Monday:
A very strange day today, I went for a stroll around the palace. Maxima is being very secretive, and spending a lot of time on the phone. I'm not particularly worried as all communication devices on Apokolips are bugged; death is instantaneous to anyone that dare speak against me.
But something strange was going on and it took me a long time to realise what it was. I kept hearing the same sound from the slaves almost everywhere I went. It was subliminal at first, until I heard it loudly from the slaves and the slave master, you know the one, he usually shouts "Faster dogs! For the glory of Darkseid!" whilst cracking the whip.
(Note I deliberately choose not to know the names of even my most trusted minions in order to help maintain the aloof ever present image of a god like despot.)
Today the slaves were chanting "You can do it put your back into it…I can do it put your # into it!" And the slave master was chanting "Don't stop giddy giddy, don't stop!"
It appears that bootleg copies of the Ice Cube CD that I told Desaad to get for me have been doing the rounds.
The last time this happened was when I bought the Celine Dion song from that movie where the boat sinks. I still get a warm glow of pleasure at the thought of all those people going to a watery grave.
"Titanic" is one of the best comedies I've ever seen, and yes I have stood on the highest rock I could find on Apokolips and shouted "I'm the king of the world!"
Because I am…
This afternoon I had a very confusing conversation with my wife. I thought Maxima asked me for a Boom Tube. So I asked her where it was that she wanted to go?
She then said that she had asked for me to get her a boob tube not a boom tube.
Unable to shake the image of a dimensional portal full of floating boobs from my mind I asked her what a boob tube was, and was disappointed to learn that it's just a kind of girly top.
I ordered her a dozen.
Maxima mentioned my weight again I am going to have to do something about it.