CRYSTAL: Okay, now that you've read TWO full chapters, have you come up with a verdict or am I still in holding?
GEOFF: Eh… it's all right.
CRYSTAL: "It's all right?" What do you mean by, "It's all right?"
GEOFF: Honestly, I don't really care much for musicals, I'm not really partial to love-stories, and… I don't really like Phantom.
CRYSTAL: (Goes completely wide-eyed and gasps, gaping.) BLASPHEMY!
GEOFF: (Nervous.) Uh-oh…
CRYSTAL: You bet your damn ass, "Uh-oh!"
GEOFF: Crystal--
CRYSTAL: Uh-uh. I'm going to make it my mission that by the end of this 10-chapter story, you will LOVE Phantom! By God, you'll love musicals, you'll love love-stories, and, Heaven help me, you will LOVE The Phantom of the Opera!
GEOFF: Now, I'm scared. (Shudders.)
CRYSTAL: You SHOULD be scared… you DAMN WELL should be… ON WITH THE CHAPTER!
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CHAPTER 3: Damn Mirror! -- "Angel of Music" to "The Mirror (Angel of Music)"
MELISSA (Enters with Joel's coffee.)
Here's your double café mocha latte, Joel.
JOEL
Thank you, Melissa. Flower-power all the way, girl!
(Melissa walks away, slowly, but surely, and leaves. Joel takes a sip of this latte and sighs.)
JOEL (CONT'D.)
Okay, bitches! Let's continue, shall we? Andre, from your line! Action!
ANDRE (To Christine.)
Brava! Magnifica!
FIRMIN (To Christine.)
Bravo!
ANDRE
Stupenda!
CHRISTINE (Looks up to the box.)
Did you just call me stupid?
JOEL
Yes, Christine. Now, keep going!
(Carlotta's maid reports Christine's triumph to her and Piangi in the carriage outside and Carlotta begins to cry profusely. Piangi tries to console her, but she slaps him. Backstage, the audience is crowding to find Christine, Raoul among them. Along the way, he mistakes several people for her, yet again.)
RAOUL
Christine?
WOMAN
No.
RAOUL
Christine?
MEG (Remembering what Christine had threatened her.)
No! (Runs away.)
RAOUL (Confusion hits him, but dissipates.)
Christine?
MAN
Yes?
(Raoul squints his eyes and notices--IT'S A MAN! Raoul freaks!)
RAOUL
AHH! (Calms down.) Uh, sorry. Wrong… Christine. (Hurries away.)
(Meanwhile, Meg has gone to find Christine--where others have failed to look--in the chapel. Wow… a chapel in an opera house… that's interesting. Anyway, in the chapel, Christine is by a picture of her father and a small piece of paper saying: "Gustave Daae--DEAD, circa 1861." She has lit a candle in his honour and is kneeling, her eyes closed.)
CHRISTINE
Ohm… Ohm… Ohm…
PHANTOM (Off-stage.)
Brava, brava, bravissima…
CHRISTINE (Continues.)
Ohm… Ohm… Oh--
PHANTOM
Christine, what the fuck are you doing?
CHRISTINE (Opens her eyes.)
I'm meditating! Do you mind?
PHANTOM
…Sorry.
CHRISTINE (Closes her eyes again, continues.)
Ohm… Ohm… O--
MEG (In the hall.)
Christine… Christine…
CHRISTINE
Oh, my God, what now? Can't a girl meditate with the spirit of her dead father in a chapel in PEACE?
MEG (Entering the chapel, timidly.)
Sorry.
PHANTOM
Christine…
CHRISTINE
ENOUGH!
PHANTOM
Okay, geez… sorry.
CHRISTINE (To Meg.)
Now, what did you want?
MEG (Enthusiastic.)
Where in the world have you been hiding?
CHRISTINE
Right here, stupid.
MEG
Oh… Really you were perfect!
CHRISTINE
I know. Your point is?
MEG (Thinks.)
I only wish I knew your secret!
CHRISTINE (Suspiciously.)
What secret?
MEG (Continues.)
Who is your great tutor?
CHRISTINE
Oh… that. Meg… (Stares blank-mindedly.) Uh, Meg… uh… (whispers) …what's my line?
JOEL
Oh, for fuck's sake, Christine! How many times do we have to go over your damn lines?
CHRISTINE
Hey, it's only the first time!
JOEL
On camera.
(Christine rolls her eyes and looks affronted.)
JOEL (CONT'D.)
Now, get it right! You line is: "Meg… When your mother brought me here to live…" And action!
CHRISTINE
Meg… When your mother brought me here to live… (Thinks.) Wait, this shit wasn't here before!
JOEL
Just say the fucking lines, Christine!
CHRISTINE
OKAY! (Half-assed-ly.) Meg… When your mother brought me here to live… Whenever I would come here alone to light a candle for my dad--
JOEL
Father!
CHRISTINE
Shut up! (To Meg, continues.) A voice from above…
MEG
God?
CHRISTINE
Would you people let ME talk? (Continues.) And in my dreams… he was always there.
MEG
Is he a stalker?
CHRISTINE
No, but your mother is.
MADAME GIRY (In the shadows.)
No I'm not! (Walks past them and out of the chapel.)
CHRISTINE (Rolls her eyes and continues.)
You see… When my father lay dying…
MEG (Shocked.)
He's dead?
CHRISTINE (Stares at Meg.)
You stupid bitch. And stop interrupting me! Anyway… (Continues.) …he told me I would be protected by an Angel… an Angel of Music…
(Meg waits a moment, not sure if Christine is going to continue.)
CHRISTINE (CONT'D.)
I'm done.
MEG
Okay, just making sure. Christine… do you believe? Do you think the spirit of your father is coaching you…?
CHRISTINE
No, dummy, it's the Pha--(Thinks that over.)--I mean, who else, Meg? WHO…?
MEG
I don't know, that's why I asked you.
CHRISTINE (Distracted, intent on not paying any attention to Meg.)
Father once spoke of an angel… I used to dream he'd appear… Now, as I sing, I can sense him… and I know he's here…
MEG (Nervous.)
Where?
CHRISTINE (Trance-like.)
Here in this room he calls me softly… somewhere inside… hiding…
MEG (Now paranoid.)
No, seriously, WHERE?
CHRISTINE (Ignoring her, still in her trance.)
Somehow, I know he's always with me… He--the unseen genius…
(Half laughing, half paranoid beyond belief now, Meg takes Christine's hand and begins leading her out of the chapel.)
MEG
Christine, you must have been dreaming. Stories like this can't come true… Christine, you're talking in riddles and it's not like you…
(Suddenly, they both mysteriously wind up down the corridor, actually out on the stage.)
CHRISTINE (Still not hearing Meg, ecstatic.)
Angel of music! Guide and guardian! Grant to me your glory!
MEG
Who is this angel? This…
CHRISTINE & MEG
Angel of music! Hide no longer! Secret and strange angel…
CHRISTINE (Darkly, CONT'D.)
He's with me even now…
MEG (Looking around.)
Okay, seriously now, where? (Bewildered.) Christine! Your hands are cold…
CHRISTINE
All around me…
MEG (Confused.)
Seriously? (Notices.) Your face, Christine, it's white…
CHRISTINE
It frightens me…
MEG
Your face?
CHRISTINE
No!
MEG
Oh, then, what?
CHRISTINE
I don't know.
MEG
Oh. Don't be frightened…
BUQUET (In the rafters, still "dressed" as the Phantom.)
Hey, Christine! Looking good, hot-stuff! (Growls.)
CHRISTINE (Giggles.)
Thanks, Joey! Cute cape!
BUQUET (Smiles.)
Thanks! It's a rental!
MEG (To Christine.)
Okay, let's go.
BUQUET
Okay!
MEG
Not you! (Leaves with Christine.)
BUQUET
Aw! I'm always left out of the group! (Sighs.) Oh, well. I'll just go play Punjab with the ballet girls in their dormitories… Hehe, naughty little ballet girls… (Snickers evilly, then rushes off.)
(Meanwhile, Madame Giry has found Christine, bustling her way through her admiring crowd.)
MADAME GIRY
There you are!
CHRISTINE (Startled.)
Ahhh! Stalker! (As-a-matter-of-factly.) Stalking is illegal in all fifty states--you know that, right?
MADAME GIRY
This is France, you stupid girl.
CHRISTINE
Oh… well, I'm moving to America, then! I want my freedom!
GEORGE BUSH (Enters out of nowhere.)
What freedom?
MADAME GIRY (To Christine.)
Just get in the goddamn room, would you? (Shoves Christine into Carlotta's room.)
GEORGE BUSH
This land is your land, this land is my land--hey, where's Kerry?
JOHN KERRY (Far away, in another country…)
In America, jackass.
GEORGE BUSH
Then where the fuck am I?
MADAME GIRY
Paris, France, you jack-off!
GEORGE BUSH
Oh, wow. You don't, by any chance, happen to have any weapons of mass destruction, do you?
MADAME GIRY
What? Do I look like I have an arsenal up my ass?
GEORGE BUSH (Looks at her and thinks.)
Well…
MADAME GIRY
Get out of here!
(She shoves him out of the way and enters Carlotta's room.)
GEORGE BUSH (From the floor.)
This land will surely vote for me!
MADAME GIRY (In the room with Christine.)
You did very well, my dear. He is pleased with you.
(Madame Giry hands Christine a single red rose with a black ribbon, obviously from HIM.)
CHRISTINE
That's it? One stinking, measly rose, after working my ass off?
MADAME GIRY
Hey, he could've Punjab-ed you… (To herself.) I would have. (Leaves, exiting the room.)
(Raoul heads for Carlotta's room--as he knows that's where Christine is--and runs into Firmin and Andre.)
FIRMIN
Ah, Vicomte! I think we've made quite a discovery with Miss Daae!
RAOUL
Hey, I saw her first!
MADAME GIRY (As she walks by, passing Raoul.)
Riiight…
RAOUL (Seething.)
Giry…
ANDRE
Perhaps we could present her to you, dear Vicomte.
RAOUL
Gentlemen, if you wouldn't mind. I believe Miss Daae and I are old enough that we don't need two creepy old guys for chaperones.
(Firmin and Andre are still; Raoul notices the bouquet of flowers Firmin is holding and takes them from.)
RAOUL (CONT'D.)
But thank you. (Leaves them to enter the room.)
FIRMIN (To Andre.)
Do you think they've met before?
ANDRE
Who knows? I don't. Ooh! Look at those two lovely dancers!
FIRMIN
Let's present ourselves.
ANDRE
Indeed.
(In Carlotta's room, Raoul enters, Christine not noticing.)
CHRISTINE (Thinks in head.)
I still can't believe it… One fucking rose. Is he kidding me?
RAOUL (Impressed.)
Wow! Nice! This is your room?
CHRISTINE
Well, it's Carlotta's… but it would have been mine if that heaven-sent bitch hadn't stolen it from me in the first place!
RAOUL (Suddenly, not impressed anymore and a little nervous.)
Oh. (Clears throat.) Well, where was I? Oh, yeah… "Little Lotte, let her mind wander…"
CHRISTINE
Huh?
RAOUL
"Little Lotte thought: am I fonder of dolls… or of goblins… or of shoes…"
CHRISTINE
Shoes! (Turns and sees him.) Raoul… watch your step!
(Raoul looks down and notices that he almost missed the steps.)
RAOUL
Thanks. (Chuckles.) "…Or of riddles, or frocks…"
(Raoul walks down carefully and places the flowers on the vanity… Hm, vanity… how appropriate for Christine.)
CHRISTINE
"Frock"… I hate that word. I prefer "pretty gowns." (Notices the bouquet of flowers Raoul brought her.) Now, THAT'S what I call "flowers"!
(Raoul looks at her with a look suggesting: "Are you sure you're not blonde like Meg?" He eventually digresses, though.)
CHRISTINE (CONT'D.)
Ah, remember those picnics in the attic?
RAOUL
"…Or of chocolates…?"
CHRISTINE
Chocolate!
RAOUL
And yes, I do remember the picnics.
CHRISTINE
Daddy playing that goddamn, annoying violin… You'd think he'd KNOW how to play it…
RAOUL
As we read to each other dark stories of the North…
CHRISTINE
Yeah, those stories scared the hell out of me.
RAOUL
Yeah, I know. (Chuckles evilly.) That was the best.
CHRISTINE
"No--'What I love best,' Lotte said, 'is when I'm asleep in my bed--'"
RAOUL
Yeah, you always were a sleep-whore.
CHRISTINE
Shut up! (Continues.) "And the angel of music sings songs in my head!'"
RAOUL
Are you serious?
CHRISTINE
Oh, just shut up and sing with me!
RAOUL
Okay.
CHRISTINE & RAOUL
"…The angel of music sings songs in my head!'"
RAOUL (Kneels down and goes to hug her… CONT'D.)
You--(…but winds up smacking his head against hers.)
CHRISTINE & RAOUL
OW!
RAOUL (CONT'D.)
Sorry about that. (Gives her a hug, carefully.) You sang like an angel tonight. Heh… (Both rub their foreheads.)
CHRISTINE
I know. Daddy said, "When I'm in heaven, child, I will send the Angel of Music to you." Well, Daddy is dead, Raoul--
RAOUL (Shocked.)
He is?
CHRISTINE (Ignoring him.)
--and I have been visited by the Angel of Music.
RAOUL
Really? Wow. That's awesome… I always thought he was making a joke. (Christine gapes.) I mean, no doubt of it! Heh… And now, we go to supper!
CHRISTINE
Honestly, who says supper nowadays?
RAOUL
I do! Now, let's go!
(Raoul gets up and turns, but when Christine speaks, he turns back.)
CHRISTINE (Firmly.)
No, Raoul; the Angel of Music is very strict!
RAOUL
What, he doesn't let you eat?
CHRISTINE (Thinks.)
Not with men who have an interest in me, no.
RAOUL
Well, I shan't keep you up late.
CHRISTINE (To herself.)
"Shan't"… hehe. That's a funny word… (To Raoul.) I mean, Raoul, no…
(Raoul starts walking to the door, but has his head turned towards Christine to talk to her…)
RAOUL
You must change. I'll order my c--ow! (Trips and falls on his face again, forgetting the stairs.)
CHRISTINE
You have a cow?
RAOUL (Gets up.)
Carriage.
CHRISTINE
But you just said--
RAOUL
I meant carriage!
CHRISTINE (Offended by Raoul's tone, retaliates.)
Ever hear of glasses, Sir Trips-a-lot?
RAOUL
I DON'T need glasses! (Goes towards the door.) My eyesight is perfectly fine!
(With this, Raoul walks SMACK STRAIGHT into the door, busting his nose.)
RAOUL (CONT'D.)
Ow.
(Christine looks at him with a "Who's the blonde now?" look.)
RAOUL (CONT'D.)
Okay, maybe my eyesight isn't as good as it used to be…
CHRISTINE
…should be…
RAOUL (Ignoring her.)
…but I do NOT need glasses! I was going to give you five minutes to get ready, but now you're getting two! So, get a move on, Little Lotte! (Hurries out.)
CHRISTINE
No! Raoul, wait! (The door closes. Calling after him.) And stop calling me Little Lotte! My name's Christine!
(Outside the door, she can hear…)
RAOUL
Stop stalking me, Giry!
MADAME GIRY
I'm NOT stalking you! …This time…
RAOUL
Well, then, who ARE you stalking?
MADAME GIRY (Pauses.)
…No one…
(When Christine gets no response back from Raoul, she huffs and goes to get changed in the less-than-two-minutes she has left. In the meantime, a gloved hand on the outside of the room locks it with a key. As the hand moves away, Madame Giry is still by the dressing room, hiding in the shadows.)
PHANTOM
Madame, go away!
(She huffs away and leaves. Meanwhile, Christine, completely unaware of everything that's just happened, is still changing. Suddenly, all the candles and lights are being blown out by a mysterious breeze inside the opera house that comes from nowhere. Christine finishes, now in her dressing gown, and comes out from behind the dressing screen to see the candles being blown out. She gets a little spooked by this.)
CHRISTINE
Okay… What the fuck was that?
(When it happens again, she gets freaked out and heads for the door, when all of a sudden, she hears--)
PHANTOM (Off-stage.)
Insolent boy! This slave of fashion, basking in your glory! Ignorant fool! This brave, young suitor, sharing in my triumph!
CHRISTINE
Wait--are you talking about me or Raoul?
PHANTOM
Are you a boy?
CHRISTINE (Thinks… Oh, God, she has to think it over…)
No…
PHANTOM (Thinks in head.)
Thank God for that! (Aloud.) Well, then…?
CHRISTINE
It's Raoul. I was about to say… I'm no fool.
PHANTOM (Thinks in head.)
Well, I wouldn't go THAT far…
CHRISTINE
Hey! I heard that! I'm telekinetic, you know!
PHANTOM (Aloud.)
It's telepathic, tart-bucket.
CHRISTINE (Incredulously.)
What did you just call me?
PHANTOM (With sarcasm, yet in all honesty.)
Sorry, I didn't quite hear that…? Oh, forget it! Just sing, damn it!
CHRISTINE
Angel! I hear you! Speak--I listen…
PHANTOM
Good, you can do the listening for both of us, then.
CHRISTINE
Do you want me to sing or not?
PHANTOM
Pray, continue, child.
CHRISTINE
Don't call me that, my daddy called me that! It's icky… well, it is, coming from you anyway. (Clears throat.) …Stay by my side, guide me! Angel, my soul was weak--forgive me… Enter at last, Master!
PHANTOM (Thinks.)
Master… I like that. (To Christine.) Flattering child--
CHRISTINE
Stop calling me that!
PHANTOM (Ignoring.)
--you shall know me, see why in shadow I hide!
CHRISTINE
Why do you hide?
PHANTOM
Who's interrupting who, now?
CHRISTINE
Sorry, Master.
PHANTOM
That's better.
CHRISTINE (Interrupting again.)
Angel, I have a question…
PHANTOM (Groans and sighs.)
Go ahead.
CHRISTINE
Where the hell are you?
PHANTOM
Give me two bars, will you? I'm getting to it! I'd get to it a lot faster if you'd shut up! (To himself.) For crying out loud, I can't hear her when I WANT to hear her, and I hear her all the time when I DON'T. (Sighs.) Okay… (To Christine.) Look at your face in the mirror--I am there inside!
(The mirror brightens, revealing the Phantom inside of it.)
CHRISTINE
Whoa! That's awesome! Angel of Music! Guide and guardian! Grant to me your glory! Angel of Music, hide no longer! Come to me, strange angel…
PHANTOM
I am your Angel of Music… Come to me: Angel of Music…
(Raoul has returned. Believing the door is still unlocked, he grabs the door knob and goes to turn it, and winds up slamming into the door again.)
RAOUL
Ow!
(The idiot--I mean, Raoul tries the knob again--it's locked… DUH! He hears the voices.)
RAOUL (Puzzled, CONT'D.)
Whose is that voice…? Who is that in there…?
PHANTOM
I am your Angel of Music…
RAOUL (Off-stage.)
Christine! Christine!
PHANTOM (To Raoul.)
Ha! Who's off-stage now, buddy?
RAOUL (Still on the outside of the door.)
Goddamn it, WHO IS THAT?
PHANTOM
Heh, heh, you can go away now. Christine will be spending the night with me.
RAOUL (Gasps.)
SLUT!
PHANTOM
Not like THAT, crack-head! (To himself.) Although, I wouldn't mind… (To Raoul.) Anyway, you might as well leave.
RAOUL (Thinks, then…)
Okay.
(Raoul goes to leave, but not before he falls down the stairs… again.)
RAOUL (CONT'D.)
OW.
PHANTOM
Ha, ha… Now, where was I? Oh, yes. (Clears throat; to Christine.) Come to me: Angel of Music…
(Completely spellbound, Christine approaches the mirror, when suddenly--)
CHRISTINE
Ow!
(--turns out, she has walked straight into the bloody freaking mirror and hit her head. She is currently sitting on the floor, where she's fallen, rubbing her forehead.)
PHANTOM
You stupid twit, you're supposed to wait until I slide it over! You and your loopy fantasies… (Slides the mirror over.) NOW come through!
CHRISTINE (Getting up.)
If you think that one was loopy, wait for my next one… hehe.
PHANTOM (Confused.)
Uh, sure…
(And with that, Christine takes the Phantom's hand.)
CHRISTINE (Thinks in head.)
…Damn mirror!
JOEL (Sighs.)
It's a given.
ANDREW
What?
JOEL
Christine's stupider than she looks…
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A/N: I stole that part where Christine forgets her line from my friend Dezzebel's POTO Phan-Fic… I'M SORRY, HONEY! IT WAS JUST PERFECT FOR THAT PART! Hehe, Raoul… that goddamn klutz… hm, reminds me of… ME! Anyway, the GOOD chapter's coming up next! I HATE CLIFFHANGERS! But since I'm the one writing and not the one reading, it doesn't bother me anymore… MUAHAHAHAHA! You now have to follow me! LOL, j/k. Drop a review and keep a-readin'!
Cheers.