Chapter 4
Neither O'Neill nor Carter knew if the Asgard really had chairs. They'd seen Thor sit before, but only on the control chair for his ship and only when necessary for beaming up and down with him. This unfortunately was not the case for the seats in the 302, resulting in their arrival before Thor being anything but graceful.
"Holy…," muttered Carter as she slammed into the floor and her hands gripped at empty space, where an instant before 302 controls had been. It was unsettling to say the least.
O'Neill's curse was louder and Carter stifled a giggle as she looked over at him sprawled on the floor, still muttering under his breath.
"I apologise to you Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter." They both looked up to see Thor standing a few feet away.
"Hey buddy," O'Neill said a little gruffly, rising from the floor.
Carter also rose but suddenly looked very worried and turned quickly to Thor, "Ah, did you stop the 302? It was heading straight for that moon."
"Do not be concerned. I have transported it to the cargo area and have decreased its velocity." Carter visibly relaxed.
"That's good to know, losing one of those would bury us in paperwork for a month," O'Neill smiled at Thor. The little alien always seemed to have such a calm face, he wondered if the Asgard knew what stressed was.
"I'm afraid the Asgard must request your help again on a matter of some urgency."
"Not again. Don't you guys ever just pop round for a chat, a beer, maybe a spot of fishing. I know this great spot. . . " O'Neill began his sales pitch but Thor cut in.
"Perhaps on another occasion O'Neill."
"That's what Carter always says. Why can't I get dates out of anyone? June's nice, the autumn's beautiful."
"I am afraid I am unable to offer you a date O'Neill," Thor turned his face up looking nothing but innocent.
On hearing another sound, O'Neill turned to see Carter desperately trying not to laugh, but it slipped out when she tried to breathe.
He put on a mock stern tone but his face was smiling, "No laughing Carter, this is serious."
"Of course, sir," she mumbled trying hard not to continue laughing.
"I was unaware something humorous had occurred," Thor commented, shooting O'Neill a questioning look.
"Ah, it's probably best I explain later or better still ask Daniel next time you see him. Now you said there was a problem you wanted a little less advanced help with?" Changing the topic was a skill O'Neill had perfected.
"Unfortunately that is the case O'Neill. I am sorry to have to call on your services again, but 2 of our scientists are trapped on a planet in a galaxy that is about to be overrun by the replicators."
"Ah, some serious deja vu here. Shouldn't you keep better track of your," O'Neill searched his mind desperately for a way to end the sentence that wasn't men, people or anything else that might seem offensive or make Carter laugh at him again, then it hit him a universal term for beings it was difficult to keep track off, "scientists, shouldn't you keep better track them?"
"The replicators were not predicted to enter that galaxy."
"OK, hate to point out the obvious here but you have this rather classy ship, just go over and beam their wee grey butts up." For some reason it didn't occur to him that this might be offensive, but Thor seemed to take it well, his eyes widening only a little.
"That is not possible O'Neill; the atmosphere of the planet in question is thick with a form of radiation that diffracts the targeting sensors needed for the beam."
"Oh," O'Neill looked a little disappointed.
"What can we do?" Carter spoke up, having gotten her laughter under control. But she knew if anyone ever asked her again if O'Neill dated, she was going to laugh so hard they'd think she was mad.
"I am unable to fly this craft within the atmosphere of the planet but with some modifications your craft would be able to do so."
"OK, we can fly, but the 302, isn't big enough for passengers and we can't land without a runway," Carter was immediately focused on the problem.
"What type of runway would you need?"
"Any long flat strip of ground, the 302 was built to land on some pretty harsh surfaces."
"I'm afraid there is no such facility on the planet in question."
"OK I'm seeing a few problems, do you have a plan?" O'Neill cut in.
"All that you need to do is deliver a simple device to the surface that the scientists can use to boost their individual signals. I thought you might be able to drop it."
"We didn't bring any bombs did we Carter?"
"We could drop a missile, sir."
"Fill in the bits so we understand how you got to that idea."
"Well we don't have any bombs, but if you remove the forward propulsion from a missile it's more or less a bomb, except this one doesn't make anything explode."
"That may work, Major Carter. The scientists could go out and retrieve the device as long it is very close to the structure."
"How close are we talking here?"
"Within approximately 40 of your metres."
"OK, that's a maybe on that one. How big are these devices?"
"They can be held in the palm of your hand and their weight is such that it will not affect the flight of your craft."
"If you know where the base is, can't you just, well, beam them down?"
"I'm afraid it is a mobile structure and I am unaware of its current location."
"Oh, so how do you expect us to find it?" O'Neill was beginning to wonder about the advanced nature of the Asgard. They'd lost a whole lab; even the SGC had never been that careless. They'd blown one or two up but never just lost them, as far as he knew.
"Unfortunately it is a mobile structure and we did not register its mapping route, so I am unacquainted with its current location."
"Oh, so how do you expect us to find it? Planets are pretty big."
"I can provide you with an approximate location to narrow down your search."
"Just how approximate are we talking here?"
"Within 10 square miles of its last location."
"That's still quite an area."
"The structure should be clearly visible once you enter the lower atmosphere. I am sorry about this, but we were unprepared for the speed of the replicator's advance. The research being done there is an attempt to improve our ships so those the replictors have already taken over can no longer scan us. They are working at using the nature of the atmosphere against our own technology, since the atmosphere creates an effective shield to our equipment."
"Oh," was all O'Neill could think of in reply.
"What sort of radiation are we talking about here?" Carter wonder what exactly could be in an atmosphere that could stop the Asgard.
"Felron."
"Ok, I've never even heard of that, what is it and is it harmful to us or the 302?"
Thor did not wish to try and explain the nature of Felron radiation from first principles, Major Carter was smarter than most of the humans he had encountered but it would still take a few days, time which they did not have, so he simply gave them the information they needed.
"We can equip your craft with some shielding but you will need to exit the lower atmosphere periodically to recharge the cells."
"Right, how long till we reach wherever it is we are going?" O'Neill hadn't heard of Felron radiation either, but unlike Carter's, his mind wasn't bursting with questions about it.
"We could already be there but I assumed you would wish first to contact your superiors. If your answer is yes, we will once again be in your debt and we can adapt your craft."
"OK, OK, we'll save your little grey friends, again, but I want something big in return, no more promises."
"What big thing? There is much I cannot offer you," Thor replied soberly.
"How about the end of the goa'uld, that'd be nice."
"You know that is currently impossible O'Neill, we do not have the resources to fight two wars," Thor almost seemed sad that he was unable to give O'Neill what he wanted.
"I know, sorry buddy. But next time we do something stupid and need a hand just make sure your there, okay?"
"I will continue to do my best to render assistance where I can O'Neill."
"What do you reckon Carter, a little field test of the X302?"
"We could I guess, sir," she said grinning, "in the interest of interplanetary relations."
"Of course," he too was smiling. They'd both joined the air force for different reasons but they couldn't wait to hit the air. He turned back to Thor, "OK, were in. Now we just need to tell General Teacaddy what's going on."
"Ah sir, its General Tethalberry," Carter politely pointed out,
"Oh, well him and then we can be on our way."
"I can beam you to his current location."
"Cool, this should make him jump," O'Neill smiled. He didn't like General Tethalberry, because to his knowledge he did not have sense of humour.
"OK, please take this communication device," said Thor while handing O'Neill an Asgard stone, "and contact me when you are ready. Please do not delay as I cannot know how fast the replicators are now travelling."
"Sure we'll give the general a heads up and be right back."
"OK, stand by O'Neill."
Sam considered for a moment how the beam worked, but before she could form any questions for Thor, white light engulfed them both.
What happened next would become one of the fastest travelling pieces of gossip in SGC history. They were transported back to the alpha site, but the specific location was something of a shock to them.
They were standing in the middle of the male toilets. In front of them were the backs of one General Tethalberry and one Colonel Peters making use of the urinals and just off to their left was Captain Thompson washing his hands.
The speed at which Carter's face went red, after the realisation hit her, rivalled the speed of light. For once, O'Neill's mind worked a fraction faster and his jaw almost hit the floor as he realised, to his horror, where Thor had sent them. There was nothing he could do now. No special ops training could save him from this, as the General, after ensuring some of his dignity would be intact was turning round, to discover why there had been a bright light and the sound of boots hitting the floor. The sight that met his eyes was not one he would forget.
They'd both managed to stand at attention. They couldn't think of anything else, well except running, but both had assessed their chances of reaching the door and decided against it. Besides military training was hard to break, so they stood at attention and waited. That was when Carter squeaked. It hadn't been a squeak in her mind, it had been a "Sir" strong and confident without a hint of embarrassment but somewhere on the way to her mouth it had gotten scared and come out as a squeak.
O'Neill's mind was running in overdrive. They'd asked him questions and he'd even filled in surveys, in the years before he had more paperwork than he would ever have time to do. The questions had been things like, 'Is it a problem having a female second in command?' 'What situation would you view as more difficult with a female officer?' etc. etc. You know he'd never thought to say, 'Well when I discover my 2IC is a test pilot, then we get beamed up by a little grey alien only to be beamed back into the male toilets, it will be a lot more embarrassing if the 2IC in question is female, particularly if she then squeaks.' He decided it was true; it is always the things you don't think of that give you the most trouble.
"Colonel O'Neill what in god's name is going on?" If steam really came out of people's ears, it would have been coming out of the general's.
Unfortunately O'Neill's response did nothing to calm the general down, he just opened his mouth and said the first thing that came to mind.
"General Teacaddy," O'Neill could have screamed, he knew the man's name. He had no idea why he'd said that, if he could have willed the floor to open up and swallow them right there and then he would have been falling fast, instead of staring at very unamused General.
"Tethalberry," He corrected him sharply. "What the hell is Major Carter doing in the male head? And where the hell did you come from?" He still sounded mad, seeming to be channelling his shock into being angry.
"Um, Thor beamed us down Sir, I didn't realize you were otherwise occupied." O'Neill was impressed with himself that that sentence had been pretty good, particularly when compared to the last thing he'd said.
"What did you think I was doing man, enjoying the view?"
Their was faint click. Captain Thomson who had been edging for the door had made it out, deciding anywhere was safer than that room right then.
"Sir I don't think the Asgard understand modesty, Sir." Carter still stood rigidly at attention, but she had found her voice, she wasn't sure why she'd said that, but the pressure of the room was really starting to get to her. As she stood there she'd joined in O'Neill's efforts to try to affect the ground in the hope that it would swallow her.
"Ah, Sir permission for Major Carter to be excused," O'Neill asked before anyone gave Asgard modesty any more thought.
"That is the first sensible thing you've said Colonel. And Major, as soon as it is possible, I will be having a word with you, in more appropriate surroundings." Major Carter's face went even redder and her mouth sort of ran away with her.
"Yes Sir, but the Asgard want the 302 and a missile. I may be a few days, I'm sorry sir."
O'Neill decided now was the time to act and hit the communicator, "Thor, beam Major Carter back right now."
"Is there a problem O'Neill?"
"Just do it Thor, or the deal's off."
There was a blinding flash and Major Carter vanished.
"What?" The General asked.
O'Neill's mind was a blank. Surely by now the general had got the idea it was Thor beaming them up and down.
"What did you want man?" The general asked again, seeming to be growing more annoyed.
"Oh, the replicators are causing trouble again and Thor, ah, he wants me and Carter and the X302, the one Carter was flying, to go save their little grey arses." O'Neill was again impressed with his eloquence considering the very difficult situation he was facing.
"Right now?"
"Yes Sir."
"OK, disappear"
"With pleasure Sir," but he felt he had to add something in the way of apology, "and I am really sorry about well, invading your privacy Sir."
"Go Colonel, I will speak to you when you get back." There was still the undertone of threat in his voice.
O'Neill thankfully clicked the communicator, "OK Thor, beam me back."
Authors note: Thanks again to 'Fizziks' for the beta on this story and to everyone who has reviewed so far, let me know what you think of this chapter, it will motivate me to write another!