Holds Me Together Chapter 6: And I'll Be Brave, a joan of arcadia fanfic

Holds Me Together
Rating: T-M Just in case
Disclaimer: At this point do I really need to write more then 'disclaimer' for you to know that I own only the new unheard of characters?
Reviews: Sam – A-L-L day you waited for that? Sorry for the wait…my brother and his GF have been down for the holiday, and his room is the room the computer's in, so I haven't gotten much time in here! You're welcome on the essay front, good luck on writing about revisionists. My advice is to go to wikipedia dot org. I love that site…It's sick but I seriously go on there and find random things to read about, which explains lots of my random trivia knowledge. Anyway! Let me know how the essay goes! The Glynis Factor will be slowly added in throughout the upcoming chapters, so look for it! A lot of people liked the nightmare, I was surprised. I thought it was going to be hated. ) Joan's comment was because it's illogical (at least to me) to fly from California to Maryland for Thanksgiving break because it's so short, right? I wanted Missy to be unexpected for Grace, so I hope she's coming off that way. Luke's perfect…a little too perfect…I might have to change that…who knows? Yeah, about the jr/sr class, I figured, Luke's a genius, let's roll with that. Dr. Farina is pretty fierce, huh? Yes…a girl can totally ask a guy out. Poor Avery, however is a sissy in that area, lol. (I agree with you about running a hand through Luke's hair…) About them sleeping together at night, I mean hey! They're in close proximity, they might as well! I LOVE the oversized sweatshirt…it always smells good. Good luck with the essay! Audrey – Sorry to make you sweat for the beginning of the chapter with the nightmare! That's what you were supposed to do though! You don't HAVE to read and review JoA fics for 2 hours, just review everyone you read when you read them, ) Not that you don't anyway. Much love to ya for always reviewing me! Michelle – Hey! I'm going to respond to your reviews from Ch. 2-5 here okay? Thank you about the baby name! Caleb is one of my favorite names for a boy! How old is your nephew? Thanks for the props on the G/L "I love you" scene in Ch. 3! It was so tough to write without going full on smut! Wow dude, you really think I write the characters perfectly? I'm blushing at that compliment! Glynis/Sweet Lou pairing I think is going to turn out to be hilarious for everyone in the upcoming chapters. I've got a few interesting ideas for it. A/J's storyline is harder for me to write than G/L's, so it's always good to hear that someone thinks I'm doing it well! Thank you for the compliments and my long windedness shall continue for quite awhile so I hope you stick with it! It should be a nice roller coaster ride! Laura – I so wish I could pop over and visit relatives in like The Netherlands! That would be sweet! What's your minor, history? What's your major too actually, out of curiosity? I've never worked in a bookstore, but I know two people ( my bro. included) who have, and I've been working since I was 12, so I kind of figured it was like working at other stores, just with books instead! I want a Luke too, do you think we can order a couple of Luke's? Ah...the Ryan factor…who knows where it will lead though? Well, besides me that is! Ahh…well at least I know that should G/L breakup (I'm pleading the 5th on that for now), and I get hurt, I'll know who hurt me! I will be elaborating more on the J/A back story on how they got together again and such. I'm waiting for a specific time, circa Thanksgiving-ish to work that in, for a reason. You'll see why. Don't worry the G/L goodness will continue…or, will it? Hmm…I'll do my best to give you a good fix my friend! P.S. – Thanks for the Happy 4th. And what can I say about the wrong day bit, we're American, for the most part we do things half-assed backwards, I never said I liked it that way! Kool-Wolf – I think it's a suiting love-hate relationship, dude. You're right, it's fitting. Does your sister hate it when you hang out there as much as you hate it? I'm thinking I was going to go in for the Christmas break re-uniting bit when I get to the December/January months, good call (even though I hate you dude!) True, Grace is Jewish but she still goes for winter break with everyone else! Because it makes you hate me even more that I'm reading your review and responding, I made your response extra long! Much hate to ya, (punk) P.S. – Since I hate you, I can call you whatever I want, can't I? Tiffany – Dude! There's totally a person who hates my story! Only instead of review, they're sending me e-mail! It's freaky! But like the thing is, they hate it but keep emailing me after every chapter! What is that? Don't thank me for the review! It's what I do, because you deserve it, yo! I'm glad you got a reader back! That's excellent! Hey! I've been to Ohio…for Cedar Point Amusement Park and the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame! Good stuff! And hey, vacation clothes, that's never boring dude, that's fun! I can't wait to read your good idea for your story dude! Don't leave me hanging like that! Thanks for the info about the typos and suspensions. It's ridiculous that that happened to you! And it did let you review on both days, just so you know. ) You'll have to keep reading to see where the story goes next! sayxanything – Heyyyy! How ya doing? I'm writing, I'm writing! I swear! Jane and Adam – How was your vacation? Where did you go? Give me details here! What a nice thing to find when you get back from a vacation, eh? I'm glad you're back! I was getting worried there for a second…! Thlayli the Furhead – Welcome to the reviewer response section, how the heck are ya? (Was reading your profile and had to say, you like some good stuff, chick.) Wow! Withdraw? Honestly…I was going into withdraw not being able to use the computer!
A/N: Whoa, responding to my readers is getting almost as longwinded as my stories! I love it! I love you people! You make my day! P.S. Sorry if you don't review and you hate scrolling through my responses to get to the story, but I feel each review merits a response! Sorry for the proofreading as always. Sorry! Read on with yo bad self, now!

Chapter 6 – And I'll Be Brave

Since they'd been down at the beach working all summer, and had only been home 3 days before leaving for school, no one had taken Squiggy to get her new radio put in, The 7 hour drive back down to Arcadia for Thanksgiving break was peppered with country music. Strangely enough Grace and Luke both found themselves growing accustomed to it. Grace slouched in the passenger seat, leaning against the car door, leaning her chin and cheek on her right hand. Her left arm was crossed under her and her right elbow was resting on it. She stared blankly out the window of the car as they drove down the highway.

In the backseat, Missy lay sleeping among her jacket and her backpack. Grace had found out the night before that Missy wasn't able to go home for the break. Grace hated to admit it, but it did upset her to know that Missy would be alone for the holiday. Since Grace wasn't positive if she'd be staying at her own house or at the Girardi house, she'd called Luke up and asked him to see if it was okay to bring Missy with them and bunk her at Luke's house. Helen had listened to the story Luke gave her and agreed. Now Missy was asleep in the backseat, oblivious to Luke and Grace.

Luke glanced at Grace as he drove. She had seen his head turn to her out of the corner of her eye but hadn't turned to meet his eyes. She knew he was concerned about her, but she didn't much feel like talking about it. Luke turned back to the road. He sighed. Grace knew he was dying to ask her if she was going to be all right. She kept staring out the window. If she didn't let him have any hint that she, indeed, would have liked him to ask if she was all right, then he wouldn't. What could she say, old habits die hard. Blocking Luke out of her feelings about returning home was the only way she would be able to let herself do this.

Since they had left Arcadia for the summer, Grace had only been home to pick up her already packed things to move into college. She had gone home when both of her parents were gone. She hadn't seen her mother since the day her mother had grabbed her hard enough to leave a handprint shaped bruise on her arm. Grace winced at the memory.

She had woken up around 4 am and gone to the kitchen to get something to eat. Her mother had been sitting at the table, a mostly empty bottle of vodka in front of her. She was just finishing off a glass. Grace had quickly grabbed a container of leftovers and a spoon, in hopes of making a quick getaway to her room. Sarah had other plans. She'd filled up her glass with the rest of the clear, toxic, liquid and finished it off in one gulp, laughing as Grace crossed to the utensil drawer and opened it.

"Eating again, I see?" Sarah had inquired. Whenever she was drunk she became critical of anything Grace did, ranging from breathing too loudly to eating all the time. Grace did her best to always ignore her mother's incessant nagging comments about her whenever Sarah was drunk.

"Yeah well, I was too busy holding your hair back to eat dinner tonight," Grace had snapped back at Sarah. She hadn't meant to say it, but she couldn't hold it back. Having gotten up and managed to cross to Grace, Sarah reached out a hand to Grace's shoulder and gripped her tightly, spinning her around. She held tightly to Grace's shoulder, pushing her back against the counter, shutting the utensil drawer in the process. Grace had closed her eyes tightly and stifled a groan of pain.

"Don't you sass me like that," Sarah had ordered.

"Mom…" Grace began. "Look, I'm sorry. Whatever." Grace tried to make her way out of her mother's grasp unsuccessfully.

"Just because you think you've got it all figured out doesn't mean that you are a better person than me," Sarah had said, holding her finger up to impact this statement.

"No. You're right." Grace had stared into her mother's eyes. "But seeing as how I have my wits about me whenever I'm awake and don't walk around in a vodka induced haze on the time when I know I have a problem, now that…that does make me better than you." She knew he mother wouldn't remember this in a few hours. She didn't care. The container of food fell from Grace's hands when the back of Sarah's hand came down across her cheek. She resisted the urge to put her own hand over top of her now stinging cheek as her face had turned sideways with the force of the slap her mother had just issued. She clenched her jaw closed to fend off the tears that now stung her eyes as she slowly turned her face back to her mother's.

"Now you clean that up." Sarah had ordered, pointing to the mess on the floor before walking away, leaning on things as she went through the house. Grace had just stood there, in horror at what had just transpired. The food was splattered on the floor, her bare feet, the bottoms of her pajama pants, and the edges of the cabinets by the floor. She had stood, frozen that way for at least twenty minutes before her body mechanically took over and she cleaned up the mess and headed for her room. She had showered, dressed, brushed her teeth and left her house by 5 am. She'd gone first to Luke's house, and had gotten to his window and looked in at him peacefully sleeping and then lost her nerve. So instead, she meandered around near the school until it was late enough for her to go in. She's approached Joan at Joan's locker and told Joan that she was out for the trip right as the bell had rung and then plowed past Luke.

"Hey," Adam walked in through Joan's door, which was propped open by a wooden doorstop. Joan looked up from lying sideways on the couch with her legs sprawled out. She lifted her legs and let Adam sit down before she put her legs back down. Colby had left the night before to go home. Johana had left only an hour ago for Arizona.

"Hey baby," Joan smiled as Adam leaned over her and kissed her. "Tristan leave?"

"Yeah. He's headed for Los Angeles as we speak." Adam nodded. Joan sighed.

"So we're on our own?" Joan asked. There was an inherent sadness in her voice that made Adam's heart leap. He frowned and nodded.

"It won't be so bad. And just think, in a couple weeks, we'll be on a plane heading back home." Adam leaned back on the couch, putting his head back and closing his eyes as he spoke, smiling. "We'll see your nephew-,"

"Our nephew," Joan corrected him. Adam rolled his head towards her and smiled.

"Unchallenged…" He nodded. "Okay…we'll see our nephew," He smiled to himself. "And your parents, and Grace and Luke…"

"And your dad," Joan said. Adam smiled again.

"My Dad," He agreed.

"I guess we should make the best of our alone time now, then, shouldn't we?" She wiggled her eyes brows up and down seductively. Adam nodded, leaning in to kiss her again, this time more passionately.

After a substantial amount of make out time, Joan broke away from Adam. "You know, I meant what I said before. About my first time," she continued, swallowing nervously. Adam looked at her, confused.

"This isn't the back of a truck," He said. Joan nodded, biting her lip.

"I know," She said.

"Hey, do you have to go to the bathroom or anything?" Luke asked, snapping Grace back to reality. She turned her head and looked at him, trying to stretch in the cramped car. She shook her head.

"No…" Grace yawned and climbed out of the car to stretch further. Missy pushed the seat forward and climbed out.

"I do!" She smiled. Luke nodded.

"Where are we?" Grace asked.

"Just about Delaware." Luke told her. "What about food, are you hungry?"

Grace wasn't really hungry after thinking about her mom, but she hadn't eaten before they left so she nodded. "Surprise me…okay?"

"Are you sure?" Luke asked. "You don't want to come in or anything?" He had walked around the car and was facing her now.

Grace shook her head. "No, I'm gonna make a phone call," she told him. Luke seemed to accept this after a beat or two. He looked at her, clearly concerned, but leaned in and kissed her before turning to head for the building doors of the rest stop.

After stretching one more time, Grace climbed back into the car. She took out her cell phone and searched through the phonebook. She stopped on one in particular. It was labeled with one word. Typically kids put their parents under something like "Mom & Dad" or "Home." Grace had hers labeled as "Parentals." She still wasn't sure if she wanted to even stop at her house when she arrived home. She had only talked to her father since the summer, and that was only twice. Grace doubted they would even notice if their Thanksgiving dinner didn't include her. Hitting the exit button, Grace shoved the phone back into her pocket with a grunt.

Moments later the driver side door opened and Missy climbed into the back with a bag of food, and Luke pushed the seat back and climbed in his seat. He held out a soda to Grace, who took it thankfully. Luke turned the car back on so they had some background noise, even if it was country music.

"Did you make your phone call?" Luke asked as he took his burger out of the bag and then his fries before passing it to Grace who just nodded in response to his question.

"What'd you get me?" She asked, peeking into the bag. She spotted a couple of cheeseburgers but grabbed her order of fries out of the bag before rolling it shut again. "Thanks," She said to Luke. Luke nodded, his mouthful.

"Did I thank you two for letting me come with you for the holiday?" Missy piped up from the backseat. Luke and Grace both turned their heads.

"Yes!" They chorused.

"Just making sure," Missy smiled sheepishly.

Once Luke had finished eating, which didn't take long as he'd pretty much inhaled it, he began driving, letting the girls finish their food as he did. He continued to glance at Grace as he drove along the highway. Grace still stared out the window as she ate her food and drank her soda.

Joan lay tangled in her bunk with Adam. Both had drifted off an hour or two before, but now Joan had awoken from the nap and her mind was reeling with thoughts as she studied every part of Adam that wasn't covered by the blanket they were haphazardly under.

Running her hand absently over his bare skin, Joan let her thoughts take over. Was her decision to give herself over to Adam completely the right one? It felt like it was, despite their past. Then again, would Adam still love her if she didn't live up in comparison to Bonnie? Joan shook this thought from her mind. It was pointless to do such things to herself, she knew. Besides, if she'd forgiven him his past transgressions, she couldn't very well let them run rampant in her head, could she? Joan knew she didn't want them to. With a slight sigh, Joan thought about the past year with Adam.

Halloween and Thanksgiving had passed without too much turmoil. There was always the memory of Kevin's accident. He hadn't taken it too hard this year, on account of Lily. Because Luke had been feeling particularly ignored by Halloween, and rightly so among his family at least, Grace had taken to great lengths to throw him the mother of all surprise parties.

Joan smiled, remembering the look on Luke's face when he'd realized that someone had cared enough to put themselves out for his birthday-that someone being Grace, in particular.

Since his birthday had been on a Saturday, Friday night Grace had set up a long dinner with Luke for his birthday and afterwards had managed to keep him out of the Girardi house until midnight. Upon walking in the house and turning the lights on, he'd nearly fallen back out the door when the crowded foyer shouted 'surprise!' Luke had nearly cried he was so excited.

Of course the most eventful part of November had been when an anonymous package had shown up at the house for Will. At first, on the Sunday morning in Late November, Will had not touched the package. Instead, he'd come bursting into the kitchen yelling, ordering his family out the back door and around the house to the sidewalk before calling the station to get the bomb squad out.

After they'd discovered that the jumbled box that was raggedly taped shut, Will have opened the package to find it filled with VHS tapes, photographs, documents and answering machine tapes. Upon reviewing all of these materials, Will setup a warrant for the arrest of Ryan Hunter for fraud, vandalism, reckless endangerment, larceny, and arson.

All of Joan's problems would have been solved then and there, had it not been for a tiny loophole Ryan's lawyer had found which left Ryan a free man. Ryan had packed up and left Arcadia for the time being. He hadn't resurface until the summer.

Of course, the biggest event of Joan's year had been Christmas. Starting on December 1st, Joan began receiving gifts. Though they weren't signed from anybody, Joan knew exactly whom they were from. The first day it was a painting. It was a small painting, the size of a regular photo. It was simple. A sky blue background with a few stray fluffy white clouds, and off center to the right of the frame was Joan, sitting on what looked like a cloud with her knees pulled up and wings flapping behind her. Instead of a halo, there was a brilliant golden glow radiating around her flowing hair.

For the next few weeks, every morning something new was hidden on the porch for her. Paintings, drawings, sketches, eventually even tiny metal sculptures. Among some of the paintings and sketches, in the background, Joan caught lines from some poems, song lyrics, and apologies, just dark enough to read.

Neither Joan nor Adam spoke about the gifts. During lunch periods he would catch her eye and they would share an awkward stare before someone would interrupt. Since the summer things had cooled down. Joan was bringing up Bonnie less and less as a trump card against Adam. Grace and Luke themselves had exchanged many glances upon finding Joan and Adam locked in a strange stare at each other. Grace would see the stares and glance at Luke, her eyebrows arched into the hair falling in her face. Luke would notice it too, and offer up a shrug.

Joan watched Adam squirm in his sleep. He let out a sigh before his face burrowed into the pillow as if he was trying to scratch his eyebrow. She smiled slightly and moved her hand to lightly play with is dark hair.

On the morning of December 25th, Joan had gotten downstairs last. Before joining her family in the kitchen for breakfast, she opened the door and stepped out on the porch, barefoot with a robe tied over her pajamas. Her feet jumped at the coldness of the porch and she hugged herself tightly as she hopped around the cold porch, searching for her prize.

"Joan?" Helen came to the door, pulling her robe tighter around her as she stood in the doorway, watching her daughter curiously. "What on Earth are you doing out here?" She rubbed her arms to warm them up.

"There's nothing here…" Joan frowned, turning her head still to look around.

"Of course there's nothing out here. It's Christmas, there's no mail today." Helen insisted, waving her head towards the kitchen. "Everything's in here." She said, smiling. Joan looked at her mom and then sighed. As she past Helen in the door she hugged her mom.

"Merry Christmas," Joan said, trying to sound happy. Helen kissed Joan's forehead.

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart." She smiled and gave Joan's back a rub and then a pat. "Come on, let's go get some breakfast, everyone's waiting."

Joan nodded and followed her mom, giving the porch one last glance before shutting the door behind her.

"Good morning family." Luke sat down next to Joan as everyone dug into their breakfasts. As Luke reached for some eggs, he used his other hand to place something in Joan's lap.

"What's this?" Joan asked him quietly amongst the loud table, studying the gift-wrapped box.

"A little bird asked me to deliver it." Luke said cryptically with a slight grin. Just then there was a knock at the front door. "I got it!" Luke leapt out of his chair and headed for the front door, leading everyone to believe that Grace was occupying the other side of the door.

"Uh…I'll be right back," Joan excused herself from the table. From there she went up to her room where she sat on her bed with the package in her lap. She stared at it for a long time. Downstairs she heard Luke excitedly greeting Grace, who promptly told him to hold his horses and lead her to the grub. Joan stared at the package. Finally, she reached down and slowly pulled the ribbon until it untied and she let it fall to the floor. Instead of tearing the paper and quickly getting to the prize, she gingerly undid the tape and slid the wrapping paper from the box. She was greeted with a wooden box, the size of an index card and about 3 inches deep. It was painted brilliantly with sky blue and clouds. It looked just like the first painting she'd gotten on the 1st, complete with an angelic version of herself on the top.

Upon opening it, she found a note. She pulled out the paper and opened it, reading it aloud to herself just above a whisper. "Dear Jane, we both know who's been leaving you the gifts, so let's skip over that. I want to get it right out in the open that I don't expect anything to come out of this. All of this has been to show you how I see you. I hope you figured that out. I'm running out of paper room. I hope you like your one last, homemade Christmas gift. A heavenly sculpture from the devil incarnate to the most heavenly Angel God created. Merry Christmas, Jane. Adam." Joan looked at the spot where Adam had put a dash and signed his name. On the paper she could see that he'd started to sign the letter with 'Love, Adam," but, apparently deciding against it, had erased it and simply signed his name to it. Joan felt the tears in her eyes, and knew they were really there when one of them escaped and landed near Adam's name on the paper. She sniffled and refolded the paper before peeking into the small keepsake box Adam had crafted.

There, lying in the box was the gold chain of a necklace. She had reached into the box, which was decorated on the inside as well, and she picked up the necklace by its chain where it hooked together.

Pulling out the treasure she stare at the charm hanging off of it. It was a capital cursive J, with the golden rays emanating from the bright circle of the sun that seemed to be in orbit around the simple letter. Joan wasn't used to seeing Adam's welding work on such a small piece of metal, much less gold. She stared at it for a long time, her hand covering her mouth as a couple more tears fell down her cheeks.

"You know, he really does know how stupid he is…for whatever it's worth," Grace said from the doorway. Joan started slightly at the sound of her friend's voice and hurriedly put the necklace back in the box, setting the box next to her on the bed. She furiously wiped at her face as Grace came in, shutting the door behind her, and setting herself on the other side of Joan. She gave Joan's shoulder a slight shove. "He did a nice job on the rays of the sun,"

Joan sighed and put her head in her hands. "What am I supposed to do?" She groaned, flopping her head down on Grace's shoulder. Surprisingly enough, Grace didn't push her away. Instead, Joan felt an arm around her shoulders.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, I can't tell ya what to do, Girardi," She said to Joan. "I can tell you a few other things though."

"Like what?" Joan muttered, reaching up to wipe another tear from her cheek.

"Well, Rove spent nearly three months making that," Grace pointed to the necklace. "And he spent the entire summer orchestrating his presents for you. And he spent since May literally kicking his own ass over his stupid hormones. And I know somewhere in there you know that too."

"And your point is?" Joan put her head in her hands again.

"My point…is that maybe, instead of stifling your emotions, which always leads you to go psycho every other day, you should listen to your feelings and let them…I don't know…guide you…or something? Isn't that how it's supposed to go in the fuzzy feeling department?" Grace inquired. Joan sighed.

"How am I supposed to forget what he did?" She asked, looking at Grace for an answer. Grace sighed.

"I don't think it's so much forget, more like, forgive…move on?" Grace suggested. "Not necessarily with Rove, but just in general, dude. I mean it's kind of…sad…to let your life get ruled by someone else, isn't it?"

"I don't think I can get over him, Grace." Joan sighed. "I really do love him…"

"Yeah…I'm aware of that." Grace nodded. "He does love you. Though…he was a first class jerk." She commented. Joan nodded, her bottom lip sticking out. "But…I did threaten to force feed him the diamond from my mom's busted engagement ring if he crossed any lines similar to the one he crossed before." Joan snickered at this. "And, Luke promised he'd get Kevin to teach him how to properly swing a baseball bat so that, should the opportunity arise, he can sufficiently take Rove's head off with one properly placed swing." Grace nodded. Joan snickered again.

"I don't want him dead." She said.

"Oh, of course not," Grace nodded. "Not if he behaves." She nodded. "And besides, this is only if you decide to you know get back together with him and be all mushy and sappy, so that I truly can feel nauseous at lunch again." Grace sighed. "P.S., Girardi," Grace said standing up and heading for the door, turning to look at Joan as she spoke. "He told Luke he doesn't expect you to ever get back together with him, he just wants things to be…better."

"Better?" Joan asked.

"Yeah, better," Grace nodded. "You know what I'm talking about Girardi…you've been going at him for months, and he's been shying away for just as long. And you've been putting me and brain in the middle for months as well. Frankly it's annoying. So…make up your mind however you want…just make it up, Girardi. It's about time, don't you think? I'll hold off your family for twenty…give you time to get together…and all that." Grace waved a hand at Joan and turned to leave.

"Grace?"

"Yeah, Girardi?" Grace replied.

"Thank you." Joan said. Grace nodded with a small, sarcastic salute before leaving.

"What're you thinking about?"

"Hmm, what?" Joan shook her head and turned her eyes to meet Adam's half open ones. She was now aware that his hand was caressing his hand down through her hair.

"You have that lost gaze…" Adam smiled. "So what're you thinking about?"

"Oh…nothing important." She assured, smiling and placing a kiss on his shoulder. Adam turned more on his side and looked at her, propping his head up on his hand.

"You sure?" He asked. Joan nodded, moving up to kiss him. "Okay," He smiled and leaned in to kiss her again.

"Why don't you let me drive you over?" Luke suggested. They had been at the Girardi house for an hour. Helen and Will were busy getting acquainted with Missy, who was well versed in the world of Garlic and was doing a fine job of chopping it for Will. Grace and Luke were on the porch. Grace was trying to keep the courage to go to her house up and Luke was trying to convince her to let him come along. In truth, he was scared that Grace would return with more bruises.

"No, brain, I'm just going to go over and see how everything is," Grace reasoned.

"Well, what would be so wrong with me taking you there?" Luke pressed on. Grace sighed.

"Fine, whatever, let's just go." Grace turned and walked to the car, climbing in. Luke got in and turned the car on. Grace was once again staring out the window. She sighed at the country music, but listened to the words anyway, not wanting to listen to the thoughts rolling around her brain anyway.

I been down about as low as anyone can get/The whole world was closin' in/Couldn't find a friend/No one else could help me/Had to walk through the fire alone/Life has brought me to my knees/And faith had led me home…

Grace glanced at Luke, thankful that he was looking at the road and didn't notice her look at him. She really did want him to bring her home. She also would have liked him to go in with her. At least she would be stubborn enough to have a backbone if Luke were there. She wouldn't want to be a chicken in front of Luke. Normally she just froze, never sure what her mother was going to do or say to her next. Grace sighed and looked back out the window. She felt her jaw clench and anger starting to bubble from within. Why did her family have to be the way it was? Why did she have to feel so weak and vulnerable at her mother's mercy when she really just wanted to be herself, and fight her way tooth and nail through her family life until she got everything out in the open and forced her parents to know how she felt inside every time they let her down.

Let the storm rage around me/I will stand, I will fight/And when the darkness surrounds me/I will make my own light/I may not win every battle/But I'll get stronger with every fear I face/And I'll be brave…

"Here we are…" Luke said, double-parking outside of Grace's house. Grace took a deep breath and looked at the house. She stared for a few minute before Luke's words interrupted her thoughts. "Hey, you know, I can stay out here…until you go in and check everything out?" He suggested.

Grace closed her eyes tightly.

I can be courageous and still be so afraid/I've discovered pain is the beginning to a change/Somewhere inside us/there's a strength we don't know we have/Just when you think you can't go on/Suddenly there's a path…

"Grace?" Luke asked. He put his hand on her shoulder. Grace took a deep breath and shook her head.

"No. I'll be fine." She assured with a nod of her head. "In fact, I'll be better than fine."

"Oh really?" Luke asked. Grace nodded. "And why is that?"

"Because…I'm not gonna freeze this time." She said. Luke nodded.

"Well…good luck," Luke said encouragingly, putting his hand up to the side of her face. "I'm a phone call away if you want me to come pick you up…"

Grace nodded. "Thanks, brain," She offered a small smile. Luke nodded. Grace climbed out of the car.

"Dinner's at 6:30!" Luke called. "You know my Dad when people are late for pasta!"

Grace stopped and turned, walking back to his side of the car. She leaned inside the open window and took Luke's face in her hands, granting him a long lovely kiss before giving him a grin and a wink, then pulling herself out of the window and walking briskly up to the front door.

"Hello?" Grace called, walking through the living room, then the dining room. Finally she stopped at the kitchen, frowning. It wasn't surprising to find her mother at the kitchen table, filling her glass with the bottom half of a bottle of vodka. After all, Grace hadn't been expecting to walk in and find anything different.

"Well…well…well…" Sarah drawled. "Look here what the cat finally drug in."

"Yeah…" Grace pursed her lips together and nodded slowly. "Great to see you too, mom." She said dryly.

"Oh, one sentence in the door, and you're already sassing me are you?" Sarah put her glass to her lips and downed the last half of it before putting the glass down angrily and standing. Grace took a deep breath.

"No," She shook her head at her mother, unable to move. Grace said it more to herself. She wanted to snap out of her trance. She felt her hands getting clammy, and her throat drying out.

"You should have more respect for me," Sarah held her finger up in Grace's face. "No phone calls, you come for a holiday and only stop by with no overnight bag? Are you bunking with that…that boy?" Sarah demanded, her face flushing mad. Grace jumped slightly, closing her eyes as her mother's slurring caused spit to fly at her.

Get a grip, Polk, she told herself. Grace's mother laughed heartily. She went over to the table and took the vodka bottle by the neck, downing half of what was left in a swift gulp. Before Grace could say anything, Sarah made her way back over to Grace, standing mere centimeters away from her. Grace felt her stomach flip at the stench coming off her mother.

"You are shacking up with that boy, aren't you?" Sarah demanded, her pointing finger stabbing Grace in her collarbone. Grace flinched. "Answer me!" Sarah demanded, giving Grace a tough shove that threw Grace off her balance. It also gave Sarah's balance a shake, causing her to grab the counter for support.

Every time I get back up it gets harder to knock me down/cause my souls' on steady ground…

Grace pulled herself to her feet angrily. She advanced towards her mother, ignoring the throbbing in her right wrist, which she'd landed on.

"Yes, I am as a matter of fact," She replied to her mother. Sarah's face hardened.

"Oh, so this family's not good enough for you? No phone calls, no letters, nothing from you and now you've waltzed back in here like we owe you something?" Sarah demanded.

"You do owe me something," Grace retorted. Sarah raised her head and narrowed her eyes at Grace.

"And what…exactly do I owe you?" Sarah almost snarled. Grace looked up into her mother's red eyes. She felt her throat go dry again just as she was about to let her mother have it. Inwardly she screamed at herself. This was her chance. She had to let her mother have it. Frozen to her spot, Grace stared Sarah down, trying to find the courage to tell her mother everything she needed to.

Grace thought about Luke. "I'm a phone call away if you want me to come pick you up…" Luke's words rang through her head. Her anger began to rise again. She thought about Becky and how her mother had caused the loss of her friends. She thought about how she'd spent years pushing people away because she was afraid they'd find out about her mother. She thought about the bruises before the summer. She thought about her parents not even bothering to call and see her after they'd been informed that their daughter was dead for nearly 4 minutes. Grace felt like her heart was going to explode. Her hands shook. Her eyes began to burn with tears that she refused to let shed. If she could only just force the words out that she needed to force out.

I'll Be Brave…

"You owe me my life back." Grace said with a shaky breath. Sarah was taken aback by this statement.

"I…what?" She asked, clearly shocked.

"You owe me my life back…mother." Grace said, her teeth clenched. "You owe me all those nights I cleaned up after you because you were passed out in your bed from drinking too much! I want Becky not to run into me at random places in Arcadia and act like I'm a freak because of you." Grace's voice was shouting now. "I want you to know that when I sat in that hospital room with only that boy's family to comfort me when I was scared. You didn't even care! Neither of you even bothered to call and ask me if I was all right! That boy that I'm shacking up with? Yeah, his name's Luke Girardi. You should remember it. He was there, you weren't. Though it wasn't surprising in all honesty. Do you know why? Because you never are! You don't care about anyone but yourself and that bottle!"

"Now you listen here!" Sarah yelled. She stamped her foot and slammed the bottle down on the counter. Grace tried not to flinch.

"No! You listen!" Grace used her finger to point now. "I died. Does that mean anything to you? Because really, if it does, I would shocked, amazed, wowed!" Grace said almost dramatically.

"Stop it!" Sarah said, visibly shaken by Grace. She put her hand on her forehead and turned, leaning on the bottle she was still holding until it wobbled and fell to the floor, shattering into a million pieces. "Look what you made me do!"

"No, mom, that's just it," Grace said. Sarah looked at Grace. "I didn't make you do anything…you did this on your own…and I'm not sticking around to watch you drown in this…putrid liquid. This is your bed; you made it, you lay in it on your own. Goodbye."

Grace turned on her heel and stormed out towards the door, shaking with rage and sadness.

"Gracie don't you walk away from me! I'm your mother! You clean up this mess!" Sarah pleaded.

Grace stopped, her hand on the door with it halfway open. She leaned her head against the door to keep from falling due to her wobbly, rubber-like legs.

"It's your mess… clean it." Grace called back. "Watch out if you try and lick it up, mom, there's probably glass in it." Grace felt a momentary pang of guilt at the look on her mother's tearstained face, but she resisted the urge to run in and hug her mother and apologize before cleaning up the mess and taking her mom to ly down.

Without another word, or thought, Grace crossed through the doorway, slammed the door behind her and sped down the walkway. Halfway up the street her guilt got to her in the heat of the moment and she spun on her heel to go back. After taking three steps back she yelled at herself and turned around again, heading straight for the Girardi house.

"So…I take it Grace doesn't get along with her parents?" Missy asked as she and Luke sat around the living room coffee table with Helen playing Scrabble. Helen cleared her throat.

"Uh…well. Sort of. It's a long story…" Luke said nervously.

"I'm going to go make sure your father didn't put too much extra garlic in the marinara," Helen excused herself. Luke glanced at Missy, who was finishing up spelling a word.

Before they could continue the conversation, the phone rang. Luke picked it up.

"Hello?" He asked, truthfully expecting Grace to be on the other end.

"Hey rocket boy, what's shaking in the land of Arcadia?" Joan asked. Luke smiled to himself.

"Hey, how's the weather?" Luke replied.

"Much better then there, that's for sure!" Though she seemed happy at this fact, there was a sadness in her voice.

"I'll put you on speaker phone tomorrow during dinner if you want?" Luke asked. Joan laughed.

"That's one option." She said. "Listen, can I talk to mom real quick?"

"Sure, hold on." Luke excused himself from the game and brought his mom the phone. He walked back out towards the living room, but stopped in the foyer. He squinted at the window next to the door. Someone was pacing on the porch. He walked to the door and opened it, letting himself out.

Grace was there, pacing with her arms crossed. She was shaking and shivering. Her eyes were red and puffed out and she angrily wiped at her cheeks every now and then. Her breath was ragged and she kept trying to slow it.

"Grace…?" Luke asked. Grace didn't look at him, she just kept pacing.

"I can't believe it…I actually did it." She said in a trance. "I almost buckled. I did buckle. But then…you should've been there to see it.

"Grace!" Luke grabbed her shoulders gently to stop her. Grace slowly let her eyes meet his. "Are you all right?" He asked.

"Yes…I told her everything," She said. She frowned and looked down. "No…I don't know…" She held her hands up. "I'm kind of…shaky." She observed.

"Come here," Luke opened his arms, but waited for her to decide. Grace stared at him for a moment. She swallowed hard, her eyes filling up again. She stepped forward and let Luke pull her in to him.

"I don't know…what to do…what I did…" She buried her face against him.

"Why don't we take a seat and you can tell me everything that happened?" Luke suggested. Grace barely nodded and Luke brought her over to the steps, where they sat down. Luke kept her close to him, holding on to her firmly, letting on head rub her back as she spoke. She told him the whole story and Luke just listened.

"Say something…" Grace said once she'd finished the story and they were in silence for a few minutes.

"Well…I'm glad you got to say what you need to," Luke spoke up. He kissed her forehead. "And I'm very proud of you for doing so," He said with a nod. Grace's cheeks flushed a little. "Do you feel better?"

Grace nodded and thanked him. "We should get inside. I should clean up before dinner…your dad will think it's the garlic." She said sheepishly.

"We can't have that, now can we?" Luke stood and held his hands out for Grace. She shook her head as she stood and they walked inside.

A/N: Sorry this took so long but between my brother visiting, the holiday and not being able to get the computer, plus this being a harder chapter for me to write because I wanted to do it well, it took me a little longer! I hope you like it. Title from "Brave" by Jamie O'Neal.