A Heavy Heart 20/20
Chapter Twenty:
Don walks through the front door and sees Larry heading down the stairs talking on his cell phone.
"No, that's not what I said. If you recall..." He sighs and Don can tell he's been interrupted. Larry covers the phone for a second and says to Don, "He's up in his room."
Don nods and heads up the stairs as Larry goes out into the backyard to continue his call.
Don finds Charlie in jeans and a casual button down shirt, sitting on his bed and staring out the window.
"Hey, buddy..."
"Hey, Don." Charlie offers his brother a grin. "You finally getting used to sleeping at your apartment again?"
"Slowly but surely I'm remembering it," Don jokes. "I still have no edible food in the place but at least I know which key on the ring opens the door."
Don nods his head in the direction of the stairs. "I saw the hospital bed's gone from the living room."
"Yeah, the rental company came and picked it up this morning. It took a few days of me sleeping in my room to convince Dad I didn't need it anymore. I'm glad it's gone. I mean I know doctor's orders and all, but it gave me the creeps."
"Because it reminded you of when Mom was sick?" Don asks softly.
"Yeah." Charlie's answer is quiet and he stares at his hands thoughtfully.
Don sits down on the bed beside him. "Me too."
They sit in silence for a moment, comforted by each other's presence.
"Charlie?"
"Yeah, Don?"
"Can you, I mean..." Don says tentatively. "Do you want to talk about it? About Mom? You know, seeing her?"
Charlie is silent for a long time and then finally speaks.
"I'm not sure how to describe it but I guess I can try. I'm guessing it must have happened when my heart stopped but I have no way of knowing. I said I saw her but that's not exactly it. Yes, there was a visual component but it was more... More that I felt her, you know? That I was enveloped in her presence. I just knew... I mean, I know my brain experiences knowledge on a different level than normal people but this... This was so far beyond my previous understanding of what knowing could mean. It wasn't just like knowing a fact like my middle name is Edward. It was like... Like that knowledge was already a part of who I was, that it was in my DNA... That I never learned it so much as I realized it had always been inside of me."
Charlie shakes his head. "I'm not saying this right."
"No, no... You're doing fine!" Don puts his hand on his brother's arm in encouragement. "Keep going."
Charlie swallows and starts up again. "Mom was just there, you know? I knew that she loved me, I knew that she forgave me..." Charlie's breath hitches and Don gives his arm a squeeze and waits for him to fight back the tears. "I knew... I knew that she wanted me to come back. Back here. I was so happy to be with her but somehow she made me realize..."
Don is trying hard to be strong and help Charlie through this but he finds it hard to speak when he feels so choked up inside. "Realize what, Charlie?" he manages finally.
"She's still with me." Charlie looks up at his brother, eyes shining with tears, only these are tears of happiness. "She never left me, never left you or Dad. She's around us all the time. She told me we'd all be together again one day but for now I had to promise to stay. To stay for you, Don. So I stayed."
Don is too overwhelmed to speak and the two brothers embrace wordlessly, holding on to each other tightly as if to reassure themselves their bond really is unbroken.
When they finally separate, they take a few seconds in silence to compose themselves.
Don tugs playfully at the knee of Charlie's jeans. "So, what are you so dressed up for?" he jokes.
Charlie smiles. "Dad said we could take a walk to the park later. He's finally letting me go somewhere other than the backyard which is good because I'm going stir crazy from being indoors all this time! Besides, after spending weeks in pajamas and sweats it's nice to be able to get dressed for real."
"I hear that," Don chuckles. "So where is Dad anyway? I saw that he left Larry in charge as your babysitter."
"Cooking class!" Charlie laughs. "Once he saw the dietary restrictions my doctor gave me he decided we're both eating healthy from now on. So he signed up for a series of heart healthy cooking classes on weekends. He should be back any time now."
"You boys talking about me behind my back?" Alan's voice floats in from the hall and Don stands up to greet his father.
"Didn't hear you come in, Dad," Don says as his father hugs him. Alan crosses the room to hug Charlie as well.
"I parked on the street. I wanted the driveway clear for our walk. You ready, Charlie? Get your shoes on and let's go!"
Charlie grins and starts putting on his shoes and socks.
He looks up, one shoe still in his hand, and says, "Don, are you coming with us?"
Don smiles at his little brother.
"Wouldn't miss it, buddy."