Influenza

Chapter Nine

Disclaimer: Well, the show's not mine, nor are any of the characters in it.

A/N: I'm glad you guys are liking the angst, because there's gonna be just a little bit (or a lotta bit) more of it. Yeah, Elliot is still sick- you've just gotta remember that even though that chapter was a fairly good size all of that happened within the course of ten minutes, fifteen at the most! So, other than having a fever (and maybe a bit of coughing or the chills) not much is going to show in that short amount of time. He's still sick though, he's just well enough to carry out a serious conversation and all that fun stuff.

XXXX

They sat staring at each other in silence for awhile, Olivia running the prior few minutes over and over in her mind, before a cough broke through her thoughts. She looked up at him, surprised for a second, having momentarily forgotten of his illness. Abandoning her musings and her pride and her convictions for the time being she left the sofa and went over to where he was still sitting on the couch bed, cautiously sitting next to him and reaching out her hand to touch his forehead. He was still burning up. God, had she been so selfish that in her own thoughts and turmoil and self-pity she disregarded the reason they both were there, disregarded his safety?

"You still have a fever," she told him with a frown, as she attempted to pull back her hand. Elliot's reflexes hadn't been affected by his illness and she found that out when his hand snapped forward and grasped her arm, forcing her to look up at him. Their eyes locked and she vainly tried to stop the rising lump in her throat and the trembling of her lip and the shiver that passed down her spine at the contact. Olivia tried to pull back, but it was just another effort in vain, he was still very much stronger than she, and she gave up her efforts after only one try, trusting that he wouldn't do anything to push her away, if he was as serious about them as he claimed to be.

Her eyes pleaded with him to speak his mind, then let her go. She was on the edge, teetering between standing firm, holding her ground, or falling once and for all. Knowing the situation and knowing her told him that the last thing she wanted to do was fall, because if she did she would fall fast and she would fall hard and it would hurt her worse than not taking the risk and not falling ever could. "What happens?" he asked, pausing to keep another cough from escaping his throat. "...What happens when I'm not married anymore?"

He watched as her eyes filled with doubt and fought the urge to pull her close to him and hug her and kiss her and chase all the demons in her life away. It was at that moment that he realized that he, himself, was becoming another one demon to add to the stack and it scared him and it scared her and neither one of them knew what to do about it, or if they even could.

"I... I'm not sure." she confessed, her voice breaking and coming out as barely a whisper. Damn her emotions and damn her uncertainty and damn him for making her feel so helpless and needy and afraid. She wanted to say screw his marriage and screw his religion and screw her rules, she just wanted to feel his arms around her and his lips crushing hers and the heat that had left her shivering with its intensity. She couldn't though, and she knew it and he knew it and they both hated it but neither one could change it.

The doubt in her eyes turned to fear when he had yet to release her arm, though his hold on her was in no way painful or threatening. He sat there for a moment, trying to decipher what was causing her to be afraid, was it him or was it her or was it what she wanted or what he wanted? The grip he had on her arm loosened enough for her to pull back if she wanted to, but she made no move, only sat, lost in the doubt and the fear and the pain that was dancing in his own dark oceans. He wanted to comfort her and he wanted to hold her and he wanted to tell her that no matter what he would wait until she was ready and she wanted the same, but wouldn't allow herself to take it.

This was madness and this was wrong but this was him and this was her and it felt right.

She finally pulled away and broke eye contact when she knew that if they continued like that she would regret it. "I'll get you some medicine." she all but whispered, moving from the bed and into the kitchen. He watched as she went, doing best not to notice the way the tank top she was wearing was ridding up, revealing her milky skin. Adverting his eyes to the closest object, the TV remote, he waited until she came back with whatever she was planning on giving him.

"I'm not going to shove the pills down your throat, ya know?" she asked, the slightest bit of humor breaking through the awkward silence. Elliot turned to look at her, a slightly bemused expression on his face, and she gave him the smallest of smiles. "You looked kind of out there..." handing him the pills the smile disappeared, leaving space for the awkwardness to return.

"Yeah," he agreed, swallowing the Tylenol she had given him. "Sorry..."

Her eyes traveled to where his had just been, and fell on the channel changer. "You want to see if there's anything good on?"

He frowned, but nodded nonetheless. She was pushing them away and she was changing the subject and this was the only thing that would keep her from falling apart, this was her saving grace and her greatest mistake... all at the same time. Leaving the channel surfing up to him she headed back for her sofa and curled up in the far corner of it, wrapping herself with the afghan that had been resting on its back. For a moment he couldn't help but watch, she moved with power and authority but at the same time she moved with a certain kind of grace and ease and it was incredibly appealing.

When a loud commercial broke through the silence he turned his attention back to the TV, wondering if she had noticed him staring, or if she was too busy avoiding him to see. He changed the station again, sighing as he pulled his covers around his body tighter, fighting the sudden chill in the room. She didn't seem effected, though, so he figured it was just the flu rearing its ugly head again, and scowled to himself.

"I think I'm going to sleep..." he told her, although it didn't really matter if she knew or not. Or at least, that's what they were both trying to convince themselves. "You want the remote?"

She looked over at him, an unreadable expression dancing in her dark eyes, and shook her head. "No... I'm going to clean around the apartment."

Which translated into: the farther I am from you when you're sleeping the better. It was understandable, he guessed. The reason they were so distant from each other in the first place originated while one of them, or both of them, had been asleep.

Elliot nodded, then closed his eyes and rested his head against the pillows with a tired sigh. Before he fell asleep he thought of a way to fix things between him and Olivia, at least for the time being, but didn't get much work done. He was out in less than five minutes.

XXXX

Olivia felt a sick feeling creep over her as she watched him fall asleep. When she had gone to the kitchen to get him some medicine she hadn't brought back regular Tylenol, but the nighttime version of the popular pill. It had taken effect quicker than she imagined, and for that she was thankful, but it didn't help the knot in her stomach that had formed as soon as he had swallowed the medicine. She was being selfish and she was being self centered and she hated it, but under the circumstances she didn't see how she had any other choice.

He was starting to get to her. Her emotions were sitting on her sleeve and for the life of her she couldn't figure out how to hide them and she was beginning to break and beginning to think that maybe giving in wasn't such a bad thing and she couldn't do that- not now and not anytime soon.

She hadn't been lying when she told him that she was going to clean up while he slept. However, she did wait a few minutes before she got up. In those minutes she simply watched him, making sure that his sleep wasn't restless or he didn't wake up. When she was confident that he was out and the pills had done their job she got up from the couch, and went to work.

A few hours later her buzzer went off. She jumped slightly, not sure who would be at her apartment and why, and headed for her speaker. "Hello?"

"Hi, Olivia," a young woman's voice came from the other end. It didn't take Olivia two seconds to recognize that the voice belonged to Kathleen. "Do you mind if I come up?"

Olivia smiled at the question, "Of course I don't." With a simple press of a button Kathleen was allowed into the building and Olivia went to her door to wait for the girl to make it there. A minute or so later there was a knock at the very door she was standing in front of and Olivia opened it quickly.

"Come on in, you're dad is asleep."

"Asleep?" Kathleen repeated, looking around the apartment. "Why?"

"He caught the flu from me," Olivia told her with a sigh. "I told him that he shouldn't have taken care of me... but Cragen did order him to."

"He got his flu shot, though," Kathleen informed her, much like her father had done the day before. "How can he have caught the flu from you?"

"The shots weren't the best this year," Olivia told her, taking her coat. "A bunch of people who were inoculated against the virus still ended up getting sick. I wouldn't worry about it too much, his case isn't as bad as mine was. Which, is probably since he had the shot."

"What about you?" the younger woman asked. "Did you not get yours?"

Olivia shook her head, "I figured those who needed it most deserved it more than I did."

"Oh," she said. "You don't mind that I'm here, right?"

"Not at all," Olivia assured her. Which, was the God's honest truth. Olivia was relieved for the interruption. "I was about to order out something for dinner... the only thing I have around the house is soup and I've had enough of that for awhile. Do you want to stay and wait for your dad to wake up? He's been out for awhile."

Kathleen nodded, she had come for a reason anyway. There was something of great importance she needed to discuss with her father. Something that couldn't really wait all that long. "How are you feeling, Livie?" she asked, following her into the kitchen, where Olivia picked up the phone to order.

Ignoring the nickname that Dickie had given her years prior she smiled reassuringly, "I'm all better now. Your father took very good care of me."

He sure did. Olivia shook the thoughts out of her head and dialed the familiar number of the Chinese delivery place down the road. "What do you want?"

"I'll eat whatever you're getting," Kathleen told her with a shrug. "If it's Chinese then I like it."

She nodded and ordered her usual, peppered steak and chicken fried rice, with a side of lou mein. The man said it would take fifteen to twenty minutes, and the cost was 6 dollars, then hung up. Olivia gestured for Kathleen to sit down in one of the chairs at the table, then she, too, took a seat of her own. "So... how is school going?"

Kathleen smiled, everybody asked that, no matter how often they saw her. Which, she hadn't seen Olivia since her parents... "School's going good. I love all my classes and I'm on the yearbook staff this year, so I'm busy a lot."

"You still play soccer?"

She nodded, "Running track, too. Although, soccer is my main priority. I think dad mentioned that you played soccer in high school once, right?"

Olivia grinned, "Yeah. I was a full back. What position do you play?"

Kathleen's grin was almost as wide as Olivia's had been, "Stopper."

"That's a good position to play." Olivia said, "I played stopper for half a season after one of the girls tore her ACL."

"Ouch," Kathleen commented, making a face. "One of the guys who play for our school, Josh, did that last year. It's not pretty. He was out for the whole season and was on crutches forever. Josh wasn't too happy about that."

With a nod of response her attention traveled behind Kathleen, and the smile on her face dropped considerably. Kathleen noticed the change in her expression and turned around to see what she was looking at.

"Oh, hi daddy." she greeted her father, who was standing in the doorway to the kitchen wearing a confused look. "We didn't wake you, did we?"

XXXX

A/N:

Let me know what you think. I tried to get away from all the angst for awhile and continue on with the rest of the story, rather than dwelling on half an hour... :)

Anyhow, review please!