To Love is to Die
This is a random one shot fic that I wrote, I have transferred from my old account over to this one so enjoy. Don't forget to review.
I had loved him every day from the first day that I had met him. I was always supposed to hate him but how can anyone hate anything as pure as he was.
He was our saviour, our hero, our strength, our warrior, and my everything. I don't think it is possible for a love to reach greater heights than ours did.
I never realised that I loved him this much, you never actually realise how much you care for someone until they're gone I guess, it's the natural order of things.
Looking back upon our time together I wish I could have told him how I felt more often or at all, for I do not think he knew.
He was always an open book when it came to his feelings, open for everybody to read. No matter how many times he was hurt. That was one of the reasons that I fell for him in the first place.
I wanted nothing more than to protect his vulnerable heart against those who wished to hurt it, especially the Dark Lord.
He never knew that and now he never will because I failed to protect him when he needed me most. I sometimes wish that I could have left this world with him, gone to a better place to be with him forever.
When I sleep, which is rare nowadays, I dream of all the time we spent together as teenagers, forever playing quiditch, talking, kissing, and just being with each other. They were the happiest days of my life, nothing will ever compare to that.
However much I had once pretended to hate him our feelings changed and develop as we grew and that is how it started with us, as usual we were serving detention with Filch the caretaker after starting yet another fight in the corridor.
Our eyes kept meeting across the room as he polished trophies and I scrubbed the floor free of dirt.
His deep emerald orbs, the ones I so frequently got lost in kept watching me as I worked.
I did not mind, in fact I thrived in the attention he gave me. It was actually the first time we'd been in each others company without our friends for years.
We didn't have to pretend here, not in this darkened room away from prying eyes and ears. Filch wasn't around he was of course prowling the school for students out of bed as he usually was.
How I wanted to admit my feelings right there and then but no, after all what good would it have done, he would have thrown it back in my face.
So another opportunity past me by, but that night I had seen something more than hate in his brilliant green eyes, something beyond our petty fights and duels. It was something other than hate.
It puzzled me at first, I asked myself, could he feel the same? No I answered, I would never be good enough, my name may mean pride, wealth and power but he needed none of that and got more respect than my family ever would.
Who would ever be surprised but that, we were feared, not respected. However I never became a deatheater much to the displeasure of my good for nothing father.
Oh how I loathed him. The one man that caused me all the hurt and pain that one child could ever feel. Harry was the one who saved me from him, rescued me when I believed no one could.
I suppose I have always loved him even when I was supposed to hate him. Not just for his bravery and his courage but for his pure heart. Even after so much pain and suffering he gave his heart to me willingly and trusted not to break it.
He trusted me and that meant a lot, he believed that I would not hurt him, or betray him and he was right, I could not. Not even when He-who-must-not-be-named asked it of me.
I suffered for him that night. I didn't hold it against my love; instead I let him comfort me in the hospital wing after I had been healed. I was lucky to be alive and Harry was grateful that I had not died.
I guess this is my final good bye to him. A plea that I will finally be able to let him go. It has been at least a year since his death and I have never forgotten his angelic features or the touch of his silky skin nor his piercing emerald eyes.
No, his physical presence may have moved on but he still remains in my heart, my mind and my body. No one can take that away from me.
However even now I think that he will walk through the door and it would have all been a huge joke or a misunderstanding. I have not come to terms with the fact that that will never happen.
I still feel his presence in a room or faintly smell his scent on the air and I know he's close. I know he's watching over me and this comforts me greatly.
My existence seems pointless without him by my side, I have tried to live on in this cruel world but it cannot be done. There is no world with out his presence; I cannot survive without him.
I thought putting my emotions down on paper would help me come to terms with the fact that Harry is gone and will never come back but instead it has made me see what I must do.
Tonight I will be with him again; we will be together forever as one would put it. For an eternity, because that is how long true love lasts.