Kitty: Alright...new chappie!
Yugi: Kitty has been keeping in tune with Yu-Gi-oh, and...
Kitty: YUGI!
Yugi: (sighs)
Lina: "You did what was best for me and for mankind...I'm always...with you..." (snorts) That was so gay.
Kitty, Yugi and Atem: (whack her on the head a hundred million times)
Amelda (I HATE THE NAME ALISTER!): But the one with me in was cool. (smirks)
Seto: Kitty, what's HE doing here?
Kitty: I like the whole Mikey thing. (glomps Amelda) And besides shutting Moky all alone in a plane about to crash, he's pretty cool.
Seto: (glares venomously)
Seth: (sweatdrop) RR!
Chapter Six:
Problems with Pixies
Yugi had just finished his letter to Kitty, and was now racing to get to Defense Against the Dart Arts on time.
Konnichiwa Neko-chan!
It was so nice to read the words of my beloved kitten, let me tell you that. Harry-kun and I got to back to England okay, although Harry-kun and Ron-kun had a bit of a bumpy ride getting to Hogwarts in Mr. Weasley's flying car. Didn't exactly go as they had planned…
Congratulate Kara-kun for me! I passed that onto Marik like you said; he was very happy for her too and told me to pass on three kisses for him, one for Kara-kun, and one each for the twins. Dare-kun also adds to Kara-kun to get those autographs ASAP.
We've got a new professor for Defense Against the Dark Arts. His name is Gilderoy Lockhart, and he wrote almost half our booklist. He seems self-centered and fame seeking to me, as he brought Harry-kun and me into a publicity stunt back in Flourish and Blotts…not fun. At least Dare-kun was able to beat up Malfoy there; that was probably the only thing that brightened the experience.
You know how much I love you, Kitten, and how much I love hearing from you, so write back as soon as you can so I can cherish your next letter as I have the one you last sent.
Aishiteru,
YugiYugi ran into Lockhart's classroom, to find the Ravenclaws and most of the Gryffindors already there.
Harry, Ron, Diana, Hermione and Seto waved at him to tell him to come over, and Yugi took a seat between Seto and Ron in the third row.
"I'm not looking forward to this class," muttered Yugi as he turned around to look at Harry, Hermione and Diana.
"Me either," growled Seto, "This Lockhart character seems like a total jerk to me. On the way here, I ran into this runt Gryffindor named something Creevey, and he asked for a picture with me. I mean…I do autographs sometimes, but signed photos? That's a little extreme…"
Yugi nodded to tell him to go on.
"Anyway, Malfoy headed over and gave his usual mocking: this time along the lines of 'Extra, Extra, Read All About it: Seto Kaiba's giving out signed photos!' I told him to shut his fat mouth and go away, but Lockhart overheard him…and gave Creevey a double portrait, much to my disgust and displeasure. And guess what, Yugi? He knows me as 'Kaiba boy.'"
Yugi and Seto's identical scowls were enough for the others to understand how much that nickname was loathed.
"But he's not a jerk, Seto," Hermione replied in a slightly higher voice than normal, "I mean, he's famous too…"
"That doesn't give him an excuse to feed off other's fame to get more famous himself," snapped a newly appeared Atem.
Seth appeared too and nodded.
"And just look at what he did with Harry-kun and Yugi-kun in Flourish and Blotts," he said in his slightly deeper voice, "THAT is jerk-material if I ever saw it."
Hermione would've responded, except Lockhart cleared his throat right then and silence fell as the class all looked at him.
Lockhart reached forward, picked up Neville Longbottom's copy of Travels with Trolls, and held it up to show his winking portrait on the cover.
"Me," the professor stated, as he winked as well, "Gilderoy Lockhart… Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award…but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"
He chuckled a little at his own joke; a few people smiled weakly; Diana clucked her tongue in disgust.
"I see you've all bought a compete set of my books, well done!" Lockhart quickly went on, "I thought we'd start today with a little quiz…nothing to worry about, just to check how well you all have read them."
He gave a pile of each to the first person in each row, who then passed them down the row to the others.
"You have thirty minutes. Start…now!"
Diana picked up her quill and looked at the quiz.
1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?
2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?
On and on it went, over three sheets of paper, right down to:
54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?
/That git/ Diana thought, before taking her quill and starting to write.
Half an hour later, Lockhart collected the papers, and shuffled them in front of the class.
"Tut, tut…hardly any of you remember my favorite color is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti. Oh…what's this?"
He picked up a particular paper. His eyes ran down it in a line, and then he grinned widely.
"But Miss Diana Randall knew my birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic communities…good girl! You read Wanderings with Werewolves most intently…you enjoyed it?"
"No."
Everyone froze. Even Lockhart's grin flickered.
"B-beg pardon?"
"No," Diana repeated, "I found it the most self-centered and egotistical book I've read in my entire life. I read it for werewolves, not a bigheaded, photo-happy git who is probably in love with his own reflection."
She paused here, before adding scornfully, "No offense to you, of course…professor."
Everyone stared in shunned shock. Seth turned around to wink at her. Parvati and Lavender gave her glares of pure venom. Harry gripped her hand under the table as Lockhart looked about to speak.
"Well…uh…glad you enjoyed it!" Lockhart went back to the papers, "And Miss Hermione Granger…full marks, good girl…!"
Diana smirked as she closed her eyes, to try and drown out some of what Lockhart the Nimrod was saying.
She only looked up when he said, "Now, be warned! it is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizard kind…"
He jabbed his wand against a covered cage on his desk, and it gave a violent rattle. Harry shifted in his seat next to her, and Diana smiled at him confidently.
"You may find yourselves fighting your very worst fears in this room," he whispered dramatically, "Know only that no harm shall befall you whilst I am here."
Diana, despite herself, felt a quick flash of curiosity. Lockhart placed his hand on the cover.
"I must ask you not to scream…it might provoke them!"
He whipped the cover off.
"Yes…freshly caught Cornish pixies."
Seth burst out laughing. Everyone turned around to stare at him, as no one had ever seen Seto laughing…and he rarely did, but his Yami was another story.
Quickly Seto took control, and finished the laugh scornfully instead of in amusement.
"Yes?" Lockhart smiled at the CEO.
"Those things?" Seto snorted derisively, "You're talking about dangerous creatures, and you bring out those? They're only at the second level of danger in Fantastic Beast and Where to Find Them: Competent Wizard should Cope."
"That may be, but don't be so sure, Kaiba boy!" said Lockhart, waggling a finger at him as though he were a child, "Pixies can be devilishly tricky little blighters…Let's see what you make of them!"
And he opened the cage.
There was complete and utter pandemonium. The pixies zoomed around the classroom like missiles, causing mayhem in their wake.
Two seized Neville by the ears and lifted him into the air to get him stuck on the chandelier. Some crashed through windows, and others wrecked the classroom in other ways. They ripped Lockhart's pictures off the walls. They grabbed inkbottles and splashed fresh ink on all the student's heads. They shredded books and papers.
Within minutes, the whole class was hibernating under desks and tables. Lockhart tried to help, but the pixies snatched his wand and threw it out the window. The professor gulped, and jumped under his own desk.
The bell rang, and there was a mad rush to leave. In the slight calm that followed, Lockhart straightened up, and caught glimpse of Yugi, Seto and the others heading toward the exit.
"I'll just ask you three to nip the rest of the pixies back into their cage," he said, before he swept past them and shut the door quickly behind him.
"CAN YOU BELIEVE HIM?" roared Ron as one of the remaining pixies bit him painfully on the ear.
"He just wants us to get some hands-on experience," Hermione reproached, whacking a pixie away with her book.
"HANDS-ON?" Harry repeated as he tried to snatch a pixie that was dancing out of his reach, "You call this hands-on? Lockhart didn't have a clue what he was doing!"
"Rubbish!" Hermione snapped, "You've read his books, look at all the amazing things he's done…"
"He says he's done," Ron snapped back.
"What do you mean by that, Ron?" Hermione demanded.
"How could an idiot like that stop a Banshee if he can't handle some pixies?" Ron yelled.
"He could handle it! He was giving us hands-on-"
"He ran away and left us to deal with it!"
"That's not true!"
"He didn't even teach us how to defend ourselves against them before he let them out!"
"He probably thought we'd know!"
"We're second years! If he was a proper teacher-"
"He is a proper teacher!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"IS NOT!"
"IS TOO!"
Seto finally got fed up with the fighting and shouted, "IMMOBULUS!"
All of the pixies stopped moving in mid air. They floated around, blinking in confusion at not being able to move.
Ron and Hermione stopped fighting and stared at Seto.
"That is how a competent wizard copes with pixies," the CEO growled angrily before brushing past them and heading out the door.
Yugi: WHOO! Go Kaiba-kun!
Seto: (smirks) Thank you, Kitty, that was most enjoyable.
Kitty: (grins) Does this make up for keeping Amelda and Noa around?
Seto: No, you've got a long way before that.
Kitty: (sticks her tongue out)
Lina: (rubbing her head) Reviews?
Kara: 7, and the first is from ZeldaAlly.
Kitty: Hopefully, anyway. And I like peppermint, so that explains it.
Yugi: But spearment isn't Kitty's thing.
Kitty: I haven't seen Racing Stripes yet, but ASOUE WAS AWESOME!
Yugi: (grins) I bought a souvener. (holds up a Littlest Elf bobblehead, with the head ripped off)
Kitty: (kisses Yugi) I knew I chose you to be my boyfriend for SOME reason.
Lina: Next is ANAYAS-CREATER.
Kitty: The Phantom of the Opera was the best. Period. You need to see it. And I know how you feel 'bout your fic; remember, I deleted this fic idea once. (cries)
Yugi: (pats her shoulder) And I like Rowan's name too.
Kitty: And it wouldn't let me review because "I already reviewed the chapter."
Kara: And...SGCred.
Yugi: Believe me, I am. But hey, she's my mom. Kids rarely have power over their mothers.
Atem: You know you could change that...
Yugi: I'm supposed to be the innocent one and you're supposed to be righteous, remember?
Atem: (pouts)
Kitty: And hopefully this bashing shall be amusing for all of us.
Lina: And now, Ma-LI-KE he Kaiba.
Kitty: Well, Seto had fun in this one!
Seto: (smirks)
Kitty: And I loved it. (sings the Phantom song again)
Kara: Onward to Rayne Saijeuz.
Kitty: (throws a party for your inspiration) HOORAY!
Yugi: And I agree 100 percent with your Yami. (grins evilly)
Lina: Next is Rainbow Guardian Angel!
Atem: (tries to breath)
Kitty: (gives RGA a hug) I'm sorry 'bout your guy, girl. He doesn't know what he's missing.
Yugi: (gives RGA a kiss on the cheek to cheer her up)
Bakura: (grins evilly as he takes the Devil's Snare) You rock! (tries to find a photo album with pics of Lucius and Lockhart so he can "experiment")
Harry: (eats his cookie) Lockhart's a jerk.
Yugi: (takes his cookie and eats it) Who doesn't hate him?
Kara: Last, but certainly not least, is Kyte.
Kitty: I live in Rockville and attend Rockville High School, and that's not exactly close to Annapolis. (cries) Wah. When you coming?
Marik: (grins evilly) Man, you've got the BEST weapons.
Atem: Have to agree with you there. (grins evilly too)
Amelda: (bonks Seto on the head) RR!
Seto: (bonks him back) It's my turn to say that!
Amelda: (bonk)
Seto: (bonk)
Amelda: (bonk)
Seto: (bonk)
Amelda: (bonk)
Seto: (bonk)