Holds Me Together
Rating: T-M Just in case
Disclaimer: You know the drill.
A/N: I love you people! You make my day! Sorry for the proofreading as
always. FYI: My responses to reviews are at the bottom of each chapter
instead of the top. Don't feel unloved, it's not like I'm going to ignore the
reviews! Read on with yo bad self, now!
Chapter 11 – These Wounds They Will Not Heal
"Hey," Grace slid across from Luke into their booth. He grinned nervously, like he knew something she didn't. Grace eyed him suspiciously.
It was December 15th and she had just finished her very last final for the semester. It figured that she would have the final that was in the last time slot on the last day of finals. But it didn't matter because it was over now. She'd met Luke at JB's where he'd clocked out about an hour before she'd gotten there, though it looked like he'd gotten into the booth just seconds before her because he still had his jacket on. In the booth next to him sat a big plastic bag, what was in it, Grace had no idea.
"Okay, what's going on?" She asked. Luke's smile widened and Grace let one of her eyebrows arch in interest. He reached a hand inside the bag and seemed to search around for something. Once he'd grasped it, he began to speak as he pulled it out and held it out to her.
"Well, first of all Happy Hanukkah, though this isn't really what I got you for a present. I just figured, why not?" Luke stated Grace found a bouquet of green orchids with pink and white centers thrust in front of her face. She instinctively leaned back away, the seat of the booth stopping her from going more than an inch or two backwards. She looked at Luke strangely.
"Um…thanks?" She replied, cautiously reaching out to take the bouquet from him as if accepting them meant that she was in peril of taking flowers. Flowers that weren't half bad actually.
"I figured no pink, and you like green and yeah they're flowers but in defense you gave me a flower, that makes it a legal present," He defended himself. Grace was about to argue that she'd never given him any such thing but stopped and shut her mouth, realizing that she had indeed given him a flower. Granted, she'd swiped it from Joan when she was doing her garden. Instead she pursed her lips together and nodded. Luke watched her. A mischievous look flashed across her eyes and he'd been waiting for a good comment to escape her lips now.
"You know, flowers are the sex organs of plants…why would anyone find the castration of plants romantic?" Grace questioned. Luke smiled broader at this, like he was proud. Grace shook her head and snickered. "You know what frightens me is that it turns you on when I say stuff like that," She shook her head again. Luke reached into the bag again.
"Okay, here's the actual present," He proudly handed her a thin square that was wrapped in newspaper comics. Grace took it cautiously after she'd put the flowers down next to her. She unwrapped it and was about to ask him why in the hell he would buy her a 45 record when she happened to spot the name of he song and band on the record. Her eyes widened and she laughed so loud that most of JB's turned to look at her. She looked at Luke who now had a Cheshire grin spread across his face and then back at the record which read 'Kool & the Gang' in bold black letters with 'Celebration' under it. She shook her head, almost in delighted disgust.
"You are one sick pup, brain, you know that?" She said as her shoulder slowly stopped shaking and her laugh died down. She rested her hand on her chin and didn't even try to hide the small smile playing on her lips. She held up her other hand and used her finger to signal him to come closer. Luke leaned across the table and they kissed.
"Oh," He said when he sat back down. He reached into the bag again.
"Dude, it's one present, over eight nights, geek. What did you do go on a shopping spree?" She asked, worried that he actually had gone and bought her tons of gifts and starting to feel guilty that he might have. Luke laughed.
"No," He set a package in front of her. "Adam sent this," He said. He placed another package of similar size down in front of her. "And Joan sent this. They said they put their cards inside," He informed her. Grace was staring at him now.
"They mailed me stuff for Hanukkah?" She asked, shocked. Luke nodded. "Why didn't you tell them not to? That's expensive to do!" She said.
"Oh please, like me telling Joan not to do something would stop her?" Luke replied. "This is Joan we're talking about here, you know," He said. Grace sighed and nodded.
"This is true," She agreed. She glanced at him and noticed he was watching her, waiting for her to open the gifts. Grace reached out and opened Adam's package. She read the card and then reached into the box and pulled out a small photo album. Adam had given his own touches to the cover but inside were old pictures from high school as well as new pictures that featured Adam and Joan, and even some of their new friends, with descriptions about each of them attached. After she finished flipping through it, she handed it to Luke so he could see.
Luke laughed at some of the pictures as he flipped through it. Grace pulled Joan's package over and opened it. She read the card and found that it was filled with Joan's usual cheesy comments and even though this bugged Grace, she found herself smiling slightly. She reached inside and found a VHS tape. She held it up.
"I wonder what could be on this?" She asked, amused and intrigued. Luke shrugged.
"I don't know…but we can watch it when we get to whichever dorm we're heading to tonight," He said. Grace nodded and put the presents carefully into her bag. Luke put the empty packages and wrapping in the empty bag next to him now. She picked up her cell phone to call Joan and Adam. "I'll be right back," Luke excused himself and headed for the bathroom. After calling Adam and getting his answering machine, she left a message and then called Joan and also wound up leaving a message.
"We're almost home! We're almost home!" Joan sung, bouncing slightly in her seat as their plane taxied about the runways after landing, searching for its dock. Even though the plane hadn't fully stopped, Joan couldn't contain herself and she unlatched her seatbelt.
"Jane, they didn't tell us we could unfasten our seatbelts yet," Adam said nervously. He had been more nervous to fly back than Joan was. Mostly this was because Joan was so elated to finally going home and seeing everyone, her nephew in particular, that nothing was registering clearly with her. She'd spent the whole plane ride listening to music, flipping through pictures, staring out the window and asking Adam every fifteen minutes or so how much longer he thought the flight was going to take.
This being a flight that passed through quite a few December storms in their trek back across the country. Every time the plane trembled and shuddered under the force of turbulence, dropping a foot or two of altitude like a roller coaster when it first starts its decent down the first drop, Adam squeezed her armrest a little tighter, or busied himself by tightening his seatbelt, putting his head back and closing his eyes.
"Oh, relax," Joan waved her hand dismissively. She wished that she hadn't taken the window seat, knowing it would take Adam longer than her to stand up in the isle, blocking the flow of traffic, to get their carry on bags. "We're just driving around now. It's not like we're in the air," She smiled. Adam looked at her. He looked exhausted. Probably from all that worrying.
Their flight had left California at noon. Their flight had lasted for five hours and fifteen minutes. Now, it was just about 8:30pm what with the time change and all. Adam was prepared to find the nearest bed and collapse onto it until the sun came up again.
"Come on, come on!" Joan gave Adam's arm a slight shove. Adam shook his head and realized the plane had stopped. Some people were starting to stand and stretch. Before Joan could shove him out of his seat, Adam unhooked his seatbelt and stood up, blocking the isle. Joan shoved out past him and as he opened the overhead compartment, she reached in and yanked both their bags down, depositing Adam's into his chest. He stumbled back an inch or so as he caught the bag and looked up. Joan was inching out up the isle behind an older woman who was just as eager to get off the plane.
"Sorry," Adam excused when the person behind him cleared their throat and made to follow Joan. He caught up with her halfway up the hallway connecting the plane to the airport as he slung his bag over his shoulder. Joan was grinning from ear to ear; she looked like she was floating, walking so fast on her toes that she barely touched the floor with each step. Adam smiled to himself to see her so excited.
Upon reaching the door they entered the airport and made their way through hoards of holiday traffic, following signs that led them to Baggage claim D. Once they reached the baggage carousel, they waited for nearly 45 minutes for their suitcases before finally spotting them heading around the revolving carousel. Adam dove through three gathered people and landed on the bags just as they got close enough, dragging them through the crowd back to Joan. Joan grabbed the handle of hers and they set about looking for Kevin, who had volunteered to pick them up.
"He's over there," Adam pointed. Kevin was off to the side of an extra wide automatic door, drumming on his armrests with his palms and looking around bustling crowds of loud, obnoxious travelers. One of the travelers hit him with their suitcase in the foot. Kevin almost smiled as he let out a growl of pain and told the man to watch where he was going.
"Kevin!" Joan called, taking off towards him. She barreled past the man who'd knocked into Kevin, almost throwing him off his feet. He cussed at her as Adam passed him, trying to keep up. Kevin smiled when he saw Joan and opened his arms. Letting go of her suitcase inches in front of him she jumped into his lap and hugged him fiercely.
Kevin grunted and laughed as he hugged her back. She stood up and Adam shook hands with Kevin. Joan looked around and out the door anxious craning her neck.
"What the hell possessed you to come home on one of the busiest travel holidays of the year?" Kevin asked them.
"Where's my nephew?" Joan demanded. Kevin snickered.
"He's at home with Lily," He told them. Joan's shoulders sunk and she frowned, genuinely disappointed and sad. "Relax, Joan, you'll get to see him," He said as he began to lead them outside and towards the parking lot that held his car.
"I know," Joan said, halfheartedly dragging her suitcase behind her. "It's just that he's way overdue on getting to meet me. What if he doesn't like me because it's been so long?" She asked, sounding as paranoid as Luke once he got going. Adam tried not to laugh at her and Kevin's smile gave away that he wanted to laugh too.
"Joan…he's barely two months old. All he's concerned with is some warm formula to fill his diaper with every few hours and a good voice to sing him to sleep and rock him," Kevin assured. "I'm sure you'll be a very good aunt in that sense. Now put your stuff in the trunk and get in already. The longer you're angry that I didn't bring my son with me, the longer it's going to take for you to get to see him," He smiled before setting about get into the car. Adam let out a small snicker as he took Joan's bag. Joan frowned; half offended and weakly smacked his shoulder. Adam smiled.
"He has a point," He nodded. Joan pouted and climbed into the front seat. Adam shut the back of the trunk and got into the backseat behind Joan and next to the connecter to Caleb's car seat.
"Good to see you got rid of the wagon," Joan commented looking around Kevin's new black Chevy cobalt sedan. The interior was gray and looked a lot cleaner then Kevin kept his old car which normally had the day's work piled in the backseat, old soda bottles on the floor and various pieces of paper that were meant for the trash.
"Yeah well, it was worth the pain of having to have it installed with all these controls, but hey, much nicer then the clunker," He nodded. "And it fits the kid," He grinned, "What more could a guy want?" He asked as he pulled onto the highway and sped up.
Joan reached over and turned the radio on resulting in the blasting of the middle of an Allman Brothers song that she guessed Kevin had been listening to on the way to get them. She grimaced and laughed.
"I'm glad to see you haven't grown out of your 70's rock phase," She chuckled.
"Are you kidding me? This a great song!" Kevin balanced the wheel with the hand that was just under it on the hand control, regulating the speed and turned up the volume on the radio before returning his hand to steer. Adam was in the backseat bobbing his head and mouthing the words already. Kevin started singing along loudly as Joan laughed at him.
"We're here!" Kevin called. It was nearly 10pm, and Joan followed Kevin in tiredly. She yawned heavily and Kevin laughed at her. "Spent up your excitement, did you?" He asked Joan nodded as she finished yawning.
Joan heard numerous footsteps. Some came from the hallway upstairs. Some came from the kitchen. Helen was the first one to reach the foyer, though Luke and Grace were pounding down the stairs in what looked like a race. They barely made it to the bottom without tripping over each other and tumbling the rest of the way down.
"You're home!" Helen gushed as she pulled Joan into a tight embrace. Joan returned the embrace happily.
"Hi mom!" She gushed back.
"Ahem…" Luke said from behind her. "Do we get to greet her today or should we just wait until the New Year?" He spoke up. Grace elbowed him lightly in the ribs.
"Dude, mother and child reunion takes precedence," She said, waving a hand out towards Joan and Helen. "Are you not witnessing this?"
Luke looked at Grace oddly. Grace shrugged under his stare.
"What? Just because I'm not chill with my mom doesn't mean your sister isn't," She excused.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Helen apologized and let Joan go. She wiped her cheeks free of her happy tears. She held her hands up in defense and innocence and Joan only got one step past her when Luke pulled her into a similar embrace.
"Whoa," Joan said as she hugged him back. Not only had Luke gotten taller, even if only slightly, but Joan couldn't remember him being this strong before. She pulled away from him and grabbed his bicep. "Where the heck did you get that, dogboy?" She asked with a grin. Luke smiled and flexed his arm. Joan shook her head. She turned to Grace.
"Hey, Girardi," She said with a half smile. Joan moved to hug her but then stopped herself, though reluctantly, not wanting to start the holiday with Grace pissed at her for showing her emotion. Grace sighed and let a smile stretch across her face. "Oh, fine, come on, get it out of your system," She opened her arms; blushing and trying to hide the fact that she did indeed want to hug Joan. Joan almost squealed in delight and launched herself at Grace. Grace almost stumbled but hugged Joan back.
"Where's dad?" Joan asked her mom when she and Grace broke apart. She noticed Helen momentarily frown but she smiled again trying to conceal something.
"He'll be back shortly." She assured. "Is anyone hungry?"
"Famished," Joan replied.
"Oh yes," Luke said as well. Grace looked at him and shook her head.
"See…" She patted his stomach and started talking like a parent to a baby, "There is a baby in there isn't there?" She said. Luke just smiled.
"Keep laughing," He said as they turned to follow Helen, Joan and Kevin into the dining room. "But I'm telling you when the paternity tests come back, I'm totally suing for child support," He contested. Grace snickered. Joan looked over her shoulder curiously and then leaned closer to Helen.
"They're starting to scare me," Joan whispered. Helen laughed slightly.
"You don't say?" Helen asked. "Well, now you know how I've felt since you've all hit puberty."
"Things to look forward to by Helen Girardi, to hit bookshelves fall 2006," Kevin teased. Helen swiped at his shoulder, but smiled.
"You totally should write a book, mom," Joan replied. Helen laughed.
"Please, I've got enough on my hands then to worry about writing a book that won't sell," She quipped.
"It totally would too sell," Luke said defensively as if Helen had insulted them instead of herself. Helen was about to reply when Lily entered the dining room carrying Caleb in her arms.
"Just in time, guess who just woke up?" She asked, rocking the baby slightly. He looked all about, eyes open wide, listening for each voice that spoke and then trying to find it.
Joan's eyes widened and her face softened immediately. She stood frozen. She'd been waiting for this moment for so long, now that it was here she didn't know what to do. Kevin reached out and gave Joan's back a slight shove.
"Go on, he doesn't bite," Kevin assured.
"That could be because he has no teeth," Luke began. Kevin gave him a slap on the arm.
"Figure of speech, Geek," He said dryly. Lily walked over to Joan because Joan's steps were slow and stiff.
"Here were go Caleb, let's give you to Aunt Joan for a bit, huh?" She cooed to the baby. He kicked his feet and swung a tiny fist in response. Joan cautiously accepted the small baby in her arms. She felt her eyes filling and felt ridiculous for it. She looked down at Caleb as Lily slide her arms free and took a step back.
"Hey there Caleb," She cooed softly at him as she began to let herself sway with him now. "I've been waiting forever to see you," She smiled. Caleb stared at her, his eyes glistening, watching as she spoke. He kicked a few times and swung, emitting a gurgle and a slight tut as she said this. Joan nodded. "Yeah, that's right. You know why? Shhhh, don't let anyone else know but I'm the best relative you've got, kid," She grinned.
"Hey," Luke, Helen and even Grace retorted. Joan laughed.
"See, they know it, that's why they're all offended," She continued to smile. In all of the time she spent imagining the first meeting with her nephew, it didn't live up to this. She knew he would look a little different then his pictures but she hadn't imagined that the pictures would do him such little justice.
"I was wondering when you'd get home," Joan murmured. She'd fallen almost totally into sleep on the couch waiting for Will to return. He was just getting ready to wake her up so she could go to bed when she'd opened her eyes and spoken up before stretching her limbs. Will smiled at her. He pushed some of her hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead.
"Welcome home," He smiled at her. "How was your flight?"
"Long," Joan sat up, holding the blanket that was wrapped around her tightly shut around her. Having moderate temperatures in California, she wasn't used to coming home and being ice cold.
"Did you see Caleb?" He asked, still smiling. Joan nodded enthusiastically.
"He's so perfect…and tiny. People always said babies were so tiny, but I really just thought it was a saying," Joan shrugged. "But he was so tiny, and his fingers and his little nose," she held her fingers up only slightly apart as if saying it was that tiny. "Oh he's so cute," She said with an excited shake. Will offered a laugh.
"Well I'm glad your return was a good one," He stood. "Let's go on up to bed," He put his arm around her shoulders as she stood and walked with him.
"You know it was exciting and good and all but it wasn't perfect," She told him.
"No?" Will asked. Joan shook her head.
"Not until now at least," She told him, putting her head down on his shoulder as they walked up the steps and stopped at her door. Will smiled down at her. He kissed her forehead again.
"Get some sleep," He told her. Joan nodded, yawning.
"You too," She ordered. Will nodded and waited for Joan to go into her room and shut the door halfway before heading to his own room.
"Want to explain to me what we're doing shopping this early on a the Saturday before Christmas?" Grace yawned before taking a big gulp of the coffee she'd bought.
"For starters I haven't been able to hang out with you since we left, and I have shopping to finish," Joan informed her. She was way too alert for so early in the morning.
"Wouldn't the stores still be here at, I don't know, 10 instead of 7?" Grace replied.
"Ohh, come on Grace! I need your help here!" Joan complained. Grace sighed and rolled her eyes, but offered a half smirk anyway.
"All right, all right already," Grace countered. "Who do you need to buy for?"
"Well, I do need something for Luke," Joan said.
"Well, I don't know. What do you get a science geek turned mini rock star?" Grace laughed.
Joan shrugged. "That's what I brought you for!" She sighed. "What about clothes? He never really buys new clothes does he?"
"Wow, that's a total mom gift, dude," Grace replied. Joan stopped walking and grinned wifely.
"Not if you've got the right present," She smiled and grabbed Grace's forearm, pulling her into the thrift store they were in front of.
"Whoa, Girardi, don't spill my coffee!" Grace pleaded. She needed the caffeine to wake up. Joan let go and Grace followed her as she went about digging for good enough clothes. "So you think getting Luke thrift store clothes is going to be a good present how?"
"In a term?" Joan held up a worn, faded army green T-shirt with cracked faded brownish lettering that had the cursive logo of the band Chicago on it. "Vintage," She nodded, proudly.
"Let me get this straight…" Grace asked, her eyebrow raised. "You're going to makeover your brother…with a bunch of clothes you think band guys wear…for Christmas?"
"Oh…yes, yes I am. He's crying out for it. Come on, you don't honestly think the whole bulking up his muscle mass a little, and wearing more T-shirts than his polo shirts, even though he's only got plain boring colored t-shirts, is because he's horrible at laundry do you?" Joan asked. Grace considered this for a second and was about to answer but Joan interrupted. "Well, I mean he is bad at laundry, but still."
"Do you not remember what happened when I gave him the leather jacket?" Grace asked.
"Oh, he's smarter than that now," Joan said with a wave of her hand as she was looking through more bins and racks. "He'd have to be right?" She shook her head, "Anyway, he needs to look cool if he's leading a band, and I'm sure it would help the band," She suggested. Grace shrugged. Joan was picking out some cool clothes.
"I suppose you're right," She started flipping through racks of jeans that were worn, faded and tattered. "If he doesn't like them, don't blame me."
"Deal," Joan nodded and they continued to rummage about.
Once they had accumulated over a dozen t-shirts, five or six pairs of jeans, some belts and fun belt buckles, and even a couple of hats, they lugged their finds up to the counter. Grace had also found some shirts and accessories for herself. She dug through one last bin of accessories and found some leather bracelets, watches and a black leather chord necklace with little metal cube letters on it. It spelled out the word 'gracious' on it. Grace smirked to herself and added the items to her pile.
"Well hello lady…and Marge," The cashier said. Joan and Grace looked up from their conversation about old music and stared at Friedman in shock. Grace smirked at him, crossing her arms.
"Friedman?" Joan asked, wanting to make sure it was him. His normal Afro head of hair was gone and his hair looked like it was just growing back from being completely shaven. He was wearing blue tinted sunglasses over his eyes and a knowing smirk.
"That would indeed be me," Friedman nodded, ringing their items up. Joan and grace exchanged glances.
"So…" Joan said. Grace refused to speak because not only did she have nothing to say, but also she'd also already been insulted by Friedman and could honestly say she wasn't in the mood to deal with him. What a way to wreck your day, she thought to herself. "How's school?" Joan continued to ask. She didn't seem to notice the glimmer of emotion that briefly flashed across Friedman's eyes before he smiled.
"Perfect," He lied. "Couldn't be better. And you? Still joining crazy clubs and what not?" Friedman asked. Joan snorted as she laughed at this.
"No. Well not exactly," Joan explained. Friedman looked at Grace.
"And you little miss Feminazi?" He looked her up and down. "Softening your look I see. Still have the navel piercing?"
"First of all I told you years ago not to talk about my navel. Second of all, ring up my purchase and stop making small talk," Grace said stonily. Joan glanced between Grace and Friedman.
"I never did like you much," Friedman chuckled. Grace rolled her eyes at this.
"I never care," She said, feeling a tightening in her stomach muscles. It wasn't so much a stomach pain, more the kind of tightening you get when a situation just feels wrong.
"Whatever you say," He put his hands up defensively for a second, "the customer's always right after all." He finished the tally. "That's $33.42." He told them.
Grace and Joan dug into their belongings and came out with $35 between them and then forked it over. Grace let Joan take the change and she grabbed their bag.
"Later," Friedman waved.
"Bye Friedman," Joan said. Grace offered a fleeting wave. Once they left the store, Joan spoke up. "What was that all about?" She asked.
Grace shrugged. "I don't know. He was being a jerk." She replied. Joan nodded. "So, who else do you have to buy for?" Grace changed the subject.
"Kevin, Dad and Caleb," She grinned.
"Okay, what stores then?" Grace asked. She wanted to get back to the Girardi house. Luke would be home; maybe he would go with her to the hospital. She wasn't sure she wanted to go alone.
"Music store, Restaurant store, then toy store and bookstore," Joan said. Grace sighed quietly. She wasn't going to get home anytime soon then.
Grace got to the hospital around 2pm. Glynis had shown up at the Girardi house around noon, to Luke and Grace's surprise, with Sweet Lou in toe. Adam had appeared shortly afterwards and after introductions went around, the six of them had gone out to get some lunch. Afterwards, since they were closer, Grace opted to just walk to the hospital. Luke had offered to go with her, but Grace had assured him that she'd be fine and that if it were late she would call to have him pick her up. The rest of the group had decided to wander around, despite how cold it was out and waste time until dinner at the Girardi house, which Glynis and Sweet Lou were invited to.
When Grace reached her mother's room she peered through the blinds of the window. To her dismay she found that her mother was awake inside. She felt a pang of guilt for being upset that her mother was awake but she honestly didn't want to have to carry on a conversation with Sarah. She was about to turn tail and run when Sarah's head lifted and peered Grace through the window. A tiny smile came to Sarah's lips and she lifted a weak hand and waved Grace in. Grace sighed.
Pushing open the room's door open, Grace stepped across the threshold and let the door shut behind her. She took a few uneasy steps towards the side of Sarah's bed and the chair she'd sat in a few weeks ago.
"Oh, Gracie, how are you? It's been so long since I've seen you, since before summer I suspect," He mother said with a small smile. Grace looked at her furrowing her brow.
"I saw you at Thanksgiving," Grace said. Sarah's face fell slightly and Grace realized that Sarah hadn't remembered this event. As she thought about this, Grace's anger began to rise and she fought to control it.
"Gracie, please don't be mad at me-,"
Grace cut Sarah off with dry laughter. "Be mad at you mom? Gee, what would make you think I was mad at you?" She asked, trying still to quell the fury and pain within her. Sarah's face contorted.
"Gracie we need to talk about some things," She pointed to the chair. "Why don't you sit and I'll start explaining," Sarah suggested. Grace snickered, "I'd rather stand. I have a feeling your fleeting excuses will make me want to leave and find the nearest bathroom to puke in out of disgust."
Sarah nodded. "You have every right to be angry, Gracie."
"Oh do I? Well I'm glad I have your approval after all these years," Grace crossed her arms. "So, what? You have to spend time in the hospital and since all that time you didn't drink you think you've figured the big mystery out? I'll tell you what it is, you don't give a damn about what you do and look where it's gotten you," She seethed.
"I'm here because of Ryan-,"
"Yeah, this time you are," Grace said coldly. "What about all the other times? What about the first time, when I was 9? Huh? What about that? Do you remember that? No, you remember waking up in a hospital bed barely remembering or being able to utter your own name. Do you know what I remember about that though?" She demanded. "Huh? Do you?" She growled.
"No…" Sarah shook her head meekly, freely crying now as Grace paced and screamed.
"I remember being sent to my room for the night at 6pm so you could keep drinking. I remember coming to the bathroom at 8pm and finding the toilet seat up and your face down in the bowl of water, vomit and blood, choking! I remember begging you to wake up while I was on the phone with the paramedics! I remember getting thrown out of the bathroom when you came too and thought I'd been the one to make the mess! I remember hitting my head on the banister when you threw me out of the bathroom! I remember you falling down the steps because you couldn't walk straight! Mom! I remember crying in the back of a police cruiser with an officer while his partner drove behind the ambulance! I remember being alone in the waiting room for six hours because dad was out of town and couldn't get there any sooner! I remember that even when he got there I was still alone because he was more concerned about YOU than what you did to me!" She screamed.
"Gracie…" Sarah pleaded.
"NO!" Grace screamed, enraged. Her face was red and her teeth gritted as she glared at her mother. "Are you upset?" Sarah nodded. "Are you hurt?" Sarah nodded again. "Do you feel let down? Betrayed? Mortified? Ashamed? Broken? Guilty? Defenseless? Horrified? Tormented?" Sarah nodded again, her tears soaking into the top of her hospital issue gown now. "GOOD!" Grace screamed. "I can't remember the last time before I was 16 when I didn't feel all of those feelings every second of every day of my life! AND," She cut Sarah off from speaking again. "When I finally did feel safe, and loved and happy, do you know what you did? Huh? Answer me! Do you?" She demanded. Sarah shook her head. "I can't hear you!" Grace screamed.
"No…" Sarah said. "Wha-what did I d-d-do?" She asked timidly.
"You did nothing but belittle and torment me about my reason for happiness. You made me seriously doubt whether or not I really was happy. I thought that maybe, just maybe I wasn't meant to BE happy ever in my life. And for a while, knowing just how stupid a thought it was, I wanted to die, mom. And in those moments…" Grace's voice lowered now, with her head as she continued to cry, having started halfway through her screaming fit. She breathed heavily, pangs of guilt slashing into her as she tried to speak. "I hated you," She met her mother's crying eyes with her own. "Do you know…how much it hurts…to truly feel…like you hate your own mother?" She demanded. Sarah stared at her, aghast. "And you know what else? I don't even know how to fix myself?" She laughed desperately now, ending in almost sobs. "How am I supposed to heal the wounds you inflicted? I can barely even let the one person who truly cares about me in most of the time and the next second I close off to him." Grace almost snickered at herself. Her shoulders began to shake. She shook her head.
"Forget it…it doesn't matter," She said, turning and heading for the door.
"Gracie…" Sarah choked out. "Please," She begged. "Please don't go."
Grace stopped. She took a few deep breaths and turned around. She slowly, against her own better judgment, walked back over and lowered herself into the chair, too drained and weary now to remain standing. Sarah watched Grace for a long time. Grace did everything to avoid eye contact with her mother, too ashamed after screaming at her mom and admitting she'd at some or most times hated her mother. She wiped fiercely at her face to dry her tears.
Finally, after nearly twenty minutes, Sarah had composed herself enough to speak.
"You…have never once deserved to have as horrible a mother as me, Gracie…" Sarah took a deep breath. "I'm not trying to give you excuses. I just want to…to tell you…there are things you need to know, Gracie," Sarah said. Grace let her eyes meet Sarah's and listened intently as her mother spoke.
"I want you to leave them alone, Ryan," Cute Boy God stated. Ryan looked up from the billiard table where he was aiming at the cue ball. He only let his eyes look up to acknowledge that he'd been spoken to. He grinned widely at God, who was standing at the other end of the pool table with his hands in his pockets.
"And just what are you going to do about?" Ryan asked with a wicked grin. He shot the cue ball making sure it hopped off the table at God. Cute Boy God deftly caught it and put it back on the table.
"There comes a time when even the mightiest shall fall, Ryan," God told him. "I may not be able to do anything to you now, but when the time comes," He stepped close so he and Ryan were face to face. "I'll be the one who judges you. Do you really want to wager that you'll redeem yourself? I know what you're planning Ryan."
"Save your speeches for someone who cares," Ryan tossed the stick down on the pool table, staring God down.
"It's not like you can do anything about it, G-Dawg," Ryan grinned. "After all, you can't directly interfere. And, you gave that little savior of yours such vague clues that she'll never figure it out on time," He laughed derisively, putting his sunglasses on as he started to head for the door of the pub he was in. He turned around and gave God a wink and a gun with his hand. "See you on the front lines," He said, and then as if reconsidering this he grinned. "Oh wait…no I won't." He grinned evilly one last time, pulling his sunglasses down to his nose. "I'll see your martyrs on the front lines." He winked and pushed his sunglasses up all the way before turning and leaving. He tossed an obnoxious backwards wave towards God as he laughed and walked out the door.
A/N: All right, so what do you think? This would have been up sooner, however, I recently got the game 'Destroy All Humans!' and it's hilarious. Plus, you know, I'm a slow reader and I got Harry Potter so…little bits at a time my friends. Moving on…Did this suck? I hope not. It's more just leading up as usual. Extra long though. Let me know what sucks and what doesn't.
Chapter title from 'Crawling' By Linkin' Park.
Responses: Special Shout Out to Laura who is on vacation but still dropped a line. Dude, have fun on vacation, don't use a computer! Go explore! Don't forget to e-mail me! Jane and Adam – So you like the multiple updates eh? I'll try and keep 'em coming for ya! Sayxanything – Wow, well I hope I can keep up making each new chapter your favorite. Starts to sweat a little at the pressure Heh, heh…I always thought that deep down Friedman was evil, he just needed a catalyst to get him going! Dude…the best thing to do when you're driving in rush hour traffic is to turned down the windows and blare Mmmbop while singing along loudly, because seriousy, the way people look at you is funny AND sometimes people sing along! Anyway…) MDM79 AKA Michelle – G/L is my specialty…or so I'd like to think. The geode scene is one of my favorites too because you knew the whole time it was going to happen but still you felt yourself going "just kiss him already! Enough with the denial!" Thanks on the J/A sunset scene and Ryan/Friedman conundrum ) P.S. – GASP! You've never heard it? WHAT? Tear…have you found it an heard it yet? If not we must find it for you…! About your being a slacker reviewer, in the worlds of old Bartles and Jaymes commercials: AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! Audrey – Muahahahaha! Apparently cliffhangers are my specialty. Friedman's gonna (insert spoiler here…NOT!) I thought people would like the tuna part. It really is a synonym for handsome! My family got used to that ages ago too, by the way! Dude you make me happy with all your updates, seriously! Kool-Wolf – Dude! Thanks! I hate you back, yo! Rubbing off on me? Pssssh, please! Although…I do sense the inner evil starting to blossom…hmm…GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU FOE! Yeah…I shouldn't blame deprivation, it was a weak moment what can I say? Define freak, by the way. As for the spooking, d'nile ain't just a river in Egypt, punk. Brat of nature? What's that? A Poor substitute for freak of nature? I hate you and…see no, I just can't say it. Anti-Like-Grace – Consider Friedman roped in! Thanks! Honestly I don't know how I do it either. I keep thinking everyone's going to turn around and review telling me I suck for each new chapter. Every time I'm surprised! Ah, the miracles won't be plentiful. I'll try and be as real as possible. Thank you! ProcrastinationQueen – On the Ryan/Friedman front, you're right, one's tricky and no one will suspect the other one, sick isn't it? I'll keep up the A/J stuff of course. ) any suggestion or anything you want to see on that front? Coveredinrain16 – Hey, the J/A front is going to get intense, just you wait! YES! No one has responded to that part of my A/N before! Read on wit you bad self my friend! I'm glad I'm your favorite, that means a lot yo, thanks! Sam – Hello, hello. Thanks on the props for the hospital scene. I was hoping it wasn't too descriptive because of the lack of talking in it. Ah, I have a plan for the rabbi, just you wait. Parents do suck sometimes, I agree. Hey man, babies puke lol. Like I said, tuna really is a synonym for handsome! ) Like I've said before…Luke's getting a little to perfect, I think he needs to mess up, I just don't know how yet. There's still more to come on the Fleur front too, not just the random part at the diner, just fyi. Lol, the X-files things stems from a friend of mine. He tries to stay up and watch the reruns but the theme song literally puts him to sleep! Definitely a good way to sleep, I think. Evil 'fro man is unexpected, eh? ) Things are about to heat up…any suggestions before they do?
Thank you all! Much love to ya (except the punk! Much loathe!)