CRYSTAL: Are you still with me, Geoff?
GEOFF: I'm fine.
CRYSTAL: Great, because here's where it gets really good.
GEOFF: (Peaks interest.) Really?
CRYSTAL: Yeah, and I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Samara.
SAMARA: Hey!
GEOFF: Hi. Uh, so it's supposed to get good here?
CRYSTAL: Don't ask me! Just read!
GEOFF: Wow… now you sound just like that Christine girl.
CRYSTAL: (Thinks to herself.) "That Christine girl…"
SAMARA: Hehe...
GEOFF: Hey, your name is almost Christine. Crystal, Christine… pretty close.
CRYSTAL: Yeah, and your name is really close to Gerry Butler's: Geoff, Gerry, Geoff, Gerry…
GEOFF: Who?
SAMARA & CRYSTAL: (Stares at Geoff with the urge to hit him.) You need to be hit in the face… with a fish.
GEOFF: (Confusion.) Uh… okay?
CRYSTAL: (Sighs and groans, annoyed.) I'll explain it thoroughly to your thick, little numbskull later… for now, just read.
GEOFF: Okay. (Reading…)
SAMARA: Woo-hoo for reading!
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
CHAPTER 4: Can You Hear Me Now? -- "The Phantom of the Opera" to "The Music of the Night"
CHRISTINE (Upon hearing Joel's last comment.)
I heard that!
JOEL
Good, I'm glad!
PHANTOM (Confused.)
Heard what?
JOEL
Exactly! (The Phantom stares in bewilderment.) Now, can we continue with the scene, PLEASE?
(The Phantom begins walking EXTREMELY FAST through the hallway with Christine, practically dragging her by her hand.)
CHRISTINE
Hey, take it easy! Slow down! Give me time to fantasize, for Christ's sake!
PHANTOM (Stops a moment.)
Oh, sorry. (Begins leading Christine drastically--and almost "fantasy-like"--sllooowwww…)
CHRISTINE
That's better. (Thinks.) Hey, wait a second.
(They stop. She looks behind her, then ahead of her. She realizes that they've already passed through the entire hallway and are at the top of the enormous, seemingly never-ending staircase.)
CHRISTINE (CONT'D.)
Hey, something's not right here.
PHANTOM (Realizing.)
Yeah, I think you're right. Isn't my theme music supposed to be playing? And aren't you supposed to be singing?
CHRISTINE
I don't know. I was talking about your interior design. You need some serious Feng-Shui in here, dude. (Phantom groans.)
ANDREW
He's right, Joel. Why isn't the music playing?
(Joel goes to check on the orchestra and finds… they are all asleep.)
JOEL
What the flaming hot dogs? Andrew, your entire orchestra is asleep!
ANDREW (Enters.)
What the bloody hell? They fell asleep that quick? We just finished "The Mirror"! Get up, you sodding assholes!
(No one moves a muscle--except the guy by the organ, who twitches.)
ANDREW (CONT'D.)
Grrr! Fine, then. I'll wake you all up another way… (Walks over to the organ, shoves the other guy off the bench and sits down himself.) Joel?
JOEL (Screams to Phantom and Christine.)
Go back to the fucking mirror! And Christine, if you forget one more cue, I'm taking the Sharpie markers away from you! FOR GOOD!
CHRISTINE (Paying no attention.)
I have been changed--(THEN SNAPS!)--NO! Anything but THAT! (To Phantom.) Come on, you!
(And Christine drags the Phantom, like he dragged her, back down to the other side of the hallway by the mirror.)
PHANTOM
Holy bejesus, woman! Slow the fuck down!
CHRISTINE (Ignoring him.)
I am not losing my markers over your sorry slow ass!
(They reach the mirror and Christine steps back over to the other side of it, fixing herself up in the reflection, while the Phantom takes a breather. The Phantom recomposes himself and gives Joel the "OKAY.")
JOEL
Okay, Andy! Hit it!
(As the Phantom takes Christine's hand… again, Andrew plays the very first chord of the song into the microphone, startling the pure HELL out of the sleeping orchestra members! They jump from their seats, some fall, and while Andrew continues playing, the rest of the group starts joining on their parts, eventually, giving the song a KICK-ASS rock beat: YEAH! Back in the hallway, the Phantom has once again led Christine through the mirror, but this time, she trips when stepping through it.)
CHRISTINE
Ah, fuck! Damn mirror…
(The Phantom steadies her and continues leading her… SLOWLY. Suddenly…)
CHRISTINE
Hold on! It's so dark in here, I can't fucking see!
PHANTOM
Hm… now I know how you and that dumb-ass Raoul get along so well.
CHRISTINE
Hey! You shut up or I won't sing! Got it?
JOEL (Off-stage.)
Sharpie…
CHRISTINE
GODDAMN YOU! (Groans; to Phantom.) Hold on!
(She lets go of his hand for a moment and claps her hands twice. Suddenly, the hallway is no longer dark, dank, and disgusting; the hall lights up--bright, extravagant… and clean!--with candelabras held by--Huh?--HUMAN HANDS? The Phantom looks at her in utter confusion.)
CHRISTINE (CONT'D.)
What? It's the clapper! Clap on! Clap off!
(Okay, Christine's fantasies are getting a little fucked up…)
PHANTOM (Looking around him; quietly.)
Tell me about it.
(Hey, you can hear me?)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
Why WOULDN'T I be able to?
(Well, I'M the author… and, wait a minute--YOU'RE deaf.)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
…Not completely. Besides, I can hear you through my thoughts… not like (points to Christine) HER.
CHRISTINE
Who the fuck are you talking to?
(Whoa! "Tele-pathetic girl" can't hear me?)
PHANTOM
YOU can't hear her?
CHRISTINE (Looks around.)
Hear what?
PHANTOM & CRYSTAL
Nothing.
CHRISTINE
Whatever…
JOEL
Christine, can you hear the Sharpies singing? BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL CAN'T!
CHRISTINE (Realizing.)
Oh! AHHH! In sleep, he sang to me.
(Stupid bitch.)
CHRISTINE (CONT'D.)
In dreams, he came…
(Hey, I can say whatever I want about her and she can't hear me! She can only subconsciously move when I tell her to!)
CHRISTINE (CONT'D.)
That voice which calls to me--
(I could have a lot of fun with this… hehe.)
PHANTOM (To Crystal.)
I like the way you think. You're smarter than HER.
CHRISTINE (Hearing this.)
HEY!
(Hehe, thanks.)
JOEL (To Christine.)
SHARPIES!
CHRISTINE
AHHH! --and speaks my name…
PHANTOM (To Crystal.)
Watch this. (To Christine.) Christine…
CHRISTINE
What? (Both Phantom and Crystal laugh. Christine is confused.) Oh… Huh? Never mind. (Continues.) And do I dream again?
(She's probably dreaming now… Anyway, they finally make it to the staircase again and begin to descend.)
CHRISTINE (CONT'D.)
For now I find the Phantom of the Opera is there--inside my mind…
PHANTOM
If this is your mind, then I want OUT! Anyway… Sing once again with me our strange duet…
CHRISTINE
Yeah, this IS pretty creepy.
PHANTOM
YOUR fantasy, remember?
CHRISTINE
Oh, yeah. Hehe.
PHANTOM
My power over you grows stronger yet…
CHRISTINE
Since when do you have power over me?
PHANTOM (Can't hear her.)
What?
CHRISTINE (Louder.)
Since when have you had power over me?
PHANTOM (Still can't hear.)
WHAT?
CHRISTINE (LOUDER.)
SINCE WHEN--Ah, fuck it. Just keep singing.
PHANTOM (Hearing this.)
Okay.
(Wait, I thought you were deaf…?)
PHANTOM (Quietly, to Crystal, CONT'D.)
Shh… I have selective hearing. I just select not to hear her sometimes.
(Oh, okay.)
PHANTOM (Clears throat, CONT'D.)
And though you turn from me, to glance behind--
CHRISTINE (Nervous.)
Why, what's behind me?
PHANTOM (Sarcastically.)
Your father.
CHRISTINE (Gasps and turns around--)
Daddy! (--but no one's there. Turns back around.) Hey! You lied to me! (Spots something up ahead; suddenly, a change of thought.) OOH, PONY!
PHANTOM
Yes, now shut up, get on, and let me finish my verse!
CHRISTINE (Simply.)
Okay.
(She cheerily gets on the horse… in the middle of fucking nowhere… still on the fucking staircase… WHAT THE FUCK? Is that another part of her retarded imagination?)
PHANTOM
No. The horse is mine.
(Confused… Why--Oh, never mind! Just… keep going.)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
Okay.
(The Phantom begins leading the horse down the staircase by its reigns. He turns and takes a glance at Christine…)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
Wait a second. How did your hair get down?
CHRISTINE (Noticing herself.)
Hm. I don't know.
PHANTOM
Okay, then. --the Phantom of the Opera is there--inside your mind… (To himself.) Even though I don't want to be… it's creepy in there.
(I'm with you… Anywho, the Phantom finishes leading the horse to the bottom of the staircase, where, waiting, there is a boat docked in a lake. Wow… this just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Hey, wait a flipping pancake! THAT'S a fucking GONDOLA! Pole and all! We're in Paris, France, not fucking Venice, Italy!)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
It's the only one I could find, all right? (To Christine.) Okay, Christine, off the horse.
CHRISTINE
MY PONY!
PHANTOM
You'll see the pony later. (Pointing.) Look, a boat.
CHRISTINE
AHHH!
PHANTOM (To Crystal.)
What's wrong with her?
(Sighs, annoyed… She's afraid of drowning.)
JOEL
Christine, you're not going to fucking drown in three feet of fucking water! Just get in the goddamn boat!
CHRISTINE (Nervous.)
It's only three feet?
JOEL, ANDREW, PHANTOM, CRYSTAL
YES!
CHRISTINE (Perky.)
Okay!
(She FINALLY gets in the goddamn boat and sits patiently and happily. The Phantom gets on and begins taking them down the lake and the caverns… with the pole… in the fucking gondola.)
JOEL & ANDREW
Christine, SING ALREADY!
CHRISTINE
Those who have seen your face draw back in fear…
PHANTOM (Offended.)
Hey! That's mean to say!
CHRISTINE
Sorry… I am the mask you wear…
PHANTOM
Oh, yeah? Well, it's me they hear…
CHRISTINE
Really? Well, anything you can do, I can do better!
PHANTOM
No, I can do anything better than YOU! Because anything you can do, I can do better!
CHRISTINE
Uh-uh, anything you can do, I can do BEST!
PHANTOM (Stops rowing.)
Oh, yeah?
CHRISTINE
YEAH!
PHANTOM
Prove it!
CHRISTINE (Stands up.)
I WILL!
PHANTOM
BRING IT, BITCH!
JOEL & ANDREW (Severely pissed and crazed.)
JUST SING!
(Both the Phantom and Christine shut up instantly. Christine quickly sits back down and the Phantom continues to row them down the lake… in the gondola.)
PHANTOM & CHRISTINE
My / Your spirit and your / my voice, in one combined: the Phantom of the Opera is there--inside your / my mind…
CREEPY VOCALISTS
Beware the Phantom of the Opera…
(Whoa… that was… creepy. To Phantom. They yours?)
PHANTOM
No. Even I couldn't think of something THAT fucked up.
CHRISTINE
They're mine.
(Figures…)
CHRISTINE (CONT'D.)
He's there, the Phantom of the Opera… (Confused; to Phantom.) Wait up--Why did you refer to yourself in the third person?
PHANTOM
Because… (Then, just as confused as Christine…) …I don't know! Just sing, my Angel of Music!
CHRISTINE
Um… okay! (Brain-lapse.) Row, row, row your boat, gently down the… (looks around and thinks) …LAKE!
PHANTOM (Just stares blankly straight ahead.)
…Not quite what I had in mind…
JOEL (Heh, heh… you don't want to know how bad he's pissed now.)
Christine, if you don't sing the right fucking part again--
CHRISTINE
I know, you'll take away my Sharpie markers. (Confidently.) I'm over that now.
JOEL
No… I'm going to shove you off the fucking boat into the three feet of fucking water and drown you MYSELF!
CHRISTINE
AHHH! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah--Ooh, look at the cool candles coming out of the water… already lit!--ah…
(Another Christine fantasy…)
PHANTOM
Sing, my Angel of Music… I can't hear you!
CHRISTINE (Higher in pitch, not louder.)
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah…
PHANTOM
Sing, my angel… Christine, louder!
CHRISTINE (Higher yet AND louder now.)
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah…
PHANTOM (Demandingly.)
Sing for me! LOUDER!
CHRISTINE (Slightly disturbed.)
Dude, are you getting off on this?
PHANTOM (Freaked out.)
What? NO! I just can't fucking hear you!
CHRISTINE
Oh, okay. Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah… Ah… Can you hear me now?
PHANTOM
Sing, my angel. No. LOUDER!
CHRISTINE
Ah… Ah… Can you hear me now?
PHANTOM
No. SING FOR ME! Goddamn it, Christine! PROJECTION!
CHRISTINE (Fed up, practically SCREAMING her last note as HIGH and as LOUD as she fucking can!)
AH! (Song ends… thank God.) Can you hear me NOW? (Phantom nods, cringing.) Good!
PHANTOM
Just… shut up and stay in the fucking boat.
CHRISTINE
Okay.
(Gondola…)
PHANTOM (To Crystal.)
You really need to let that go…
(I will… maybe… later… Anyway, the Phantom gets out of the boat--GONDOLA--and puts the pole by the cavern wall. He--OOH…--skillfully whips off his cape and drops it to the ground. Then, he begins walking around his lair.)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
I have brought you to the seat of sweet music's throne…
CHRISTINE
It looks like a cave.
PHANTOM
Would you shut up? You're in my "TRANCE," remember?
CHRISTINE
Hey, YOU don't tell ME what to do!
JOEL
Don't rock the boat, Christine…
CHRISTINE
AHHH! Okay, I'll shut up! (Quietly.) Just don't take away my Sharpies…
ANDREW
Phantom, continue… PLEASE.
PHANTOM
…to this kingdom where all must pay homage to music… music… You have come here, for one purpose, and one alone…
CHRISTINE
What purpose?
PHANTOM
Let me get to it, will you?
JOEL (Annoyed.)
CHRISTINE…
CHRISTINE
AHHH! (Slaps her hands over her mouth.)
PHANTOM (Rolls his eyes.)
Since the moment I first heard you sing, I have needed you with me, to serve me, to sing, for my music… my music…
(The Phantom stares at her, just as Christine stares at him, her hands still fixed on her mouth.)
PHANTOM (Changing mood; CONT'D.)
Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation… Darkness stirs and wakes imagination… (Thinks in head.) Especially hers. (Aloud.) Silently the senses abandon their defenses…
(The Phantom holds out his hand to Christine, who just looks back and forth from his face to his hand.)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
Do you want me to help you out of the boat or not?
(…Gondola… Phantom rolls his eyes at me… HEY! Anyway, Christine nods her head and removes her hands from her mouth, taking hold of the Phantom's and being helped out of the gondola.)
PHANTOM (Sighs, CONT'D.)
Oy…
(Shut up. Anywho, the Phantom begins leading Christine, in her melodramatic trance again, onto land. FINALLY, it seems everything is going--)
CHRISTINE
Ow!
(--I spoke too soon. She just tripped.)
PHANTOM
Oh, for Christ's sake! You just ruined the moment!
CHRISTINE
Hey, maybe if you had some fucking steps here--
JOEL & ANDREW
CHRISTINE…
CHRISTINE
AHHH! Trance, shutting up…
(The stupid--I mean, Christine goes back to staring at the Phantom dazed, dreamily, and blank-mindedly. Phantom helps her up and begins leading her towards the steps.)
PHANTOM
Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendour…
(Yes, I: like using, am using, and WILL use the British spelling of words in my stories!)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
Grasp it, sense it--tremulous and tender…
(A peak of light has caught Christine's eye.)
PHANTOM (Turning Christine's face back towards him, away from the light; CONT'D.)
Turn your face away from the garish light of day--
CHRISTINE
"Light of day"? It's freaking nighttime, remember? Not to mention, we're in a fucking cave!
PHANTOM (Thinks a moment.)
…Shut up!
JOEL
Christine…
CHRISTINE
Hey, you can't threaten me anymore! I'm not in the boat--
(Gondola.)
CHRISTINE (CONT'D.)
--anymore, AND look what I found! (From out of her cleavage--What the fuck?--she pulls out three fucking Sharpie markers: red, blue, and black.) So, HA!
PHANTOM (Peaked interest.)
What else do you have down there?
CHRISTINE (Smirks.)
Wouldn't YOU like to know…
JOEL
I can still come up THERE and push you into the water…
CHRISTINE (Realizing this…)
AHHH!
JOEL
So, get back into your fucking trance!
(Christine looks at the three Sharpie markers in her hand… and smiles.)
CHRISTINE
Okay!
(She pulls the caps off the markers and takes a HUGE whiff of them, inhaling as far as she can. Suddenly, she goes all dazed and starry-eyed.)
CHRISTINE (High as the sky, CONT'D.)
Ooh… what a pretty cave!
PHANTOM
Lair.
CHRISTINE
Whatever. Continue.
PHANTOM
--turn your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light--
CHRISTINE
It's cold?
(She touches a flame of one of the many candles around her and--)
CHRISTINE (CONT'D.)
OW! You lied! That's hot! And I DID feel that!
(The Phantom grabs her arms and places them at her sides.)
PHANTOM
DON'T… MOVE.
CHRISTINE (Tamely.)
Okay.
PHANTOM
--and listen to the music of the night.
CHRISTINE
Hey, isn't that what this song is called?
(Yes, sadly, folks, she is still in her trance, mind you.)
PHANTOM (Ignoring Christine's last remark.)
Close your eyes--(Just as Christine is about to close her eyes…)--Not yet!
CHRISTINE (Reopens her eyes.)
Okay.
PHANTOM
--and surrender to your darkest dreams! Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before! Close your eyes--Okay, now. (Christine closes her eyes obediently.)--let your spirit start to soar!
CHRISTINE (Opening her eyes.)
Whoa! That was awesome!
(SAMARA: She's not high… She's in outer fucking space!)
PHANTOM & CRYSTAL
Tell me about it.
PHANTOM (To Crystal and Samara; CONT'D.)
At least she's more obedient when she's on a rush.
(CRYSTAL & SAMARA: True. CRYSTAL: Continue.)
PHANTOM
And you'll live as you've never lived before…
CHRISTINE
Really?
PHANTOM
Yeah.
CHRISTINE
Cool!
(CRYSTAL: According to the script--and I mean, literally!--it says this part gets, quote: "HIGHLY SEXUAL"… giggle… so children under 17, please leave the room immediately. SAMARA: Hey, wait! That's not fair! I'm 16! CRYSTAL: Okay, fine. I'll let you stay, considering, you're turning 17, next month.)
CHRISTINE (CONT'D.)
Hey, I'm 16, too! And I'm the one IN the scene!
PHANTOM, CRYSTAL, SAMARA
YOU'RE 16?
CHRISTINE
Yeah!
PHANTOM
Oh, God! I'm a pedophile!
CHRISTINE, CRYSTAL, SAMARA
We won't tell, if you don't. (All smile.)
PHANTOM
Okay.
CHRISTINE
But wait, I'm in this scene. I can't leave!
(CRYSTAL: Oh, fine! You can all stay, regardless of what age you all are! EVERYONE: YAY! CRYSTAL: Okay, on with the sexuality! I mean… scene!)
PHANTOM
Softly, deftly, music shall caress you…
(SAMARA: Yeah, "music"… riiight… CRYSTAL: Samara, shut up! It's just getting good! GEOFF: Yeah. CRYSTAL & SAMARA: Where the bleeding hell did you come from? GEOFF: Isn't this the Bat Cave? Both Crystal and Samara look at Geoff with immense fury. CRYSTAL: Phantom, continue.)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
Hear it, feel it secretly possess you…
CHRISTINE
Wow! I DO feel it! (Trance…)
(CRYSTAL & SAMARA: So do we! SAMARA: He's good. CRYSTAL: I know!)
PHANTOM
Open up your mind, let your fantasies unwind--
(CRYSTAL: Don't let Christine's fantasies unwind… Ahhh! Damn camera shadow! Joel, don't forget to edit that out!)
JOEL (Ignoring.)
Uh-huh… yeah, right. Keep going, Phantom!
PHANTOM
--in this darkness which you know you cannot fight--
(CRYSTAL: I wouldn't want to fight it. SAMARA: Me either.)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
--the darkness of the music of the night… Let your mind start a journey through a strange, new world! Leave all thoughts of the life you knew before!
(SAMARA: Didn't he just say that? CRYSTAL: Who cares? Both continue to stare at the Phantom.)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
Let your soul take you where you long to be! Only then can you belong to me…
CHRISTINE (Trance--and high--wearing off.)
Hey, I don't belong to you!
(Phantom takes the markers from Christine's hand and puts them by her nose.)
PHANTOM
Inhale. (Christine does so and becomes completely high and starry-eyed again.) Now you do. (Pats her on the head.) Good Christine.
CHRISTINE
I AM NOT A KITTY!
PHANTOM
Yes you are.
CHRISTINE (Simply.)
Okay.
(SAMARA: Hey! That's what I do to you! But you don't cooperate! CRYSTAL: That's because I'm NOT! SAMARA: YES YOU ARE! CRYSTAL: We'll argue about this later… Let's finish watching this scene; my hand is getting tired. SAMARA: Okay… kitty. CRYSTAL: Damn you… Anyway, the Phantom brings Christine VERY close to him. "He lets her caress his mask, his hand reaches out to her face, travels down her neck and breasts." Hey, that's an EXACT quote from the screenplay--READ IT)
PHANTOM
Floating, falling, sweet intoxication!
(CRYSTAL: In reference to Christine--NO KIDDING! Anyway, however, what REALLY happens is the Phantom lets his hands… um… wander down her side… GEOFF: Hey, this is getting pretty hot! CRYSTAL & SAMARA: Shut up, Geoff!)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
Touch me, trust me…
(SAMARA: Riiight… CRYSTAL: Shut up!)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
…savour each sensation!
(CRYSTAL: Oh, hell yes! SAMARA: Shut up! CRYSTAL: Meow! SAMARA: Hehe… kitty. CRYSTAL: Curse you…)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
Let the dream begin--
(CRYSTAL: See, I knew someone was dreaming…)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
--let your darker side give in to the power of the music that I write--the power of the music of the night…
(CRYSTAL: The Phantom leads Christine over to a small grotto, where she turns and is confronted by a mannequin in a wedding gown, only to realize that the mannequin is an actual, life-size duplicate… of HER! However, Christine, still extremely high, isn't at all phased by this fact… yet. Staring at the Christine-double of herself, she… begins to laugh: HYSTERICALLY.)
CHRISTINE
HA, HA, HA, HA, HA… (Her laughter begins to calm as she begins to realize.) Hey, heh, wait a second… that's… (finally, it hits her) …me.
(CRYSTAL: Her laughter all at once, in a flash, stops and she passes out, falling flat to the floor--and not even waking up, even when her head slams on the ground. Wow… that's some power. SAMARA: I know, seriously.)
PHANTOM
Oops.
(CRYSTAL: Ha, ha! She passed out! I mean--clears throat--I hope Christine's okay… SAMARA: Riiight… CRYSTAL: Hehe… I mean, anyway, the Phantom picks up Christine and begins carrying her up the stairs-- SAMARA: Ha, ha! But on the way, Christine's head collides with a huge fucking tassel from a curtain! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! CRYSTAL: LMAO!)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
Damn it, Christine…
(CRYSTAL: Whew… Anyway, the Phantom continues to carry Christine up to his bedroom in another grotto. GEOFF: Well, if THAT'S not suggesting something… SAMARA: Yeah, can you say, "STATUTORY RAPE"? CRYSTAL: Oh, come on, Samara, you CAN'T tell me you don't think the Phantom is SO HOT?)
PHANTOM (Puts Christine on the bed and looks up; CONT'D.)
You think I'm hot?
(CRYSTAL: Well… heh--Blushes.--Anyway, finish the song! SAMARA: Aw… Cryssie has a crush! GEOFF: Hey! CRYSTAL: Shush!)
PHANTOM (Blushes a moment; CONT'D.)
Hm… Anyway…
(CRYSTAL: The Phantom leans next to Christine-- GEOFF: Cough. Rape… Cough. CRYSTAL: Shut up! --and touches her face.)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
You alone can make my song take flight--help me make the music of the night…
(CRYSTAL: And the Phantom pulls a cord and lowers a curtain around the bed.)
PHANTOM (CONT'D.)
She looks so pretty when she's asleep… and stoned. Hm… I'm going to write music now.
(CRYSTAL: He leaves to go to his organ. GEOFF: Hey, what luck! He didn't rape her! CRYSTAL & SAMARA: Shut up, Geoff! CRYSTAL--To herself: Remind me to lock you people out of my narrating from now on… Aloud. Anyway, back in the orchestra room…)
ORGANIST GUY (Waking up from his unconsciousness.)
Sorry, Mr. Webber.
(CRYSTAL: Andrew gets up from the bench, then shoves the organist guy into a wall, knocking him out again.)
ANDREW
Go sod off. (Leaves.)
JOEL (ECSTATIC.)
FINALLY! We're done that fucking scene!
(CRYSTAL: You don't have to tell me twice… I had to write it!)
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
A/N: LOL, I hope you all liked that. And BTW, thank you to everyone who reviewed to my first three chappies! AXIE: I love you! COURTENAY: Thanks so much! LUCIFA VAN HOLLE: Hehe, thanks. ANTOINETTE: Hehe, trust me, there's more to come! KRISTAN: Thanks! ERIK'S SHADOW: What can I say? LMAO! Sir Foppy! I love Erik! And don't Punjab me! More updates to come! DESIREE: Thanks much! Hm, I don't know… I think I may have dragged this chapter on too much. It's funny… the shorter the scene is in the movie, the longer I must drag it out with comedy. BUT it's up to you to decide what you thought of it. So, please REVIEW and tell me what you think!
Oh, FYI: My next chapter is a pretty big chunk of the movie, so it may take me a little while to write and post, so please be patient! Good patience makes a good parody ;) ! Anyway, love you all! AHHH! CLIFFHANGERS! Hehe!
Cheers.