Ok, like promised here's chapter 3, now hopefully it'll be better than the last chapter, that was just painful, sorry you all had to read that but I had to put something up. So basically this is gonna be a heavy Zap chapter coz Zapp is, well he doesn't really need a description. So yes enjoy, keep reviews coming, and thank you to everyone who reviewed, like I said before it's what made me keep writing…yes me, the serial one chapter wonder is submitting a third chapter! shock horror anyway I'll shut up so I don't kill you all of boredom before you've even started reading.
"Amy, this really doesn't suit me, I look stupid," Leela says coming out of a change room. Amy wrenches open the pink curtains to reveal Leela wearing a tracksuit exactly like Amy's.
"Don't be so self-critical Leela, it looks fine, we want to make you look cute, those clothes you have now are too…masculine," Leela frowns as Amy continues on with more criticisms on Leela's dress sense. "…you need to look feminine, fun, flirty you know, no wonder your date last night didn't sleep with you, I mean, just look at that eye shadow, ugh, all wrong."
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't want to look 'feminine, fun and flirty?' And for your information?" Leela says matter of factly putting her hands on her hips.
"I knew it!" Amy leaps in the air. "You are gay! I knew right from the moment I met you, that's why you keep turning Fry down, no one is that cruel to someone who really likes them. But why didn't you just tell me? And why did you sleep with that starship captain Zap Brannigan? Ooooo, the lingerie show is starting in 10 minutes, put your clothes back on and lets go, though maybe you're not interested in lacy lingerie, or maybe you just wanna come and see the models!"
"What! That's ridiculous, I'm not gay! And I'm not cruel either, I just don't like Fry in that way, that's all," Leela violently pulls shut the dressing room curtains.
"Well…ok, but when you do decide to come out of the closet, let me know, now hurry up, you're not the only one who wants to shop today," Amy says as Leela sighs.
The two girls make their way to the lingerie department where a catwalk is set up and Kiff and Zapp are standing just to the left of the stage.
"Kiff, where's my speech, I trust you've written it with a number of witty remarks but just enough so I don't sound arrogant and Kiff," Zapp says to Kiff whilst straightening his uniform.
Kiff does his characteristic groan. "Yes sir, everything is ready, but, is it really necessary that I model the underwear as well, you see I'm a little self conscious and…" Kiff trails off and shifts position awkwardly.
"As one of my men Kiff, it is expected that you will assist me in all my projects, I too am playing my part and modeling so the least you can do is pull yourself together and aid your leader in one of the only times he asks it of you. Plus, people don't want to see just abnormally attractive people like me, they want to see the average, ugly, green, squishy thing, that's where you come in."
"Yes but sir…"
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to none other than Nimbus Starship Captain, Zap Brannigan," a women's voice announces over a loud speaker. Zapp Brannigan struts out on stage wearing a velour robe grabbing Kiff by the collar and dragging him on stage too.
"Kiff give me an introduction!" Zapp pushes Kiff out on to the stage. Kiff struggles before finding the right words.
"…er…er…er…and now a big fat…er…er man who needs no introduction, erm, made famous after blowing up DOOP headquarters…" Zapp grabs Kiff by the collar again and throws him out of the way before smiling.
"Gentlemen, aliens and oh-so-sexual lad-dehs, today we are all here to, try out my new range of lingerie designed by me, for you. I've put a lot of thought into this, I have much experience in the field of ladies underwear, in fact I see one of my…interviewees, Leela would you come up on stage please?" Zapp attempts to smile sweetly yet seductively at Leela.
"Oh lord," Leela groans to herself. Zapp continues to motion her to come forward. "What! No! I wouldn't get up on stage if you paid me!" Leela crosses her arms over herself.
"Are you sure Leela, you don't know what you're missing…maybe you want some where a little more…sensual…later on?" Zapp winks at Leela, the whole audience is looking from Zapp to Leela as Zapp makes a kind of rolled 'r' sound and Leela gets more angry and embarrassed.
"Ahem…sir, I…I think we should move on with the show," Kiff says tugging on Zap's sleeve.
"What? Right, oh yes, well, without further ad-ieu, ladies, gentlemen and freaky aliens a like, may I present you the newest, sexiest, most sensual line in underwear, Love Zap!" A curtain falls behind Zap and he flicks off his robe revealing a pair of velour underwear in the same colour as his uniform. Zapp glares at Kiff and he reluctantly peels of his robe to reveal himself wearing nothing but a leopard print thong.
"Wooooooo! Go Kiff!" Amy whoops from the audience. Fry and Bender go over to join Amy and Leela. Fry looks up at the stage and shudders.
"Look at that big fat idiot, waltzing about just coz he has underwear. Who needs underwear anyway, right Bender?" Fry looks over at Bender who is still acting sour after having to be pried out of his chair by a human.
"Bite my shiny metal ass, human. Don't try to patronize me!" Bender retorts at Fry angrily before spotting a fem-bot on stage modeling the new "iron panties". "Woah baby, I'm gonna get me some of that!" Bender suddenly loses his hatred and makes his way closer to the stage.
Zapp comes out strutting along the catwalk sporting his robe again, when reaching the end he rips off his robe and throws it at Leela as women around him scream.
"Ewwwww," Leela throws the robe at an alien who faints. Zapp winks again and points at Leela. Kiff comes out following Zapp wearing his robe as well, he tried to imitate Zapp by flinging his robe into the air at Amy but misses hopelessly and it gets caught on a stage light instead.
After the show Fry is trying to chat up one of the models from the show as Bender talks with the fem-bot. Amy and Leela are trying on lingerie. Suddenly the door to Leela's dressing room bursts open and Zapp Brannigan smiles making tiger noises in his velour robe. He is carrying some lingerie.
"Leela, for a very, voluptuous body such as yours, may I suggest something along these lines," Zapp smiles holding up a leather corset and lace up leather underwear. "The whip normally comes separately but for you Leela, I'm will to give it to you…complimentary, but we might have to…test it out first," Zapp smiles raising his eyebrows.
"What are you doing in here!" Leela cries. "Get out before I try that whip on you!"
"Well I'm sure that could be arranged …" Zapp smiles wryly. Leela knees him in the stomach and he collapses to the floor in pain. "Ooooo, a feisty one!"
"Get out!"
"Wait Leela, I need to ask you a favour," Zapp attempts to stand up.
"I don't think you're in any position to ask me any favours!"
"What if I do this?" Zap rips off his robe for the third time, underneath sporting Kiff's leopard print thong stretched dangerously tight across his groin. Leela punches him in the face. Zapp once again drops to the floor in pain, coming up revealing a purple/black eye. "So maybe, you're more of a briefs girl?" Zap smiles dizzily.
"Get out! Or you'll be getting that thong surgically removed!" Leela narrows her eyes moving her foot into striking position.
"Ok, ok, I'm going, but before I do, will you please come to my launch party with me tonight? It's just that…" a tear begins to roll down Zap's face before he bursts into tears. "The truth is, you're the only woman who ever loved me," Zapp sobs.
"I never loved you," Leela says crossly.
"No, physically."
(NB: yes I know I stole that line directly from the show but it seemed to fit just right, maybe now is a good time for a disclaimer…)
Leela's frown softened, she felt sympathy for the massive lump sobbing on the floor. "Well, ok but only because you're too sad and desperate to find anyone else," Leela sighs. Zap's face broke out again into his signature smile.
"Good, may I suggest you where this though," he holds up the leather bondage outfit again, "…for the after party."
"Try it again, and you'll be pulling a whip from out of your ass!" Leela pushes him out of the change room and shuts the curtains.
"So you like…stuff," Fry asks the blonde model. She giggles in turn.
"You're so funny Rye," she bats her eyelids.
"It's actually Fry but Rye's cool," Fry grins nervously.
Nothing happens for a minute or two's awkward silence, then suddenly Fry and the model are making out and heading towards a dressing room.
"Where's Fry? We've got to go, if we're all going to Zapp's party," Leela searches frantically for Fry.
"But Leela why are you going? It's meant to be for the cute girlfriends of all the people who set up the industry, and you don't come under either of those categories," Amy points out innocently. Leela scolds her.
"Because…" she starts off her sentence angrily but then her voice drops, "…I said I'd go with Zap."
"The guy you slept with? But you hate him, plus I thought you were gay."
"For the last time I'm not gay! And I don't like him either, it's…a favour."
Amy shrugs, "ok…hey, there's Bender!" Amy points towards Bender surrounded by four fem-bots.
"…Yeah baby, you know I also killed five humans," Bender says mock-modestly.
"Wow Bender, not only are you a Spanish billionaire drug lord, you're also a pro-robot activist!" One of the fem-bots swooned over Bender. "We love you Bender, do you want to…head to my place?" The fem-bot asks playfully.
"No Bender, come with me!" Another of the fem-bots says. Then a chorus of "no come with me Bender's" breaks out.
"Hey ladies, there's enough Bender to go around," he says putting his arm around all the fem-bots.
"Bender! Come on, stop mucking around with those cheap floozies, we've got to find Fry!" Leela shouts at Bender. Bender scowls at her.
"For your information Leela, they're not cheap floozies, they're models!" Bender points out and the fem-bots smile defiantly.
"Well than stop mucking around with those expensive floozies and let's go!" The fem-bots are shocked and move off towards Roberto, who is already showing them how he is skilled in kniving humans.
As Bender, Leela and Amy search around, Fry appears looking disheveled.
"Fry there you are! We've been looking everywhere for you!" Amy exclaims. "Woah, Fry what happened to your legs? Why are you walking like that?"
"Let's just say that I didn't know models could metamorphism into horned aliens," Fry says his voice high and strained.
"Whatever, we've got to find Zoidburg and Hermes, we're going to Zapp Brannigan's party tonight," Leela says to Fry.
"Well I think I saw Zoidburg eating ice-cream and kissing a cardboard cut out of a purple alien," Fry says in pain.
"That's right, he was going to find a Neptunian bride," Amy says.
"Stupid dumb lobster, probably too sad to afford a real one," Bender spits bitterly at Amy, "he should die along with all the humans."
"Hey! Don't spit at me!" Amy says angrily and curses at Bender in Chinese before hitting him on the head.
Well, there we go, I thought it was kind of better than the last chapter but not as good as the first. But at least it has Zapp + bondage, lolololorz! Anyway, yes to Shayleemad, I tried my best, sorry Zapp couldn't spit at Amy, the moment wasn't right. Thanks to all the reviewers again, I feel for you all being subjected to my method of torture I like to call writing MMWWWAAAAHAHAHAHA, yes…moving right along… shuffles about awkwardly keep reviewing even if they're flames!