whooot! This chapter is my absolute fav! so..hehe...read it!
Words of A Broken Core
Chapter 9: Love Hurts
I wandered aimlessly, with no particular destination in mind. I don't care. I want out and I could not care less in what way. With every minute I stay in this body, the feelings threatened to overwhelm. It's like waves and I'm drowning in them.
These feelings, they hurt. It's not physical pain but…it hurt. It had been like that since I met him, but after that rejection, it became more pronounced than ever. Why? I don't understand either, why it hurt every time I look into his eyes, or when she had screamed at me to get away from her. I could not comprehend these salty streaks flowing from my eyes.
"Kaasan, why is there water coming out of your eyes?" What is it, and why has it been there since you told me the man I call father had died?
"It's tears, musuko. When you feel sad, you cry. In this case, I had lost someone I love dearly, so I feel sad."
She had hugged me then, and I, still uncomprehending, let her.
Does this mean I feel sad then? That I had lost someone I love dearly? That, most of all, I, a cursed silver fox, whom they have no feelings at all, could love?
"Kaasan, no matter what, I still love you."
I had spoken that then, not really understanding what it truly meant at that time.
I told her I love her. Yet she had rejected me.
Nobody said that love would hurt. Hadn't everyone claimed that love is a beautiful thing? Then why does it hurt so much?
"Hn. Love is a weak human emotion. I have no need of it."
Hiei, he'll never love me back. I love him.
Within me, something clicked in to place, then burst and fell like shattered glass.
He'll never love me.he knows I'm cursed, with my silver hair and golden eyes. He knows of my incapability to feel and to stay true to one for life. With my past of betrayal and bloodshed that clashes with his code of honour, the possibility of him even liking me is nil.
Hiei hates me, as he should. There is nothing to prove otherwise. He hates traitors and I'm a traitor of my own kind, fleeing desperately to Ningenkai to escape Death. He would never have done what I did.
It is understandable, just as it is with Shiori. Who could love a murderer, one who had destroyed her son's soul in order to live, and then lied to her for a whole of eighteen years? I could remember now, how I had grasped her son's soul and squeezed the life out of it, listening in pleasure to its dying screams.
I regret it now, all of it. I can't pay it back. The price of my sins and wrongdoings are just too high.
'Your life is all you have to give."
Uncontrollably, I switched to my demon form.
Yes, to give it all up and receive my punishment in the afterlife.
To give up the possibility of ever seeing Hiei, Yuusuke, Kuwabara or to feel the sunlight of the Ningenkai upon my skin.
The air current changed as I stepped out of the trees to the edge of the cliff.
To give up returning to Makai.
I could hear the waves hitting the sharp rocks protruding at the bottom of the cliff.
Just like how waves of love and heartache wash the shores of my tainted heart.
They're calling my name, beckoning to me. Strange now, how their voices resemble Hiei's, Yuusuke's and Kuwabara's.
To give up ever telling Hiei how much I love him and always will even though he'd never return my love.
"I love you, Hiei," I whispered to the air. "Always and forevermore."
Then I closed my eyes and took the plunge.
ok...is it nice? sucky? stupid? tell me!