A Single Man of Courage – part sixteen
SG-1 decided on taking turns to sit with Colonel O'Neill. Teal'c took first watch followed by Daniel. It was much later on that day, while Sam was with him, that he showed signs of waking.
Mindful of Janet's accident Sam kept back from the bed a little. She was still wondering why it was he'd not lashed out at her on the planet - maybe just luck or the fact that he wasn't as drugged. She reached for the call buzzer and within a couple of minutes a sleepy Janet appeared.
This time the doctor followed her usual routine of just holding his hand and speaking to him softly.
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Jack managed to open his eyes a little. Things were blurry and every bit of his body hurt. He recognized Janet's voice and gave the hand holding his a slight squeeze.
"Do you know where you are?"
He squeezed the hand again. "Infirmary," he managed to say in a hoarse voice.
"Good Colonel, now take it easy." Gently Janet lifted his head so he could sip at the water she held.
His vision started to clear a little. "Better thanks," he murmured, his head sinking back into the pillows. "Everyone okay?" he managed to get out, as his eye slid shut once more.
"Everyone's fine, Colonel. Sleep." Janet patted his hand and let him drift off again.
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Janet presented Sam with a coffee and sat down, talking quietly, knowing something was bothering her.
Sam sighed deeply, distressed again at how much the Colonel had gone through. The scene with Janet had played over and over in her mind.
"I'd come up fighting if I was the Colonel," she said suddenly, trying to put in all in perspective. She wasn't sure she'd come up doing anything if it were herself. "Or as the Colonel would say, come up biting." She grinned at the memory and told Janet of the time on Klorel's ship when she'd bitten the Colonel by accident, when they were temporarily blinded.
Janet laughed with her. "See, you felt threatened and you reacted. Now take into account the Colonel's training and years of Special Ops, plus God knows what he's suffered, especially as a POW…"
"POW? The Colonel's been a prisoner?" interrupted Sam.
Janet winced as she realized that she'd let that slip. "Look, I can't say much, but he was a POW for a long time in Iraq and suffice to say he was very badly treated. Very badly."
Sam's face whitened considerably. "Oh God, that's what he meant when he said about having had worse treatment and them being amateurs."
Janet watched the emotions raging through her friend. She had an idea what Sam would be feeling, but she knew there were no easy answers
"Sam, it'll be okay. If he starts to wake just buzz. Keep contact with his hands until he's coherent." She gently took the empty cup from Sam's hands and ushered her out of the office, giving her a hug. "I can't say it won't happen again, because it will. Nightmares and flashbacks are part of his life, but not a big part, except at times like this."
Sam smiled. "Oh I know how he reacts when he wakes from a deep sleep." She told the Doctor about Daniel trying to put one over on Jack and ending up flat on his back. "I guess the Colonel wouldn't have survived everything before now if his reactions weren't so good."
"Yes, he got through a lot of covert ops and he's alive, so that's to be thankful for," agreed Janet.
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Sam sat down, pulling the chair close to the bed this time, and took hold of Jack's hand. As she sat gazing at him, the love she held for him welled up inside her, threatening to spill out. Still holding his hand Sam's other hand crept up slowly to gently stroke his hair.
She sat so lost in thought she didn't realize Jack's eyes had opened and he was regarding her blearily.
"Penny for them." His voice was a mere whisper.
Sam jumped slightly and her hand stilled.
"Don't stop, good," he whispered, gazing at her.
Her hand resumed its gentle stroking of its own accord.
"Hey," she said, smiling down at him.
The smile lit her face and lit Jack's heart. He so loved that smile - he lived for her smiles.
"Hey yourself." He gave her a lopsided grin that made her stomach flip flop crazily.
They gazed at each other not speaking for a while, until a throat clearing coughing demanded their attention. Sam jumped guiltily and withdrew her hand from Jack's hair.
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"Glad to see you're awake, Colonel," said Janet softly, approaching the bed. "How are you feeling?" She moved closer and tried to be as business like as possible.
Jack didn't answer. His eyes fastened onto the bruised swelling on Janet's face.
"I think I should ask you that.. Is the other guy walking?"
Janet felt Sam's gaze on her.
"Just a little accident, Colonel. Now then, back to my question, how are you feeling?"
"Like I've been hit by a Mack truck," he responded lightly. He was still fascinated by the bruise.
"I'm not surprised. How's the pain - truthfully sir," she warned him.
"Not too bad. I'm okay."
"Right," said Janet and altered the IV, upping the pain medication. She knew what 'not too bad' meant in O'Neill's book.
"Don't try moving around. Try and sleep," she ordered before leaving them alone.
Jack returned his gaze to Sam's face.
"She okay?" he asked a little puzzled.
Sam couldn't meet his eyes as she spoke. "Yeah fine. I'd imagine she's a little sore."
"What happened?" He was fighting the drowsiness from the extra medication now. He felt hot and tired, very tired.
"It was an accident, a fall," hedged Sam, praying he'd fall asleep quickly.
Jack gave her a puzzled look. He knew Sam wasn't being completely truthful with him, but the increase in meds was making thinking more difficult and once again he started to succumb to their effects.
"Not truth," he mumbled as his eyes closed, his speech slurring.
Sam's face burned, she was extremely grateful when he fell asleep. She knew she wasn't a good liar, especially with Jack. She could never look him in the face and lie.
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Sam was still there when Daniel came in a couple of hours later.
"He was asking about Janet," she informed him.
"Oh, what did you say?"
"Well, not much - an accident, a fall - and then the meds kicked in, thank God."
"You can't lie to him either?" asked Daniel. "He always wheedles it out of me as well. I think Janet will have to tell him the truth."
"I hope not. He'll feel really bad about that."
"Bad what?" came Jack's voice. His eyes were still closed, his speech soft and slurred.
"I thought you were asleep," said Daniel moving closer, wondering how much Jack had heard.
"Am …" came the muddled response.
"You hold a good conversation for a sleeping man," laughed Daniel.
Jack was trying to fight to surface from his sleep. "Mmmmm."
"Can you hear me Sir?" asked Sam, exchanging looks with Daniel.
"Mmmmm."
"Don't fight it, just sleep. We're here," said Sam as she grasped his hand gently.
Daniel sighed and sat back down "Jack?" Getting no response he turned and whispered to Sam. "You'd better see Janet before you go."
Sam nodded, not needing to ask why. She stayed a little while longer and then let go of Jack's hand. He murmured slightly and shifted his head but didn't wake.
"See you later," she whispered and went to find Janet.
She found the doctor in her office as she expected. Janet was sitting at her desk entering notes in an extremely thick file.
"Hey Sam, come in," she called, looking up as she shut the file and stretched her tired body in the chair.
Sam sat down. "The Colonel has been asking about you," she began.
"Really? I'm flattered." Janet laughed and batted her eyelids whilst she fluffed at her hair.
"Janet," wailed Sam, "I'm serious. He's very curious about that," she pointed at Janet's face.
"What did you tell him?"
"I said it was an accident, a fall, but I can't look him in the face and say it."
"But it was an accident - that's the truth."
"You're going to have to tell him what really happened. If he finds out he'll be really upset and he's bound to find out eventually."
Janet nodded. "You're right Sam. I was just hoping to spare his feelings. He'll feel terrible about it and guilt isn't another thing he needs right now."
"I know but ..."
"I will speak to him about it as soon as he's properly awake."
Satisfied for now Sam popped back into the infirmary. Jack hadn't stirred and Daniel was sitting quietly reading.
"Janet said she'll tell him the truth, so if he asks anything go get Janet and make yourself scarce."
"Okay, can do. I'll let Teal'c know as well."
Sam left to eat and get some rest, but in the end she found herself in her lab just fiddling with things. She was unable to settle to anything, worry about the Colonel spinning around in her head.
Daniel didn't get to warn Teal'c. He got called away to help with an urgent translation and Teal'c arrived to find just a nurse present who left as the Jaffa seated himself.
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Teal'c sat upright, his massive frame dwarfing the plastic chair. He regarded his friend solemnly. He had not thought to see O'Neill alive after his capture and was greatly relieved that this was not the case.
Teal'c watched as his friend's eyes open slowly and saw the effort it took for him to focus. He gently helped the man to a drink.
"Thanks, Teal'c."
"It is good to see you awake, my friend."
"Thanks. Do me a favor and don't tell the Doc."
"Why would I not inform the Doctor?" puzzled the Jaffa.
"'Cause she'll knock me out again," was the sarcastic response.
"Perhaps she may fear you will attack her and try to escape once again, O'Neill."
Jack felt hot and confused, but he slowly absorbed the Jaffa's words.
"Teal'c, did I whack the Doc?"
"If you mean hit her, then yes you did, O'Neill."
"Oh, crap!"
"Indeed," said Teal'c, one brow lifting. "You were not aware of your surroundings. You were much more fevered and drugged," he offered, seeing O'Neill's stillness and the guilt on his face.
"Christ … Teal'c, I could have killed her. Was… did I hurt anyone else?"
"No. I managed to restrain you and the good Doctor sedated you."
Jack ran a hand over his face and then through his hair. Teal'c watched and understood that his friend was distressed.
"I shall fetch the Doctor O'Neill."
"No, no, thanks Teal'c. Leave it would you? You should go get some rest yourself."
"I am not in need of rest."
"Then go eat!" snapped Jack.
Teal'c starred down at Jack, regarding him deeply. He seemed about to say something, but changed his mind. He looked away and then down again before he spoke. "I will leave you alone as you wish," he said gravely and gave a small bow before leaving.
Left alone, Jack lay troubled. The guilt he felt was tremendous, but what frightened him was the fact that he had lost control. He fell into a disturbed sleep, images from the planet mingled with old nightmares.
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