AN: Short little fic about Carter and Abby and the dance they do. One shot, somewhat angsty. Set somewhere around 'Kisangani' and the season ten opener. Reviews and constructive criticism would be very much appreciated.
Disclaimer: I don't own ER, or anything affiliated with ER. I also don't own the The Dance. Pretty much all I have is this computer and a cat.
The Dance
A dance. Their dance. It was the dance they did from day one. In and out, pretending, denying, admitting. They ran from each other. They came back. They yelled and screamed and drove each other crazy. They laughed and kissed and loved with a burning passion. Every moment was different with them. They went from fighting to joking and back to fighting in the blink of an eye. Their dance. It was over. He wasn't there. He wasn't coming back. You need two people to dance.
It was for the better, the way it was meant to be. The star crossed lovers, the perfect couple. Maybe they were at one point, but they certainly weren't anymore. They never would have worked anyways. They knew each other too well. All the strengths, all the weaknesses, everything they believed or didn't. No, it wouldn't have worked. She knew that, she accepted it. He was gone. She was heartbroken. And yet somehow the world was still turning, life as we know it hadn't ceased. Tomorrow she would wake up, have a cup of coffee, and go to work, just like she had the day before that. And the day before that, and the week before that and the year before that.
He left. To escape his life, he said. Bullshit. He left to escape her life. He couldn't do it. He couldn't put his life on hold the way she did. She didn't have to, but she did. He understood. They were her family. She couldn't just sit and watch them fall. She had done this her whole life. It was all she knew. He couldn't do it. He couldn't watch a thousand opportunities pass him by while he was waiting for someone who would never change. He couldn't wait for her anymore. But she would wait forever, for them. Her family. She practically gave her life to them. He wondered if they had any idea what she did for them. He would never have been strong enough to do that. He wasn't strong enough for her life.
He loved her, she loved him. Forever. That would never change. She was always on his mind. The way she smelled, her awful singing in the shower, the way she smiled when she was thinking something mischievous, her world famous eye roll. Abigail Lockhart, cynical as ever. She thought about him constantly. How his hair was always flat on one side when he woke up, how he groaned whenever she made him watch Casablanca even though secretly she knew he loved it more then she did, the fact that he was the only person who ever opened doors or pulled out her chair for her. John Carter, chivalrous to the end.
It hurt to know that he would never kiss her, never make love to her, never tell her she was beautiful again. It was devastating to think she would never wake up in his arms again. He hadn't thought it would be this hard. She knew it was coming. She waited for it to happen, but she had no idea it would hurt so bad.
But neither of them would've traded it for the world. Despite the pain, despite the anger, they would have done it all again. She gave him the chance to live; he taught her to love, to be loved.
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance