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Chapter Three: It doesn't change
Chapter Note: Chapter title inspired by Susie Suh's "All I Want."
Weeks had passed by like water slipping through your fingers. Days seemed like hours and well hours seemed like minutes. The pain of his unfaithfulness to his heart was finally starting to wear him down. When he even looked at Peyton, his whole body just ached and his breath was caught short. Then, when he looked at Brooke, he felt deceitful and guilty and sometimes even depressed. He was torn to what was right and good; Lucas had forgotten to why he even woke up in the morning. Thank God for a routine, though. Without basketball or school Luke wouldn't have even crawled out of bed each day.
Lucas, like many mornings since the party, got out of bed and plopped into his computer chair. He was tempting himself each time he sat there in front of the screen. He easily could go to her site and see her on her webcam. But he shouldn't. Though, no one would know… Not Peyton, definitely not Brooke, nor anyone else for that matter. Lucas, who usually chose the noble thing to do, but in this case, he couldn't resist temptation this time.
Luke clicked on the shortcut to Peyton's webcam, which was B.A. (Broody Artist), and the screen almost immediately came up. Seeing as it was rather early in the morning and the sun had just risen, Lucas deduced that Peyton must still be sleeping since nothing was moving in her room. With each passing second, Lucas became more and more jumpy with all sorts of consequences and problems he could face with looking at his girlfriend's best friend's web cam.
Cold sweat soon made its chilling way to the surface of his skin causing Lucas to shake slightly. But as quickly as it came, it went because right at that moment, Peyton woke up. A warm and cozy feeling came over him as if a blanket had been wrapped around his shoulders. She was so beautiful then; even though she didn't wear a lot of make-up, she looked so elegant and graceful without the stuff. Luke was enthralled and entranced by her naturalness in the morning.
"Lucas!" His mom called from her bedroom.
"Coming," Lucas yelled back, closing the window to his heart's secret desire.
He walked out of his room and down the hall a short ways to his mom's room. She was still in bed and she looked terrible. "Mom, are you alright because you don't look so hot?"
His mom laughed, "No Luke, I'm alright. I think I'm coming down with something."
"Do you want me to call and make a doctor's appointment for you?" Lucas asked pointing towards the phone on her night stand.
"No," she shook her head, "I'll just sleep it off."
Lucas nodded, "Okay well, I gotta go get ready for school, then." He said backing away towards the door, "You don't need me to cover for you at the café, d'you?"
"Ah no, I'll just ask Deb if she'll be able to." His mom said blowing her nose.
"Well, okay," he said pausing in the doorframe, "I love you."
"Love you, too," Karen said as she rolled over on her side.
Lucas walked down the hall back to his room to his small, quaint bathroom. He started the water faucet to his shower and cold water poured down. He looked at the clock next to his bed, 7:50. At this rate he was going to be late to school which started at eight o'clock.
"Crap," Lucas exclaimed as he started to tear his clothes off and jump into the freezing shower. "Well this isn't much better!"
He hopped out of the shower five minutes later shivering, but satisfied that he could shave a few minutes off of his tardiness. Luke quickly walked over to his closet and grabbed the first shirt he saw, which was a black t-shirt, and then strode over to his dresser and pulled out a pair of blue jeans. He put his clothes on happy to see that he was matching and then slipped his tennis shoes on hastily. Lucas glanced back at his clock, 7:58, he was definitely going to be late.
"Well, this is only my first tardy so maybe Mr. Roberts will let it slide by." Lucas whispered to himself as he picked his keys up off his night stand.
He went out his bedroom door and jogged over to his truck and got in. Luke quickly sped down the residential streets not bothering to follow the speed limit, but luckily cops didn't usually patrol this time. Finally he made the last turn and Tree Hill High came into view; a second later, Lucas pulled wildly into the school parking lot and parked next to Brooke's baby blue Bug.
Lucas grabbed his books, which were thrown all over his front seat and got out of his truck. He was sweating lightly from his haste in getting to school at a decent time and consciously he told himself to 'play it cool' now.
He was just out of the parking lot when he heard someone crying. Lucas stopped and looked around for the person who was crying. He started to walk in the general direction of the crying and to his disbelief it was the one person he didn't expect to see crying in a school parking lot, ever.
"Peyton?" Lucas asked quietly; he was afraid if he said it any louder she would run away.
She jumped slightly in fright and wiped under her eyes quickly before she turned around and looked at him.
Lucas eased closer towards her side of the car and felt his heart plummet slowly. "Peyton, are you alright?" He asked tenderly.
She laughed, "Yeah, fine," she said testily.
"You don't seem 'fine,' Peyton," he inched his way even closer. "Actually, you seem really, really broken."
Peyton looked up at him as if he had just touched a nerve. "Like you would know, right?"
Lucas hesitated, but regained his composure. "Let's not do that, Peyton."
"Do what, Luke? Share each other's deepest, darkest secrets? Good idea." Peyton snapped as she hastily got out of her black convertible and started to stalk towards the school.
Lucas had to jog to catch up to her. "Peyton," he said grabbing her wrist and stopping her, "I meant to say, let's not build walls between us."
Peyton just looked at him with an expression she wore only once, when she saw Brooke enter his room the night Nathan collapsed. Shock, hurt, and confusion all mixed into one piercing gaze.
She finally came to and cleared her throat and looked down at her beaten converse. "What do you mean by that?"
So many things popped in his head, many of them were saying exactly what his heart wanted him to say, an adulterous relationship, but he couldn't do that to Brooke, again. Lucas picked the most platonic one instead, purely friends.
"Well… I guess we could actually be friends again, you know?" Lucas said in a very soft tone, looking at the cement.
Peyton quickly glanced up at him, "Right," a very awkward silence fell between them, "but how would that work out?"
"Um, maybe sometimes I say 'Hey, you wanna hang out tonight?' and then you say-"
She laughed, "Like that will happen."
"Why do you say that?" Lucas asked finally looking at her properly.
"Well we are kinda of seeing people and remember the time when you hang out with my dad and I, Brooke went ballistic on both of us." Peyton said clenching her knap sack's strap tightly.
Lucas nodded and let out a huff, "Right."
Peyton looked around and then back at Lucas. "You know what? Let's just forget about this whole friend innuendo and keep things the way they are." She turned on her heal and started to walk away again.
His heart beat started to race; his hands began to tremble so he balled them into fists by his side. "Peyton," he called in a raspy sort of voice. She turned, irritation starting to succumb her. "Can't things ever be okay between us and never have to worry about everyone else thinks? You have a life too, you know."
Peyton just stood there, nothing came from her lips and no signs escaped their guarded heart.
Lucas though, slowly walked over to her. "Please Peyton; can't we at least be friends?"
It looked like an internal battle was taking place inside her. She looked down at the pavement and then back up at Lucas with a serious look on her face. "Fine."
Luke smiled brightly and then nodded, "Alright."
He was just about to walk away when Peyton stopped him. "But Lucas, let's just keep this under wraps right now."
Lucas' smile didn't falter; he was hoping that that's how their friendship would be. He didn't want Brooke getting overzealous with their new found friendship or Jake smelling trouble. Luke just wanted to finally have Peyton trust again; it had been so long since she had and this seemed like the next step to that actually happening.
She still seemed very uneasy around him, even months after he broke her heart unwillingly. Ever since then, she had pushed him away so far away that he felt like they were miles apart when they were only a few feet away from each other. This was the next step, the step that was going to mend their tattered relationship in the first place.
He only hoped that guilt wouldn't get in the way like last time. But what would make them guilty? If nothing physical ever happened between them and they catered to only a platonic friendship nothing will happen. Lucas was only thinking with his head, selfishly too, but he couldn't think with his heart, especially dealing with Peyton because he was risking his cover becoming friends with her. She wouldn't understand his deeper feelings for her, not if he's hiding with Brooke again.
"Peyton's in love with Jake," Lucas whispered to himself as he turned the last corner on to the English hall.
His heart broke thinking of it… Little did he know, Peyton was thinking and calculating the same things he was and coming out with the same result, a broken heart desperate for truth and completeness.
Author Notes:
Umm... well, I wasn't a big fan of this chapter, at all. Please tell me your honest opinions of this chapter (I don't care if you flame me even). Thanks so much for reading and taking the time out of your day to, I really do appreciate it. Thanks again.
Caley