I'm sorry

Danny tried very hard to put away the unusual night he had had. The real estate agent had come and the two decided to put the house up for sale with Danny getting whatever money that would come. After three hours of looking around, the agent left and Danny felt drained. Despite all the packing, Danny felt stuffed of sadness and pain for the past few days. He knew he had to do something he had been dreading: visit his parents' grave. So, he decided to go.

Danny drove down the strip in his yellow and black car Camaro. He had never told many people (except Mike and Mary) but the yellow and black Camaro convertible was his mother's. She loved that car so much, taking such good care of it and making sure the oil was changed and everything. Danny really admired his mom; not a lot of women knew how to change their own oil. Danny had so many wonderful moments with that car. Danny smiled at some memories; he would be sitting in his car seat and his mom would sing along to the radio and the 8 tracks, mostly Gladys Knight songs. "Midnight Train to Georgia", "I Heard it Through the Grapevine", "I Feel A Song (in my heart)" were such songs he heard as a child. Danny remembered hearing Leigh Anne sing to the radio. She'd bounce her head and sing along to the radio. Danny laughed as he thought about that, she looked so silly but she also looked like she was having so much fun. Danny recalled a time when she wanted him to be one of the Pips. They were driving home from preschool.

"Ok, Danny boy," she said, popping in a Gladys Knight 8track. "Ready to sing?"

Danny rolled his eyes and said, "Mommy, I don't want to sing this song."

Leigh Anne gave him a look and said, "Come on, peanut, you know this song."

"That's because you sing it all the time," Danny said.

Leigh Anne laughed and said, "Well, little man, since I sing it all the time, you know the song and you can sing it with me."

Danny looked at her and said, "Okay."

"That's my boy," she said. "Ready?"

"Ready, Mommy," he said.

"L.A. proved too much for the man…" they began to sing. Soon, Danny and his mom were having a great time, singing. Sure, Danny didn't have the best voice but it didn't matter. He was with his mommy, having a great time.

Danny smiled at that memory. But suddenly, the smiled faded. He had pulled up right in front of the cemetery. Suddenly, he had doubts.

"I can't do this," he breathed. He put his head down and rubbed his eyes. "I can't do this."

All of a sudden, another memory entered his head. He must of have been about five years old. He had a terrible nightmare and was crying for his mommy. About five minutes later, Leigh Anne came in. Danny recalled that she had just started chemotherapy and was starting to show the effects. Her hair had begun to fall out and she was wearing a little hat to cover up her baldness. Her weight was beginning to drop but that didn't stop her from bringing comfort to her little boy.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" she had asked, sitting down beside him.

Tears coming down, Danny said, "Mommy, I had a bad dream."

"Aww, sweetheart," she said, giving him a warm hug, rubbing his back. "It's okay, it's just a dream, Danny boy." She sat there for a while and hugged him tight.

After a few minutes, Leigh Anne said, "You know, my love. Why don't I sing to you?"

"You already sang to me earlier," he pointed out.

Jokingly, she replied, "So, I can't sing to you again? Gee, that's a shame cause I was gonna sing Mommy and Daddy's special song."

Danny perked up and said, "Oh, no, Mommy! You can sing the song! I like that song!"

Leigh Anne smiled and said, "Really? You like that song?"

"Yes, I do," he said.

Leigh Anne smiled at his approval and tucked him in his bed, making sure the covers were tucked in tightly and his pillow was fluffy. Danny smiled and recalled that no one fluffed a pillow quite like his mom.

"Okay, my love," she said. Soon, Leigh Anne began to sing.

I've had my share,
Of life's ups and downs,
but fates been kind,
the downs have been few,

I guess you could say,
I've been lucky,
Or I guess you could say,
That it's all because of you.

If anyone, should ever write, my life story,
for whatever reason there might be,
you'd be there,
between each line of pain and glory,
cos your the best thing that ever happened to me,
Oh your the best thing that ever happened to me.

There have been times,
when times were hard,
but always somehow I made it, I made it through,
But for every moment that I've been hurtin',
there's been a moment, that I've spent...
Oh just loving you,

If anyone should ever write my life story,
for whatever, for whatever reason there might be,
you'd be there, between each line of pain and glory,
Cos your the best thing that ever happened to me,
Oh your the best thing that ever happened to me,
don't you know, your the best thing...
Oh that ever happened,
to me.

Danny listened to his mom sing and little by little, drifted off to sleep. He had a big smile on his face as he slept, happy that his mom was singing to him. All the fears that he had from his bad dream were gone…all because of his mom's singing.

Leigh Anne tiptoed out of the room. Then, "Mommy?" Danny had woken up.

She turned around and said, "Yes, Danny?"

"Thank you for singing your special song," he said. He turned over and fell asleep.

Leigh Anne smiled and said, "You're welcome, sweetie."

Danny smiled at that memory and thought about his mother, how strong she was. Despite the pain she was in, Leigh Anne still found the strength to comfort her son when he had a bad dream. She found the courage to sing the song whose lyrics seem to tell her life story. If his mom found the courage to sing when she was suffering from cancer, Danny could visit his parents' grave. He took a deep breath and with shaking hands, he clutched the bouquet of pink and white roses (his mother's favorite) and walked to the headstone.

When he approached the grave, he was amazed at how beautiful it was. Danny was in such a trance the day of Larry's funeral that he didn't realized the surroundings. The workers had laid all the flowers on the ground; they looked so lovely and there were so many kinds of flowers, roses, lily's, daisies, and tulips. Danny walked and kneeled in front of the headstone that had Larry's name engraved on it, right next to Leigh Anne's.

Lawrence Michael McCoy

September 12, 1948-May 4, 2005

Beloved father and husband.

Leigh Anne Abigail Reynolds McCoy

April 14, 1955-June 21, 1978

Beloved wife and mother.

Danny noticed flowers covering the writing built he decided to check it later. Right now, he needed to talk to his father.

Taking a deep breath, Danny began to talk, "Hey, Dad. How's it going?"

Of course, he was met with silence. Danny sat down and laid the roses bedside him. He took off his baseball hat that said, "McCoy Landscaping" on it and twisted it. "Dad, I came here to talk to you. I got so many things on my mind these last few days, so much I want to tell you. I don't know where the heck to begin. I have so much to tell you. I guess I'll just say it. Dad, with all the thinking I gave been doing the past couple of days, I realized I never got the chance to say 'thank you' for all the things you did for me, for everything you gave me, for being the father you were. I mean, you were a great dad; you really were even though I never told you. And even though I ticked you off a lot. I remember the time when Greg and I tried to sneak into that casino when we were 17. And the cops caught us and I thought you were going to ground me for life but you didn't. You told me that night that if I wanted to act like an grown up I'd have to do grown up things so for three days of my spring break, you made me work in the 115 degree heat while all my friends were hanging out in the pool. I hated you so much; I was so ticked off at you. But I realized that you did that to teach me a lesson. That's what you did with me, taught me lessons. Taught me how to be a hard worker. Taught me how to be a man. Taught me how to be strong when life threw you a curve. Taught me how to handle bad situations and take responsibility for things. You taught me how to treat people, especially women. Most of all, Dad, you taught me how to love, how to keep loving even when there was nothing but death and sadness. Like you did with, Mom, she was dying right in front of us and you kept loving her, even when she died." Feeling a lump grow in his throat, he reached out to run his fingers over his dad's name. "And you kept on loving me, even though I took you for granted and pushed you away at times, you kept loving me." The tears that were forming in his eyes made their way down his cheeks. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'm so sorry for everything I did to you. I'm so sorry." Danny broke down, removed his hand from the letters, and buried his face in his hands, sobbing and crying, his shoulders bouncing up and down. Danny cried out his remorse and regret for the bad son he thought he was. In the midst of his tears, Danny whispered, "I was such a bad son, Dad. I'm a bad son."

"Stop," said a voice.

Danny looked up and saw through his tears, Ed standing by him, clutching a bouquet of sunflowers.

"What?" Danny asked, wiping his tears away rather quickly.

"I don't wanna hear you beating yourself up," he said, kneeling next to him.

"What else should I say?" he asked, exasperated. "My dad offered time and time again to get close to me and I just turned him down like he didn't matter."

Ed looked at him sadly and said, "This maybe hard for you to believe but you really did care for your father. Who did you call to take to that boxing fight the Montecito had?"

Danny wiped his eyes and said, "My dad."

"And when Gladys Knight came to the Montecito, who did you call to make sure he would come?"

Danny's tears came down and he said, "My dad."

"Hmmm, you shared so many opportunities with your dad," he said. "I think you were a good son."

Danny looked down at the stone and thought about what Ed had said. After awhile, Danny said, "You know, my mom was a big fan of Gladys Knight. She loved her music so much. I think it was because it seemed that every song told my mom's life story, what she was feeling or thinking inside. Her favorite song was, The Best Thing that ever happened to me. It was the song they dance to at their wedding. It seemed that every word and every line of that song, told my parents' love story. For all the bad times they had and all the good times they had, my parents were there for each other and they loved each other. They loved each other; Ed and they went through hell. Literal hell. I mean, my mom had an infection that almost took away her ability to have kids. And, when she found out she was pregnant with me, she had such a hard pregnancy and she was in bed for three months and she had such a difficult labor, she was in such pain and she felt like she was going to die. And then, she had me and she was so happy to have her little boy and then…." He felt tears come to his eyes as he talked about his mother's death. "She found out she was sick…It happened to fast, Ed. My mom went downhill so fast. Her appetite was gone and her weight dropped. And her hair…she had this long, soft brown hair, it was so beautiful, especially when she wore it loose…. her hair was gone from the chemo. Her strength was gone. She couldn't walk to the bathroom without someone helping her. She couldn't even bathe herself, Ed. My grandma had to bath her. She was in this special hospital bed that we had to put in our living room because it was too big for my parents' room. She would have given anything to be able to get out of that darn bed, even for a minute to see me play soccer. Seeing her in the bed, sick and almost dead was tough for me. I couldn't imagine how it was for my dad. But he loved her anyway. I remember walking past the bedroom one night and um, my mom was in bed and my dad was lying in the bed next to her, holding her, stroking her face, singing to her, singing their song, "the best thing that ever happened to me." I couldn't believe it, I couldn't believe I was watching my father, this tough who never, ever let his emotions out, lying next to my mom, caressing her face, holding her in his arms, kissing her, singing to her. Seeing the love between them despite everything they had been through…it was so beautiful. Then, she died….a week later." Tears came down Danny's face. But he bravely began talking. "My dad was devastated. He lost more than a wife, he lost his soul mate. The love of his life. And I lost my mom. The one woman that got me, who helped me. I haven't had a female presence like that other than Mary, in a long time. In life, I sometimes wish that my mother was with me."

"She is with you. She always was and always will be." Ed said. He stood up and added, "You just need to remember that." With that, he patted Danny on the head, placed his flowers on the grave with the others, and left Danny alone.

Danny sat by the grave and pondered that thought. Leigh Anne was with him. In his grief and sadness. Then, he remembered the letter. Angel. "Whenever the angel's loved one is in trouble, she flies down with her wings and comfort the loved one," were the beautiful words that his mom had written to him. Danny realized the power of those words and maybe, just maybe, his dad would be able to comfort him like his mom had done. Tears in his brown eyes, the same as his mom's he looked up to heaven and said, "Mom, Dad, I'm so confused. Help me. Please, help me."

Danny bowed his head and let the tears fall. Suddenly, he felt a gust of wind blow over him, enveloping him. The wind seemed to enter him, calming him, like water extinguishing a fire. Danny felt a peace and a calmness that he had never felt before. After a few minutes, still feeling the wind in his soul, he opened his eyes; he couldn't believe it, the trees were still, no wind blowing them. But he felt the wind……that's when he realized that the wind he felt in him was actually the spirit….or spirits of his mom and dad. They had come to help him, help him deal with that pain and sadness. He looked up, tears still in his eyes, and placed the roses on the grave and ran his fingers over the engravings on the stone, and said, "Thank you, Thank you, Mom and Dad." He leaned forward and kissed the engravings. He then, wiped his eyes, placed his baseball cap on, and left the cemetery.