Okay, finally, the first ship appears over the horizon. How poetic. Not. But hey, I just hope that this one is better than the rest.

Again, I don't own any characters. If I did, I wouldn't be doing this. (sigh)

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Chapter 4: I Can't!

Hermione was in her room, fixing her makeup before going on night hall duty. As Head Girl, she had to walk around the school, making sure no students were out of bed at unnecessary hours. She didn't like it- it took away from her studying time- but still.

Almost as soon as she was about to go out, she heard a voice outside speak the password 'Fluttershy', and Harry stepped in. "Hi, Harry!" she said cheerfully. "You look much happier. Ron told me he managed to cheer you up during Charms. I think it's good that you're better, but you should have been reviewing. Our NEWTS are coming this year!" she ranted.

He gazed into the fire. "Yeah," he replied vaguely.

She frowned. "Harry, you are feeling better, aren't you? You seem fine around Ron, but you're rather quiet around me. Did I do something wrong?"

The black-haired wizard looked at her. His face was terribly unreadable. It was what looked like a mix of sadness, confusion, and restraint, all rolled into one and piled onto him. "No, you didn't do anything wrong. But I want to show you something, okay?"

As he spoke, he was pulling off his robe. She blushed furiously. What exactly was he going to show her? He moved towards her- in which she promptly squeaked and covered her face- and turned his back, pulling off his shirt as well. Finally feeling braver than she would have, she gave a small peek from behind her fingers.

Then she saw it. A tattoo. An enormous one, at that, one that nearly took over his entire back. It was a beautiful phoenix (she should have known), its wings spread wide. A sword and a rose were clutched in its claws. Hermione recognized both the bird and the sword, as they both resided in Dumbledore's office. "Well?" he asked suddenly, making her jump about a mile.

"Harry, it's gorgeous, but... what's the rose for?"

"My parents. Sirius. It stands for love," he explained. Harry turned to face her. "I got it a few weeks ago. Hurt a bit."

But Hermione's lip was already beginning to tremble. "H-Harry..." she whispered, but got no further as he wrapped her in a tight hug. She finally burst into tears.

"I... I'm sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to make you cry..." He instantly wished he hadn't shown her, not if this was the result.

Her best friend, who had once been a scrawny little 11-year-old boy, as immature as any other his age, with his sadly infamous- and misunderstood- scar, was no longer scrawny, little, and immature. He had grown at least a head taller than her, possibly more, and years of Quidditch and running into battle had given him a well-defined (very well-defined, as she could plainly see for herself) body, now marked with the phoenix. He still had the messy black hair, and the same old cursed (blessed?) scar, yet his eyes were alive, despite having seen more in his few years at Hogwarts than most in their entire lives, including Hermione's. Oh, how he'd matured, she realized. And she, sadly, hadn't seen it until now. This was by far too much for her to handle, and she cried harder. She knew he would face his fateful meeting with Voldemort head-on, regardless of the fact that he might not come out alive. And yet she knew how much pain he would go through in the future... yes, she knew very well.

Harry gently ran a hand through her bushy brown hair. "You know, Ron has a tattoo, too. Pretty close to mine, but the phoenix is holding a branch instead of a rose. Eight leaves, one for each member of his family besides himself." He spoke softly, not wanting to startle her with this news. Her sobbing had slowed as he continued. "And, uh," he laughed a little and went on, "he told me he showed his mother. Her reaction was pretty similar to your's, though I don't really know her meaning behind the tears... and there's one thing different about your response, by the way."

Hermione finally managed to settle down. She looked up, about to ask what was so different, but Harry gently caught her mouth with his own before she could say anything. Her eyes fluttered shut, unaware of anything else. (What's happening to us?) she thought, (he's never-)

(kill him kill you FOOLISH GIRL)

Fear. Panic. Pain. Harry's bloody defeated body. Laughter. Screaming.

Hermione pushed him away so suddenly and with such force that Harry fell over, his face filled with shock. "Her... Hermione..."

She gazed through watery eyes. "I... we can't... We shouldn't, Harry... I'm so sorry... I... you don't understand..."

He stood up and brushed a tear from her cheek. She cringed at his touch. He stared at her, and the bushy-headed witch was unable to break his gaze. Harry's brilliant green eyes bored through her. "I think I do understand."

"No, no, you really don't."

"Yes, I do. You're scared. That 'famous Harry Potter,' your best friend, could love you. Or are you scared that you'll get hurt with me being on Voldemort's hit list?" Harry took her face into his hands. "Is that it?"

"Harry-"

"Because now I can promise you that I'll survive. I didn't think I would at first. But now I have to... for you. I love you, and I think I always have. It's because I know this that I know I'll live to see Voldemort finally-"

"STOP, STOP, STOP!" she screamed, her hands over her ears. "Please, Harry, just let it go! Let ME go! Please!" Hermione collapsed onto the ground, sobbing in physical and emotional pain. "Please... if you love me, you'll forget this... the kiss, everything... please..."

Harry stared, not speaking. Finally, he walked to the door, picking his shirt and robe off of the floor. Before he left, he turned back to her and said, "I've had to work much harder than this for something I want. I'm not giving up." Then he left.

Oh, she knew he would hate her in due time if she wasn't careful.

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Okay, two things I should mention:

1) "Fluttershy" is actually the name of a My Little Pony that I threw in there especially for my friend Jen. I thougth it'd be cute.

2) When Harry says "I've had to work much harder than this for something I want", it's a lyric from Madonna's "Open Your Heart". I thought it fit rather well here.

Other than that, please R+R for me! And it will get less confusing, it'll just take another couple of chapters. Thankies!