A/N: This was written by myself (Alex) with my four best friends in the whole world- Jess, Rebecca, Caitlin, and Abby. We are JARCA! This idea was randomly conceived at a Dairy Queen during a thunderstorm. It's full of madness and snogging, so enjoy! And don't forget to review!

DISCLAIMER: We own nothing except ourselves. But if we owned the Harry Potter universe...oh, the things we could do!...

"OH, RONALD!" Caitlin moaned.

"SHUT UP, CAITLIN!" we all yelled.

It was 11:30 on a Sunday night and my three friends and I were all trying our hardest to come up with a Harry Potter FanFiction, which we planned to focus on Harry's seventh year at Hogwarts. Caitlin wasn't helping proceedings by yelling "Oh, Ronald!" every few seconds.

"I just want it to be a part of the fic!" she protested. After a few moments, she started (I don't know any other way to put it) yodeling and rocking sideways in her chair. Caitlin gets kind of hyper this late at night.

"Okay, guys, how the hell are we gonna start this thing?" I asked.

Rebecca volunteered: "I say we start it on the Hogwarts Express so we don't have to worry about all the crap with the Dursley's."

"This thing is gonna be rated M for a reason. We gotta put in lots of sex. And language, damn it," I said.

"All right," Abby replied. "So first-"

"Everyone is gay!" Caitlin interrupted. We all stared at her. She stared right back. "What?"

"Back to the sex," I said. "Harry's gonna fuck Ginny. Or Hermione. Or both. At the same time."

"That's gonna be juicy," Abby said.

"Literally," I responded.

"And then Ron joins in!" Caitlin exclaimed.

"Ginny is his SISTER, Caitlin!" Rebecca pointed out.

"Oh." Caitlin looked slightly dejected. "Whoops."

"Wait- so all this is happening on the Hogwarts Express?" I asked, bewildered. We were all silent for a moment.

"No, it happens in the four-poster beds," Caitlin said.

"With the curtains!" Abby shouted excitedly.

"We all know why those curtains are there," I said mysteriously.

We pondered what exactly to type next for several moments.

"There's snogging!" Caitlin yelled. "Lots of it!"

"Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny are in a compartment SNOGGING!" Rebecca added.

"And then Draco joins in!" Caitlin said.

"Wait, what's he doing on the train? Isn't he, like, evil or something?" I asked.

"He…uh…LOOK OVER THERE!" Caitlin pointed to Abby and I looked at her, and Caitlin suddenly smacked me on the back of the head.

As I rubbed my stinging head, I said, "So, basically, they're snogging the whole time on the train."

"What about that lady who brings the food cart around? Isn't she gonna be slightly freaked out if she opens the compartment door and sees a bunch of horny 17 year-olds snogging?" Abby said. Nobody said anything….

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny managed to find their own compartment on the crowded Hogwarts Express.

"I thought you weren't going to come back to Hogwarts, Harry," Hermione said.

"I changed my mind," Harry replied shortly. He turned to Ginny and proceeded to suck off her face. "I missed you," he said as he gulped for air. Ron and Hermione looked awkwardly at each other. Ron shrugged and leaped at Hermione. They fell off the bench and rolled around on the floor, snogging frantically.

Draco walked in. "Hey, don't start this party without me!" He grabbed Harry from Ginny and kissed him.

Ginny narrowed her eyes and hissed, "Sectumsempra!" A slash appeared on Draco's back and blood spurted out.

"Damn it, not again," he murmured as he fell on the floor and died, narrowly missing Ron and Hermione, who didn't notice as they were still snogging. Ginny smiled, satisfied, and jumped once again on Harry.

"Perfect." Caitlin smiled wickedly.

"And Draco dies! YES!" Abby exclaimed.

"But now do we have any idea what's gonna happen next?" I asked.

"Well, I suppose they're at Hogwarts now," Rebecca said.

There was silence for a couple of minutes. Caitlin started snoring softly. I slapped her.

"WAKE UP, WHOREWOMAN!" I shouted. "WE STILL HAVE LOTS MORE TO WRITE!"

She awoke with a start. "Owwww," she said.

Rebecca spoke up. "So should they be in the common room? In a Quidditch match? In the hallway?"

"Heh heh…hallway," Abby snickered.

"How about it starts when they're in their common room after the first day of classes," Rebecca started…

"I can't believe how much homework we got!" Hermione groaned.

"Yeah." Ron sighed.

"And Flitwick tried to kiss me!" Harry shouted.

They shuddered collectively.

"So where's Ginny?" Ron asked. "I wanna kiss her."

Rebecca jumped into the story. "She's your sister, you retard!"

"Oh," Ron said, sounding slightly dejected. "Whoops."

"Wait," Hermione said to Rebecca, "who the hell are you?"

"Ummm…I'm an exchange student. From…uh…Venezuela."

"Cool," Ron said, staring dreamily at her. "You wanna snog?"

"Well, I-" Suddenly, Abby jumped into the story. "I'm available for snogging!" she shouted as she pounced on Ron.

"Why do those two get to be in the story?" Caitlin said, angered.

"They volunteered," I said simply. "But I don't understand why Rebecca didn't take up Ron's offer to snog…"

"Well, we're gonna be in there soon, aren't we?" she pleaded.

"Soon enough. As soon as I run out of ideas again," I said.

"Um, Alex? Did you think this through? How are they gonna get out again?" Caitlin asked.

"That-" I stopped to think. "That is a very good question."

"As long as they're happy," Caitlin shrugged.

"I guess that as long as the computer stays on, they can come out again-"

The computer promptly shut off.

"Shit," I said.