Come Undone

Author's Note: I do not own the words to the song, "To Where You Are"

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory's so clear

Danny threw himself into planning his dad's funeral for the next few days. He picked out a brown casket and ordered simple red roses and had one wake and the funeral the day after. He just wanted to get it over with so the funeral was held within a three-day time span. During the wake and funeral, Danny kept his emotions at bay, trying hard to put on a good face for the kind family and friends that had come. Danny let some tears flow when the pastor, the same pastor that had married his parents, bapitzied him, and buried his mom, speak of good memories of Larry and Leigh Anne. But Danny stopped; he couldn't let his emotions go out. After the repast, Danny came home from feeling more emotionally drained. He hadn't cried a lot but he felt so much pain. He wasn't sure how much he could take, the people crying, the people telling him how sorry they were or how shocked they felt about Larry's death. However, Danny needed to do something he didn't want to do; clean out his dad's house. The same house that he lived in with Leigh Anne and Danny. Danny didn't want to do it…but if he didn't do it now, he would never do it. He decided he would call upon Mary and Mike to help him. They agreed to help him, of course, so the next day, Mary, Mike, and Danny were at the house. Since Larry left the house to Danny, Danny decided it would be best to sell it and put the money away. Danny had a realtor coming that week, giving him more of an incentive to clean out the house. So, Danny had a plan to clean out the use and weed out any items to donate to Goodwill. The three looked through the old items and came up with some wonderful, sentimental items.

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak

You're still an inspiration

Can it be?

Emerging from Larry's bedroom, Mary walked through holding a big, old-fashion, tape deck. "Guys, check this out," she said.

Mike and Danny were moving furniture out of the way and saw the tape recorder.

"Cool, man," Mike said. "What is it?"

"It's an old tape recorder that my dad bought for my mom," Danny said, warmly. "That was her birthday present."

"I remember this," Mary said, warmly. "When we would hang out, your mom would sing along to it when she was cleaning."

"Yeah and three of us would pretend to be disc jockeys and sing and record stuff," Danny said.

"Well, let's hear something," Mike said. "I would love to hear Danny's beautiful singing voice." He jokingly poked Danny in the ribs.

Mary set the tape deck on the coffee table and pressed the "PLAY" button. After a few seconds of static, the young voices of Danny and Mary appeared.

"Ladies and gentlemen," yelled Danny. "The Mirage Hotel in fabulous"

"It's 'fabulous', silly," said Mary.

"Mom-my!" yelled Danny. "Mary called me silly!"

"Tattle tale!" yelled Mary.

"Am not!" yelled Danny.

"Am too!"

"Am not!"

"Kids! What is going on?" said Leigh Anne.

Immediately, Danny felt a chill go up his spine. It had been years since he heard his mom's voice.

"Why do I hear yelling?" she asked.

"Well, Mary called me 'silly' cause I can't pronounce 'fabulous';" explained Danny.

"Mary, you know it's not nice to call people names," Leigh Anne said.

"I know, I'm sorry, Danny," Mary said.

"It's A-OK," said Danny.

The three adults laughed and Mary said, "You always said that."

"A-OK, man," said Mike, playfully punching Danny's arm.

Danny just laughed and listened to his mom.

"Mrs. McCoy, can you sing a song with us?" asked Mary.

"I don't know," she said, hesitantly.

"Please, Mommy!" begged Danny. "You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world!"

"Awwww, thank you," said Leigh Anne. After a while, she said, "Ok, sweethearts. I'll sing for you." A few minutes later, "Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are, up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky…"

The three were mesmerized by Leigh Anne's voice. It sounded like an angel, so gentle and calm. So unlike anything they ever heard. Not even the great singers that they had at the casino sounded as lovely as Leigh Anne.

Feeling tears well up in his eyes, Danny walked over to the tape deck and said, "I've forgotten how beautiful my mother's voice was."

Mary and Mike smiled. "Yeah, man, your momma had some soul," Mike said with a smile.

"You know, my mother sang to me all the time," he said. "Before bedtime, when I was sick, even in the car. She loved to sing. My dad once said, the happiest times in his life were when he heard my mom sing. He said it made him feel things he couldn't feel before. I never understood what that meant. But now, listening to my mom, I understand. I understand what Dad meant. It meant he felt something, something in here-" He pointed to his heart.

Mary and Mike walked over to him and each put a hand on Danny's shoulders. "It's okay to cry, Danny," Mary said, tears of her coming down.

"Yeah, man, we know how hard this must be for you," Mike consoled. "You loved your parents a lot and they loved you."

"It's not just that," he said, getting up and looking out the window, seeing the old swing set he once played on with his parents. "It's a lot of things."

"Like what, Danny?" Mary asked.

Danny felt a lump grow in his throat and he said, "I screwed things up."

Looking bewildered, Mike asked, "What are you talking about, Danny?"

Danny took a breath and said, "When my mom died, I was the only thing my dad had left. I was to make things easier but I ended up making things harder for him." Danny sat down and rubbed his eyes.

Mary sat next to him and said, "Danny, every kid ticks off his parents, it's called growing up."

"It's not just that," Danny said, looking up, his eyes read and tears filled with tears. "When I was kid, I always wanted to hang out with my dad but he was always busy with work and such. And then, when my mom got sick, he began to hang out with more. Then, my mom died and I guess he felt guilty that I didn't have a mother so he wanted to make up for it. But by then, I wanted nothing to do with it. I guess because I spent so much time with my mom and my dad wasn't my mom; he didn't have her sweet voice or ability to be one of the kids. And he didn't have as much patience. He didn't really know how to be a father. And I needed that, so I rebelled against it. I did the stupidest crap, you know, cutting school, getting crappy grades, breaking curfew. And then, when I was older, I decided to make some changes so I left for the Marines. And when I came back, I had grown up and wanted to live my own life and not think about the past. I just wanted to focus on my future. But my dad did some growing up of his own. He had gotten some patience and he had grown up too, so he wanted to make for lost time. But I didn't. I always made lame excuses, oh, I have work or I'm tired or It's not Mom, it's a headstone. He was extending a hand out and I shut him down. All because I wanted to be my own man and forget about the past. Just forget about how painful it felt to see my mom suffer." With every word, Mike and Mary saw their best friend's presence change. His breaths became deeper, his chest heaving, his lips quivering, and his eyes about to overflow with tears. Whispering, Danny said, "Now, I've made my dad suffer. I was the one who cause him more pain. I was the bad son." Looking like he was about to cry, Mary and Mike each rubbed their friend's trembling shoulders.

"It's okay, man," encouraged Mike. "You need to let it out."

Just like that, Danny burst into tears, for the first time in front of everyone. He just cried and sobbed, cried and sobbed. He looked up through his tears and whispered in a tiny voice, "I can't handle this. I can take much more pain. I'm just not strong enough."

Feeling tears come down, Mary wrapped her arms around him and laid his head on her shoulder. "I know, Danny. I know you feel you can't get through this but you can. You can get through this. Danny, I've known you since we were 2 and everything that life has dealt you, you have faced it."

"Yeah, man, you can survive this," agreed Mike. "You are strong enough."

"And you're not alone," said Mary, wiping Danny's handsome face with some Kleenex that Mike had given her. "You got me and Mike and Big Ed and Sam and Delinda. I mean, we all love you."

Mike kneeled next to him and rubbed Danny's arm. "Danny, don't keep this in. When you're hurting, we're hurting. We're here for you, pal."

Danny looked up through his tears. And his eyes glazed on his two best friends. For the first time in a long time, he felt the love from his friends. Just by Mike and Mary being there, holding him, telling him that it was okay to cry, and offering their support, Danny knew he could survive.

Wiping his tears, Danny smiled and said, "Thanks, guys. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it." Danny stood up and hugged his friends, tightly. Then, he laughed, "Okay, enough emotional crap, let's pack this place up."

Mary and Mike spent the rest of the day helping Danny pack up the house. The three friends had accumulation enough items to be donated to Goodwill. Mike called and arranged for the Goodwill truck to come by early the next morning.

Mary and Mike coaxed Danny into burgers and beer at "Lucky 7" a restaurant in Vegas. In fact, "Lucky 7" was where Danny's parents had their first date. As Danny drove back to his parents' house to get some personal items, he laughed at the fact that it seemed wherever he went; he was reminded of his parents. He hated that! Maybe that's why he originally left Vegas for the Marines, to get away from the pain. However, he couldn't avoid it anymore. Danny drove to his parents' house to pack up three boxes. He just had packed the last box and decided to walk through the house for a quick check. Upon entering his parents' room, he saw a long white envelope on the ground. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It had his full name written on it. "Daniel Lawrence Michael Thomas," his middle names after his dad and two grandfathers. The envelope was yellow with aged. What freaked Danny out was that the name was written in his mom's handwriting. This was a letter from his mom! Danny ran his fingers over the envelope in apprehension. Suddenly, he felt nervous. He wasn't sure that he do this; he didn't know if he was strong enough to read his mother's words. But then, he realized what Mike said earlier in the day, "You are strong enough." Danny smiled a little and nodded his head. He was strong enough to do this. With that newfound courage, Danny sat on the bed, kicked off his black sneakers and opened his letter………