Saturday: Christmas Day…

There is no Christmas on Apokolips…GET BACK TO WORK!

Sunday:

It must be something about holiday seasons that bring the worst out in the lonely. Brainiac has returned!

I'm hungover and feeling queasy, it's 4am and I've just gone to bed. I'm just starting to doze off when that stupid Braindrain size head Brainy uses as a spaceship suddenly lands outside my window and demands to see me.

Apparently he's been thinking hard about what I told him last time, whatever the heck that was! I mean it was weeks ago and I can barely remember yesterday, I also don't have my blog nearby to check back with.

I suggest that he goes away and thinks about it some more, but Brainiac doesn't seem to hear.

"One day I will be alone in a dead universe with all my knowledge!" He moans.

I reassure him that this wont happen, because one day I will rule the universe and no one will be allowed to destroy it unless of course it's me, and frankly I don't see the point of going to all the trouble of invading it just so that some stupid "Speak and Spell" machine can blow it all up.

"Look Brainiac," I finally tell him, "for an artificial intelligence you are incredibly sentimental! You live in the past!"

Brainiac gets all upset and tells me that this isn't true.

"Oh so travelling around the universe and absorbing the biodata of entire galaxies just so you can reminisce about them after wiping them all out is not sentimental?"

He doesn't know how to answer.

"Do you know how many planets I've destroyed?" I ask him.

"Checking data…" He responds.

"Stop!" I shout, "You see? That was a rhetorical question, and you know what? I don't know how many planets I've destroyed, and you know why?"

Brainiac shakes his head.

"Because I don't care!" I tell him. "Brainiac you have to learn to let go a little, I usually give a planet a simple alternative, surrender to me or die! If they surrender I enslave their people and bend them to my will, and if not I blow them up and forget all about it, simple! You see? You have to be able to move on with your life, and let these things go!"

Brainiac looks confused, stupid machine! One day his memory banks are going to get too full of all that useless information he collects and totally crash his system, and then what's he going to do? Oh I can't take myself to Fry's Electronics, or PC World for an upgrade because Duh! I blew them all up!

"So how do I let go?" Brainiac asks.

"Well you need to get yourself a hobby," I explain.

"What is your hobby?" He asks in that dull flat emotionless tone that tells me that this conversation is going to be a total waste of time.

"Well I've recently taken up aerobics, I enjoy video games, fast food, and movies!" I tell him.

"My systems are fully functional, I do not require exercise or nutritional sustenance!" He replies.

"Well okay Brainy," I say through gritted teeth, " if you are so great at analysing everything, what do you think is troubling you?"

Brainiac pauses, "I am lonely and depressed." He explains, "I'm not getting you down am I?"

"No no of course not!" I reply trying to sound convincing.

"Only I would hate to think that I was bringing you down too!"

Maxima who has been pretending to sleep the whole time suddenly gets up. "Have you ever thought of taking up singing?" She asks him.

"Singing?" He pauses as his system scans for an interpretation, "Ahh the sound one makes when fusing one's voice in harmony to melodic sounds."

"Yeah that!" I confirm.

"I will go away and think about it!" And with that Brainiac gets into his bulbous headed ship and flies off.

I need another drink…