Holds Me Together
Rating: T-M Just in case
Disclaimer: You know the drill.
A/N: I love you people! You make my day! Sorry for the proofreading as always. FYI: My responses to reviews are at the bottom of each chapter instead of the top. Read on with yo bad self, now!

It should be noted that I mostly work on this story when I can't sleep so that I can quell my insomnia. (It usually doesn't work but anyway) that's why my updates wind up being so late at night. Moving on, read my P.S. at the end of the chapter, I need your opinions. Thanks...Read on...!

Chapter 12 – Help Me Unravel My Latest Mistake

"Good morning," Luke muttered, entering the kitchen on the morning of Christmas Eve. He was still bleary eyed and sleep ridden and really didn't expect anyone to reply to him considering they never did in the morning. He caught a whiff of the saccharine aroma of cookies and rubbed his eyes and face in an attempt to wake his brain up. "Are you making cookies at…" He looked at the clock, "six in the morning?" He asked. When Luke looked up through blurry eyes, having not yet put contacts in and neglecting to put his glasses on, and noted three figures with dark hair standing near the oven.

One of them turned and grabbed a plate of what looked and smelled like chocolate chip cookies out to him as she walked over. Luke squinted and then smiled.

"Hey Lily," He said, reaching out to take a cookies. Suddenly Helen's hand swooped down and swatted at him.

"Not before breakfast," She said sternly. Lily blushed and retreated.

"Okay, okay, my bad," She said innocently.

Joan closed the oven as she laughed at them. She reached into a box on the counter and pulled out a shiny silver package, tossing it at Luke who barely managed to catch it. He looked at it and laughed.

"Wow, you didn't devour them all for once?" He joked. Joan walked over and shoved his shoulder, plopping herself down into the seat adjacent to him.

"Watch it dogboy," She warned. "Consider it a Christmas present," she retorted. Luke chuckled as he bit into his poptart.

Luke managed to finish the breakfast pastry in a few bites. He heard murmuring and Lily rejoined them carrying Caleb.

"Okay, who wants to keep you company, huh?" She asked the baby. Luke and Joan raced out of their chairs as Helen and Lily laughed at them.

"Hey, you hogged him for the past two days he was here!" Luke complained.

"You got to hog him way more then me, I've been across the country!" Joan shot back. They stared each other down for a second. "Rock, paper, scissors," Joan challenged. Luke stared at her. Most of the time she beat him at this game.

"Best out of three," He said, preparing his hands. Lily had walked over to stand next to Helen, both watching the spectacle before them.

"Are they really sparring over my son?" Lily asked. Helen nodded.

"Oh yes, they definitely are." She said.

"One, two, three, go!" Joan called. She frowned and Luke cheered as he came out with rock and Joan came out with scissors. Joan counted off again. This time she won't with paper over rock. Both of them looked intently at the other as Joan counted off one more time.

"YES!" Joan threw her fists up in triumph. "Rock beats scissors, oh yeah, I won, boo-yah…" Joan sung as she danced around Luke jubilantly. Luke sat back down defeated. Lily handed Caleb over to Joan.

"Has anyone seen Grace?" Luke asked, now taking a cookie without getting reprimanded.

"She said she was going for a run," Joan said, sounding a mused. "I wasn't aware she ran outside of gym class," She chuckled before making faces and talking to Caleb in a baby voice.

Luke simply nodded. He would have asked where Kevin and his dad were, being that Lily and Caleb were here but Luke was willing to bet that they were in the garage working on the boat. It was nearly finished, finally, after so long.

"Anything I can help with?" Luke asked, standing up and walking over to Helen, who was mixing batter.

"Grace? What are you doing here?" He asked her tiredly.

"Well, I wouldn't expect you to be at home," Grace asked with her arms crossed as she walked further into the kitchen. "But then again mom and I aren't here so where else would you be?"

"Grace, there's no need for us to fight," the Rabbi began to speak. Grace rolled her eyes.

"I'm not here to fight," She retorted, "I'm here to pick up a few things and then I'm leaving."

Her father followed her to the steps.

"Do you really expect me to let you just come and go here without answering for your actions?" He asked from the bottom of the stairs. Grace turned and stared at him for a moment in what looked almost like bewildered amusement.

"What actions are those exactly?" She asked him.

"The way you treated your mother at Thanksgiving. Your constant rude implications to your mother and I. Never willing to budge and compromise with us." He started counting off what he thought were her offenses. "You complete abandonment of this family," He finished, crossing his arms.

Grace stared at her father for a moment. She was momentarily at a loss for words towards him. She remembered when she used to think that he would be the one to save her. He was always calm, collected and supportive. He gave good advice when he was around long enough to give it. Now, though, Grace felt nothing but disappointment.

She slowly descended the stairs until she was on the second one, eye level with her father.

"I'm not the one who abandoned this family," She said plainly. She turned on her heel and marched up the stairs. "I'll be gone in under ten minutes. Time me," She disappeared up the hallway.

"Hey, I'm just calling to see if you're all right," Luke said into the phone. Grace had been gone since before he woke up. Now it was 11am and she still wasn't back. "Call me when you can?" He asked hopefully before hanging up.

"Everything all right?" Joan asked as she came into the living room and flopped down on the couch at the opposite end of Luke. She flipped the TV on as she dug into a bag of Cheetos. Luke put his head back on the couch and sighed. He was somewhere just passed worried but he wasn't sure if he should go out looking for Grace or not.

"Just waiting for Grace," He shrugged.

"What, no last minute presents to wrap?" Joan eyed him.

"Unlike some people, I got my shopping done early," Luke smirked at her.

"Hey, you can only fit so much in a suitcase for a plane without having to pay to store it, genius," Joan replied. Luke nodded, egging Joan on.

"Sure, I bet that's the reason," He nodded sarcastically. He reached out to the photo album she'd brought home for their mom and began to flip trough it. "So which one is the one you like?" He asked when he came to a picture of two girls with a label at the bottom of the picture which read 'the roommates.' Joan craned her neck to see the picture and laughed.

"That one's Jo," She pointed to Johana. Luke smirked slightly at the scowl on Colby's face.

"So that's the nasty one?" He asked. Joan nodded. Luke offered a slight nod. "I guess we lucked out in the roommate depart better than you," He continued. Joan shrugged.

"Adam got a good roommate. But you're right." She laughed slightly. "Sweet Lou is pretty cool," She agreed. "He seems to have brought out a whole other side to Glynis," She laughed. Luke laughed slightly.

"Yeah…she's gotten a little…wild, I guess?" He asked. Joan nodded.

"I love her tattoo though," She said. Luke laughed harder and nodded.

"You and Grace both," He replied. They continued to talk about the people in the pictures until Luke's cell phone started to buzz to life.

Luke pushed a button and put it to his ear.

"Hello?" He asked, glancing at the clock over the TV.

"Hey," Grace said shortly. "Could you come pick me up?"

"Sure," Luke replied, standing up and searching his pockets. Joan eyed him curiously until he found the keys he was looking for. "Where are you?" Luke asked.

"Hospital," Grace replied, much to Luke's shock.

"Okay. I'll be there in as soon as I can," He told her.

"Okay," Grace said. They both hung up.

"Where's she at?" Joan asked, now flipping through her own photos with a slight smile.

"She's at the hospital," Luke said strangely.

"She went to see her mom?" Joan asked. Luke nodded. "Huh…I didn't think she would go back there after last night," Joan mused, remembering Grace appearing in time for dinner but going upstairs to fix her disheveled appearance before joining everyone. Luke flinched slightly at the memory but Grace hadn't volunteered any information about what had happened at the hospital when he'd asked later in the evening and Luke had thought better than to force it out of her. He shrugged.

"I'll be back," Luke said as he made his way to the door.

"Careful dogboy, it's supposed to snow," She called after him.

He watched from the parking lot, letting his truck idle to keep the inside of the cab warm. Grace was sitting on a bench that was off to the left side of the doors of the hospital. Relatives carried presents as they made their way inside the hospital on their way in to visit. Grace sat very still, staring at the ground. Ryan watched her. He could see she was deep in thought. Her brow was knitted tensely together, and her hands gripped the front of the bench that she was sitting on. Her arms were stretched taut, as if they were the only things keeps her from keeling forward onto the cold pavement.

He could have made his move on her then but what good would it do? It would hurt more the way he planned it. Besides, if he went after her now, she might get away and then the 'authorities' would have an accurate description of him. He was more then aware that Sarah couldn't recall enough details of what Ryan had looked like. He cussed inwardly. He had taken too long getting his mother liquored and drugged up before dropping her off and as a result, whomever had found her-presumably that Rabbi-had gotten her to the hospital in enough time for them to save her. No doubt they'd pumped her stomach, meaning some of the drugs hadn't had enough time to affect her.

Ryan snapped back to reality. A car double-parked in front of where Grace was sitting. He could barely see her over it. He recognized Joan's brother, Grace's boyfriend, as he climbed out of the car and approached her. He grabbed that duffle bag that was at her feet and held his hand out to her. Ryan watched Grace look at him blankly for a minute before letting him escort her to the car. He noted that he'd never seen Grace move this stiffly and numbly.

Once they had pulled away, Ryan turned his truck off. He grabbed a wrapped present from the seat next to him and got out of the truck.

"Get this show on the road," He said to himself as he strolled into the hospital. He knew what room to go to and made no stop on the way. Once there, he checked to make sure she was awake before bursting through the door.

"Hey, ma!" He grinned. Sarah froze and stared at him. He chuckled at her. "What, you're surprised to see me?"

Sarah shook, wide-eyed and terrified. She was just beginning to get the feeling and movement back in her arms when she made a move to hit the nurse call button. Ryan was faster then her, blocking her finger from hitting the button. He wagged his index finger at her and shook his head.

"Uh-uh-uh," He smiled, "is that anyway to treat a visiting son?"

Sarah stared at him. Ryan held up his other hand, which was holding the present. "I even brought you a Christmas present," He grinned cheekily at her. "Ohhhh, wait…you're Jewish, that's right. Well I didn't have a Jewish upbringing, so you'll have to take it as the thought that counts won't you?" He set the gift down on her lap and firmly patted her shoulder. "You have fun with that," He winked and left before Sarah could bring herself to speak.

Luke pulled up and saw Grace was waiting outside the hospital, seated on a bench. He put on his blinkers and climbed out of the car. As he approached her, he reached down and grabbed the duffle bag that was next to her.

"What's this?" He asked, holding his hand out for her. Grace looked up at him. Her face was void of any readable emotion. She shook her head and stood up.

"From my house," She spoke up as he followed her around to the passenger door, gripping it and opening it for her before she could even reach out. Luke tossed her bag in the back and went around and climbed in the other side.

"Joan said you went for a run," He said as he began to drive. Grace put her head back, closing her eyes for a few seconds and then opening them again.

"I did…originally," She said, reaching out and turning the heater up. "I zoned out, came back and was outside my house," She shrugged. "So I went in to get some things. Dad was there. I went to finish a conversation with my mom afterwards."

Luke nodded. "Is everything all right?" He asked nonchalantly. Grace almost smirked, but refrained.

"How early did they start cooking?" Grace changed the subject expertly. Luke tried to hide a frown. He started telling Grace about him and Joan fighting over Caleb, and the cookies. Grace listened and nodded, laughing at the fact that Luke had yet again lost to Joan at rock, paper, scissors.

"Lily and mom were just starting dinner stuff when I left. Joan was taking a break though. She said her stomach was bothering her," Luke explained. Grace nodded and then squinted her eyes in thought.

"She said that when we were shopping too," She said aloud. Luke thought about this for a moment but just shrugged. Grace shrugged as well. "I'm starving," She said after her stomach rumbled. Luke was about to respond when he cell phone began to ring. He glanced at Grace.

"Can you get that for me?" He held his right arm up to lift his jacket pocket in the air. "It's in my pocket," He said. Grace dug around in the pocket and pulled the phone out, looking at the caller ID before answering it.

"Hey Charlie," She said into the phone.

"Grace? Hey, Merry Christmas and all that garbage. I thought I called Luke?" Charlie asked.

"You too," Grace managed. "You did, but he's driving. Got a message for me to pass on?"

"Yeah," Charlie spoke quickly. Grace looked at Luke.

"Charlie says they got an offer to play New Year's Eve in Baltimore from 6pm until 8pm and then here in Arcadia from 9:30 until 1am," Grace recounted the story to Luke, her eyes widening before she continued. "He says everyone'll get $2000 a piece for the night."

Luke was glad he'd just stopped at red light because his mouth dropped and he stared straight ahead. He looked at Grace.

"Seriously?" He asked. Grace nodded. "What do you think?"

Grace shrugged. "Sounds like fun?" She asked.

"Oh come on, you've gotta say yes!" Charlie yelled loudly. Luke heard Charlie as Grace yanked the phone from her ear in pain. "Come on! We've got Kit's van to come down in! Fleur and Rails said they'd even come down! We'd just need a floor to crash on until the morning." Charlie yelled into the phone.

"First of all, stop shouting!" Luke yelled as Grace held the phone up for him. "Second of all, book it and I'll okay it with my mom for everyone to crash here," He said. "I'll call you later about it, okay?"

"Yes!" Charlie cheered. "Awesome! Later! Merry Christmas you guys!" He said before hanging up.

"You're mom's so not going to go for that," Grace spoke up.

Luke grinned. "Of course she will…once I tell her how much money I get for it, and that it's already booked she'll have to," He said. "Besides, everyone'll fit on the floor in the living room. It'll only be for the night."

"Two cities, one night, sheesh, you'd think you guys were more then a cover band," Grace said.

"Hey, maybe we are…or are going to be," Luke grinned. Grace studied him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked. Luke shrugged.

"I'll guess you'll see on New Year's," He said mysteriously. Grace laughed.

"If I hear a song about molecules, I'll know who to blame?" She asked.

"Something like that," Luke nodded as he parked out front of the Girardi house.

By 5pm, the house was alive with Christmas music. Grace had been the last to be able to get a shower and was just finishing up getting ready. She had to admit, despite the fact that she didn't exactly celebrate Christmas; she had grown accustomed to Christmas Eve dinner at the Girardi house. She liked the music, even when any of them started singing it. She loved the fact that everyone was happy on this night, just to be around each other. A strange tingling feeling was creeping over Grace. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Hey," Luke said, knocking on the doorframe as he stood in the doorway. Grace jumped, startled.

"Sneaking up on people is not cool," She told him.

"I'll remember that," He smiled. "Dinner's done."

Grace nodded and walked over, following Luke out the door. When they reached the dining room, where the kitchen table was side by side with the dining room table, Grace and Luke squeezed into two open seats. Lily was to Grace's right, and was just finishing burping Caleb. She looked famished but sat holding Caleb. Her plan was to eat in shift with Kevin. Grace glanced around. Everyone, including Adam and his father, were digging hungrily into the dishes on the table.

"Do you want me to take him for a while so you can eat?" Grace asked before she could stop herself.

"Oh, no, you go on and eat, Grace," Lily said, almost forcing herself. Kevin looked up.

"Here, you eat, I'll take him," Kevin reached reluctantly for Caleb.

"Really, I'm not as hungry as you two probably are," Grace persisted. She knew they would give up eventually. After five more minutes, Lily and Kevin relented and Grace found herself handling Caleb again. She found that she felt less nervous this time, however.

"I got it," Joan exclaimed when the doorbell rang. She hopped out of her chair, throwing the last piece of her biscuit in her mouth and chewing it as she wiped her hands and headed for the door. She opened it, half expecting God to be there.

"Hello, Joan,"

Joan stared wide-eyed at the man in front of her. She reached out a hand and tapped his shoulder. He looked at her strangely. Thinking back to the summer, she didn't know whether to hug him or attack him.

"Merry Christmas to you too?" He asked, perplexed, holding his arms open, hoping for a hug. Joan decided that it wasn't his fault that he knew the spawn of Satan and she hugged him.

"We're just sitting down to eat," She cleared her throat, "Do you want to come in?"

"Uh…yes, yeah that would be good," He stated.

"Joan, who is it?" Will asked, coming from the dining room. He stopped awkwardly upon seeing Richard. His younger brother was standing there with an over sized bag in his hand. "Richard," Will said, "What brings you here?" He asked. Richard offered up a small smile.

"Brenda, took the kids to Nashville to see their parents for the holidays," He explained. "I figured I would bring these presents down tonight since I've got to work tomorrow."

"Working on Christmas Day? Now there's evil for you," Joan chuckled.

"Well," Will spoke up. He extended his hand to Richard. "Why don't you come in and join us for dinner? We just sat down," Will offered. Richard smiled and shook his hand. "Joan take that bag from him and put it by the tree," Will instructed. Joan nodded and took the bag. Will led Richard into the loud dining room. Joan lingered for a minute before rejoining everyone.

"Wake up!" Joan yelled through the hallways in the morning. "Come on wake up!" She banged on her parents' bedroom door and then made her way to Luke's room. "Get up you two! It's the morning!" She pounded.

"Oh God, it's like summer…" Grace grumbled from Luke's chest. Her head bounced up and down as he laughed.

"Come on, I hear you two!" Joan continued to call.

"You're gonna hear my foot up your ass if you don't quit it, Girardi!" Grace called back.

"I'll take that into account the next time you need me!" Joan replied through the door.

"Which is never!" Grace teased back. Joan seemed to give up and they heard her singing a Christmas Carol on the way down the steps. Luke and Grace sat up and stretched. Luke searched for his pajama bottoms and pulled them over his underwear. He quickly found a T-shirt to throw on. Grace located one of his sweatshirts and pulled it over her shirt.

"Hang on a minute," Grace said before they left Luke's room. Luke turned to face her.

"What's wrong?" He asked. Grace shook her head and laughed lightly. She leaned over into her messenger bag and dug out a small oddly shaped wrapped package.

"Nothing," She shrugged slightly. "I just wanted to give you this up here," She handed him the present, blushing slightly. Luke looked at it in his hand and then at Grace suspiciously. "Well don't just stand there, open it, brain."

Luke unraveled the wrapping paper and crumpled it into the trashcan before looking down at the treasure now lying in his hand. The rough surface of a rock rubbed against the skin of his hand as he smiled down at the turquoise geode he was holding. Grace watched him nervously.

"So yeah, let's head down then," She moved to pass him and head out the door. Luke caught her arm and pulled her to him, placing his lips down upon hers. Grace relaxed against him and returned the kiss.

"Get your butts down here so we can eat!" Joan demanded from the bottom of the steps after a few minutes had passed. Luke and Grace pulled apart, their faces still close together. Luke smiled.

"Thank you," He said. Grace nodded, smiling just slightly back.

"Merry Christmas, brain," She said before they turned to follow Joan's command to go eat.

By 11am, everyone had finished eating and had joined in cleaning up. They went into the living room and started watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas on TV while they waited for Lily, Kevin and Caleb to arrive. By the time the credits were rolling and everyone was just about asleep again, the front door burst open. Kevin rolled in.

"Merry Christmas, the king of presents had arrived!" He called, rolling down into the living room.

"How the heck could you see over that?" Joan asked trying to look around the huge pile of gifts in Kevin's lap. Kevin grinned as Grace, Luke and Helen started taking the gifts away from his lap.

"X-ray vision, sis," He said. Joan snickered at him.

"Sure, I see how it is, forget all about Caleb when there's presents involved," Lily said as she shut the door behind her and entered the living room smiling. Within seconds, she was surrounded by Joan and Luke and even behind them was Grace. All three of them were trying to talk to Caleb at once, waving small stuffed animals at him and funny shaped rattles as he sucked on his pacifier and stared at them. Grace smirked as Lily laughed.

"There! You see that!" She said, "Right now he's thinking 'I've got you right where I want you, yeeeesssssss…victory is mine!'" She imitated Stewie from Family Guy.

"No way he's thinking 'my aunt Joan's the best!'" Joan cooed at him. Luke rolled his eyes.

"Hey, are we gonna trash the living room with wrapping paper or what?" Kevin rubbed his hands together.

The volume in the room grew substantially as everyone dove for presents and handed them back and forth to each other. Helen was permanently attached to a camera snapping pictures. Will was taking a long awaited turn with his grandson, holding Caleb up above his head and making baby noises at him and making plane noises as he moved Caleb through the air.

Lily and Joan were exchanging presents and talking swiftly back and forth but Grace couldn't hear what they were talking about. Luke and Kevin were talking about a video game Luke had just gotten. Helen was just getting in to opening her presents, having passed the camera off to Lily who was snapping pictures now almost as fiercely as Helen had been.

Everyone was so worked up that Grace was the only one who noticed Joan's color draining. In fact, Joan looked like she was starting to turn green. She covered her lips momentarily with her fingertips and swallowed hard.

"Hey, you okay, Girardi?" Grace leaned closer to ask this.

"Me? Oh, yeah, I'm fine, really," Joan nodded. Grace looked at her skeptically. Joan lurched slightly and her voice tightened. "Except that I'm gonna be sick," She quickly got up and rushed out. Grace looked around. The only other person who was paying attention was Luke. Grace exchanged a look with him before she went and followed Joan.

"Girardi?" She rapped on the bathroom door. She heard the toilet flush and the sink water running. A few moments later the door swung open. Grace leaned in the doorframe and looked suspiciously at Joan who was sitting on the closed toilet seat with her hand on her forehead. She took a deep breath and let it out shakily, using the wet rag from the sink to wipe her forehead and the back of her neck. "Soooo…you've been sick for a couple days now?"

"It's nothing. I just ate too much for breakfast and then you know all the excitement," Joan explained quickly with a wave of her hand.

"Riiiiiiight," Grace said, her arms crossed. "And I have brown hair," She retorted. Joan looked at her wearily.

"Grace, I'm fine really," Joan tried to sound convincing.

"Really? You don't look fine," Grace replied. "You look like you're gonna pass out actually." Grace stated plainly. Joan chewed on the corner of her lip. Grace narrowed her eyes slightly, contemplating.

"What?" Joan asked, squirming under Grace's gaze. Grace walked over and saw on the edge of the tub, looking at Joan.

"How long?" Grace asked Joan directly. Joan's eyes flared for a second. She laughed nervously.

"I told you, I just ate too much," She nodded. Grace nodded slowly, knowingly and Joan put her head down in her hands. Grace stretched her leg out and shut the door of the bathroom to assure they wouldn't quite be overheard.

"Adam know?" Grace asked. Joan snorted.

"I don't even know," She said.

Grace looked at her. "What?" She asked. Joan was vaguely aware that Grace had raised her hand and was rubbing it soothingly along Joan's back. It struck her as odd, but her mind raced to other matters quickly. She raised her head and turned it to look at Grace. She hunched her shoulders up.

"I don't even know," She sighed. "At least not for sure."

"Ohh…" Grace said, understanding now. "Oh…" She nodded. Joan put her head back down in her hands and sighed. "Hey, it'll be okay. Maybe you just have the flu or something?" Grace suggested. "Why don't we not freak out about it for now, and we'll figure something out later tonight when everyone's busy?" She asked. Joan looked at Grace.

"We?" She asked. Grace nodded.

"Do you think I'm that awful?" She asked Joan. Joan shook her head.

"No…not at all, I just…" She looked at Grace and sighed. "Thanks."

Grace nodded.

"Come on, before they notice," She stood and Joan followed her back down to the living room. Luke approached Joan with Caleb.

"I figured you might want to hog him since I've been hogging for an hour," He held Caleb out to Joan. Grace watched. Joan stared at Caleb for a long few minutes before taking the baby into her arms and heading off to walk around with him a bit.

"What's up with her?" Luke questioned.

"Uhh, nothing?" Grace said. "So how do you like your 'rock star' clothes?" Grace asked leading Luke back into the living room. Luke laughed.

"They're cool," He began to talk about the clothes, despite the fact that he knew she was aware of what clothes he'd gotten since half of them were from her. Grace sighed briefly, happy to derail Luke's curiosity about Joan.

"Is everything ready?" Ryan asked into the phone.

"Yes," Friedman replied simply. "Look, I've got to go."

"You'll go when I say you can," Ryan said sternly. "Now listen. I want to go for it on New Year's Eve, after midnight."

"I'm busy on New Year's-,"

"I know you are, because you'll be executing our plan," Ryan replied. Friedman sighed.

"Fine. Tell me what you want me to do," He relented, listening as Ryan began to plot more, going into far more detail with Friedman this time.

"Grace…Grace!"

Grace opened her eyes. In the dark she focused in and saw that Joan's head was sticking through the cracked open door. Carefully, Grace freed herself from Luke's embrace. She made her way to the hallway, shutting the door behind her.

"What are you doing, Girardi?" Grace whispered, rubbing her arms to keep them warm. Joan held up a pharmacy bag. Grace glanced into it, confused.

"I can't do it alone," Joan said, avoiding eye contact. Grace nodded just slightly, understanding.

"Let's go then," Grace suggested. She and Joan made their way to the bathroom and shut the door, locking it behind them. Grace emptied out the bag Joan had given her. "Did you get enough tests?" Grace tried to ease the situation. Joan wrung her hands out as she sat on the edge of the tub, running a strangled hand through her hair. She looked what as a sheet. Grace saw this and it shook her. She sat on the toilet top, facing Joan. Boldly, for Grace at least, she reached out and took Joan's hands, which were clenched in her lap, and squeezed them.

"Hey, come on Girardi, we don't know how it'll turn out yet, okay?" Grace said. Joan nodded stiffly. Grace took a deep breath. "Okay," she began opening the test boxes and took out the cups. "I hope you have to pee," She held the six cups out towards Joan. "Want me to turn around?" She asked. Joan blushed slightly. "Right…just line 'em up on the sink, Dude," Grace turned her back and stood by the door.

Grace stared at the towels on the back of the bathroom door, lost in thought as Joan did her business for the tests. If this was possible for Joan, it was possible for her and Luke. Sure she and Luke had spent the past year talking about the consequences of any of their actions and discussing what they would do should the situation arise. So far, it hadn't, and now that the possibility was very real for Joan, Grace felt a chill. She herself, let her hand roam across her stomach.

"Okay," Joan muttered weakly, startling Grace out of her thoughts. Grace cleared her throat and turned around to see six cups, all with less than an inch of yellow liquid in them, lining the sink.

"All right…" Grace took a deep breath. Joan was sitting on the closed toilet top. Grace grabbed the plastic sticks and sat them in the cup, letting them rest against the rims of the cups.

"Now what?" Joan asked, her legs shaking nervously. Grace glanced at her watch.

"We wait," She sat on the edge of the tub. Joan's bottom lip trembled. Grace reached out and took her friend's hand. "Hey," She waited for Joan to look at her. "I'm here and stuff, ya know?" Joan nodded stiffly in appreciation. Grace sighed. They should make these tests instant…she thought, waiting for her wristwatch to beep.

Finally, after what seemed like five hours, Grace's watch beeped. Joan clenched her eyes shut. Grace stood slowly, afraid to look as well. Joan didn't let go of Grace's hand and Grace didn't try to pry her own hand from Joan's. She leaned about looking at each stick. Her eyes closed for a moment and she sighed quietly.

"What's the verdict?" Joan asked breathlessly.

"Inconclusive…" Grace said.

"What?" Joan opened her eyes. Grace pointed.

"You've got to make a doctor's appointment, Girardi," She said. "3 positive, 3 negative. Inconclusive."

Joan sunk back onto the seat, putting her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking. Grace rubbed Joan's arms slightly. She sighed and hugged her friend.

"Hey, come on, nothing's for sure," Grace assured. "We'll call tomorrow and make you an appointment, so we'll know for sure, all right?"

She felt Joan nod into her shoulder.

"Come on, Girardi," Grace said. "Go back to sleep. I'll clean this up.'

Grace waited for Joan to compose herself and leave. Grace quickly dumped the cups, cleaned up the sink and tied the tests in the plastic pharmacy bag. She flushed the toilet like she'd gotten up to go and slipped out of the bathroom. She quietly slipped out of the house, in the snow, to the trashcan at the corner of the street, glad that the trash was being collected in a few hours. She stuffed the bag into the can and closed the lid securely before turning and going back inside and up to Luke's room.

Grace watched Luke from the doorway for a while before shutting the door and crawling back in with him.

"You're cold," Luke breathed deeply, nestling in closer to her. Grace didn't say anything; she just put her head down on his chest.

"Hello?" A groggy voice said one he'd picked up.

"Adam?" Joan asked, shaking still.

"Jane?" Adam replied. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"Adam…I…" She trailed off, sniffling.

"Jane?" Adam was more concerned now. "Why are you crying?"

"I need to see you…" She told him. Adam looked at the clock. It was nearly 2am.

"Okay," He said without hesitation. "I'll be there in 15 minutes," He told her. "When you seem me, meet me on your porch."

"Okay," Her voice was barely audible. Joan hung up, still shaking. What was Adam going to say to this, positive or not?

A/N: Sooo…yeah, this is chapter is shorter than the others, but, a necessary evil, no? So whatcha think? I'm not sure it was so great but everyone tells me I'm wrong every time I say that soo…let me know? Chapter title from "Breathe (2am)" by Anna Nalick.

P.S. – Help me decide…should she be positive of negative?

Responses: Shout outs to Tiffany and Laura, who are lucky on vacation right now! Hope you're having fun! E-mail me when you get home, yo! Okay, here we go!

Anti-Like-Grace – I know, I know! I try to put God in each chapter, but sometimes it just doesn't fit in quite right and I have to put it off! Lol, yes, it's a job for de nah, nah, nah, nah, naaaaaah, JoA! Lol, gracefully muahahaha! Thanks for the A! P.S. – CBG's my fave…!

Sayxanything – You like those intense chapters, eh? I think Joan would totally act that way on a plane! Friedman with no fro was a shocker wasn't it? ) Dude, more power to the power of blasting Mmmbop while in the car with multiple people on the highway, yo! Of course…I'm a sucker…I listen to all of it, not just the bop…sick I know but like I said…guilty pleasures…

Kool-Wolf – Dude! You so are NOT! I am so not turning evil! Hmm…unique…okay, or offensively unique…I like that. Well not the some creepy dude part cause that would make me Ryan and since I'm not a dude, nor am I evil (like you), I'll opt for…erm…something other than some creepy dude. If I'm a brat of nature you're a punk of…err…scenery. And I hope you…yeah we've established I'm not able to type that, so let's just say it's understood! You're welcome for loathing you.

Coveredinrain16 – Yes I'm kidding? Hahaha, see? ) Chills? Awesome! See, you're another of those intensity lovers aren't you? READ ON WIT YOU BAD SELF! Yes! Sorry about that, I thought I wrote it in that he went to see his dad, but I didn't. I blame the insomnia. I wasn't thinking clearly. Grrrrrrrreeeaaaaaat!

ProcrastinationQueen – Thanks! Ryan is gearing up for something…but what? You'll have to wait. ) I honestly slipped up when writing that chapter, I forgot to add in that the tape was Joan and Adam introducing Grace (and Luke) to their life out west, with friends, jobs, classes, etc.

Jane and Adam – Hurried back just you for…(well, and everyone else too, but that doesn't make you less special! Honest! )

Sam – Leaving people hanging is my specialty in the story area. Sick isn't it? I figured they would need to have some minor sidekick characters join them, so a few more are, as you found out in this chapter, are joining them soon too. They totally are an old married couple. I don't know but I have a hunch, that that might alter a bit soon…maybe…vintage thrifty stores rock! Thanks for the kudos of Grace/Her mom scenes. Fro man without the fro was a shocker huh? ) I work well that way! Lol, the X-files rock…but if you're trying to sleep, it's a good aid! Knocks you right out! I agree…reruns in the early AM of it rock. Especially with my insomnia!

Audrey – Heh, heh, everyone's all confused cause of Friedman minus the fro! Ryan is a jerk! Here's the update. You should update soon too, cough, cough!

Spotsndots – Welcome aboard! Three days? Damn! I'm long winded aren't I? Have you read the story that came before this one (That Summer)? This is the sequel. ) The best Joan story as in Joan of Arcadia as a whole or like Joan herself? (I'm dense, it's late). Lol, no, as far as I know I'm not Barbara Hall, but I would totally love to be paid to write for TV. That'd be wicked. Don't cry, I'm continuing! I cried as well when I found out JoA was cancelled…( Whoa, you don't have to thank me so much! Just review and let me know how I'm doing and if I start to suck up the story, dude! ) (You are welcome though!) Thanks for the kudos! There's nothing wrong with long reviews, I write long chapters. I welcome long reviews! I hope it's not just depressing, but that you're finding some of it funny too! I don't want to depress everyone! Thanks again for the review!