Curious Bedfellows

or

Who's That Sleeping in MY Bed?

By Amandah Leigh and Backstage Stephie.

Nymphadora Tonks awoke early on Thursday, earlier than usual. And she usually awoke very, very early. She opened her eyes and smiled at the ceiling. She was in a surprisingly chipper mood, and to be quite honest with herself, she had no idea why. She was not usually so cheery upon first waking up. She scrunched up her nose, and her natural mouse brown hair, the hair that greeted her every morning, went instantly pink and short and spiky. Grinning, she rolled over to her left, and was momentarily shocked to realized that lying beside her was the sleeping form of Remus Lupin. Concerned and confused, she quickly rolled to her right... only to be greeted by the equally concerned and confused large brown eyes of Hermione Granger.

"Tonks?" Whispered Hermione, eyebrows raised.

"Um...yeah?" Tonks replied, awkwardly.

"Why...I mean...What are... You know."

"Why in Hell are the three of us in bed together?"

"Exactly. I mean, I know why Ron and I are here..."

Tonks' eyes widened. "Ron? I was talking about us and Remus!"

Hermione gasped. "Remus? Bloody Hell! Where is he?"

"Over here," Lupin said, sitting up. "I'm here, and so is Neville. Neville!"

"Neville!" Tonks and Hermione repeated. A little too loudly.

"Yes?" asked Neville Longbottom, as he slowly opened his eyes. "Oh, hello, Professor Lupin. Professor Lupin!"

Neville's shout woke the person next to him.

Yes, the person next to him. Talk about awkward!

"Mr. Longbottom, kindly shut your eyes and your mouth and..." Minerva McGonagall could not go on.

"Great Merlin," she whispered a moment later. Neville, motionless, continued to stare at her in horror. "I have finally lost my mind, if I'm having dreams about Neville Eggdenbert Longbottom."

"Eggdenbert?" snorted Ginny. "What a stupid name!"

"Shut it, Ginerva," George demanded. "Some of us are trying to sleep."

"Yeah, shut it," echoed Fred. "And did you know, George, that you kick in your sleep? Because you do, my left side is all black and blue."

"But I'm on your left, George, dear," said Molly. This was when George realized that not only was he in bed with his twin, he was also in bed with his sister...and his Mum. He shuddered, momentarily wondering which was worse!

"Uh, George?"

"Yes, Fred?"

"I know we've shared a room all our lives, mate..."

"I'm not sure I like where this is going."

"Well, the thing is, I don't mind sharing a bed with Angelina, or even Alicia, or Katie...or Angelina and Alicia...and Katie as the case may be..."

"Fred!" snapped Molly, but the prankster ignored her.

"But I'm really not keen on cuddling up with you. And, to be honest, Ginny, waking up next to you is just plain sickening."

George snickered, and Ginny shrugged. "That's alright George. I'd rather wake up with...not you...too."

"Hey, everyone," said Tonks, who had been whispering with Lupin a moment before. "I really hate to break up the happy Weasley reunion, but has anyone noticed yet...we can't get up? Because...we can't get up. We're stuck in this bed."

"Well," said Fred, "Get your hand out of Remus's –"

"Fred!" Molly snapped, eyes flashing. "If I could reach you I would... Well, I don't know what I'd do, because this is...very strange, but... Arthur, Arthur, wake up, will you!"

"Shh, Molly," moaned Arthur, rolling over.

"Arthur Weasley, I need you to wake up!"

"Molly, honey, not now. I'm tired. I had a long night. Later, okay? After Ginny and Ron leave for –"

"Bloody hell!" exclaimed Fred and George and Ginny and perhaps one or two other people who were rather grossed out by the very idea of Molly and Arthur and...you-know-what. It-that-must-not-be-named.

"Where is Ron, anyway?" asked Molly, blushing.

"He's, uh, over here," answered Hermione, trying to appear dignified.

Molly did not find this as amusing as Fred and George seemed to. "Hermione!" she snipped. "I thought you were sleeping in Ginny's room!"

"Guess you didn't notice, Molly," Lupin began, wearily, unwrapping Tonks' arm from around his waist, "this isn't the Burrow."

"I think I've seen this place before, though," said Tonks, snuggling up to his side.

"Nymphadora, please," said Remus, uncomfortably.

"I'm not waking up," Minerva McGonagall said quietly, pinching herself. "I'm trying, but I can't wake up."

"Um...Professor?"

"Yes, Mr. Longbottom?"

"I don't think you're dreaming, Professor."

Minerva sighed. "Then I hope to Merlin that I'm dead, because I am almost definitely in Hell."

Neville looked hurt. "Is it really that bad, Professor?"

Her glare answered that question for him, and he vowed never, ever to speak to her again, for fear she might kill him.

"Molly?" murmured Arthur, still half asleep. "Does this bed feel like it's...leaning?"

"Arthur! Are you calling me heavy?" She replied angrily, and he quickly denied the accusation.

"No, Molly, to the right! You're on my left! On my right is... some big furry pillow. A very big, furry, big... That snores... Hagrid?"

"Hrr-umph," was Hagrid's response.

"My stars," said Minerva weakly. "Hagrid is here too? I'm already in bed with Longbottom, Granger, Lupin, Tonks, and half the Weasley family? I have had some interesting bedfellows in the past, but this..."

"With all do respect, Minerva," interjected Tonks, "I'd rather not hear about your past bedfellows before breakfast."

"Yeah," added Fred or George, Minerva wasn't sure which. "Before breakfast, or ever. Thanks."

"Breakfast?" said Ron, surprising everyone, as he had managed to sleep through the chaos until that point.

"Sounds great, Hermione. You know how hungry I get after a long night of –"

"Ron!" she exclaimed, turning bright red.

"He meant a long night of playing chess!" She insisted, but nobody really believed that line of goat droppings.

"But Hermione, you can't play chess!" Another voice chipped in, after which Hermione, Tonks, a Weasley or two (or three or four) and Lupin exclaimed in unison:

"Harry!"

"That's where I've seen this room before!" Tonks realized, grinning. It's Harry's room at the Durkey's!"

"The Dursley's," Lupin corrected, but everyone ignored him.

"What the..." Harry started, then he began to laugh. "I can't believe it, my birthday wish! Hermione sent me a little cake, with a candle, and I blew it out, and I wished... I wished that those people I cared about most would be here to share my birthday this year, that I would see them when I woke up! And here you all are!"

"Harry?" asked Molly, tearing up. "We're the people you care most about?"

"Yeah! You, and Mr. Weasley, and Ron – wake up, Ron – and the twins and...and Ginny and Professor Lupin and Tonks, and Neville –"

"Even me, Harry?" asked Neville.

"Even you!" the 17 year old 'boy-who-lived' assured him. "And Hermione, and Professor McGonagall... I think I can hear Hagrid snoring over there, and... And you're all here! Though it is weird that we're all... in bed."

Suddenly everyone was very keenly aware of what he or she (and the he or she next to him or her) was wearing. Harry in his faded gray t-shirt and boxers, Ron in his hand-me-down Chudley Cannons PJs, Hermione in her pink and purple frilly night gown. Tonks in a button down men's shirt that Hermione was pretty sure she'd seen on Lupin the day before, and Lupin wearing...no shirt at all. He kept the covers up nearly to his chin. Minerva, trying to appear dignified in her ankle length patterned nightdress, which just happened to feature dozens of little golden snitches. Ginny's t-shirt once belonged to Bill or Charlie and read 'These Brooms are Made For Riding.' George and Fred were dressed plainly enough, in t-shirts and sweatpants (though Fred was glad that no one could tell that his pants were shocking pink).

But no one was more embarrassed then Molly, who donned a black and white form fitting French Maid's outfit that Arthur bought for her at a local Muggle costume shop.

Arthur, in turn, was all decked out in a pair of chaps, and cowboy vest, complete with a badge announcing him as 'Sheriff Woody.'

Oh, and Hagrid just looked hairy.

"So..." Ron began uncomfortably, not fully awake. "How about that breakfast, eh?"

But before anyone could respond, Sibyll Trelawny burst in, bottle of sherry in one hand, crystal ball in the other, and exclaimed:

"Thirteen in one bed! You know what this means? The first to rise will be the first to die!"

Hagrid opened one eye and growled. "I told you, Sibyll. I'm not in the mood."

THE END

A/N by AL

I have not abandoned my other projects, I swear! As a matter of fact, I hope/plan to upload my next chapter of Thrice... tomorrow, and then After the Half-Blood Prince or Is That My...? will probably get updated Sunday, provided I can my new work computer to, well, work. :-)

So,as I was started to write,my friend and I were bored this evening, so we decided to penthis little humorous fic (well, we hope you find it funny! Try reading it after midnight when you're very tired...then you'll be laughing too!). Backstage Stephie has never written a fanfic before, so she says that if it sucks, it's my fault! So please leave a review, and tell us if you like it! (or, sigh if not...)

Much love! --Amandah