed?

"Who?" She asked, suddenly very awake and alert.

"It's complicated. Very complicated."

"Indulge me."

"…Well…you know how the Ancients ascended to another plain of existence?" She sat forward.

"Oh my god it's an Ancient!"

"More than that, it's the ancient left to guard the city…"

"How the hell did they meet?" Vicky asked, grinning like an idiot.

"Through the chair. She is, essentially, Atlantis."

"Wow, that's pretty cool. Can she like, do the glowy octopus thing?"

"Yes, she appeared in front of me and Rodney while we were talking with Carson about Kavanaugh and all but hauled him away. Apparently she's the reason why Carson was so afraid of the chair at first, because she was seducing him and he had no idea how to handle it. She's very pretty though…not no a patch on you, my little butterfly…but still, for a chair, she's pretty hot." Vicky laughed and got up.

"And you got put on silage duty for video taping Sheppard singing in the buff?" Zelenka looked away, ashamed, but nodded. "A noble cause, now, you mentioned something about passionate lovemaking?"

IOIOIO

The sun rose over a peaceful and prank free Atlantis. Despite Weirs best efforts, word about Sheppard and Rodney's recorded debacle spread and somehow copies of the tapes were acquired. She was sure it had something to do with Carson but she had yet to prove it. He had been doing a lot of fairly strange things lately but he was about the only one in Atlantis who could keep a secret.

As the light filtered into the briefing room through an unknown source (As the briefing room didn't seem to have any windows.) Ford and Teyla entered to sit down. They were soon followed in by Sheppard who was engrossed in his wrist watch which apparently wasn't working if the constant tapping was anything to go by.

"Sooooo…" Ford drawled, obviously bored out of his mind as they waited for the debriefing to begin. "Teyla…Truth or Dare?" She turned to the young Lieutenant and smiled.

"Are you sure that's wise, Lieutenant, after what happened last time?"

"Yeah but I didn't get a dare last time. Or even a truth!" Sheppard looked up, big rings beneath his eyes from lack of sleep only accented by the green swirls on his cheeks.

"Fine, I dare you to go take a long walk off a short pier."

"John!" Teyla snapped. "You are in a very bad mood, what is the matter?"

"I didn't get any sleep last night and I'm grumpy and when I did finally nod off I woke up to late for breakfast and a shower so now I'm hungry, sticky and humiliated because when I was walking down the corridor everyone began singing barney songs. Do you know how disturbing it is to see six foot marines with muscles the size of water melons dancing and singing 'If all the rain drops were lollipops and gum drops?'" Teyla bit her lip to stop herself from laughing and turned to Ford.

"Did you sleep well Aiden?" The young Lieutenant shrugged.

"Can't remember, I was asleep." They waited a few more minutes and Rodney and Elizabeth burst in. Rodney had a grin on his face that was nothing to do with the waffles for breakfast and Weir looked flustered and hurried.

"Alright. Everyone here? Good, let's begin." It took Weir barely ten minutes to brief them, it was a fairly straight forward mission looking for the basics. Food, allies, alpha site. No one had any questions so they were soon all dismissed. Rodney, it seemed, was going to hang around for Weir but a quiet word with Teyla had her scooting him away so that Sheppard could talk with Weir alone.

"Elizabeth?" She looked up from the papers she was shuffling aimlessly, waiting for him to leave and smiled.

"John, did Dr. Beckett give you any good news on the colouring?" She asked, standing and moving for the door.

"It's permanent. I'll have to wait of the skin it's on to shed. He said it'll take about six months. Suppose I should start exfoliating, eh?" He joked and stepped between her and the door, hiding something behind his back. "You know, I'm sorry, about what I did to Rodney and Teyla and Ford and all them. I was just getting payback for ye sending me for coffee in my skivvies then locking me out and stealing my clothes. You can understand why I'd be a bit bitter over that, right?" He gave her a lopsided grin that she half returned. "No hard feelings?"

"No hard feelings." At that proclamation Sheppard perked up, grinning like his old self.

"Great!" He gave a hard pat on the back as they walked to the door. "It's not like you didn't know what I was doing in the first place. I shoulda known you'd be to smart for an ol' soldier boy like me."

"Indeed…Oh John. You couldn't do me a favour, could you?" She smiled sweetly, batting her eyes at him and handing him an empty cup. "You couldn't get me a cup of coffee. You know how I like it. Two sugars, no milk?" John nodded and took the cup off her.

"As long as I can keep my pants on, sure. I like my coffee sweet too." He watched her walk out ahead of him with a satisfied smirk. On her back, on a large yellow post-it, were the words 'Kick me'. "Just like my Revenge." Whistling 'I feel like Chicken Tonight' Sheppard walked towards the canteen twirling the mug of coffee.

IOIOIO

General O' Neill picked up the report he had gotten from the Deadalus. It was dated nearly a month before the attack but by far the largest report he had ever seen. The envelope was about as thick as his arm and about the size of an A3 sheet.

Judging by the bulky outlines of something against the package he knew there was something inside and opening it an audio tape and a video tape fell out.

"What the…" He picked up the Audio tape first and slipped it into his stereo. Seconds later a knock on the door sounded and he reached across to turn off the tape as Carter walked in.

"Carter…" He began but was cut off by the tape.

Damn, this is gonna be a great night…hey! My lisp is gone, the swelling must be going down

"Is that…" Sam began, staring at the offending stereo in shock and disbelief.

"I think it is…"

The lights are on, but you're not home.

your mind, is not your own.

"…Is he.."

"I think he is…"

Your palm sweats, your body shakes.

another kiss, is what it takes.

"…Oh…my…god…what the HELL goes on over there?" Jack switched off the stereo.

"What's on the video tape?" Sam asked fearfully, eyeing it with suspicion.

"…I don't know…and some how…I don't think I want to know. After listening to Mister Lemons singing in the shower I wouldn't be surprised if it was a tape of Major Sheppard singing Barney songs in the buff." Jack tossed the tape in the bin and looked back to Carter. It took only a few moments for their eyes to slide back over to the tape.

"There was a rumour…" Sam said, leaving it hanging.

"Major…there's no way it's that, forget about it."

"Alright Sir, if it is, you bring me out to O' Malleys this evening. If it's not, I'll go fishing with you." Jack looked over at the tape.

"There's no way it could be."

Needless to say Jack was permanently scarred and they went to O' Malleys that night.

Fin

IOIOIO

A/N: Okay, there is a reason why this took so long to post. First, I was in Dublin for three weeks without a copy of this and when I came back I found my room stripped bare and slowly being turned from my nice, cosy, customised sleeping area into an Argos show room. The bedroom is where my computer is kept so I went on the hunt for it, found it in my Nan's house and had to drag it all the way back here. Then the internet wouldn't work and when I finally got the computer on and net working...my secondary hard-drive was missing due to my brother and that's where the epilogue was. But now all is right with the world, even if my bedroom looks like an Argos showroom. It's so...green...and pine! But that's beside the point. Well, what a trip eh? It started off with a game of truth or dare and ended up...very odd indeed. I don't think there is an possible way to have a sequel to this and I really don't have the energy for it so this is the end I'm afraid. I've got a bunch of fics in the works so look out for them. Oh and before I forget, just because this is the last chapter doesn't mean you don't have to review : ) lol. I'm just a terrible review whore. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much asI enjoyed writing thisand now, time to make this official... Complete