Crazy Daisy

Daisy was somewhat giddy about finally having someone come to her home, or at least one of them. It was as if she was about to have a schoolgirl sleepover. After her handmaidens bathed Peach and Zelda, she let them pick any clothing out of her wardrobe. Since it was Birabuto, all of the clothing had been made to be worn in the desert. Zelda chose a simple dress and cape, but she reattached her golden jewelry, nearly returning her to her former glory. Peach picked out a similar dress and put her jewelry back on as well. Her brooch fit perfectly. The only thing wrong with the two dresses, to Zelda and Peach anyway, was that they had Daisy's favorite colors: yellow, orange, and white. Peach's dress was mostly orange, but the hems of her sleeves and dress were white. Zelda's dress was mostly white except for the yellow cape. Daisy herself was in a yellow toga with an orange shoulder wrap and white armlets and sandals.

"Isn't this great?" Daisy beamed. "We all match."

"Yeah…" Peach said unenthusiastically.

"Great," Zelda added dryly.

Afterward, they all sat down to eat a meal prepared by Daisy's chefs. Much to the guests' surprise, it was mostly fast food, though Zelda had never seen this sort of food before.

"What is this?" Zelda asked, looking at the plates of pizza, fries, burgers, fried chicken, hot dogs, tacos, and other foods.

"Is this Chai-nese takeout?" Peach asked, forking a eggroll and picking up a fortune cookie.

"I know what I like," Daisy smirked. "So, this is what I have my chefs cook. It's healthier than what they give you at fast-food places, but tastes at least as good."

"Fast food?" Zelda said, picking up a fry.

"It's food that can usually be prepared in a short time," Peach explained. "It tastes great most of the time, but it's usually bad for you. Those are fries…as in fried potatoes."

"Oh," Zelda said, feeling more comfortable. She tasted the fry and was nearly overwhelmed by its salty goodness. "Oh, my! This is wonderful!" She scooped a pile of fries onto her plate and looked over the other food. "Is this sausage?" she asked, picking up a hotdog.

"Well, it is pork," Peach said, smiling now that she was enjoying her meal. "We call it a hotdog."

"Delicious!" Zelda sighed, after gobbling down the dog and burped. "Please excuse my horrible manners, but this food…it's as if it was cooked in heaven and passed down for us to eat. How long did this meal take to cook? It couldn't have taken any less than a full day, no matter how fast this food is. There are no burn marks or undercooked meat or anything of the sort. What sort of fire did you use?"

"Hmm…" Daisy thought. "I think it takes about 20 minutes to grill, fry, or bake all of it. As for the fire, we use gas and electricity."

"You can use electricity to cook?" Zelda exclaimed. "This really is a fantasy world."

Next, Daisy took her fellow royalty to her private chambers. Her room was big by any means. There was a round white couch covered in stuffed animals in front of a big-screen TV. A red-blanketed, queen-sized bed sat on the on the other side of the room from the door. There was a massive, cluttered dresser and vanity mirror. On the other side of the dresser, there was a desk and a very sleek, high-tech computer. At the side of the room opposite the TV, there was a row of tall, red-curtained windows. The carpeting was pink and the walls were white and covered with pictures and posters. Two other doors marked the entrances to a closet and a bathroom.

"And you say you're a princess?" Zelda asked, looking at the messy room.

"I've got my own style, okay?" Daisy said, looking underneath her bed. "Now, something's been bothering me ever since I first saw you Zelda. I feel stupid now that I realize what's up." She pulled out a Gamecube and Peach instantly smiled.

"You have Ninetendo here!" Peach grinned happily.

"Yep. Anyway, Zelda, you look like a videogame character. And your name happens to be on the title of a whole series."

"What is a videogame?" Zelda asked.

"It's easier to just let you see for yourself," Daisy said, quickly connecting the system to her TV. "Does the Ocarina of Time ring a bell?"

"Yes. Yes, it does. But how…?" She instantly became quiet when she saw the polygonal intro of Link riding on Epona in Hyrule field as the title came onto the screen. "Oh…my…Goddesses! That's Link! And Epona!"

"Recognize the title?"

"She can't read our language," Peach said.

"Well, it says Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time," Daisy said.

"What's going on?" Zelda asked, baffled as to why her name was on it. Then, the teaser scene of Link and Nabooru in the Spirit Temple came onto the screen. Koume and Kotake appeared and blasted their magic at Nabooru and the screen went black. "It's just as he told me."

"Let's see if I can find a save with you in it," Daisy said, starting a game. As she played, Zelda was amazed by the nearly identical appearance of Hyrule. The only thing wrong, beyond graphical limitations of course, was the relatively small size of the videogame Hyrule. It only took about five minutes for Daisy to have Link trek all the way from the Lost Woods to Hyrule Castle Town across the field. Daisy eventually went into the castle and snuck Link into the courtyard.

"Our security is better than that," Zelda said, blushing. She had remembered all the times Link had made fun of how easy it was to sneak around castle guards. Then, as she heard the familiar lullaby, her ears perked up. Seeing her ten-year old self onscreen was overwhelming. "How is this possible? That was seven years ago…"

"In another world," Peach said, somewhat amazed.

"For someone who loves Nintendo so much," Daisy scolded, "I'm surprised you didn't make the connection sooner."

"Not all of us have time to play videogames all day…"

"Oh yeah, that's right. I don't get kidnapped every five minutes."

"Quiet you two!" Zelda said, listening to the music. It abruptly stopped as Daisy reset the game. "What are you doing?"

"Going to the fight with Ganondorf," Daisy answered casually. Sure enough, Link entered the tower and encountered Ganon and Zelda. "Isn't that you?"

"It can't be!" Zelda exclaimed. "But that's exactly what Link said happened!"

"So, you're the Zelda from the past, but grown up, huh?"

"Yes. Link came back to me after Ganondorf disappeared in my time, but was defeated in the future. But that future never came to pass since Link…Wait a minute…"

"Yeah, that's the main plot hole," Daisy said understandingly. "From what I figure, Link never actually did anything to Ganon in your time. Old Ganny just didn't show up anymore and poof; that's the end."

"But it wasn't the end," Zelda said. "He came back. He's the reason why I'm in this world, though this is a blessing compared to where he meant to send me."

"Just curious…" Daisy began. "What happened to Link after that Majora's Mask deal? Did he find Navi?"

"Navi…" Peach muttered to herself, remembering the word.

"Did Link finally marry one of you?"

Zelda looked astounded and tried to compose herself. "After searching for a few years, Link stopped looking for Navi and returned to Hyrule. He visited all of us and was employed at Lon Lon Ranch." Daisy gave an expecting look, wanting the answer to her last question. "…No. He did not marry any of us…yet."

"So you do have a crush on him! I knew it!" She got up and ran to her computer. "Exclusive info for my site!" As the machine quickly loaded up, she ran back to the system and turned it off.

"What are you doing?" Zelda frowned as Daisy put in a new game.

"I want to see you and Peach fight." She placed the controllers in their hands and scurried back to her computer.

"What?"

"It's another videogame," Peach explained. "Both of us are characters in it."

"You're in these things, too?" Zelda gaped. "What sort of magic…"

"I don't know about you," Peach said, "but I'm in it because my reputation is well-known throughout the world. There's an entire franchise based around me being kidnapped by Bowser and rescued by Mario. I have to admit, though…our portrayals in the games are eerily accurate."

"It's like a dumbed down version of the Zelda-series," Daisy added. "Both of you get kidnapped by some creep, and get rescued in the end by the same hero."

"That's Mario, right there," Peach said, as the trophy onscreen came to life.

"He looks a bit…plump," Zelda said, expecting a more fitting hero. Then, Link appeared and the screen broke into an image of Peach and then Bowser. A mural of various scenes from the Ocarina of Time adventure appeared and showed three gloved hands, each with a different mark of the Triforce. The image went through various other characters in action, including Zelda using Din's fire.

"Here he comes…" Daisy said giddily. The screen changed to a beautiful picture of Sheik playing his harp on a serene, star-filled night with crystal clear water and blue cliffs in the background. "There he is! Sheik's my favorite character. Isn't he hot?"

Zelda coughed uncomfortably, but marveled at the representation of Lake Hylia in the background. Peach made a look of passive, yet unenthusiastic agreement and said, "I've seen him myself. He saved me many times."

"What! He's real?" Daisy screamed excitedly. "Where is he? I just have to meet him! Is his butt really that cute?"

"Daisy!" Peach chided. "Now, you're the one who's forgetting! If the Zelda in the game is nearly the same as the one here, then you should know that Sheik is Zelda, but in a magical disguise."

"She's right," Zelda said, still paying close attention to the screen. "Sheik and I share the same body."

Daisy became flushed. "So that totally hot bod is, like, totally yours?"

"Totally," Zelda said mockingly.

"But in the front, there's that…"

"Codpiece," both Peach and Zelda said in unison. When Daisy glanced at Zelda's chest, they said in unison, "Metal plate." There was an awkward silence as they let everything sink into Daisy, who had a deflated grimace on her face that used to be a smile.

"What-ever!" Daisy said, turning her nose up at her guests, who were holding back giggles.

While Peach taught Zelda how to play, Daisy typed away.

"I must say," Zelda marveled, "this games does a fairly good job of representing my abilities. Your representation seems accurate in terms of your fighting style…but most of your special attacks are strange…particularly your use of the mushroom retainer and that explosive attack."

"It's just a game, Zelda."

"And then, there's the way my character carries herself…Do I really look that moody all the time?"

"You are moody," Peach chuckled, "but not like that. I think that is based on the future Zelda. Different experiences make different characters. What do you think, Daisy? Daisy?"

"Alright, killer!" Daisy said, clicking the screen.

"What is that?" Zelda asked.

"Huh? Oh, this is called a computer. It's a machine that let's you do lots of cool things, like…uhhhh…make videogames or talk to people on the internet…That's a massive network of computers connected electronically across the globe."

"Okay," Zelda said, looking confused. "What's got you so excited?"

"I just finished a blog."

"It's like a diary placed on the internet for people to see," Peach explained. "She apparently has a website. Why didn't you ever tell me, Daisy?"

"Lots of stuff you wouldn't like on Crazy Daisy,"Daisy smirked mischievously.

Peach approached her and asked suspiciously, "Like what?"

"Well, I've got an entire section on you, for one thing. Hey, Zelda. Wanna see Peach's dirty little secret?"

"What secret?" Zelda asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Peach said, not amused.

"Did you ever go into her room and see a chair with a drawer underneath?" Daisy said, moving the mouse to a link called Peach's Secrets.

Peach winced at the mention of the spot.

"Yes," Zelda said, becoming curious. "She was quite insistent that I not look inside."

"Because there's nothing in there!" Peach said louder than she meant to. "We were in a hurry and…

"Nope," Daisy grinned. "What she's got isn't like her at all. She especially shouldn't have two of them, but I guess double the pleasure, double the fun…"

"It's only one…no!" Peach said without thinking. She clasped her hands over her own mouth.

"I think I understand," Zelda said, smirking at Peach. "I'd never expect you…"

"Don't get any ideas!" Peach said, steadily turning red until she seemed to glow with anger. "It's nothing! Just a messy drawer!"

"It's a nice, big, black…" Daisy began before her voice suddenly ceased to make any sound. She felt her throat and smirked, knowing what Peach had just done.

"What did you do?" Zelda asked, staring at Peach in surprise.

"Nothing," Peach pouted, turning off the computer.

"You're being awfully rude."

"She's the one smearing my name."

"Like, excuse me." Daisy said, able to speak once again. " It's totally not smearing if it's true. Why else would you use a Mute spell?"

"You've been holding back quite a bit of magical prowess, haven't you?" Zelda asked.

"Let's go play tennis or something!" Peach said in an overly cheerful fashion, completely changing the subject.

"Tell me," Zelda panted, standing next to Daisy with a racket in hand. "Is it normal to lose this badly when we outnumber the opposition like this?" She was dressed in a white shirt and tennis skirt. They were on a court just outside of Daisy's palace. They had played for a couple hours, even as the sun beamed down on them. It was already approaching the horizon.

"This isn't even supposed to be fair," Daisy said, equally tired. "But Peach is just a beast when it comes to this game. Serve the ball so we can hurry up and lose." She was in her yellow shirt and orange shorts.

"Over here!" Peach taunted. Her hair was in a ponytail and she wore a short yellow dress. "Could you hurry up, please?"

Zelda tossed the tennis ball into the air and smacked the ball to Peach's side of the court. She promptly hit it back, but Daisy, who was at the net, hit it back. It came to the point that the ball was being volleyed back and forth between them at the net until Daisy missed a swing. Zelda lunged at the ball and hit it right where Peach wanted it.

"Aw, man!" Daisy moaned.

"Hmph!" Peach smirked, holding out her racket as the ball approached. Suddenly, she floated into the air and spun around, smashing the ball to the other side of the court in a blur of pink hearts. It made a near 90° angle and bounced inside the corner of the line and out of the court.

"Told you she was brutal," Daisy said, sinking to her knees. "She's like this in golf, too. She rules the tourneys."

"Perhaps Peach should take the racket and golf club with her in case there's another fight," Zelda said, falling into a sitting position. "Maybe she could be more like she is in that videogame."

"Ah, that was fun," Peach sighed, wiping her brow. "What's next?"

"Shopping spree!" Daisy called out.

They had shopped into the evening, placing most of the charges on Daisy's account. Daisy had prevented them from going to any of the more formal or elegant stores, instead choosing the more trendy stores. Both Zelda and Peach were overwhelmed by the new and sometimes strange fashions. Zelda managed to find some durable brown leather shoes that would come in handy for long walks. Peach bought a pair of pink tennis shoes that matched her newly bought pink, sleeveless dress, both of which were appropriate for the desert air.

"That was quite enjoyable," Zelda said, handing her bags over to one of Daisy's delivery cars that would take everything back to the palace. "However, why did you want us to dress in this new clothing?" She was in an oversized white t-shirt and blue jeans, clothing which was not familiar to her. The shirt was so big, it sagged past one of her shoulders.

"It's comfortable, isn't it?" Daisy asked. She had on baggy orange shorts and a yellow tube top over a black, see-through, long-sleeved shirt and stockings.

"Yes," Peach said, looking unsurely at her own outfit. It was only a small, buttoned, hot pink vest, leaving her belly exposed, and a long, black skirt with high slits on the sides.

"But why such peculiar clothing?" Zelda asked more directly.

"We're going to my favorite club in Birabuto," Daisy said, leading the way. After walking through the dusty streets, they came across a pipe, with a sphinx sitting next to it, reading her newspaper.

"Stop right there," the sphinx said apathetically, limply holding up her hand. "To enter this coolest of cool sanctums blah, blah, blah…you must answer a riddle."

"Your princess is ready and waiting," Daisy said confidently.

"Whatever. Not like you didn't give me half of this crap from your stupid website…" She suddenly stood up on her hind legs and folded her arms. "The best physical traits of the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom are her name…according to that poll you held on the web. What are they?"

"That doesn't make any sense," Zelda said, going into thought.

"I don't get it," Peach said. "How can a name be a physical trait? Does Sheik have any ideas?"

"Yes," Zelda answered uncomfortably. "But neither of us are willing to say it out loud."

"Then, you've probably got the right idea," Daisy giggled. "Do you give up?"

"Just say it already!" the sphinx growled, pushing her dark hair out of her empty eyes. "It's the easiest question in the world."

Daisy giggled once more and said, "Peach is a peach with a peach and a peachy peach."

"But peachy peaches don't grow in my kingdom…or in yours, either," Peach said, still confused. "They're delicious, but why would I carry one around for all this time."

"I suppose Sheik was right," Zelda said, looking somewhat disgusted.

"Whatever," the sphinx said, sitting down again. "Just get in."

When they hopped into the pipe, they landed on a conveyor belt that carried them to the main area. Everything was dark except for the colorful strobe lights and black lights. There were all sorts of people around dancing on the floor, eating at the tables on the outer edges of the room, or sitting at the bar. Much to Zelda's surprise, there was a decent number of humans about. The fast beat of loud techno music was startling to Zelda.

"What is this place?" she yelled over the music.

"This is the club, Sabaku," Daisy replied, moving toward the DJ. "I love this place."

"Ladies and gentleman," the DJ said in a smooth voice. "The life of the partay has just arrived. May I present Her Royal Highness…Princess…Crazaaay…Daisaaaay!"

"Wooooo!" she shouted amongst the cheering. She looked and saw Peach and Zelda standing around uncomfortably. She hopped down and the crowd parted for her.

"Must the music be so loud?" Zelda was covering her ears, and actually pulling them down.

"It's a party, you guys!" Daisy chided. "Peach, I know you can dance. Don't you remember all those parties Mario threw?"

"But that was different…" Peach said nervously, moving her arms into a cradling position.

"You've got the skill and you've got the body," Daisy said, manually moving Peach in time with the music. "So, shake it, girl!"

"I'm more of a ballroom dancer," Peach said, being jerked around awkwardly.

"The same goes for me," Zelda said. "And exactly how am I supposed to dance in this outfit?"

"It's free expression, Zel!" Daisy said. "Show me some of your fighting moves, but with the music's rhythm." When Zelda gave her a strange look, Daisy imitated some of the moves the videogame Zelda had used. There were low kicks, palm thrusts, slides, hand chops, and other random moves in time with the music. The crowd was cheering her on, so Zelda gave it a try.

"What have I to lose," she sighed. She took on her fighting stance and made her attacks quick and sudden. She chopped to the side, turned her head, raised her fist, slid her foot behind herself, and twirled backwards, pointing her finger in front of herself.

"Go, Zelda! Go, Zelda! Go, Zelda!" Daisy yelled. The crowd soon joined in cheering. Some were even copying her moves.

"This is rather fun," she smiled. "Come on, Peach. It's not so bad."

"I don't know what to do," Peach said insecurely.

"Just be yourself," Daisy said, dancing.

"Give it a try," Zelda said, twirling again. Peach hesitated, so Daisy grabbed her shoulders and moved them with the music.

"See, it's not so bad," she said.

"I guess," Peach blushed. Then, Daisy grabbed her hips and began to move them as well. "What are you…?"

"Gotta get you movin' some how," Daisy said, standing back as Peach moved on her own. "Hey, boys! Don't you think Peach has a peachy peach?" The guys in the crowd cheered and whistled.

The songs changed, and the party continued on into the night. Eventually, Zelda and Peach moved to the bar, where Daisy already was, surrounded by her entourage.

"So, then I ask 'where's that hottie, Sheik?' like an idiot and then they tell me she is Sheik. I don't care if he is a she; he still has a cute butt…Oh, hey guys!"

"Hi, Daisy," Peach greeted, sitting down. "You were right. This really is fun."

"And the music isn't so bad once you get used to it," Zelda said. "But so much dancing makes one very thirsty."

"Hey, Willy!" Daisy called out to the bartender. "Get my fellow princesses, here, a few bracers."

"You got it, Princess."

"That isn't alcohol, is it?" Peach asked cautiously, as two glasses slid to her and Zelda.

"Loosen up, Peach!" Daisy laughed. "This isn't the first time you've had it. I mean, we're all, like, totally adults here, right?" Her followers agreed.

"More or less," Zelda muttered to herself. "Everyone's had a sip of wine before."

"This is more than just wine," Peach said, sniffing the drink.

"According to Super Mario RPG," Daisy said matter-of-factly, "you've had bracers, energizers, elixirs and megalixirs pretty regularly. And then there were those tonics in Paper Mario."

"Those were for medicinal purposes!" Peach insisted. Even Zelda had to laugh at that and drank her bracer.

"Mmm, this is pretty good. May I have another?"

"Zelda?"

"Drinks for everyone!" Daisy shouted.

"Just try it, Peach," Zelda said, downing another glass. "Daisy's bodyguards are hidden throughout the crowd. If anything happens, they'll take care of us. Just enjoy yourself. I have a feeling we won't have many more chances to relax like this together. Think of it as saying goodbye."

"You're right," Peach smiled. "What have I got to lose?"

Note: If you felt uncomfortable at least once during this reading, then you're normal. If you found absolutely nothing offensive about this, then youprobably have a weird sense of humorlike me.