Tollete Dolorum

''Take Up Your Sorrow''

Author Note Duuuude, seven reviews! Awesome! hugs her reviewers Well, here's chapter three. Oh, and for someone who asked:

'Tollete Dolorum' means "Take Up Your Sorrow" in Latin.

Disclaimer I no own, you no sue.

- - -

Chapter Three - Breaking Down

As can be expected, much of the rest of the evening was a "party of welcoming" for Terra. She was plied with food, soda, and many nuzzles from Beast Boy in various forms.

Raven, however, had disappeared. Terra noticed this, and instantly feared that the gothic girl would never forgive her. So, at the first opportunity, she slipped away from the revelry and knocked hesitantly on Raven's door.

"Raven? Can we. . . talk?" she started, lamely. 'Yeah, that was so eloquent.' she thought, fighting a sigh.

A long moment passed before the door slid open, Raven standing on the other side. The dark haired girl looked worse for the wear, and Terra had to wonder what inner demons had been chasing the girl through her mind.

She had no way of knowing how literal that thought could be translated.

"Hi." Terra started, again cursing herself for her lack of smooth talking abilities.

"Come in." Raven finally muttered, moving further into the darkened room. Terra followed, next to shocked. How many of the Titans had ever been invited into this dark sanctuary?

"Raven. . . I wanted to apologize to you, especially." she began, shakily.

Raven said nothing. She opened her mouth for a cutting remark, but she couldn't bring herself to berate this turncoat for her treasonous actions.

Not when she was fighting a future that she would do the same thing.

"Terra. . . if I tell you something. . . will you promise to tell the others when you think the time is right?" she trailed. "Not now. . . but you'll know when to tell them."

Terra blinked. This had not been what she'd expected when she came here. "Of course, Raven."

Raven stood for a long time, staring out her window into the darkness. She said nothing, and Terra grew more edgy by the minute. Finally, the half-demon spoke.

"I have to leave the Titans."

Terra was shocked. "Raven, if this is because of me, I'll-"

"No! It's not about you!" Raven growled, and Terra was silent. "I have to leave, for the good of the team. Tell them. . ." she paused, thinking. She couldn't break down, couldn't let this hurt her so much. "Tell them that I'll come back someday, but I couldn't stay as I am. I'm too much of a danger."

Terra hesitated. "I thought you were in control. Meditation, and all."

Raven smirked. "Meditation helps, but not against my very blood." Terra was puzzled, but knew that Raven wouldn't elaborate.

The dark haired girl went on. "I'll be back, someday. . . make sure they know that."

There was a long, uncomfortable silence, then finally Terra spoke.

"When are you leaving?"

"Not right now, but within the day." Raven finally spoke up. She looked at the blonde girl, long and hard. "Terra, why did you turn against us?"

Terra winced. "I thought that you guys were laughing at my lack of control. Slade didn't. I know how wrong I was."

"If you guys ever end up fighting me. . . for whatever reason. . . make sure that you don't hesitate. Promise me, Terra. . . if you end up fighting me, kill me. You defeated me before. Kill me next time."

Terra paled. "Raven, I couldn't."

"Promise me!" she growled.

Terra hesitated. "I promise."

The two girls locked eyes.

"Thank you."

- - -

When Terra reemerged into the living room, Raven in tow, Robin was more than a little surprised. He'd thought that the two would take weeks to make up.

Oh well, it was for the better of the team that their problems had been settled now.

And yet. . .

Terra kept glancing at Raven, worried. Had their problems been settled, after all? They seemed comfortable enough around each other.

Then what was the problem? Had the blonde picked up that something was wrong with Raven?

This was going to drive him insane.

Moving across the living room, he "accidently" knocked into Raven. The girl jumped, then glared at him.

"Excuse you." she muttered, trying to move on. Robin caught her arm and gently led her towards the kitchen.

"Help me get some drinks." he offered with a forced smirk. She stiffened, wrenching her arm from his grip, but walked with him.

"Sure."

Once in the kitchen, away from prying eyes, he started the interrogation.

"So, what's wrong?"

She stiffened again, even more than the 2x4 she'd resembled moments ago.

"Nothing."

He sighed. "Raven, something's wrong. You're tense, and you're jumpy. You're powers have got to be suffering from this. I just want to make sure that you'll be ok in a fight."

Liar, his mind shot at him.

Raven glanced at him. "I've been meditating. My powers are alright." she finally finished, her tone sad and mournful. She looked away, piling sodas on a tray.

Robin wished, for once, he could admit. . .

That he could admit it wasn't Starfire who walked his dreams.

Sighing, he picked up the tray. "Alright. Just. . . if you need someone to talk to. . ."

She nodded. "I know. You're there. We've been through this." she growled, brushing past him.

He sighed and followed with the sodas.

- - -

True night fell around the tower slowly, with most of the Titans passed out in the living room. Raven, however, wasn't. She, in fact, couldn't sleep at all. Packing a few of her most treasured things, including her hand mirror, she found she felt like she was running away.

And she was.

As she packed, memories engulfed her. So many memories, with her friends.

Her friends. She'd rarely shown even a shred of 'like' for them, but they'd stayed loyal to her. They'd understood, finally, that this was how she was.

Would they understand her empty room in the morning? She doubted it. She knew she'd be marked a traitor.

A traitor.

She'd just have to deal with that. She couldn't stay.

But. . .

She hesitated, picking up her bag.

Terra would tell them.

She slipped out into the hall, nearly shaking. She'd cursed Terra for leaving. She'd cursed the girl silently.

And now she was no different.

She moved silently, and only paused when she reached Robin's door.

She hesitated. Was the boy wonder inside?

For the first time in her life, she felt impulsive. She felt some strange emotion rising to the surface. Something she'd never felt.

Keying open Robin's door, she left her bag at the entrance and slipped in. He looked so peaceful as he slept.

It was too bad that he was as untouchable as her, if only in a different way.

She stood a long time watching him sleep, puzzling over her emotions. She couldn't explain what had prompted her standing here.

"Raven. . ." he muttered, in his sleep.

Raven started. Had he just said her name?!

Shocked, she stared at him. Why had he said her name? Was he dreaming of her?

She shivered and turned to go. Something stopped her at the door, and she turned back.

She leaned over the sleeping man and kissed him softly.

"I'm sorry." she whispered, retreating quickly now.

And into the night, she was gone.

- - -

Fin

The Celtic Raven

"When you tell me it's all that and walk off."

-"Descending" by Scars of Life