Disclaimer: Neither Ashlies nor I own Harry Potter. End of story.

This is what happens when Ashley and Kerri are talking on the phone during vacation and decide to write a story where they get to teach Potions for a day. Since two people wrote this, it is posted under both onlyonceinforever and a proud geekfreak's thingys. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Setting the scene:
Two girls skip down the hallway of Hogwarts, laughing and giggling about their evil future plans. They run into the dungeon of Severus Snape. Severus tries to ask what the hell was going on when the girl named Ashley (with her hair pulled back in a ponytail and a Linkin Park shirt on) pulls out her wand and Severus is zapped in a flash of blue lights. He falls to the ground and starts twitching, while doing the "I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna be a duck so shake my butt" dance (from the floor). The other girl, who has reddish brown hair, at this point picks up a chair and whacks him over the head with it, much like The Rock. Ashley screams "Give him the chair, give him the chair!" Once Severus was knocked unconscious, Ashley and Kerri bind his legs and arms and gag him, then dye his hair purple and write "Property of Celia Snape" all over his face in lime green Sharpie. They uncarefully shove him into a broom closet and laugh maniacally.
They head off for their next class, which coincidentally was Potions with the Gryffindors and Slytherins.

And here we are now:
As Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger filed in, the girl with reddish brown hair known as Kerri takes hold of Hermione and tries to put her in the broom closet with Snape. Unfortunately, our other hero, Ashley stops her and whispers in Kerri's ear "We're going to make her suffer." Kerri nodded and let Hermione go back to her seat.
Just then Draco, Crabbe and Goyle entered the room. Ashley tried to jump on Draco, but Kerri held her back and said "Later." As the rest of the class filed in and found their seats, Ashley and Kerri stood in the front of the room and cried "Tortuga! Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom will live forever!" Everyone looked at them and blinked. Then this random girl with wavy brown hair and brown eyes jumped up and screamed "Where's my Sevi!"

Ashley and Kerri glanced at each other and laughed. Ashley said "We killed him and stuffed his body in the disappearing broom closet." The girl started to cry and ran out of the class in attempts to find the disappearing broom closet. Kerri screamed after her "Don't forget to write!" Then Ashley cleared her throat and said "Good day, class."
Just then, a particularly good looking Scottish boy walked in and said "Can I be in this class?" Ashley jumped up and down and nodded. The good looking Scottish boytakes a seat and Kerrisays "We'll be teaching Potions today." Most people looked relieved that Severus wasn't going to be teaching it, but one certain prissy little bitch coughcoughHermione raised her hand. Ashley said "Yes, prissy little bitch?" Hermione glares at Ashley and says "Will we actually be working today and are you certified to teach Potions?" Kerri shoots her hand up in the air, jumps up and down and say "Ooh, I know this one, I know this one!" Ashley goes "Yes, Kerri?" Kerri goes "We are certifiably insane. And yes, we will be teaching."

Hermione raises her hand again and asks "What will we be making today?" Ashley and Kerri look at each other, concerned, then pull each other away into a private huddle.
Kerri whispers to Ashley "What are we gonna make?"
Ashley shrugged. "We'll just wing it." They turn around and Ashley says "We will be making..." She pauses and looks around, then notices a bag of Smart Food popcorn. "We will be making the Smart Food Potion."

Kerri says "And you're going to be needing the hair of someone who is a prissy little bitch, so everyone grab one of Hermione's. Give it a nice good yank!" At that point, everyone get up and grabs Hermione's hair and gives it a nice good yank. Hermione cries out in pain and shock, but mostly in pain. While they did that, Ashley and Kerri looked around on Snape's desk until they found a piece of parchment with instructions to make a potion.

As Ashley reads the directions, Kerri hums the Wicked Witch of the West theme song. Kerri starts to skip around the class, singing louder and louder until she reaches right behind Hermione and shrieks, scaring Hermione and causing her to spill the potion all over herself.

Ashley comes over and slaps Hermione upside the head and says "Now, you'll have to start over. And since we don't know where the extra ingredients are, just use your shoe. They're ugly anyway." She grew bored with that soon, however, and went over to see how Malfoy was doing to give him a bit of "extra help". Of course, this "extra help" involved a closet, but not the one Snape was stuffed in. The aforementioned good looking Scottish boy decided he needed some tutoring as well and followed Ashley and Draco. This left Kerri all alone with a bunch of people who actually were doing what she told them.

Kerri stood up in front of the class. "Everyone, I'm going to talk to you about how words hurt. Now, as some of you may know, Orbit has modified their wintermint gum. Now, it says it has an even 'better' flavor. Now, this hurts the wintermint's feelings, because, ya know, what, it just wasn't good enough for them before? Now, this hurts the wintermint's feelings. If you were the wintermint, how would you feel if they said you needed improvement? Don't say anything, Hermione, just keep working on your potion. Now, so, if you see this Orbit with the packaging that says 'new, better flavor', don't buy it. Get the old kind, and chew it, because if I were it, I would want to kill myself." At this point, everyone in the class looked at her and made a mental note to avoid the crazy one.

At the end of class:
The bell rings.
People leave.
Ashley, Oliver and Draco emerge from broom closet looking a bit disheveled.
Kerri flunks everyone who gave her strange looks, except a boy with red hair who she started to call, "Wonald" in a baby voice.
The end.

Damn, we needs lifes, but who cares! this was just some little fun for two bored people! hoped you enjoyed!