K.F.: Is this chapter my Ickiakki? Nope. I took over my own account. WAHAHAHA.
Kathy: Won't she kill you for that?
K.F.: Oh well this is my account anyway so it's my story. I think I'll write this story on my own. No help from her. Yay, Mommy's gonna be so proud of me!
Kathy: O.o Just do the disclaimer.
Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own it. Also, I may include my classmates like Kathy, here.
Envy's Problem
It was a regular day, the sun was shining, and the trees were blowing, the kids were screaming at sparkly man, Breda was running from Black Hyate. Yes, a perfect day for all except Envy. He had a predicament!
"I have a total predicament…."Envy sighed.
"I said that already Envy." Valerie said.
"Valerie? Your serious, that's your real name?" Envy said aghast.
"Yeah so? It's not my fault I got stuck with it. I kinda like it in a sense. Now could we please get back to your life?"
"Fine."
Anyway he was stuck wondering why the pipsqueak had more fangirls that he did.
"Why does that Full metal pipsqueak have more fangirls than I do? I mean I'm good lookin', got nice pretty hair….Oh I feel pretty." (K.F.: Suit yourself. O.o)
Then he put those cogs to work. Come on, I mean if your at least 400 years old you gotta have some knowledge in that brain, right? So he thought, and thought, and thought some more.
"Can you stop making me sound like some idiot?"
"Oh really? So you're saying you can do better without my narrating?"
"Of course, you doofus brain."
"How dare you- That's it, you take it away. I'm just gonna watch and comment!"
"Sankyuu!"
"I hate you."
"Just one thing."
"What?"
"Narrate from this script" Envy said handing Valerie the new script.
And so our brave and wonderfully valorous Envy thought up a brilliant plan. What plan is this you might ask? (K.F.: Oh -Bleep-. What kind of script is this!)
"I know! I'll get chibi-san to go on a random goose-chase and I'll be him for the time he's gone. This plan is perfectly foolproof."
"You just have one problem, Envy" Lust suddenly piped up.
"Yikes! When were you here? And, did I say that out loud…."
"I was here since the beginning of this fiasco, and yes you did say that out loud."
"Thanks a lot, you ruined my moment. What was the problem, again?"
"Them," Lust said pointing a pokey finger at the window. And at the window were all the rabid fangirls of the fan fiction world. Who they were trying to infect with their rabid venom we do not know.
"Aaaaah! Somebody save me!" an innocent girl screamed. Two seconds later, she started frothing at the mouth and screamed in a zombie-voice, "Must. Have. Mustang."
"Ok, what happened to all the good fangirls? I don't want rabid ones!" Envy sulked.
"They all went to ogle the Inuyasha team."
"Smoly hokes! I must rescue them!" Envy said and did a pose that Armstrong would be proud of. Heck, I think he even had a tiny green sparkle in the background. (Kathy: A new Armstrong? Possibly.)
"How are you gonna do that?" cute little Wrath asked. (K.F: Mr. Clean's sparkling soapsuds must have gotten into his system.)
"Guys? Can I use your help?"
"As long as I don't do anything stupid," Sloth said. All the others just nodded in agreement.
"Ok everyone, huddle."
With that whispers were exchanged and then all the homunculi did their respective things. Sloth and Wrath teamed up to kidnap Kikyo. After getting Kikyo out of the way, Sloth dyed her hair black and put on an outfit just like Kikyo's and lured Inuyasha and a glaring Kagome away to Onigumo's cave were they subsequently sealed it by a landslide with many thanks to Lust's pokey fingers. After wards, they made Greed wear a demon slayers costume and from a distance, sure enough, the guy looked like Kohaku. Only from a distance though. What happened to the real Kohaku? Well he's still with Naraku. With 'Kohaku' they were able to get Sango, only problem was that this scene happened. (Kathy: So much for stupid.)
"Kohaku? Is that you?" Sango asked.
"No, I mean yes it's me sister." Greed tried to say but his voice imitation sucked badly.
"What happened to your voice?" Sango said while slowly moving closer.
"Um, I caught a cold?"
"Really, come here so I can take care of you."
"Uh no. I mean, I can't."
"Why?"
"I'm, uh, suffering from, uh, fossilsclerosis."
"What?"
"Fossilsclerosis, yeah, that's when your body suddenly turns to stone…."
"Really?"
"See, take a look at this." Greed said and then did his supa-cool rocky transformation.(K.F: I did that on purpose.) That however almost gave Sango a freaky heart attack. She went ballistic and started using her big boomerang of death and started hitting poor Greed. (Kathy: Go Sango! You da man, err woman.)
"Ow, ow, OWIES! Stop it already! I admit I'm not your brother."
"What are you demon? Answer me!"
"I did, ow, my name's Greed. Yeouch!"
"Well, what is it? Why are you playing my dear Kohaku?"
"I didn't know he was that dear, YEOW!"
"Did Naraku send you?"
"Uh, yeah, yeah, I'll show you were he is, just STOP HITTING ME! OW!"
"What, you will?"
"Of course, I'm a 'man' of my word."
"Fine, show the way." Sango commanded putting her big boomerang of death away.
Greed was NOT however showing them to Naraku's hideout he was actually going over to the homunculi's hideout. The hideout was just a hot spring… (K.F & Kathy: Can we dive in?) This came to Sango as odd since she didn't think that Naraku bathed. Okay, I take that back. What we think is Naraku is actually Envy. (Both: Never mind.)He's probably seeing if that would attract attention. To me, it's too much attention.
"Whoa, man. EW, aw, yuck! I had to suffer being beaten up by a girl and now you! Get BACK in the water, man." Greed yelled covering his eyes. He, of course, knew that was Envy not Naraku but Sango didn't know….
"Naraku! Prepare to die. I will avenge my village and all those whom you made suffer."
"Uh, sure whatever, I'm busy. Wait a minute-" 'Naraku' said but dawned upon the realization that he was busy trying to relax and this human was challenging him. Amazingly, the first thing that came to his mind was 'does she think I'm hot? I hope so…'
"Hirakotsu!" Sango yelled and chucked the boomerang at him. Luckily Naraku, err Envy, got enough time to change into something decent, like that palm-tree body, and was ready to fight her.
"Why is it always that I'm unpopular or constantly getting beaten up by girls? Wait, pipsqueak's a boy, I forgot." Sadly for our poor Envy, he tripped over Greed, putting him in harms way. But then, just at that moment, a group of fangirls passed by. They turned and saw Envy……..and then some screamed, others jumped, but most just ran right in front of the boomerang, thus killing them. So much for the fangirls.
"Ok, that was a lucky save but who were they?" Envy inquired.
"Oh my gosh, it's ENVY" a fan girl screamed.
"What's he doing in the Inuyasha section?" another asked.
"Who cares! I gotta get his autograph!" a third sqealed.
"Envy, I think they're your fans" Greed commented.
"REALLY? Oh joy, I feel so happy that I would even-"
Their moment was suddenly cut short by loud screaming. Sango, boomerang and all, was being dragged by a group of very not-so-happy fangirls. They were taking her to their secret lair……wherever that is.
"At least it's official that you have quite a number of fangirls so quit worryin' man." Greed said patting Envy on the back.
"ENVY! I WANT YOU TO GET YOUR BUTT RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!" screamed a voice which sounded a lot like Sloth's. (Kathy: I'm scared…..)
"Yes?" Envy answered innocently, and whistled quite loudly.
"I thought I told you. NOTHING. STUPID. And WHY can't I wash off this hair dye!"
"Well you did promise me you'd do anything and well I thought you meant it," He put on a look of a child in trouble, except that he was doing crocodile tears.
"Fine, I did say that I would help but it still doesn't explain why I can't get this hair dye off!"
"Can you show me the dye you used?"
"Here, you were the one that gave it to me, anyway." Sloth said handing over the bottle of hair dye.
"Oh my" Envy gasped doing a fake gesture of fainting; "I seemed to have mixed up the bottles."
"What. Was. In. That. Bottle?"
"Apparently paint and it says here that it won't come off for, ah yes, it says that it won't come off for another 4 months."
"WHAT! SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS THAT MY LOVELY BROWN HAIR WON'T CHANGE BACK UNTIL THOSE 4 MONTHS ARE UP!"
"Yup."
"When my hair gets back to its original color Envy, you'll wish you'd never been born."
"Uh, Sloth? We weren't born." Wrath interrupted.
"Shut up."
"But, mommy!" wailed Wrath.
"That's it you're going straight to bed!" Sloth said, dragging Wrath by his foot. A black haired Sloth carrying Wrath on her shoulders is quite a site to see.
"Why don't we go home?"
"Good idea. I just thought up a new prank for chibi-san."
And so this small band of homunculi left for home. Never to be seen again in the Inuyasha section, well, until they come up with another reason.
THE END
K.F: Hi, I'd like to thank all 10 current reviewers out there. I forget to say earlier that I would update only after every 10. Gomenasai!
Kathy: Took you long enough. So-
Envy: Gimme my posters.
K.F: Didn't I tell you earlier that I gave them to you?
Envy: Those were posters of Paris, France stupid.
K.F.: In the last chapter I only said that I would give posters of Paris. Not as in Hilton.
Envy: Then do you mind clarifying next time?
K.F: Yes.
Envy: -sees Valerie's parents perfume shop- Then, uh, why do I see a poster of her there? Isn't that your shop?
K.F.: Uh, where really. No that's not my shop it can't be, ehehe.
Kathy: Then why is there a big sign saying 'Valerie's Shop' with an arrow pointing to that perfume store?
K.F.: Katherine! I'm shocked; you're supposed to be helping me. Not get me killed!
Kathy: Really?
Envy: Oh well forget about the poster thing I already have that kind. But why do you have one?
K.F.: Well, when I was writing my fic the day before I posted it my dad brought it in. So that teaches you to not write stories like I do. You may get an unexpected present and I'm not kidding. If I could get my camera-phone to work. I will personally put it up on my xanga…..After blurring the whole thing.…
Envy: So did you like the new and improved script?
K.F: What script? I threw it in the fire right after I got cuss-blocked.
Envy: Then what were we doing?
K.F: I dunno.
Ed: Hi! Did you like the way the script turned out?
Val/Envy: YOU DID WHAT?
Ed: Since there was no script I made a new one, see? –holds out new sheet of paper-
Valerie: Wow, you're actually good at this. –Envy faints and Kathy is fanning him-
Ed: Thanks. Does that mean I can have the story? –Envy jumps up really fast-
Val/Envy: NO!
Ed: Meanies.
K.F: Anyway here are the thanks to my reviewers.
(imagine a dividing line.)
Neko Raven: I've seen that avatar before, too. That's where I got the idea from. I'll put it on my xanga and website, kay?
Aztec Goddess: Lol. I loved your story. I do hope you make a new one! Thanks for explaining 'nene'.
Whaaa-AAA: I did majestically because everything was supposed to be the same except for the words. It was purposely messed up that way.
Nelja: I'm really good at one-liners and spur-of-the-moment jokes. So comedy is a specialty.
Ickiakki: I do know of your existence so please don't post like that Sonia.
Youkai: Come to think of it it's kinda true he doesn't really have a different style of dress. However, over time you see that the zipper of his jacket changes.
EnVii: Really? Wow, I didn't know that. Maybe you ARE Envy…..
Obey the Fluff: According to you pen-name, I'm assuming you love Sesshomaru too, huh? Ya know, Fluffy?
Thanks again for those reviews and keep 'em coming! Flamers will be put out with my water gun when I find it or I'll get Mustang to torch you back.Oh yeah, and check out my website. It has my xanga and a really good picture of Ed in a DRESS!
http(colon)(double slash)www(dot)freewebs(dot)com(slash)anime-x-treme